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it Notes
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on the planet!
MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I worked in the medical profession (OBGYN)
office for five years. I believe doctors do not
insert IUDs into women who have not had
babies because the cervix is not ptiable enough
to accommodate one. If a woman has not had
a child, the IUD is more likely to be a.) unin-
sertable, and b.) malfunction. Your questioner
was given the correct advice, although not the
full, proper explanation. She should confirm
this with another health care provider at one of
the local “free” clinics. In the meantime, good
old condoms, used properly, should suffice.
■ Anonymous
I don't know how long ago you worked in
the profession, Anonymous, but you couldn't
be more wrong. First, according to the doc
tor I spoke to at a Planned Parenthood office,
IUDs are regularly being used by girls as
young as age 13. And second, the effective
ness of a condom, even when properly used,
is considerably less (15 to 24 pregnancies
per 100 women per year) than that of an IUD
(fewer than 1 pregnancy per 100 women per
year).
I did
workers, and
have never had children, and
are all quite satisfied with the
IUD. Even if the reasoning
behind the advice that
my questioner was given
was sound (which is still
not clear), the advice
itself wasn't.
My wife and I
met in a midwest-
em college town 10
years ago. She wasn't
that into me, but we '
became friends, and
eventually I convinced
her to go out with me.
We had a few good years,
played the role of young hipsters, made friends,
had a life. I wasn't all that attached to the
town, and she was accepted to a grad program
on the West Coast, so we moved. I fell into a
good work situation there and made friends
quickly. I got a decent job so I could support
us both; she went to school and worked very
part-time. It was great and I would have
stayed there indefinitely.
After my wife finished school, she took a
job here. I wasn't thrilled about leaving, but I
wanted to be supportive. So we packed our bags
and moved again. Once I got here I decided I
really needed to start making some decisions
about what I was doing with my life, so I
applied to grad school Now Tm in grad school
feeling pretty good about what I'm doing and
where Vm headed, and now she wants to leave
again, when I still have ot least a year to go in
my program. She decided that she wants to get
her PhD, and she actually expects me to move
on—as in, right now. She wants me to drop
everything.
I know this is partially my fault because I
have been so accommodating in the past that
she has just come to expect it now. I don't
know the best way to say, "Now it's my turn"
without just saying that Tm afraid it will end
our relationship, but I can't keep just giving up
what I have and try to recreate a life for myself
whenever it is best for her career. How do I do
what's best for me without doing something
that's bad for us?
"Me" Time
It's time for you to put your foot down, MT.
I have no idea what your wife is thinking, of
why she would decide to up and move again
so suddenly, but it isn't fair, and you have
to tell her no. Any rational person can see
that you have sacrificed whatever you have
had twice now in order for her to fulfill her
ambition, and that it is indeed your turn to
make some progress. One would think that she
would be happy for you since you have figured
out what you want to do. I find it worrisome
that you are quick to blame yourself for her
selfishness. I'm curious as to what you have
said to her about this so far, and what her
reaction has been. I hope you at least told her
that you want to finish school(?). If you can't
work this out together soon, you should really,
consider a marriage counselor.
I met this guy on an Internet dating site.
He seemed pretty nice, and he was definitely
cute, so I decided to go and meet him. He lives
about an hour away from my small town, which
was actually a relief since I rarely meet a guy
I don't already know and who doesn't: know at
least one of my friends or cousins. He is very
smart, charming and funny, and we hit it off
welL We went out a few times, and talked on
the phone and sent emails, and now visit
each other almost every weekend.
The problem is that he seems
perpetually broke and under
employed, and since he lives
kind of far away, I don't
how we can keep this
thing going. He will finish
his degree in another year,
but obviously I don't think I
can keep this thing going until
then. This is frustrating, because
I never meet single guys with
whom I am compatible where
I live, but I can't just quit
my job and move for a guy I
barely know, right? He seems
fine with the way things are, but I feel like we
should be making progress. I don't doubt that
he actually likes me, or think that he is seeing
anybody else, but the distance thing is killing
me. This has been going on for six months. Vm
30 and I don't want to keep casually dating.
Should I just drop it? Or should I keep going
and see what happens when he finishes school?
Umbo
If it seems to be going well except for the
distance, then maybe a move isn't out of the
question? Obviously, he has to stay put for
another year. Would you consider moving?
If you would, you should mention it to him
and see what he thinks. If he balks, then you
know he doesn't see a future and you have
your answer. But if he would be OK with it,
you might want to get yourself a studio with a
six-month lease. The problem with a weekend
romance is that you don't really get to know
each other on an everyday basis. You're only
getting the "dinner and movies and free time"
guy. It's easy to like people on their day off,
right? But real life happens when you are
stressed out and tired, when you have to do
laundry and grocery shop and pay bills. Not
ready to move? Then you have to decide if you
are willing to "wait and see" for another year.
Jyllnov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous inquiry
via Reality Check at flagpole.com.
v 'i r
assy
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APRIL 25,2012 •FLAGPOLE.COM 35