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21 JUMP STREET (R) 2012* * biggest
surprise to date has to be this brilliantly
dumb comedy from star-producer-
story contributor Jonah Hill. A pair of
pathetic new ccps, Schmidt and Jenko
(Hill and comedy revelation Channing
Tatum), blow their first bust Asa -
result, they are transferred to a special
undercover unit that sends fresh-faced
policemen into local schools to nab
drug dealers and toe like.
AMERICAN REUNION (R)
Sometimes reuniting with okf friends
isn’t ail that bad. and American
Reunion is much more entertaining
than the last two times we hung out
with Jim (Jason Biggs), Kevin (Thomas
Ian Nicholas), Oz (Chris Klein), Finch
(Eddie Kaye Thomas) and Stifler
(Seann William Scott). At their 13-year
reunion, the old gang—plus Michelle
(Alison Hannigan), Vicky (Tara Reid),
Heather (Mena Suvarl), Jim* Dad
(Eugene Levy), Stifler* Mom (Jennifer
Coolidge), Nadia (a brief, unnecessary
appearance from Shannon Elizabeth)
and the rest (Natasha lyonne, John
Cho>—get up to their old antics. Once
they were randy teens trying to get laid;
now they're randy adults with the same
objective.
THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER
(NR) 1987. Several household
items—a toaster named Toaster (v.
Deanna Oliver), a blanket named
Blanky (v. Timothy E Day), a lamp
named Lampy (v. Tim Stack), a radio
named Radio (v. Jon Lovitz) and a
vacuum cleaner named Kirby (v. Thurl
Ravenscrolt)—go on an incredible
journey to find their master in the city.
THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (R)
Horror movies do not come much more
perfect than The Cabin in the Woods,
written by geek god Joss Whedon
and one of his strongest proteges,
Drew Goddard. A sublime tweaking
ol the entire slasher genre, Cabiifs
deconstruction may be less meta than
Scream, but its elaborate mythology—
a staple of toe Whedonverse—is trans
ferable and adds ahrand new reading
to nearly every modem horror film.
• CHIMPANZEE (G) Disneynature
releases their most stunning Earth
Day documentary yet. Too bad they
did not include an alternate narra
tion to substitute for Tim Allen*; the
sitcom giant is no Morgan Freeman.
Nevertheless, the Bambi-M story of
chimpanzee Osar unfolds with some
of the most unbelievable footage ever
witnessed in a nature doc, and that*
not just me saying that; Jane Goodall,
Ms. Chimpanzee herself, agrees. After
tragedy strikes Oscar at toe age of
three, he is fully adopted by toe alpha
male of his group. ‘Planet Earth* docu-
mentarians Alastair Fothergiil and Mark
Llnfiefd luckily catch this extremely
rare event, which makes for a tremen
dously human narrative, while filming
in the middle of toe rainforest The last
tew years I have appreciated but not
realty cared for Disneynature* films.
The sheer dynamism of the Imagery of
this year* entry easily overwhelms any
flaws. Plus, that little Oscar fellow Is
pretty dam cute.
DR. 8EU$S* THE LORAX (PG)
Released on Dr. Seuss’ 108to birthday,
this pleasant animated adaptation of .
toe beloved children* author* envi
ronmental fable fails to utterly charm
' like toe filmmakers' previous animated
smash, DespicabfeMe. TheUmmf
visually stun you. and Danny DeVito*
brief time as voice of toe Lorax could,
stand as his greatest role, one that will
go unrecognized by any professional >.
awards Outside of the Annies.
THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT (R)
The ups and downs of engagement are
charted in this reunion of Forgetting
Sarah Marshall star/writer Jason Segel
and director Nicholas Stoller. I like
the idea of Segel and Emily Blunt as
a couple, and anywhere Chris Pratt
(from Everwood, Colorado to Pawnee,
Indiana) shows up, I’m there. The
supef funny cast includes Allison Brie
(‘Community*), Rhys Hans Oil always
. remember him in Netting Hilt}, Kevin
Hart, Chris Parnell, Mindy Kaling (The
Office') and more.
GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF
VENGEANCE (PG-13) Marvel*
NeveldineTTaylor experiment might
have gone better had the company had
toe guts to release another R-rated flick
a la their two Punisherftops. The Crank
duo brings their frenetic, non-stop
visual style, but those wicked paeans to
hedonism had a narrative need to never
slow down (its lead character would
die). Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance
must pump the brakes occasionally to
let the ‘story’ catch up, and Nsveldine/
Taylor never seem as comfortable when
toe movie* not rocketing along an 00
miles an hour.
