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21JUM? STREET (R) 2012* big
gest surprise to date has to be this
brillianty dumb comedy from star-
producer-story contributor Jonah Hill.
A'pair of pathetic new cops, Schmidt .
and Jenkb {Hill and comedy revela
tion Channing Mum), blow their first
bust As a result, they are transferred
"to a special undercover unit that sends
fresh-faced policemen into local
schools to nab drug dealers aid the
like, v •
THE ARTIST (PG-13)films today
do not come as precious or charming
as Michel Hazanavidus’Best Pictore
winner. A silent film that is a 1 ! about
talking, The Artist of title refers to
matinee idol George Valentin (Academy
Award winner Jean Dujardin, who
absolutely must be a silent film star
Hazanivicius recently thawed from ice),
who finds it difficultto transition from
silent films to talkies, unlike rising star
Peppy Miller (Academy Award nominee
8Mce6efo).ButMH!erhasacnish
on Valentin that predates her stardom
and will do everything she can to help
the despondent, one-time star. Like an
unearthed gem, a long-lost silent relic.
The Artist is at once wholly familiar yet
completely foreign. Who knew a trifling
eccentricity would wind up 2p11* most
daring film?
THE AVENGERS (PG-13) The various
Avengers—Robert Downey, Jr.’s Iron
Man, Chris Evans’ Captain America,
Chris Hemsworth* Thor, another
new Hulk (this time Mark Ruffalo
gets to unleash the beast) and the
rest—have assembled, and together
they are a blast. But before they can
battle Thor's mischievous brother,
Loki (Tom Hiddleston), who is intent
on enslaving the worid with his other-
dimenstonaf army, Earths mightiest
heroes have to sort out a few things
among themselves. Joss Whedon and
Zak Penn capture the bickering essence
of a super-group. Every single m of
these heroes benefits from Whedon*
trademark snappy banter and his way
with ensembles. These characters
thrive by not having to cany the movie
on their own (the Huik especially
benefits from sharing the spotlight). •
Whedon has atejays loved the lady
leads, and he gets more out of Scarlett
Johansson’s Black Widow than anyone
else would have. Critical grumbling
about The Avengers Is minimal thanks
to Whedon* meticulously crafted
screenplay and directorial vision (he
heads his own verse for a reason)
and the engaging ensemble. Once the
paperwork is finalized so the team can
go into action for the bang-up finale,
TheAvedgers lives up to all the hype
and expectation.
BATTLESHIP (PG-13) For a giant,
(tomb summer movie that coutd.
only be called Bay-esque, Battleship .
doesn’t sink itsetf. Earth gets more
than it bargained for after scientists
send signals into space in an attempt
to add some extraterrestrial Facebook
friends. The Els that answer are not
friendly, answering wito massive
Transformer-y ships and personality-
less shock troopers. Fortunately. Earth
hasTaytgr Kitsch, Landry from Triday
Night Lights,' Riharma and Brooklyn
Decker to fight the giant peg-bomb
launching invaders. FX-laden, wannabe
blockbusters based on board games
1 ft « I
■ BIBS
B I 1 S 1’ ■ B
W£
can certainty be worse than this flick
directed by Peter Berg (with a sound
track programmed by a classic rock DJ
named Mad Dog). A whole Jot of seen-
it-before and just enough something
new keep this hulking behemoto afloat.
Props to the writing Hoebers who fit
in a sequent where the characters
actoatfy play a tfe-OHieath version of
Battleship, f haven't seen such a great
deadly g&ne night since Never Say
Never Again. The best/worst salvo I
can launch at this flick is that it made
me really yearn to play Battleship to
the first time in yeas. Two hundred '
million dollars bought Hasbro a hell of
a commercial
BERWE (PG-13) Jack Black stars in
this crime comedy as a gay mortician
in smaii-town Texas who befriends
an elderly, wealthy widow. Richard
Unktater directs the true story of Bernie
(Black), a genteel, universally loved
member of his community who mur
dered his self-possessed and grumpy
elderly companion (Shirley McLaine)
in 1996, essentially because he tired of
her personality. Laughs TBD.
THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD
HOTEL (PG-13) No better Avengers
counterprogramming could exist than
this British dramedy starring Oscar
winner Dame Judi Dench. Blit Nighy,
Dev Patel, Oscar winner Maggie Smith
arid Oscar winner Tom Wilkinson and
directed by Shakespeare in Love Oscar
nominee John Madden. A bevy of Brits
travel to the subcontinent to stay at the
posh, newly renovated Marigold Hotel,
but the adverts prove misleading.
StiH, the hotel does begin to charm its
English patrons. Based on the novel by
Deborah Moggach.
CHERNOBYL DIARIES (R) in this j
new flick from Paranormal Activity -
creator Oren Pelt (visual effects vet
Bradley Parker makes his directorial
debut), six American tourists (including
muitipiatinum recording artist Jesse
McCartney) hire an extreme tour guide
to Wee them to Pripyat. the ghost city
left by Chernobyl. The visitors soon
discover they are not alone. Pelt jet
tisons the found footage gimmick upon
which his previous features have relied.
The trailer looks appropriately creepy,
but that title is terrible.
THE DICTATOR (R) Sacha Baron :
Cohen and director Larry Charles may
have left their guerrilla mockumentary
tactics behind, but their offensive
strategy still elicits massive bombs
of iaughtef, even in this much more
conventionally structured comedy.
Cohen* Admiral General Aiadeen, the
dictator of the fictional North African
nation of Wadiya, is stripped of his
beard and power on a trip to speak to
the United Nations. With the help of
a crunchy feminist (adequately sup
plied by an atypical Anna Faris) and a
shouid-be-dead nuclear scientist (The
League’ MVP Jason Marctzoukas aka
El Cuftado), Aiadeen must infiltrate
a peace summit before his beloved
oppressive regime becomes a democ
racy. The brilliant gags far outclass the
low-brow misses; the soundtrack—
filled by ’Wadiyan’-ianguage versions
of “Everybody Hurts,* *9 to 5’ and “The
Next Episode"—is the film* best run
ning joke. Cohen continues to stake his
claim to the chameleonic comic crown
left by Peter Seilers, but what should
he do with it once lie gets it? Outside.
of tfte scaling dimaette critique of •
American democracy (ail true, of
course), The Dictatortecks the witt
ingly pointed satire of Roland Bruno.
DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX (PG)
Released on Dr. Seuss’ 106th birthday,
this pleasant animated adaptation of
the bekwed children’s author* envi
ronmental fable rails to utterly charm
like the filmmakers' previous animated
smash, Despicableh* The Lorax maf
visuafiy stun you, and Danny DeVito*
brief time as voice of the Lorax could
stand as his greatest rote, one that wilt
go unrecognized by any professional
awards outside of the Annies. V •
FIRST POSITION (MR) 2011. A
documentary by Bess Kargman fol
lows a group of young ballet dancers
from around the world as they train for
the Youth America Grand Prix ballet
competition in New York. The dancers,
ages 10-17, are ethnically and socio
economically diverse, and deepen the
film with toeir stories and the gravity of
the competition* outcome.
and Mallory goes rogue. The American
action movie has been on suicide •
watch tor some time. Most studio
product te top-heavy with backsfory,
overstuffed with visually incomprehen
sible action scenes retying on jump
cute than fiukJ fight choreog
raphy to jolt. The fun component has :
been taken out of the entertainment for
mula, replaced with narrative bombast
aid technological bullying. Bid toe
most egregious cinematic sin is that
true physicaiity, the meat and blood
and pulse that is toe foundation of ..
any decent action sequence, has been -
replaced with pixels and posing. The
American action movie is dying, and I
miss it so. With Haywire, Soderbergh
and screenwriter Lem Dobbs (they
previously collaborated on toe rarely
seen Kafkti) valiantly resurrect the
modem-day action movie in Its gritty
1970s incarnation. It* also spiced with
a dash of Hong Kong 1980s-styled
■heroic bloodshed' and given a strong
blast of Bronson at his bone-crunching
best The big difference from other
Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Willem Dafoe
and Thomas Haden Church.
