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21 JW«P STRUT (R) 2012* biggest
surprise to date has to be this brilliantly
dumb comedy from star-produeer-
stay contributor Jonah HHI. A pair of •
patristic new cops. Schmidt and Jenko
(Hill and comedy revelation Channing
Tatum), blow their first bust As a^. .
result, they are transferred to a special
tmdercover unit that sends fresh-faced
policemen into local schools to nab
drug dealers and the like. Hilarity, or
what passes for it these days, ensues.
THE AVEN651S (PG-13) The various
Avengers—Robert Downey, Jr.’S Iron
Man, Chris Evans’ Captain America,
Chris Hemsworth* Thor, another *
new Hulk (this time Mark Ruffaio
gets to unleash the beast) and the
rest—have assembled, and together
they aire a blast But before they can
batt le Thor* mischievous brother,
LoW (Tom Hiddlesfon), who is intent
on enslaving the world with his other-
dimensional army. Earths mightiest
heroes have to sort out a few Brings
among themselves. Joss Whedon and
Zak Penn capture the bickering essence,
of a super-group. Every single one of
these heroes benefits from Whedon*
trademark snappybanter and his way
with ensembles. These characters
thrive by not having to carry the movie
on their own (the Hulk especially
benefits from sharing the spotlight).
Whedon has always loved the lady
leads, and he gets nwe out of Scarlett
Johansson* Black Widow than anyone
else would have. Critical grumbling
about The Avengers '® minimal thanks
to Whedon* meticulously crafted
screenplay and directorial vision (he
heads his own verse for a reason)
and foe engaging ensemble. Onoe the
• paperwork is finalized so the team can
go into action for the bang-up finale,
The Avengers lives up to all the hype
and expectation that has been rampant
among the 12-year-old boys trapped
within otherwise normally grownup
men..
BATTLEFIELD AMERICA (PG- :
13) How much you're going to like
Battlefield America {don’t confuse
it with a sequel to the slice of John
Travotta-meets-L Ron Hubbard awful
that is Battlefield Eartfy depends on
how excited this next statement makes
you: ’From the writer, director & cre
ator of You Got Served: Pumped yet?
Chris Stokes hits the dance floor again
with a new group of kids. The plot,
if you care, involves a businessman
bankrolling an Instructor to get some
misfits ready for an underground dance
competition. The usual piottins in any
reality-based melodrama. ■
BATTLESHIP (PG-13) For a giant
dumb summer movie that could only
be called Bay-esque, Battleship doesnl
sink Itself. Earth gets more than it
bargained tor after scientists send
signals into space in an attempt to add
some extraterrestrial Facet look friends.
The ETs that answer are not friendly,
answering with massive Transformer-y
ships and personality-less shock
troopers. Fortunately, Earth has Taylor
Kitsch. Landry from "Friday Night
Lights,’ Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker
to fight the giant peg-bomb launching
invaders. FX-taden, wannabe block
busters based on board games can cer
tainly be worse than this flick directed
by Peter Berg (with a soundtrack .
showing locally this week,
new review
programmed by a classic rock OJ ;
named Mad Dog). A whole lot of seen-
rt-betore and just enough something
new keep mis ntsiXing oeoemom anoai.
Props to Rewriting Hoebers who fit
in a sequence where the characters
actually play a Ufe-or-death version of ~
Battleship, 1 haven't seen such a great
deadly game night since Never Say
Never Again The best/worst salvo i "•
of thesoap* suds and upping the
camp, the big screen Dark Shadows
still involves many of the series' major
players: vampire Barnabas Collins
(Depp), Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
(Michelle Pfeiffer), Dr. Hoffman
(Helena Bonham Carter), Angeiique
(Eva Green), Willie Loomis (Jackie
Earle Haley). Victoria Winters (Bella
Heathcote) and Caolyn Stoddard
(Chloe Grace Moretz). That list of
names witl mean little to the scores
of uninitiated young 8urton/Depp
THE DICTATOR (R) Sacha Baron
Cohen and director Larry Charles may
have left their guerrilla mockumentary
tactics behind, but their offensive
strategy sail ettcits massive Domes
of laughter, even in this much more
conventionally structured comedy.