. THE HUNGER GAMES (PG-13)
While a successful adaptation of a
difficult book that near everyone has
read, The Hunger Games has little cin
ematic spark, ft* a visual book report
that merely summarizes toe plot. It* a
well-written book report, but it* still a
book report Seabiscuit director Gary
Ross was not the most obvious choice
to direct this dystopian adventure
in which 24 teenagers are randomly
selected for a contest in which only
one will survive. That bleak premise
was handled with more appropriately
bloody violence In the Japanese film,
Battle Royaie, and America* version
of toe game needed more of a visceral
gut-punch to look less like‘Survivor:
Teen istaid.* •
INGLOURIOUS BASTEROS (R)
2009. The hyperbolic trailers were
right You’ve never seen war until
you’ve seen it through the eyes of
Quentin Tarantino. Anyone only
exposed to the previews will be
shocked to hear that Basterdsts QT*
most mature film, despite its graphic,
gratuitous violence and howling
-hilarity. ' .
JEFF, WHO LIVES AT HOME (R)
Jeff, Who Lives at is toe better
entrSe into mainstream cinema for the
filmmaking Dupiass brothers, Jay and
Mark (The League** Pete), than their
previous film, Cyrus: Jeff is a simple,
sweet comedic character study about
a 30-year-old slacker (the eminently
likable Jason Segel has never seemed
like so much of a giant) who lives in
his mother* basement After watching
Signs one too many times, Jeff begins
to look for signs in everything, and one
fateful day, those perceived signs lead
hfrn on a bit of an adventure with his
brother, Pat (Ed Heims). Pat as played
by Helms, raaHy wants to be a Danny
McBride character, but at heart, he*
just too nice. The largest criticism one
could level at Mis that the movie is
too nice. It lacks a harsh bone in its
sweet, man-child body. :
JIBG BREAMS OF SUSHI (PG)
Considered by many to be toe world’s
greatest sushi chef, 85-year-old sushi
master,'Jiro Ono works tirelessly in
his legendary restaurant, Sukiyabashi
Jiro, which includes all oi 10 seats In
a Tokyo subway station. Meanwhile,
his son, Yoshikazu, struggles with toe
unenviable task of filling his father*
sushi chef coat. Before he turns his
knife over to his son, Jiro longs to con
struct the perfect piece of sushi. ’
JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS
ISLAND (PG) Journey 2: The
Mysterious Islands biggest problem
might be time. Many of the young
people who enjoyed its 2008 forebear,
Journey to the Center of ffie Earth,.
might have outgrown the Brendan
Fraser/Dwayne The Rock* Johnson
brand of family adventure movie.
LOCKOUT (PG-13) Lockouts a
lot of things going against it from the
opening credits, which may contain
who excels at clueless d-bags), a
deputy sheriff and son of big-time
local judge/prospective mayor. The war
scenes are thankfully short, making me
wonder how much worse they could
have been on toe page, and director
Scott Hicks (some fine films like Shine
and Snow Failing on Cedard} illustrates
this romance with some gorgeous,
magazine spread cinematography
(word to Alar Kiviio, whose work to
date has never betrayed this artistic an .
eye). Will love conquer all or Is this
another one of Sparks' tear jerkers?
Only 141 minutes of your life stand
between you and toe answer.
MIRROR MIRROR (PG) Not much
dicks in 2012* first reimaging of Snow
White (toe darker Snow White and
the Huntsman drops in June). Julia
Roberts does not an Evil Queen make;
the anachronistic dialogue is windngiy
unfunny' and toe live action cartoon,
overflowing with Stooge-y slapstick,
is a tonal decision only pleasing to
undiscriminating children, many of
whom found Mirror Mirror to be mus
ingly delightful. It* not.
Dammit! They spelled my name like that Teletubby again!
the year* biggest laugh. ‘Based on
an original story by Luc Besson?'
Sure, an original story Besson had
white watching a double-bill of John -
Carpenter's Escape from New York
and LA Let* compare. A disgraced
government operative, whose one word
nomdecool begins with toe letters
SN. must sneak into a prison filled
with lowlifes to rescue a high profile
presidential hostage. You toil me which
movie l just summarized The answer is
ail three of them. And Lockout, despite
its highly derivative concept that would
have starred Christopher Lambert
(sigh) had it been released in toe mid-
'90s, and the most infurlatingty idiotic
setup of toe past 10 years (grr) and the
ufterty frustrating character motiva
tions/plot devices totally achieves
its gung-ho, scl-fi/action objectives
thanks to Guy Pearce* wickedly amus-
ing badass, Snow.
