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Welt the local Democrats roasted Doc last Thursday night
It took three hours, but they got him well done: Judge Lawton
Stephens was as usual outrageously funny as MC, skewering
each speaker, including Doc. Doc adeptly answered all the
insults hurled at him. Gwen O'Looney recalled Doc as a com
missioner described by a consultant as a good old boy who
still dresses and acts as if he were in a fraternity locker room.
Judge Patrick Haggard and Tom Hodgson produced anecdotes
from growing up with Doc; Jane Kidd made Doc the butt of
political jokes, as did Barbara Dooley (via video). Michael
Thurmond, in a rousing finale, told how he and Doc had to
resolve the racial tensions on their high school football team,
and how that forged their own friendship.
In his own remarks, Doc departed from the humorous pro
ceedings long enough to excoriate our legislative delegation
(Bill Cowsert, Frank Ginn, Keith Heard and Doug McKillip) for
taking it upon themselves to change our form of local govern
ment that we worked 40 years to put in place and perfect and
which has withstood numerous approvals by the U.S. Justice
Department. None of those legislators were there, though
Regina Quick, the Republican attorney running against Rep.
McKillip, was present and was warmly received among the
Democrats. She was shadowed by McKiUip's political opera
tive, Bo Mabry, who videotaped the proceedings for his master.
Michael Thurmond told Mabry off from the podium, and he
wasn't kidding.
In case you missed it here's my own contribution to the
affair, a takeoff on Shakespeare's rendition of Marc Antony's
funeral oration re: his pal Julius Caesar. I took shameful lib
erties and portrayed Doc as Caesar and local progressives as
Brutus, commemorating the time all us progressives turned
against Doc and defeated him in his re-election bid for mayor.
Fortunately, we can laugh about it now, though Dor's smile is
more of a grimace. The other orators were funnier and more
biting, but they basically spoke from notes and extemporane
ously-lost to posterity—unless Bo Mabry will sell you a tape.
[Actually, the Democrats recorded the whole thing, too.]
If Mot This, What?
Friends, Athenians, Democrats: lend me your ears; ,
I come to roast Eldridge, not to praise him. The non
partisan elections that men do live after them; the New
Urbanism is oft interred with their bones; so let it be
with Eldridge. The noble Progressives have told you
Eldridge was ambitious: If it were so, it was a grievous
fault; and grievously hath Eldridge answered it. Here,
under leave of the Progressives and the rest,—for the
Progressives are honorable folic so are they all, all hon
orable folk, come I to speak in Eldridge's roast. He is my
friend, faithful and just to me: but the Progressives say
he is ambitious; and the Progressives are honorable folk.
He hath brought many Walmarts home to Athens, whose
cost did the general coffers empty. Did this in Eldridge
seem ambitious? When the rich have cried, Eldridge hath
wept: ambition should be made of sterner stuff: ...You
all did love him once—not without cause: What cause
withholds you, then, to laugh with him? Bear with me;
my heart is in the barbecue pit there with Eldridge...
If you have tears, prepare to shed them now. You all
do know this mantle. Look! In this place ran Flagpole's
dagger through. See what a rent the envious scandal-
sheet made..Through this the well-beloved Bertis
stabbed, and, as he plucked his cursed steel away, mark
how the blood of Eldridge followed it... This was the
most unkindest cut of all; for when the noble Eldridge
saw them stab, ingratitude, more strong than traitors'
arms, quite vanquished him: then burst his mighty
heart... and even at the base of Athena's statue which
all the while ran blood, great Eldridge fell.
Oh, what a fall was there, my Democrats! ...Iam no
orator, as Edwards is, but as you know me all, a plain
blunt man that love my friend, who while a Democrat
was also a Republican—and now as a Republican, we
can hope, still has some Democrat in him, making him a
veritable political hermaphrodite...
Here was an Eldridge! When comes such another?
\ If not this, what?
Pate MeCommons edilof@ftagpole.coni
THIS WEEK’S ISSUE:
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NEWS & FEATURES
C#ity Dope 4
Athens News and Views
The Classic Center is undergoing some highly disruptive renovations—and so is
the ACC government
•
How Much Would You Pay? .... .',7
Pre-K Programs Scramble to Finish the Year
Parents of Athens pre-kindergartners may be asked to pay to keep them m school.
ARTS & EVENTS
Grub Notes . .8
Chain Reaction
Are chain restaurants always a bad thing?
Movie Pick .11
Out of Step
Don't believe the negative hype: John Carter is a beautifully crafted pulp
adventure.
MUSIC
Threats & Promises 12
Music News and Gossip •
SXSW 2012 blog begins! Welcome Jason Gridtey to Athens! Vote for Nu$i!s Space!
And more;.. '
Mixtape Wars 13
Last Ones on Earth: Jordan vs. Riedl
Post-apocalyptic mixes for you and you alone.
CITY DOPE -. 4
CITY PAGES 5
CAP,70L IMPACT 6
ATHENS RISING 6
PRE-K PROGRAMS 7
GRUB NOTES 8
ART NOTES .....9
MOVIE DOPE 10
MOVIE PICK 11
THREATS & PROMISES 12
BILLY WILKERS0N ....12
MIXTAPE WARS... 13
OF MONTREAL 14
Hurricanes of love 15
THE CALENDAR! 16
BULLETIN BOARD 20
ART AROUND TOWN 21
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REALITY CHECK 23
CLASSIFIEDS 24
CROSSWORD .: 25
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1919 Invites youhto
at a weekend happy hour
featuring kids’ favorites
with an adult twist!
Benefiting the
Athens Regional
Medical Center
Neonatal Intensive
Care Unit
Saturday, March 24
5:30 p.m.
Leathers Building
675 Pulaski Street
Tickets may be purchased online
at www.armc.org/innerchild, by check
to Athens Regional Foundation
[l 199 Prince Ave., Athens, GA 30606]
or from any 1919 member.
Ticket price includes wine tasting,
hors d'oeuvres, and participation in mural
painting. Cash bar available. Casual attire.
QuesMons? dVff@omtc.org
or (704) 475-330 V
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HEALTH SYSTEM
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a Divine event
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ims
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MARCH 14, 2012 • FLAGPOLE.COM 3