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MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I have a dilemma. I am in this class with
my boyfriend, and I am starting to have a
crush on the professor. The class is kinda big,
but he always calls on me to answer questions.
Once or twice he has asked me questions on
the way out of class, and my boyfriend waited
outside while we talked for a few minutes. I
think he was flirting with me. My boyfriend is
getting jealous.
The thing is, I think the professor knows
and I think he is doing it on pur
pose. And I would be lying if I
didn't say that I liked it. I
know this is wrong, but
I can't help it. He is a
lot older than I am, but
I find him very sexy. I
know he is married, and
I wouldn't want to ruin
anybody's life, but I
can't stop thinking
about him. I have to
see him during office
hours in a couple
weeks and 1 don't know
what to do. I get nervous
when I am around him. I
know this is crazy, and I
do love my boyfriend, but I don't know how to
make these feelings stop. Help!
A Student
Crushes are common. Crushes are fun, and
they're exciting, and they seem so intense
when you're in the middle of them that it
might be tempting to read more into them
than you should. But don't. You can enjoy the
crush, ride the wave, but know deep down
that it is completely meaningless and fun.
Get better at hiding it from your boyfriend
until you are over it. Don't talk about the man
or his class unless you need to. Encourage
your boyfriend to wait with you after class if
you have questions, and take him with you
when you to your office hours appointment.
Nothing's going to happen with your boyfriend
right outside, right? If you
invite him along he will be
confident that you don't
have bad intentions. Even
if he doesn't go with you,
you will have put his mind
at ease.
Know that even if your
professor is noticing you,
he is probably not stupid
enough to risk his career
and his marriage for what
ever fleeting pleasure he
might get from you, and
know, too, that if he would
take that risk, then he is a
big, fat, cheating scumbag,
and big, fat, cheating scum
bags are decidedly not hot. Even if it is an ego
boost (and let's face it—it is), realize that
this flirtation is hurting your boyfriend and
you have to stop it. I'm not telling you that
you shouldn't answer questions or participate
in class. What Fm saying is that it's up to you
to make this stop. Don't flirt back. Keep all of
your interactions completely neutral, and if
you sense him flirting with you, don't respond.
I promise you this will go away, and, eventu
ally, you will wonder what in the hell you were
thinking. 3ust stay in control until then.
My roommate is a pretty good friend of
mine. We've known each other for a long time,
and we have always gotten along pretty well.
His friends are actually more friends of mine
than he is, and one of my band mates is a good
friend of his, too. So, he has this girlfriend,
and he treats her like shit. And she's a really
nice girl, and she's super cute, and I have no
idea why she would even give him the time of
day, much less actually be in a relationship
with him. They hove been together for about six
months, and she stays here a lot, so we have
become pretty friendly. And I know it's obvi- •
ous and cliche and stupid, but, of course,
I am actually storting to tike her. And
the more she is around, the more
he acts like a douche to her.
Sometimes she comes back
to our place and he stays
out for hours, coming home
late and drunk and acting alt
angry and stupid and starting
fights with her. When he's
not acting like a dick, he acts
all nice to her, but then makes
her do stuff for him.
It pisses me off, and Yve
told him before that he
shouldn't be such a dick to
her, but I can't say too much
or he will know that I like her. I have asked
her before why she puts up with his crap, and
she says stuff like *I know, I wish he was more
like you" and all that She has actually said "I
wish you were my boyfriend and not him." So,
what do I do about that? I mean, of course, I
want to tell her to dump him, but even if she
J’J, I can't exactly ask her out while we're still
rocmmotes, right? So, now I am confused and
I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess
things up with my friends and my band, but
this situation is stupid and it drives me crazy.
Other than the girl thing, he's a pretty alright
guy. What should I do?
Stuck
I think you need to move out. You will
probably be better friends with the guy if you
don't have to witness his
doucbebaggery first-hand,
and that way you can keep
the peace with all of your
friends. Surely the rest of
them realize that he treats
this girl like crap, too? And
surely they know that she
is cool and doesn't deserve
it, right? So, move out, stay
friends with her, and then if
she ever gets smart enough
to dump him, you can ask
her out.
The thing is, a lot of
people don't know how to
have a good relationship,
and some of them don't
want to. I'm not saying that's the case with
this girl, but you aren't going to convince her
(and you shouldn't try) that she deserves bet
ter. She has to decide for herself not to take
his crap, and if you try to tell her what to do,
you will just force her to defend him, which
will more likely than not unite them against
you, thereby making you homeless, friendless,
girlfriendless and potentially bandless—all for
trying to be a nice guy.
Jylfnov
• *
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