• THE LUCKY ONE (PG-13) 77»
Notebook^ not but The Lucky One
will not disappoint Nicholas Sparks'
fans looking for some sappy romance
and a shiftless Zac Efron. A Marine
named Logan (Efron) survives several
Niddents after finding a picture of a
woman. When he returns to the states,
he seeks out this woman, whom he
teams is named Beto (Taykx Schilling,
still recovering from Atlas Shrugged:
Parti} to thank her for saving his life.
But things get complicated when he
falls for her and her young son, Ben
(Ritey Thomas Stewart), and runs afoul
of her e^/Ben* dad (Jay R. Ferguson,
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE—GHOST
PROTOCOL (PG-13) 2011. Mission:
Impossible is that rare franchise that ■
has actually gotten better with each
new installment and in inverse propor
tion to its megastar* popularity. What
sets the Mission: Impossible franchise
apart from any other existing action
series is its star-producer* knack
for finding the best, new behind toe
earned talent First-time live-action
feature director Brad Bird Is known to
bean animation auteur (TheIron Giant
The incredibles), and he apparently
doesn't realize action of the live variety
has limitations. Now he* toe guy who
can still make a Tom Cruise stunt spec
tacular stand out like it* the late *90s.
From Moscow to Dubai to Mumbai, the
action doesnt let up from scene one.
THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS
(PG) The creators of Chicken Run{a\\
new animation must be judged by its
creators’ previous works) set sail with
Pirate Captain (v. Hugh Grant), who
seeks to best his toes, Black Bellamy
(v. Jeremy Pfven) and Cutlass Liz (v.
Salma Hayek), tor the Pirate of the Year
award. This blessedly British cartoon
boasts a voice cast that includes former
Doctor Who David Tennant as Charles
Darwin and Harry Potter villain Imekfa
Staunton as Queen Victoria. I canl
remember being this excited for a non-
Pixar anitnated feature.
PROJECT X (R) This teen ‘greatest
party ever filmed* flick could use a
more descriptive title, preferably one u,
that doesn’t get as many children of
the W hearts racing at toe thought
of a remake of toe Matthew Broderick,
Heten Hunt and a monkey movie. As a
former teenager, I wish I’d been invited.
As a responsible adult, I lament how
this teen comedy, produced by The
Hangovers Todd Phillips, condones the
Internet era* hedonism as teenage rite
of passage.
THE RAIO: REDEMPTION (R) You
must forgive me. I’m not used to watch
ing foreign action flicks outside of the
comfort of my living room and Netflix.
Subtitled violence doesn't make it to
Athens’big screens very often, as they
don’t fill the multiplex seats (violence
is the universal language, but subtitles
donl go over well with The Raids target
demo) and are not Cine* jam (that is
not a criticism of our beloved artoouse,
merely an accepted understanding.that
genre films are an extremely exotic
sighting there). Theactioner, directed
by Welshman Gareth Evans, has been
hailed by many as toe best action
movie of (insert time period), and
they're right It* a tough, ultraviolent
hail of bullets arid body blows from
beginning to end.
< THE RAVEN (R) American act
ing institution John Cusack stars as
American literary institution Edgar
Allan Poe in this fictionalized version
of the poet* final days, spent hunting a
serial killer that is recreating the deaths
from Poe* own stories. V for Vendetk
director Jamas McTeigue helms this
entertaining sounding historical thriller.
Ironically, this Poe flick is cowrit
ten by a woman with the last name
Shakespeare. With Alice Eve (SheS
Out of My League}, Luke Evans and
Brendan Gleeson.
RED TAILS (PG-13) Red Tails, a pet
project of Star Wars creator George
Lucas, succeeds everywhere it should
and fails nowhere that should surprise
anyone. The valor of the Tuskegee
Airmen is every bit as worthy of patri
otic, big screen fanfare as toe flyers of
Pearl Harbor and toe WWI-era Lafayette
Escadrille in Flyboys, and their movie
is every bit toe equal of dramatic light
weight and action heavyweight.
SAFE (R) This Jason Stathamaction
movie sounds a lot like every other
Jason Statham action movie; still, it
does star Jason Statham. A former elite
agent battles the Triads for a kidnapped
Chinese girl before using a combina
tion (to a safe, like toe title; get ft?) to
best those sane Triads, a corrupt New
York City government and the Russian
mafia. Director Boaz Yakin is best
known for Remember the Titans. With
Chris ‘Prince Humperdinck' Sarandon
and James‘Lo Pan'Hong.
SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN
(PG-13) A fisheries expert (Ewan
McGregor) attempts to make a sheik*
dream of bringing fly fishing to Yemen
a reality. The newest film from mul
tiple Academy Award nominee Lasse
Halistrom(A(KL/fe as a flog and The
Cider House Ruled} sounds like toe
sort of feel good, crowd pleaser at .
which he excels (think Chocolafj.
A script by Slumdog Millionaires
Academy Award winning screenwriter
Simon Beaufoy should not hurt
THE SECRET WORLD OF
ARRIETTY (G) In an era when
most animated features are brash,
loud commercials for action figures
with fast food tie-ins, Studio GhibJi
releases a quiet, thoughtful, humor
ous cartoon adaptation of Mary
Norton* The Borrowers. A young boy, *
Shawn (v. David Henrie). is sent to
recuperate in toe solitude of his aunt*
home. There he meets a tiny family
of ‘Borrowers*—father Pod (v. Will
Arnett, who does surprisingly well in a
non-comedic rote), mother Homily (v.
Amy Poehler) and Arrietty (v. Bridgit
Mendier)—and protects them from
toe nosy housekeeper, Hara (v Carol
Burnett).
THE SEPTEMBER ISSUE (PG-13)
2009. The hot doc of the moment
The September Issue chronicles
the production of Voguds 2007 fall
fashion issue, which, weighing in at a
whopping five pounds, was toe largest
issue of a magazine ever published.
The Devil Wears Prado fans should
be excited to see editor-in-chief Anna
Wintour, the alleged inspiration for
Miranda Priestly, in action.
• THINK LIKE A MAN (PG-13)
Anything I wanted to like about Think
Like a Man is tainted by the casual
homophobia, sexism and racism the
movie attempts to pass off as comedy,
and that* a shame for the hilarious
Kevin Hart, who is finally, smartly
given a showcase role. Based on Steve
Harvey* romantic self-help tome,
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,
the movie, written by toe scripters of
Friends with Benefits, sometimes teels
tike a fate night infomercial for Harvey*
patented way to win a man. We have six
unbelievably mismatched buddies— *
Hart* divorced dude, Romany Malco*
“playa." Michael Ealy* ‘dreamer,* Jerry
Turtle' Ferrara* noncommittal white
dude, Terrence J* 'mama* boy* and
some other white married guy—and
the women (Gabrielle Union, Taraji P.
Henson, Meagan Good and Regina
Hall) who want them to settle down.
Begin the chapter scenarios.
THE THREE STOOGES (PG)
Apparently, a modern update of Three
Stooges is not an idea as utterly bereft
of laughs as one would imagine. As
staged by the Farrelly Brothers, the
violent misadventures of Moe (Chris
Diamantopoulos), Larry (Sean Hayes,
•Will & Grace*) and Curly (Will Sasso,
‘MADtv’) now involve a murder plot, a
reality TV show and saving an orphan
age at which Larry David entertainingly
plays a nun. Fans ol the Stooges
should be pleased as the chosen trio
and their younger counterparts—
Skyler Gisondo, Lance Chantiles-
Wertz and Robert Capron—are swell
stand-ins foi the originals. Their
performances may simply be long-
form impressions, but they stand up
to scrutiny.
TITANIC (PG-13) 1997. One of the
biggest hits of all-time and the win
ner of 11 Academy Awards (including
Best Picture and Best Director) gets
even bigger with toe addition of a thiid
dimension.
THE VOW (PG-13) Nicholas Sparks
has to be kicking himself for not com
ing up with this plot first. A young
couple, Paige and Leo Collins (Rachel
McAdams and Channing Tatum), .
struggle to fall in love again after a car
accident erases all of Paige* memories
of Leo and their marriage. As these
plots are wont to do, Paige* rich
parents (Sam Neill and Jessica Lange)
and her ex-lover use her tabula rasa
to rewrite their past wrongs, while Leo
must cope with toe realization that his
wife might never remember him.
WRATH OF THE TITANS (PG-13) Is
the problem that they don't make them
like they used to or that they make them
too much like they used to? Wrath of
the Titans, the tedious sequel to the
boring remake of Clash of the Titans,
is fully stocked on seen-that-betore
moments. Demigod Perseus (former
next big thing Sam Worthington) Is
asked by his godly pops, Zeus (Liam
Neeson), to help save humanity again.
Ui Ilv
14 FLAGPOLE.COM ■ APRIL 25,2012