THE IBD WITH A MKE (PG-13)
2011. Palme rfOr winners Jean-Pierre
and Luc Darderwe (taffcand The
/Vfr/lsA uirM/i -ifw4 JL-r.f4iw4 IkU
CniKJj wrote ana arretted mis feature
about a young boy (Thomas Don*),
abandoned ty his father, who spends
his weekends with a focal hairdresser
(Cecite de Francs). Unfortunately,
he also gets mixed up wtto a local
criminal. His mode of transportation: a
bike. The Pafme d’Or nominee picked
up Cannes* Grand Prize of the Jury
and was nominated for Best Foreign
Language Film at the Golden Globes.
MADAGASCAR 3: EUROPE’S
MOST WANTED (PG) t haven’t really
cared for either of the first two attempts
of Afex the Lion (v. Ben StHler), Marty
the Zebra (v. Chris Rock), Meiman
toe Giraffe (v. David Schwhnmer) .
and Gloria the Hippo (v. Jada Pinkett
Smith) to get back to New York City.
Madagascar biggest draws have
wound up being toe supporting pen
guins and toe Sacha Baron Cohen-led
f bought these at the "2001: A Space Odyssey” yard sale.
FOOTNOTE (PG) 2011. The rivalry
between a father and son who both
teach Talmudic Studies at the Hebrew
University of Jerusalem reaches a
new competitive peak when the fattier,
Eliezer Sr. (Shlomo Bar-Aba), is mis-
• takeniy honored for Eliezer Jr.* work.
' This Israeli feature by writer-director
Joseph Cedar was nominated for
the Best Foreign Language Academy
Award and Cannes* Palme d*Or; it also
won nine Awards of the Israeli Rim
Academy, including Best Film, Best
Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting
Actor and Best Screenplay.
HAYWIRE (R) Steven Soderbergh*
super-lean action movie Haywire
was released earlier this year but left
theaters quickly, ft deserved better.
Mallory (Gina Carano) works tor a
private security firm run by her ex
boyfriend Kermefo (Ewan McGregor).
The government covertly uses the
firm to do dirty jobs around the world.
Malkxy is sent to Barcelona, osten-
• sibty to rescue a kidnapped Chinese
journalist She teams up with a new
guy, Aaron (Channing Tatum), and they
complete the job. But white working
on another assignment in Dublin with
a British agent (Michael Fassbender),
things go awry. Bones break, heads roll
Hollywood action movies, however, Is
that like toe legendary Jackie Chan or
Tony Jaa, Carano, a mixed martial arts
fighter, penorms her cwn stunts. She
has limited dramatic range, but she*
equipped with enough low-wattage
charisma to keep things interesting
between fights. Dobbs’ script prods
with some feminist subtext—toe
movie* tagline is They Left Her No
Choice!'—as Carano pummels her
way through the men who’ve done her
wrong. The best thing, though, is toe
action. The stationary camera captures
every snap, crunch and gouge, treat
ing Carano* brutal grace with respect,
much like Astaire* fleet-footed genius
was ones filmed. Some of Soderbergh*
best work has been in the crime genre,
and Haywire is no exception..
JOHN CARTER (PG-13) Civil War
veteran John Carter (TrfoayvNigW
Lights" alum Taylor Kitsch, whose
career is poised to blow up or implode
in 2012) is transported to Mars, where
12-foot-tall barbarians nte.WALL-E
director Andrew Stanton becomes toe
latest Pixar filmmaker to make the jump
from animation to live action. I’d love
to see his film be as successful as Brad
Bird* Mission: Impossible—Ghost
Protocol. With Bryan Cranston, Mark
lemurs. Noah Baumbach* screen-
writing credit has me rethinking my
preconceived notions of this animated
three-quel.
MEN IN BLACK Iff (PG-13).
Confession time: 1 never saw Men in
Black If. I’m OK with that oversight. Will
Smith and Tommy Lee Jones reprise
their roles as Agent J and Agent K.
Apparently, Smith* J time travels back
to 1969 to stop an alien from assas
sinating his partner, whose younger
version is played by John Brolin.
Director Barry Sonnenfeld returns and
could really use a hit With Alice Eve,
Jemaine Clement, Emma Thompson
and Bill Hader as Andy Warhol.