CohenS Admiral General Aladeen. the
dictator of the fictional North African
nation of Wadiya, is stripped of his
beard and power on a trip to speak to
the United Nations. With the help of
a crunchy feminist (adequately sup
tf you were German girts, this sweet jacket would be ripped to shreds by now!
can launch at this flick is that it made
me realty yearn to play Battleship for
the first time in years. Two hundred
million dollars bought Hasbro a hell ot
a commercial. . -fj
THE BEST EXHTiC MARIGOLD
HOTEL (PG-13) No better Avengers
counterprogramming could exist than
this British dramedy starring Oscar
winner Dame Judi Dench, Bill Nighy,
Dev Pate), Oscar winner Maggie Smith
and Oscar winner Tom Wilkinson and
directed by Shakespeare In Love Oscar -
nominee John Madden. A bevy of Brits
travel to the subcontinent to stay at the
posh, newty renovated Marigold Hotel,
but the adverts prove misleading.
Still, the hotel does begin to charm its
English patrons. Based on the novel by
Deborah Moggach.
CHERNOBYL DIARIES (R) In this
new flick from Paranormal Activity
creator Oren Peti (visual effects vet
Bradley Parker makes his directorial
debut), six American tourists (including
multiplatinum recording artist Jesse
McCartney) Wre an extreme tour guide
to take them to Pripyat, the ghost city
left by Chernobyl. The visitors soon
discover they are not atone. Peli jet
tisons the found footage gimmick upon
which his previous features have relied.
The trailer looks app* opriately creepy,
but that title Is terribte.This one is not
sponsored by the Southern Company.
DARK SHADOWS (PG-13) Having
tried but never quite sunk my teeth
into both previous versions ot Dan .
Curtis'gothic soap opera, I had few
preconceptions going Into Tim Burton/
Johnny Depp* high-concept reimagin
ing. Sadly, the duo merely delivered
a pretty-looking, rather dull oddity.
(Burton* output has become increas
ingly miss-and-hit.) Tossing much
fans looking for another Alice in
Wonderland which this horror comedy
most certainty is not That movie*
bilitoo-doiiar success has fortunately
allowed Burton to indulge his quirkier
side at Coflinswood. Still, his latest
movie becomes shockingly boring
after the extremely amusing early
plied by an atypical Anna Paris) and a
should-be-dead nude* scientist (’The
League- MVP Jason Mantoukas aka
0 Cuftado), Aladeen must infiltrate
a peace summit before his beloved
oppressive regime becomes a democ
racy. The brilliant gags far outclass the
low-brow misses; the soundtrack—
American democracy (all true, of
course), The Dictator lacks the wither-
ingly pointed satire of Borat and Bruno.
it surety is hilarious though.
DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX (PG)
Released on Dr. Seuss’ 108th birthday,
this pleasant animated adaptation of
the beloved children* author* envi
ronmental fable tails to utterly charm
like the filmmakers 1 previous animated
smash, Despicable Me. The Lorax may
visually stun you, and Danny DeVito*
brief time as voice of the Lorax could
stand as his greatest role, one that will *
go unrecognized by any professional
awards outside of the Annies.
FOOTNOTE (PG) 2011. The rivalry
between a father and son who both
teach Talmudic Studies at the Hebrew
University ol Jerusalem reaches a
new competitive peak when the lather,
Elfezer (SNomo Bar-Aba), is honored
for his work. This Israeli feature by
writer-director Joseph Cedar was nom
inated for the Best Foreign Language
Academy Award and Cannes’ Palme
<fOr, it also won nine Awards of the
Israeli Film Academy, including Best
Rim, Best Director, Best Actor, Best
Supporting Actor and Best
Screenplay. Every researcher at the
university will be jostling for a place in
the ticket line and roaring with laughter
once inside, don't you know?
THE HUNGER GAMES (PG-13) An
adaptation of a difficult book that nearly
everyone has read, The Hunger Gaines
has little cinematic spark. It* a visual
book report that merely summarizes
the plot. It* a well-written book report,
but its still a book report Seabiseuit
director Gary Ross was not the most
. obvious choice to direct this dystopian
adventure in which 24 teenagers are
randomly selected for a contest in
which only one will survive.
JOHN CARTER (PG-13) Civil War
veteran John Carter (Triday Night
Lights"’ alum Taylor Kitsch, whose
career is poised to blow up or implode
This must be the new Apple virus everyone is talking about
scenes of 200-plus-year-old Barnabas
adapting to the 1970s. Depp produces
another entertaining character, a fa Jack
Sparrow, but as the movie approaches
the two hour mark, he grows as tedious
as the blockbuster he solely supports.
