Newspaper Page Text
MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
We have a new advice columnist coming soon. So, start asking
your questions at advice@flagpole.com. She???ll address a wide
range of problems; if you???ve got one, no matter what, go ahead
and ask. Meanwhile, here are some past answers from Jyl.
So, I am recently divorced. It has been a few months, but,
realistically, we have been done for a year, but now the ink is
dry on the divorce papers. I am in my 40s, in good shape and
not unattractive. I don't know a lot of single people, don't get
out that much and I haven't had a date in almost 20 years.
Needless to say, I am a bit panic-stricken. I have decided,
after a lot of harassment from my sister and my friends, to try
Internet dating. It is overwhelming. Terrible. But I'm trying. So,
here's the thing: What is with women all looking for tall guys?
Even the tiny ones???there are women who list their
own height as five-two???insist on a guy being at
least six-two! Why is this so prevalent? And
what should I do? I'm five-eleven, and I'm
not really prone to bullshitting anybody.
Should I not bother to contact a woman if
she's asking for a guy who is six-two? Or
should I contact her and tell her up front
that I'm shorter? Maybe wait until we
meet and let her figure it out herself?
I know this sounds stupid, but I am
totally new to this thing, and I don't
want to be a dick.
Too Short?
I think what you need to keep in
mind here is exactly what kind of woman
is that specific about who she wants to
meet. Six-two? ReaLLy?! You are resorting to digital dating and
you're going to rule out any guy who is not up to this arbitrary
standard? I can understand a particularly tall woman wanting
to be with a guy who is taller than her. One of my best friends
is five-eleven, and she said she already feels like a freak all
the time and she needs to date somebody taller than her
so she doesn't feel even worse about herself. Even though I
don't agree with her, I've never had to walk a mile in her flats
(because she's too tall for heels, get it?) and I know her well
enough to know that this is about her, not about her potential
dates. But anybody who is five-foot-one
and insists on your being six-two is prob
ably a shallow dimwit who is not worth dat
ing anyway. Consider that they have done
you a favor and narrowed the field.
I have a dilemma. I am in this class with
my boyfriend, and I am starting to have a
crush on the professor. The class is kinda
big, but he always calls on me to answer
questions. Once or twice he has asked me
questions on the way out of class, and my
boyfriend waited outside while we talked for
a few minutes. I think he was flirting with
me. My boyfriend is getting jealous.
The thing is, I think the professor knows
and I think he is doing it on purpose. And I
would be lying if I didn't say that I liked it.
I know this is wrong, but I can't help it. He
is a lot older than I am, but I find him very
sexy. I know he is married, and I wouldn't
want to ruin anybody's life, but I can't stop thinking about him.
I have to see him during office hours in a couple weeks and I
don't know what to do. I get nervous when I am around him. I
know this is crazy, and I do love my boyfriend, but I don't know
how to make these feelings stop. Help!
A Student
Crushes are common. Crushes are fun, and they're excit
ing, and they seem so intense when you're in the middle of
them that it might be tempting to read more into them than
you should. But don't. You can enjoy the crush, ride the wave,
but know deep down that it is completely meaningless and
fun. Get better at hiding it from your boyfriend until you are
over it. Don't talk about the man or his class unless you need
to. Encourage your boyfriend to wait with you after class if
you have questions, and take him with you when you to your
office hours appointment. Nothing's going to happen with your
boyfriend right outside, right? If you invite him along he will
be confident that you don't have bad intentions. Even if he
doesn't go with you, you will have put his mind at ease.
Know that even if your professor is noticing you, he is
probably not stupid enough to risk his career and his mar
riage for whatever fleeting pleasure he might get from you,
and know, too, that if he would take that risk, then he is a
big, fat, cheating scumbag, and big, fat, cheating scumbags
are decidedly not hot. Even if it is an ego boost (and let's face
it???it is), realize that this flirtation is hurting your boyfriend
and you have to stop it. I'm not telling you that you shouldn't
answer questions or participate in class. What I'm saying is
that it's up to you to make this stop. Don't flirt back. Keep all
of your interactions completely neutral, and if you sense him
flirting with you, don't respond. I promise you this will
go away, and, eventually, you will wonder what in the
hell you were thinking. Just stay in control until
then.
