Newspaper Page Text
MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
Editor???s Note: We???re running items from some of Jyl???s old columns
until a new advice columnist turns up.
My boyfriend lives in another state. We met a year ago, fell
head over heels for each other and have had a great relationship
ever since. We visit as often as we can, talk on the phone every
day and generally get along very well. There is one problem,
though. I have a co-worker who is a very good friend of mine,
and my boyfriend hates him. Granted, this co-worker has said
that he really likes me and that if I were single he would ask
me out, etc. But I told him I wouldn't date him because he's
not my type. This is not meant in an insulting way at all, but I
want him to understand that I don't go for jocks as boyfriends.
He and I have a great time together in the same way that I
have fun with all of my other friends, and I am not in the least
bit attracted to him. He knows some of my exes, and he knows
I am not kidding. I just don't date guys like him, end of story.
So, he stopped flirting and telling me he wishes I was single and
all that. But my boyfriend still has an irrational jealousy of this
guy. They have met before, and my co-worker was
nice to him, and it didn't matter. He gets furious
whenever I tell him I am hanging out with
my co-worker. I don't understand why he
feels so threatened, and I tell him all the
time that he's being silly. We still end up
in an argument about it every time, and I
am just getting sick of it. My boyfriend will
be moving here in a few months, and in
the meantime I have started lying to
him when I go out with this co-worker.
I know it's wrong, but I hate being
treated with so much suspicion, and I
don't want to fight with him anymore.
We don???t get to see each other often
enough as it is, and I don't want to waste
time when we do by fighting with him or
feeling like I have to justify my choice of
friends. I am also worried about what will happen when he is
here. I do not intend to end this friendship, but I think if my
boyfriend were here he wouldn't worry so much. What do you
think?
Sneaky
The problem here, Sneaky, is that you're lying. I know you
think this is a little white lie, repeatedly told in order to keep
the peace, but how exactly do you see this playing out once
your boyfriend is actually here? Will you ditch your good friend
because you have better things to do/stricter rules to live by?
Or will you allow your boyfriend to move in with you under
the guise that everything is great between you and you have
nothing to hide, and attempt to deal with the fallout when
he finds out you've been lying to him? Either way, you are
going to have to ruin somebody's day.You have to deal with
the reality of this situation now, before things get any more
convoluted. One option is that you cut loose your co-worker.
Question: Do you really think he's over it and he has gotten
the message that yours is a platonic relationship, end of story?
Is he OK with this, or are you leading him on? Is he waiting
for your boyfriend to blow it so he can make his move and win
you over? Would it be more humane to just walk away? Are you
sure you're not fooling yourself into thinking things are fine
the way they are? The other option is that you come clean with
your boyfriend and tell him that you are friends with this guy
and that he can either deal with that reality and trust you and
accept it even though he doesn't approve, or he can end your
relationship and save both of you the time and trouble of mov
ing in together and then breaking up in a spectacularly painful
and expensive fashion. I guess the bottom line is that you
have to prioritize the relationships and then decide.
I'm just now reentering the dating scene after six to seven
years of being single. I'm trying out online dating, and I think
I've found a lady I like. We started talking about two weeks ago,
have many things in common, and, so far, I think we've been
able to make each other laugh a little. I really don't know how
to proceed. I'd like to meet up, but I think I may have sabo
taged things; I had suggested I wanted to meet in my third mes
sage, then later the same day thought I might be taking things
too fast and messaged her that I didn't want to mess things
up. She appeared to share the same sentiment, and we've been
talking from there. So, now I'm in a quandary: Where do I go
from here? I'd like to meet/date her, but I don't want to force
the issue and cause her to bolt, or worse, get put in the ???friend
zone." How should I play this? Confidently declare my admira
tion for her and ask to see her? Wait and see?
Jumping Back in the Pool
I assume that when you "met" this lady over the Internet,
it was through an actual dating site, right? And you were
asked a series of questions when you signed up, one of which
was along the lines of "What are you here for?" The answers
to those types of questions on those sites usually range from
friends and networking to dating, relationships and casual sex.
So, you said you were looking for women to date and her name
came up, right? Which means she is also looking to date. It's
time for y'all to take the next step and meet in person.
I have been with my girlfriend for a couple of years. We have
talked marriage (as much as two women in a state that doesn't
recognize gay marriage can talk about it), kids and have
lived together for over a year already. Things are lovely,
or at least they were until a couple months ago. My
girlfriend's parents live in another state. They
are fine with our relationship and have always
been welcoming to me, but they are pretty
uptight people otherwise. A couple months
ago, her mom got really sick. The outlook is
not great, so my girlfriend decided to move
home to help out and basically do whatever
she can.