MIRROR MIRROR (PG) Not much
clicks in 2012* first reimaging of
Snow White (the darker Snow White
and the Huntsman is out now). Julia
Roberts does not an Evil Queen make;
toe anachronistic dialogue is wincingiy
unfunny and the live action cartoon,
overflowing with Stooge-y slapstick,
is a tonal decision only pleasing to
undiscriminating children, many of
whom found Mirror Mirror to be mus
ingly delightful. If* not j-
A PROMETHEUS (R) In a year of
highly anticipated featured, this Alien ■
prequei from director Ridley Scott Is
one of toe hottest. A group of space
explorers (including Chartize Theron,
Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace,
Patrick Wilson, Guy Pearce and Idris
Ba), investigating toe origins of fife
on Earth, find themselves battling
one of toe universe* two most deadly
species (toe otoer is obviously the
Predators). The presence of *LosT
cocreator Damon Undetof as a screen
writer only increases toe expectations.
THE RISE OF THE SOUTHERN
BISCUIT (NR) 2007. The southern
biscuit has come a long way from the
• flour and water hardtack of the Civil
War era to today* buttery homemade
treats. Maryann Byrd* documentary
has won two Emmys (Best Cultural
Documentary and Writing) and three
Tellys (Best Music, Best Program
and Outstanding Documentary). The
film has an accompanying book, The
Biscuit Dive Guide Part of the Georgia
Museum of Art* Summer Film Series,
held in conjunction with toe exhibit,
'John Baeder.'
SNOW WHITE AND THE
HUNTSMANtfG-13) 2012* sec
ond Snow White movie (she* also a
television star on ABC* “Once Upon
a Time’) tweaks the fairy tale with the
pale beauty (Kristen Stewart, Twilight!
and the huntsman (Chris Hemsworth,
Thof), sent by Chartize Theron* Evil
Queen to kill her, instead teaming up
to overthrow her majesty. Director •
Rupert Sanders is an unknown entity;
thankfully, the cast includes the familiar
faces of Toby Jones, Ian McShane, Ray
Winstone, Nick Frost and Bob Hoskins.
Written by Drivds Hossein Amini.
THE THREE STOOGES (PG)
Apparently, a modern update of Three
Stooges is not an idea as utterly bereft
of laughs as one would imagine. As
staged by the Farrelly Brothers, the
violent misadventures of Moe (Chris
Diamantopoulos), Larry (Sean Hayes.
"Will & Grace*) and Curly (Will Sasso,
‘MADtv') now involve a murder plot, a
reality TV show and saving an orphan-
• age at which Larry David entertainingly
plays a nun. Fans of toe Stooges
should be pleased as the chosen trio
and their younger counterparts—
Skyler Gisondo, Lance Chantiles-Wertz
and Robert Capron—are swell stand-
ins for the originals.
WE HAVE A POPE (NR) 2011. An
Italian man is elected to be Pope
against his wishes, prompting an
embarrassing lack of enthusiasm for
God* chosen post in this comedy
directed by Nanni Moretti. The cardi
nals bring in a psychiatrist to help the
new Pope deal with his anxiety.
WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE
EXPECTING (PG-13) Expecting a
cinematic extinction level event on par
with Garry Marshall* star-whoring
Valentines Day!New Years Eve, What
to Expect When You're Expecting pleas
antly met my vastly lowered expecta
tions. What to Expect would have
been a decent Apa\mlBridesmaids
knockoff had it slimmed down to one
main plot—an expectant couple played
by Elizabeth Banks and Mr. Melissa
McCarthy (Ben Falcone) compete with
his race car legend father (Dennis
Quaid) and his pregnant trophy wife
(Brooklyn Decker)—and shed toe extra
plot poundage involving Jennifer Lopez
adopting an Ethiopian baby, Anna
Kendrick and Chace Crawford* uh-oh
moment and Cameron Diaz* star
pregnancy (with that wet blanket from
‘Glee,’ Matthew Morrison). The almost
interstitial scenes with the daddy club
of Chris Rock, Rob Heubel, Thomas
Lennon and Amir Talai amuse, as
does Rebel Wilson as Banks* mostly
clueless employee. Like unfortunate
clockwork, every time the movie started
to get things comically right, toe scene
would shift to JLo* woes or the young
couple* romantic predicament.
Drew Wheeler
10 FLAGP0LE.COM JUNE 6,2012