I am in a very frustrating situation. There
is a woman that I work with whom I really
like. We have been working very closely with
each other on a project for the last year. We
spend a lot of time socializing as well. We
have talked about the fact that we are attracted
to one another, but there is just no way that
we can let this thing happen while we work
together. It sucks. I am not exactly her boss,
but her superior in a way that would make it
really, really bad for my career if we started
seeing each other and anybody found out.
Also I am afraid she would be devalued and her work might
be taken less seriously if people thought that she was being
rewarded because of our personal relationship.
I have mostly put it aside. I am very busy anyway, and I
have basically decided to just sort of ignore my feelings for
her because there is nothing I can do about them. I don't
socialize with her outside of work or work-related activities at
all anymore. The whole thing is weird, and for a while it was
painful, but I am getting over it. Now I have a new problem. I
met another woman whom I am interested in. She is a friend
of a friend, nothing to do with my job, not
connected to anybody I work with at all.
Perfect. And she is single, and she is inter
ested in having a drink, which is great. But
now I am not sure how to broach the subject
with my co-worker. I feel like I am betraying
her or cheating on her in some way, even
though I know we can't have a relationship.
I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to
lie to her either, because I have too much
respect for her. What is the best way to tell
her?
Stand-Up Guy
Don't get ahead of yourself here, SUG.
I don't think you need to tell her anything
right away. It's very nice of you to want to
be straightforward, but do you really want
to make a potentially painful announce
ment when this thing might not last more
than one drink? I'm not trying to be nega
tive, just practical. If you tell her about the date and nothing
happens, and then you tell her about the next person you ask
on a date, and then the next, it may come off like you're try
ing to rub it in, or worse, make her jealous. Give it a minute.
Go for the drink. If it goes well, meet up for another drink, or
go to dinner. If you feel like this is a person you are going to
actually start seeing, then you sit your co-worker down some
time when you aren't at work, and tell her what's going on.
Start with "I've met somebody." Explain to her that you feel
awkward telling her, but that you don't want to hide it from
her, etc. Tell her you wish things could have been different
between you but that you don't see any way around it. Then
hope that she also meets somebody else and you can both
move on and be happy and not have any regrets.
Jyl Inov
GREEN
ROOM
1/16 DANK SINATRA
1/17 VESPOLINA W/ THE KINKY APHRODISIACS
1/18 GASLIGHT STREET
1/20 COMEDIAN MYO KAPLAN
1/23 TIA MADRE W/ MOTHS & PILGRIM
175 N. LUMPKIN ST. -OPEN DAILY AT 4PM
www.georgiatheatre.com
215 North Lumpkin St. * Athens, GA
18 S over / ID reqd. Tickets available online and at Georgia Theatre Box Office
??? WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 15 ~
REBIRTH
BRASS BAND
...MARCHFOURTH .
MARCHING BAND f
DOORS 8:00pm ??? SHOW 9:00pm ??? kStmm
FRIDAY, JANUARY 17
DAFT PHUNK
PERFORMED BY
EARPHUNK
DOORS 8:00pm ??? SHOW 9:00pm
SATURDAY, JANUARY 18
\ Mr
* ??
BLACK
LIPS
WITH SHANTIH SHANTIH
& SHEHEHE
DOORS 8:00pm ??? SHOW 9:00pm
TUESDAY, JANUARY 21
THE UNTZ PRESENTS: SMOG CITY TOUR W/
12TH PLANET & PR0T0HYPE
FLINCH, SON OF KICK & STEADY
DOORS 9:00pm ??? SHOW 10:00pm
~ WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 22 ???
MARY GAUTHIER ???3???1
KATE MORRISSEY solo
PARTIALLY SEATED SHOW!
DOORS 7:00pm ??? SHOW 8:00pm
COMING SOON
DISCLOSURE LIVE W/ VIC MENSA S SAMO SOUND BOY
THE RINGERS W/OLI BROWN
LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO
ZOSOW/GIMME HENDRIX
GAELIC STORM
PAPER DIAMOND W/ LOUDPVCK S MANIC FOCUS
RELAY FOR LIFE PRESENTS: DEAD CONFEDERATE W/
GRINGO STAR
JAKESHIMABUKURO
JGBCB (JERRY GARCIA BAND COVER BAND)
JJ GREY & MOFRO W/ NICKI BLUHM AND THE GRAMBLERS
* FOR COMPLETE LINEUP VISIT WWW.GE0RGIATHEATRE.COM *
JANUARY 15, 2014 ??? FLAGP0LE.COM 27