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JIM NORTON JEWELRY
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SAT & SUN
11/21 & 11/22 • NOON - 3PM
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INDIE SOUTH’S 14TH ANNUAL
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SAT & SUN
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Nancee Tomlinson
Attorney at Law
Experienced advocate for
individuals in criminal,
juvenile, and probate matters
Tomlinson-lawfirm.com
706-200-1777
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ALSO AVAILABLE BY APPOINTMENT,
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263 Milledge Circle
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Voted Athens’ Favorite Pet Groomer
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Friday, Dec. 4th 2020
10AM - 4PM
EEDE^ hey, bonita...
I Want Kids; My “ /'
ADVICE FOR ATHENS’ LOOSE AND LOVELORN
By Bonita Applebum advice@flagpole.com
Doesn’t
Hey Bonita,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over
three months now, and it’s going great. We get
each other’s humor, we have the same inter
ests, we have fun together, he even met my
incredibly judgmental parents, and they loved
him. I know it’s only been three months, but
I’ve developed strong feelings for him. Probably
too strong for the amount of time we’ve been
together, hut I haven’t been worried because I
can truly see a future with him.
We seem so compatible in every way except
one. I recently found out that he probably
doesn’t want kids. Having kids is a HUGE
thing for me and, honestly, a deal-breaker. We
discussed it, and he is super understanding and
willing to accept whatever I decide. And he’s
giving me space to figure it out.
So what do I do? I don’t want to get really
far into the relationship only to have it end
because of this. Wouldn’t it be
better to break things
off before we get
too invested? Is it
naive to assume
he’s going
a loft in Central Park West and a white
woman for my housekeeper, but here we
are.
I have no comments about your being
so deeply in love after only three months,
except congratulations. Yeah that’s fast, but
if you’re both in agreement that it is true
love, then rock on. I heavily admire your
tendency to look ahead and plan for the
future, and I especially appreciate your fam
ily planning. More people should do what
you’re doing. That said, I’m too close to 40
to try and convince you that 10-year plans
always work out. Plans change and para
digms shift. His lack of desire for kids could
absolutely change, and your attachment
to giving birth at 30 could change as well.
Also—and I truly hate to say this, because
you are in love but you chose to write to my
pragmatic ass—in nine years, you may very
well have a different partner who is com
pletely on board with start
ing a family with
you. I believe
that
to change
his mind in
the future? I’m
only 21, and I’m not
planning on having kids
until I’m like 30, so this issue is
very far in the future. Should I let that affect
my decisions now?
I don’t want to break up with him. I know
this is cliche, hut I’ve never met anyone like
him, and I want him in my life. And ultimately
it’s up to him, right? If I decide I’m willing to
take this chance, then he has to be mature
enough to tell me when/if he knows for sure
whether he wants kids or not. But that’s also
putting a lot of pressure on him. Right now, I
feel like I want us to cross that bridge when we
come to it, hut I don’t know if that’s the right
thing to do.
Hey Friend,
You’re talking about something that’s
nine years down the road for you, and
believe me when I say that the 30-year-old
you will be very different from the 21-year-
old you, and in beautiful and positive ways.
Same goes for your boyfriend and possible
future baby father. When I was 21,1 was
positive that I’d never want kids. I also
thought I’d be an MTV News anchor with
you will
get what
you want in
some capacity,
but I don’t think
it’s helpful to have
these discussions right now
with your current partner. It’s a long ways
away, and your time would best be used to
plan for future things that you can affect
right now, like your careers and housing.
Instead of daydreaming about marriage
and kids so early, I’d rather you get focused
on your career plans and put your degree
(I assume you’re in college) at the front of
your mind. Where do you wanna live after
you graduate? Can you afford a family home
there? Does your boo wanna move in after
graduation? Does he like that city, too? Are
you living together already? Should you live
together as renters before buying a home
together and getting married? Will your
careers be enough to provide for the lives
you want to live with each other? There’s
a lot to consider with babies and families
beyond whether or not you want to have
them at all. ©
Need advice? Email advice@flagpole.com, use the
anonymous form at flagpole.com/get-advice, or
find Bonita on twitter: @flagpolebonita.
18 FLAGPOLE.COM | DECEMBER 2, 2020