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THE AVENGERS (PG-13) The various
Avengers—Robert Downey, Jr.* Iron
Man, Chris Evans' Captain America,
Chris Hamswrto* Thor. anofoer
new Hulk (this time Mark Buffalo
gets to unleash the beast) and the
rest—have assembled, and together
they are a blast Bid before they can
battle Thor's mischievous brother,
Loki (Tom Hiddteston), who is intent
on enslaving the world with his other-
dimensional army, Earths mightiest
heroes have to sort out a few things
among themsetves. Joss Whedon and
Zak Penn capture the bickering essence
of a super-group. Every single one o!
these heroes benefits from Whedon*
trademark snappy banter and his way
with ensembles. These characters
thrive by not having to carry the movie
on their own (the Hulk especially
benefits from sharing the spotlight).
Whedon has always loved the lady
leads, and he gets more out of Scarlett
Johanssons Black Widow than anyone
else would have. Critical grirobiing
about The Avengers is minimal thanks
to Whedon* meticulously crafted
screenplay and directorial vision (he
heads his own verse for a reason)
and the engaging ensemble. Once the
paperwork is finalized so the team can
go into action for the bang-up finale,
The Avengers lives up to all the hype
♦ BATTLESHIP (PG-13) For a giant,
dumb summer movie that could
(>nty be called Bay-esque, Battleship
doesn't sink itself. Earth gets more
than it bargained for after scientists
send signals into space in an attempt -
to add some extraterrestrial Facebook
friends. The tTs that answer are not
friendly, answering with massive :
Transformer-y ships and personality-
less shock troopers. Fortunately, Earth
has Taylor Kitsch, Undry from "Friday
Night Lights." Rihanna and Brooklyn
Decker to fight the giant peg-homb
launching invaders. FX-laden, wannabe
blockbusters based on board games
can certainly be worse than this flick
directed by Peter Berg (with a sound
track programmed by a classic rock DJ
named Mad Dog). A whole lot of $8en-
ft-before and just enough something
new keep this hulking behemoth afloat.
Props to the writing Hoebers who fit
in a sequence where the characters
actually play a life-or-death version of
Battleship, 1 haven! seen such a great
deadly game night since Never Say
Never Again. The \xstfmstsANo l
can launch at this flick is that it made
me really yearn to play Battleship for
the first time in years. Two hundred
mHiion dollars bought Hasbro a hell of
a commercial.
BULLY (PG-13) Filmmaker Lee Hlrsch
{Amandlafj forces viewers to confront
the stark realities of bullying on five
families, including two reeling from the
suicides of their bullied sons, in this
harrowing first-hand account of the
daily victimization of millions of kkfe. .
Amazingly and horrifyingly, Hksch
captures footage of other children
victimizing the Aim* central figure,
12-year-old Alex, >tfuch begs toe ques
tion: Have children become so desen
sitized to cameras that they will break
rotes and taws even when they know
they are being watched? .This moving
film begs only z couple of critiques.
Afl of the kids profiled are from either
rural or Southern towns. Obviously,
Hirsch does rot mean to imply big
city folk and northerners/west coasters
are immune to bullying, but toe movie
could have used more geographical
diversity. Also, a better understanding
of these kids before bullying and the
circumstances surrounding their bul
lying would have provided a greater
insight into them, their reactions—one
girl is in juvie awaiting trial; two otoer
boys are dead—and what drove them
to such extremes. A tough, probing
look at a serious problem, fiu//y is a
rewarding, if uneasy, watch that (foes
not pose any easy answers.
CHERNOBYL DIARIES (R) In this
new flick from Paranormal Activity ,
creator Oreo Peii (visual effects vet
Bradley Parker makes his directorial
debut), six American tourists (including
muitiplatinum recording artist Jesse
McCartney) hire an extreme tour guide
to take them to Pripyat toe #>ost city
left by Chernobyl. The visitors soon
discover they are not alone. Peii jet
tisons the found footage gimmick upon
which his previous features have relied.
The trailer looks appropriately creepy,
but that title Is terrible.
DARK SHADOWS (PG-13) Having
tried but never quite sunk my teeth
into both previous versions of Dan
Curtis’ gothic soap opera, I had few
preconceptions going into Tim Burton/
Johnny Depp* high-concept reimagin
ing. Sadly, the duo merely delivered
a pretty-looking, rather dull oddity.