At the time, we were both in a rut and had
just decided to move from where we were and try
something new. She went home to assess the
situation and figure out what to do, and I put
most of our stuff in storage and came back
here where we both met. I have been staying
with friends and my family, and I was going to go where she is
for the time being. The thing is, I haven't been able to find a
job that I want where she is. I am very specialized, and there
just aren't opportunities for me to grow there. In the meantime,
another friend of mine is moving, and she wants me to come
with her somewhere else. (Sorry I am being so vague, but I
would prefer to be anonymous.) Her mom is in my field and has
a couple of leads already on potential jobs for me, but she lives
in the opposite direction from my girlfriend and her parents.
I really want to be there for my girlfriend, Jyl, but I can't
imagine going back to waiting tables or working retail again. Her
parents are nice enough, but they are very intense, and I don't
think I can be around them that much, especially under the
circumstances. In the meantime, this long-distance thing is very
hard on our relationship. What should I do?
Not Florence Nightingale
You can't imagine working a crappy job again???really? You
know what I can't imagine (thank the gods)? Taking care of
my mom while she dies, and having my significant other back
at home hemming and hawing while every day is more and
more difficult for me???having to rely on the phone to talk to
them, rather than having their shoulder to cry on, not because
they have a career or because they are taking care of our kids
and our house, but because they aren't sure that they want to
deal with my awful situation. Surely, your girlfriend doesn't
expect you to spend your days at her mother's bedside. If you
intend to marry someone, then I assume that means the whole
exchanging of rings and vows (you may have to go to another
state, but it can be done). You are perhaps familiar with "in
sickness and in health"? Do you think maybe that might extend
to family? Don't be such a selfish twunt, NoFlo. If you really
love her, then shut your mouth, pack your stuff and get your
ass there. Take a crappy job and be therefor her. Not for her
mom, or her dad, or the rest of her family. Be there so that at
the end of each day, when she is through dealing with what
will hopefully be the most painful thing she ever has to do,
she can come home to you and you can give her some comfort.
If you don't think you can do that, NoFlo, then I don't think
you are ready for marriage, and I don't think you deserve it.
JylInov
12/11
GREEN
ROOM
12/12
12/13
12/14
NOISE FOR TOYS - CHRISTMAS TOY DRIVE w/
UP UNTIL NOWS ANDY BRUH
THE TAXICAB VERSES w/ THE 19TH BROOD
SAINT FRANCIS w/DAN TEDESCO
BROOKLYN BREWERY PRESENTS: GREG CARTWRIGHT
DJ SET w/ VG MINUS S NATE AND THE NIGHTMARES
?????? ?? ??? i 7 5 n. LUMPKIN ST. ??? OPEN DAILY AT 4PM
^1
IS: Iflllil:
??? )(??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??x*
???X x??
www.georgiatheatre.com
215 North Lumpkin St. * Athens, GA
18 S over / ID reqd. Tickets available online and at Georgia Theatre Box Office
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 14
TRI-COUNTY CHEVROLET PRESENTS
THE JEFF
VAUGHN BAND
WITH 3&20
and BRANDON STILES
DOORS 8:00pm ??? SHOW 9:00pm
^ THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19
TY AND KELLY'S WEDDING BLOWOUT WITH
THE W00DGRAINS
with DANGFLY
and THE BEARF00T HOOKERS
and BEAUTY AND THE BEARD
DOORS 7:00pm ??? SHOW 10:00pm
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20
CHUCK R
LEAVELL
AND FRIENDS
DOORS 7:00pm ??? SHOW 8:00pm
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27
BL00DKIN
AND FRIENDS
3rd ANNUAL HOLIDAY HOMECOMING
DOORS 8:00pm ??? SHOW 9:00pm
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 28
DANIEL LEE BAND &
ERICA SUNSHINE LEE
with 0THERSIDE OF HOMER
and ASHLEY RIVERA
DOORS 7:00pm ??? SHOW 8:00pm
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 31
THE WHIGS
with velvetee
and NEW MA
I PINK
)RID
DOORS 8:00pm ??? SHOW 9:00pm
COMING SOON
1/8
1/9
1/10
1/11
1/15
1/16
1/17
1/18
1/23
1/24
1/25
1/30
BACKGROUND ANTHEM
FAMILY & FRIENDS W/ SAINT SENECA & CICADA RHYTHM
INFAMOUS STRINGDUSTERS W/ PACKWAY HANDLE BAND
INFAMOUS STRINGDUSTERS W/ DARNELL BOYS
REBIRTH BRASS BAND S MARCHFOURTH MARCHING BAND
RiFF RAFF
DAFT PHUNK PERFORMED BY EARPHUNK
BLACK LIPS W/ CURTIS HARDING. SHEHEHE
DISCLOSURE LIVE
THE RINGERS
LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZ0
GAELIC STORM
* 2014 SHOWS JUST ANNOUNCED ON WWW.GE0RGIATHEATRE.COM *
DECEMBER 11, 2013-FLAGP0LE.COM 35