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REPTAR BY DAVE LICHTERMAN
T here may be no better illustration of Murphy's Law than
a rock band on tour. It's got everything: confined spaces,
big personalities, vehicular meltdowns, international travel
snafus, workspaces that double as bars???the works. Ask any
seasoned road warrior what advice he would give up-and-
comers propping for their first rock and roll sojourn, and you'd
better settle in for a while; he's gonna have a lot to say.
With so many founts of wisdom on the subject right here in
town, and with SXSW on the horizon, Flagpole decided to open
the vault on some of our local bands' most harrowing tour
experiences???and the lessons learned along the way. Collected
below are some choice tales of what goes wrong and how to
avoid it, as well as pointers on how a band can make the most
of the experience.
Aimee Morris (bassist, Twin Tigers)
WORST TOUR MISTAKE: Having Too Much Fun
"I wanna say 'Don't get too drunk,' but I feel like people
will say it's bullshit and you're supposed to get drunk," Morris
says. "But we had a drummer who got really drunk all the time
[while we were] on tour with Minus the Bear and couldn't con
trol himself, and it was really embarrassing."
Oh, and then there were the (multiple) times she partied
hard after a show and woke up the next morning in an entirely
different city. "I had to call my bandmates to come and find
me. They were pissed."
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF TOURING: Sharing the Load
A sentiment echoed by musicians across the board: failing
to take on an egual share of financial and work-related respon
sibilities creates resentment that can linger for years. For Twin
Tigers, Morris says, one recurring issue was stepping up to
drive the band and equipment home after each night's show.
"One thing we did before one of our last tours is put all
the tour dates in a jar, and everybody took two or three dates.
Whatever cities we drew, that was the night that you were
responsible for driving the gear away from the show. We knew
ahead of time: 'I have to drive tonight, so I can't get wasted.'
And everybody else knew they could relax and just have a good
time and not have to worry about who would get us home
later."
Nate Mitchell (drummer, Gars Gan Be Blue)
WORST TOUR MISTAKE: Being Woefully Under-Prepared
Ain't nothing rock and roll about filling out paperwork and
dealing with government bureaucracies. But, as Mitchell found
out, it can be essential. After arriving in the U.K. to tour with
Hot Pants Romance, Mitchell and bandmate Becky Brooks were
detained and then deported for lying about their reason for
being in the country.
"We thought we could sneak in, pretending to be tour
ists," he says. But with 40 band t-shirts in their bag, no hotel
reservations and no explanation of what they planned to do,
they were quickly found out. The financial and spiritual blow,
Mitchell says, ground the duo's momentum to a halt.
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF TOURING: Uh, BE PREPARED
Spring for that $300 U.K. work visa for your band. Have a
little cushion of cash to fall back on for unexpected expenses.
"Don't buy a crappy car for $350 on Craigslist with the idea
that you can put 4,000 miles on it and scrap it after that,"
Mitchell says. "That's how you end up broken down in Texas,
having to take a job at the nearest motel for two months while
you save up enough money to get home. True story."
Derek Olivera (drummer, Manray)
WORST TOUR MISTAKE: Touring with Jerks
Diplomat that he is, Olivera won't go into detail, although
he does allude to the unpleasantness of touring with musi
cians his other bandmates just didn't jibe with. "Make sure the
chemistry works before you even go there. Before you even get
out on the road, it's got to work, personality-wise."
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF TOURING: Know the Laws of the Land
If you're cruising north to melt some Canuck faces, you bet
ter be ready to give Stephen Harper his cut. Border patrol may
want to, say, document how much merch you're bringing into
the country, so they can tax you on your way home. Got an
arrest record? If it's recent enough, it can be used as an excuse
to turn you away at the border. But, as Olivera points out, you
can always call border patrol in advance of your trip, or do
a little research online. "They'll let you know everything you
need to know."
Jace Bartet (touring guitarist, Reptar)
WORST TOUR MISTAKE: Under-packing
Yes, of course, you want to pack light, but for the love of
Pete, bring more than one pair of pants. "One time, I decided
to pack so light I didn't bring a change of pants, and that was
really dumb," Bartet says. "I got out of the van one day to pee
and jumped into what I thought was grass, but turned out to
be eight inches of really muddy water underneath. My pants
were covered in mud. Then I had to keep wearing them for the
next two weeks."
Also recommended: being extra careful not to put unleaded
gas in a diesel engine.
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF TOURING: Just Roll with It
"The most important skill I developed on the road was
being able to roll with all different kinds of punches. Stuff is
not going to go your way most of the time. You've got to deal
with it without getting emotional," says Bartet.
In fact, of all the artists interviewed for this piece, Bartet
had the most positive things to say about his touring experi
ence. One highlight, he notes, was discovering Bonine, a non-
drowsy carsickness medication. He also recommends eating
well, when you can afford it; the dollar menu can be depress
ing if utilized too often. Finally, get to know the people you
meet along the way.
"Someone asked me if it was lonely meeting people on
the road I would never see again, but for me, it was really
important to do that. It was awesome to experience that cool,
friendly, welcoming people are everywhere."
Rachel Bailey
JANUARY 30, 2013 ??? FLAGP0LE.COM 15