(BurtonS output has become increas
ingly mfss-and-hit.) Tossing much
of toe soaps suds and upping toe
camp, toe big screen Dark Shadows
still involves many of toe series' major
players: vampire Barnabas Collins
(Depp), Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
(Michelle Pfeiffer), Dr. Hoffman
(Helena Bonham Carter), Angel ique
(Eva Green), Willie Loomis (Jackie
Earte Haley), Victoria Winters (Bella
Heatocote) and Carolyn Stoddard
(Chloe Grace Moretz). That list of
names will mean little to the scores
of uninitiated young Burton/Depp
fans looking for another Alice in
Wonderland, which this horror comedy
most certainly is not That movieS
bilikXMtollar success has fortunately
allowed Burton to Indulge his quirkier
side at Collmswood. Still, his Uesi
movie becomes shockingly boring
alter toe extremely amusing early *
scenes of 20G-p!us-year-old Barnabas
adapting to the 1970s. Depp produces
another entertaining character, a la Jack
Sparrow, but as the movie approaches
the two hour mark, Depp grows as
tedious as the blockbuster he solely
sujtports, . '
• THE DICTATOR (R) Sacha Baron
Cohen and director Larry Charles may .
have left their guerrilla mockumentary
tactics behind, but treir offensive
strategy still efforts massive bombs
of laughter, even In this much more
conventionally structured comedy.
CohenS Admiral General Aiadeen, toe
dictator of toe fictional North African
. nation of Wadiya, is stripped of his
beard and power on a trip to speak to
the United Nations. With toe help of
a crunchy feminist (adequately sup
plied by an atypical Anna Farts) and a
shoutd-be-dead nuclear scientist ("The
League* MVP Jason Mantzoukas aka
El Cuhado), Aiadeen must infiltrate
a peace summit before his beloved
oppressive regime becomes a democ
racy. The brilliant gags tar outclass the
low-brow misses; toe soundtrack-
filled by “Wadlyan’-fanguage versions
of‘Everybody Hurts,* *9 to 5" and "The
Next Episode’—is the Rim's best run
ning joke. Cohen continues to stake his
claim to the chameleonic comic crown
left by Peter Sellers, but what should
he do with It once he gets it? Outside
of toe scathing cfimactic critique of
American democracy (all true, of
course), The Dictator lacks the wither-
ingty pointed satire of Boot and Bruno.
It surely is hilarious though.
DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX (PG)
Released on Dr. Seuss* 108th birthday,
this pleasant animated adaptation of
toe beloved children’s author's envi
ronmental fable fails to utterly charm
read, The Hunger Games has little cin
ematic spark. It’s a visual book report
that merely summarizes toe plot ihs a
well-written book report, but it’s still a
book report Stefoseu/f director 6ary
Ross was not the most obvious choice
to direct this dystopian adventure
in which 24 teenagers are randomly
selected for a contest in which only-one
will survive.
JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS
Bum {PG) Journey 2: The
’ Mysterious Islands biggest problem
might be time. Many of the young
people who enjoyed its 2008 forebear,
Journey to the Center of the Earth,
might have outgrown toe Brendan
Fraser/Dwayne "The Rock* Johnson
brand of family adventure movie.
THE IQD WITH A BIKE (PG-13)
2011. Palme d*Or winners Jean-Pierre
and Luc Dardeme (Rosette and The
Child} wrote and directed this feature
Something smells “humany" around here.
like the filmmakers' previous animated
smash, Despicable Me The Lorax may
visually stun you, and Danny DeVito’s
brief time as voice of toe Lorax could
stand as his greatest role, one that will
go unrecognized by any professional
awards outside of the Annies.
THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT (R)
As written by Jason Segei and Nicholas
StotJer, toe acting-writing-directing duo
Jbehind Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The
Five-Year Engagement almost sells its
initial gag too well. Nearly toe entire
first act plays out like the airheaded
romantic comedy in which the smart
comedy writers plan to poke holes.
Then the change comes and TheFtve-
YearEngagementtoglns its lengthy,
though not overlong, slide into rela
tionship complications (more real than
scripted) and comic gags (some sold
with more skill and less obviousness
than others). Tom and Violet (Segei
and Emily Blunt) get engaged on their
one-year anniversary and then struggle
to pull the trigger, as life sends toe
soulmates obstacle after obstacle.