The cutting room could hava used help
from a profession l-scissorshand.
filled by "Wadiyan'-language versions
of "Everybody Hurts,’ ‘9 to 5’ and The
text Episode’—is the film* best run
ning joke. Cohen continues to stake his
claim to the chameleonic comic crown
left by Peter Sellers, but what should
he do with it once he gets it? Outside
of the scathing climactic critique of
in 2012) is transported to Mars, where
12-foot-tall barbarians rule. WALLS
director Andrew Stanton becomes the
latest Pixar f ilmmaker to make the jump
from animation to live action. Ld love
to seohis film be as successful as Brad
Bird* Mission: impossible—Ghost
Protocol. With Bryan Cranston, Mark
Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Willem Dafoe
and Thomas Haden Church.
THE IDO WITH A BIKE (PG-13)
2011. Palme <T0r winners Jean-Pierre
and Luc Dardenne {Rosetta and The
Chtty wrote and directed this feature
about a young boy (Thomas Doret),
abandoned by his father, who spends
his weekends with a local hairdresser
(Cedle de France). Unfortunately, he
also gets mixeo up with a local crimi
nal. His mode of transportation: a b : ke.
What did you think, roller skates? The
Palme cf Or nominee picked up Cannes'
Grand Prize of the Jury and was nomi
nated for Best Foreign Language Film
at the Golden Globes.
MEN IN BLACK III (PG-13)
Confession time: I never saw Men in
Black II. I'm OK with that oversight. Will
Smith and Tommy Lee Jones reprise
their roles as Agent J and Agent K.
Apparently. Smith* J time travels back
to 1969 to stop an alien from assas
sinating his partner, whose younger
version is played by John Brolin.
Director Barry SonnenfekJ returns and
could really use a hit. With Alice Eve,
Jemaine Clement, Emma Thompson
and Bill Hader as Andy Warhol, who
unfortunately couidnt help with the
plot
MIRROR MIRROR (PG) Not much
clicks in 2012* first reimaging of Snow
White (the darker Snow White and
the Huntsman drops in June). Julia
Roberts does not an Evil Queen make:
the anachronistic dialogue is wincingly
unfunny and the live action cartoon,
overflowing with Stooge-y slapstick,
is a tonal decision only pleasing to
undiscriminating children, many ol
whom found Mirror Mirror to be rous-
ingty delightful. It* not.
<P!RANHA 3DD (R) The needle-
teethed, bloodthirsty pack of prehis
toric piranha might be back, but not
many of the people responsible for that
fun-filled exploitation flick are. The
Feast trio—director John Gulagher and
writers Marcus Dunstan and Patrick
Melton—is replacing Alexandre Aja;
that* not a tryfe up. Moving the all-
you-can-eat buffet from Lake Victoria
to a water park seems like a smart
move. Now, it* up to the execution.
With Danielle Panabaker, Vmg Rhames,
David Hasselhoff and Katrina Bowden.
Y8N0W WHITE AND THE
HUNTSMAN (PG-13) 2012* sec
ond Snow White movie (she* also a
television star on ABC* ‘Once Upon
a Time’) tweaks the fairy tale with the
pale beauty (Kristen Stewart. Twilight}
and the huntsman (Chris Hemsworth.
Ttw), sent by Charlize Theron* Evil
Queen te kill her, instead teaming up
to overthrow her majesty. Director
Rupert Sanders is an unknown entity:
thankfully, the cast includes the familiar
feces of Toby Jones, lan McShane, Ray
W instone. Nick Frost and Bob Hoskins.
Written by Drivds Hossein Amini.
THE THREE STOOGES (PG)
Apparently, a modern update of Three
Stooges is not an idea as utterty bereft
of laughs as one would imagine,
assuming one imagined the original
Three Stooges to be unbereft of laughs,
as it were. As staged by the Farrelly
Brothers, the violent misadventures of
Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos), Larry
(Sean Hayes, ‘Will & Grace’) and Curly
(Will Sasso, ’MADtv") now involve
a murder plot, a reality TV show and
saving an orphanage at which Larry
David entertainingly plays a nun. Fans
of the Stooges should be pleased
as the chosen trio and their younger
counterparts—Skyler Gisondo, Lance
Chantifes- ^ertz and Robert Capon—
are swell stand-ins for the originals.
WE HAVE A POPE (NR) 2011. An
Italian man is elected to be Pope
against his wishes, prompting an
embarrassing lack of enthusiasm for
God* chosen post in this comedy
directed by Nanni Moretti. The cardi
nals bring in a psychiatrist to help the
10 FLAGPOLE.COM MAY 30,2012