FOOTNOTE (PG) 2011. The rivalry
between a father and son who both
teach Talmudic Studies at toe Hebrew
University of Jerusalem reaches a
new competitive peak when toe father,
Eiiezer (Shtomo Bar-Aba), is honored
for his work. This Israeli feature by
writer-director Joseph Cedar was nom
inated tor toe Best Foreign Language
Academy Award and Cannes's Palme
d'Or; it also won nine Awards of toe
Israeli f ilm Academy, including-Best
Rim, Best Director, Best Actor, Best
Supporting Actor and Best Screenplay.
THE HUNGER GAMES (PG-13)
While a successful adaptation of a
difficult book that near everyone has
about a young boy (Thomas Doret),
abandoned by his father, who spends
his weekends with a local hairdresser
(Cecile de France). Unfortunately, he
also gets mixed upwrtth a local crimi
nal. His mode of transportation: a bike.
The Palme d'Or nominee picked up
Cannes* Grand Prize of the Jury and
was also nominated for Best Foreign
Language Rtm award at the Golden
Globes.
THE LUCKY ONE (PG-13) The
Notebook&'tsnoLM The Lucky One
will not disappoint Nicholas Sparks'
fans looking for some sappy romance
and a shiftless Zac Efron. A Marine
named Logan (Efron) survives several
Incidents after finding a picture of a
woman. When he returns to the states,
he seeks out this woman, whom he
teams is named Beth (Taylor Schilling,
still recovering from Atlas Shrugged:
Part tj lo thank her for saving his life.
But things get complicated when he
fails for her and her young son, Ben
(Riley Thomas Stewart), and runs afoul
of herex/Ben* dad (Jay R. Ferguson,
who excels at clueless d-bags), a
deputy sheriff and son of big-time
local judge/prospective mayor. The war
scenes are thankfully short, making me
wonder how much worse the/could
have been on toe page, and director
Scott Hicks (some fine films like Shine
and Snow Falling on Cedardj illustrates
this romance with some gorgeous, ’
magazine spread cinematography
(word to Alar Kivilo, whose work to
date has never betrayed this artistic an
eye). Will love conquer all this time
around or is this another one of Sparks'
many tearjericers? Only 141 minutes
of your life stand between you and the
answer
MARGARET (R) After a ioooooong
time on toe shelf {Margaretvas filmed
in 2005), two-time Oscar nominee
Kenneth Lonergan* follow-up to toe
fabulous You Can Count on Mels
finally seeing the dark of a theater.
Before she was sexing it up on HBOS
True Blood,* Academy Award winner
Anna Paquin was tackling Lonergan*
ami-commercial character study of a
young girl trying to make amends for
the fatal accident for which she feels ,
responsible. With Jean Reno, Alison
Jarmey, Matthew Broderick, Mark
Ruffalo and Matt Damon.
< MEN IN BLACK III (PG-13)
Confession time: I never saw Men in
Black II. rm OK with that oversight Will
Smith and Tommy Lee Jones reprise
their roles as Agent J and Agent K.
Apparently, Smiths J time travels back
to 1969 to stop an alien from assas
sinating his partner, whose younger
version is played by John Brolin.
Director Barry Sonnenfeld returns and
could really use a hit With Alice Eve.
Jemaine C foment, Emma Thompson
and Bill Hader as Andy Warhol.
MONSIEUR LAZHAR (PG-13) 2011.
An Algerian immigrant (Mohamed
Fellag) must replace a popular
Montreal public school teacher after
her suicide. His own loss is revealed
as he helps his students deal with their
own grief. An Academy Award nominee
for Best Foreign Language Film, the
Canadian feature by Philippe Falardeau
won six Genies—including Best
Motion Picture, Best Direction, Best
Actor, Best Supporting Actress and
Best Adapted Screenplay—and Best
Canadian Feature Film at the Toronto
International Film Festival.
MOONRISE KINGDOM (PG-13)
Wes Anderson* newest film is a period
romantic drama? A young couple
(Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward)
Irvi ig on an island off the coast of
New England run away, causing
various search parties to form and
find them. The eccentric cast includes
Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Tilda
Swinton, Bill Murray (seen wielding
an ax, shirtless, in the trailer), Frances
McOormand, Anderson regular Jason
Schwartzman and Harvey Keitel.
Expect the typical love-hate critiques of
Anderson* latest whimsy.
THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS
(PG) You could do a lot worse ttran The
Pirates! Band of Misfits when choosing
animated flicks to see with your kids.
Aardman Animations, the British folks
that brought you Wal'ace & Gromit
and Chicken Run, hit the high seas
with the Pirate Captain (v. Hugh Grant)
and his oddball crew. While seeking
the coveted Pirate of the Year Award,
the Pirate Captain runs into Charles
Darwin (v. David Tennant, the tenth,
and my personal favorite, Doctor), who
wants toe scurvy rascal* feathered
mascot a thoughMo-be-extinct dodo.
The jokes are funny and often smart,
and the stop-motion clay animation
refreshingly different. The voice cast
could have traded up (Jeremy Piven?
No ianMcShane? Mostly, Jeremy .
Piven?!). Still. Ths Piratesi Is cute,
humorous and well-animated. Kiddie
flicks come with a lot less booty than
this buccaneer.
SAFE HOUSE (R) For Sale Housds
target fans of Denzel Washington,
whizzing bullets and car chases, the
action flick is critically bulletproof; for
me, it was competently boring. Former
CIA operative turned rogue asset,
Tobin Rost (Washington), goes on
the run with green agent Mart Weston
(Ryan Reynolds, in toe thankless role
anyone could have fitted) hot on his
heels. Washington remains toe lazi
est latent in Hollywood. What draws
him to waste his chops on these
action-filled scripts with such obvious
plct trajectories? You can tell which
CIA bigwig (the suspects being Sam
Shepard, Vera Farmiga and Brendan
Gteeson) Weston shouldn't trust from
the trailers, and try as they might to
imply otherwise, one can easily pre
sume Washington* Frost hasn't gone
rogue for sheer psychopathic thrills
or mere greed. The predictable action
is delivered with the workmanlike
craftsmanship (quick edits, handheld
camerawork, etc.) one expects from a
production that is clearly influenced by
Washington* work with Tony Scott, but
lacks his more artful eye. Safe House
should make enough money to keep
Washington* rep as a box office draw
undiminished, but won't make much
of an impression in his increasingly
inconsequential filmography.
THINK LIKE A MAN (PG-13)
Anything I wanted to like about ThiUk
Like a Man is tainted by toe casual
homophobia, sexism and racism toe
movie attempts to pass off as comedy,
and that* a shame for the hilarious
Kevin Hart, who is finally, smartly
given a showcase role. Based on Steve
Harvey* romantic self-help tome.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,
the movie, written by the scripters of
Friends with Benefits, sometimes feels
like a late night infomercial for Harvey*
patented way to win a man. We have six
unbelievably mismatched buddies—
Hart* divorced dude, Romany Malco*
'piaya,* Michael Ealy* ‘dreamer,’ Jerry
Turtle* Ferrara* noncommittal white
dude, Terrence J* ‘mama* boy* and
some otoer white married guy—and
the women (Gabriel !e Union, Taraji P.
Henson, Meagan Good and Regina
Hall) who want them to settle or.u.
Begin toe chapter scenarios. Woody
Allen attempted something like this
to funnier results when he adapted
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know
About Sex, a more relevant and even
less successful adaptation would be
2009* He's Just Not That Into You. If
you really want to take romantic advice
from Steve Harvey, filtered through
Turtle, It* your love life.
•WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN
YOU’RE EXPECTING (PG-13)
Expecting a cinematic extinction level
event on par with Garry Marshall*
star-whoring Valentine* DayiNew
Year* Eve, What to Expect When You're
Expecting pleasantly met my vastly
lowered expectations. What to Expect
would have been a decent Apatow/
Bridesmaids knockoff had it slimmed
down to one main plot—an expectant
couple played by Elizabeth Banks and
Mr. Melissa McCarthy (Ben Falcone)
compete with his race car legend father
(Dennis Quaid) and his pregnant trophy
wife (Brooklyn Decker}—and shed the
extra plot poundage involving Jennifer
Lopez adopting an Ethiopian baby,
Anna Kendrick and Chace Crawford*
uh-oh moment and Cameron Diaz* star
pregnancy (with that wet blanket from
‘Glee,* Matthew Morrison). The almost
interstitial scenes with the daddy club
of Chris Rock, Rob Heubel, Thomas
Lennon and Amir Talai amuse, as
does Rebel Wilson as Banks* mostly
clueless employee. Like unfortunate
clockwork, every time the movie started
to get things comically right, the scene
would shift to JLo* woes or toe young
couple's romantic prediament. Stilt,
I expected little, and the romantic
dramedy delivered a bundle of tiny,
intermittent joy that, like some babies,
cried more than it laughed.
Drew Wheeler
10 FLAGPOLE.COM • MAY 23,2012