Southern world : journal of industry for the farm, home and workshop. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1882-18??, September 01, 1882, Image 15
THE SOUTHERN WORLD, SEPTEMBER 1, 1882.
16
Seals’ New Grammar.
Col. John H. Seals, editor of the Sunny
South, is an old school teacher. While teach
ing school in Oreene county, Georgia, he used
a new style grammtfr. The following is one
of the chapters.
Teacher—Parse man.
Pupil—Man is a common noun of the fe
male gender.
What is that, sir?
Man is a common noun of the feminine
gender; common ’cause he can be bought
cheap; and feminine gender because he’s al
ways got woman on the brain, eighth person
’cause his wife and six children come first;
is in the objective case and governed by a
woman.
Go to your seat and put a wet cloth on your
head.
Next. Parse woman.
Woman i^a female noun of the masculine
gender.
Mercy on us I What do you say ?
She’s a female noun of the masculine gen
der; masculine because she wears the breech-
aloons and is determined to vote, she’s com
pounded of cotton, whalebone, starch, sun
shine, smiles, and thunder clouds; is the
first person, ’cause she's always the person
speaking; plural number, ’cause’ she makes
more noise than half a dozen parrots ; is in
the objective case and governed by fashion.
Sit down and rinse your mouth with pro
phylactic fluid.
Next. Parse boy.
Boy is an uncommon noun, of the goslin
gender and female persuasion.
Thunder and bootjacks! What is that
sir?
Boy is an uncommon noun, of the goslin
gender and female persuasion; uncommon
’cause he’s hard to find now-a-days, ’cause he
soon enters the threshold of goosehood; fe
male persuasion, ’cause he’s always got the
heart-sick about some female; first person,
big Ike! singular number, ’cause there’s no
body but himself; in the objective case, and
governed by an embryo mustache, Scheidam
Schnapps, and the length of his daddy's
purse.
Go home, sir, and bathe your feet in mus
tard.
Next. Parse girl.
Girl is an angelic noun of the Grecian
bend gender, and masculine tendencies.
Oh, save us from sudden death ? These
boys will never be raised. Howls that sir?
Girl is an angelic noun, ’cause she paints
* her cheeks and loves inguns; she’s compound
ed of cosmetics, flowers, fuss and feathers;
is of masculine tendencies, ’cause she wears
the shirt bosoms, paper collars, and always
has her head full of boys; singular number,
’cause the boys are afraid of them, and mat
rimony is played out; third person, ’cause
she’s much spoken of; in the objective case
and governed by a gypsy bonnet.
Next. Parse fashion.
Fashion is a tyrannical noun ’cause it
must be obeyed and laughs at a poor man’s
purse; common gender, ’cause all the people
must bow to it; it is compounded of flounc
es, flimsies, ruflles, scuffles, bubbles, rufifs,
snuffs, cuffs, higgles, giggles, sniggles, curls,
furls, hairs, snares, Grecian bend, fuss and
feathers. It was once in the objective case,
and governed by Eugenie, but is now in the
nominative case independent.
Go home sir, and go to bed.
Next. Parse baby.
Baby is an obstreperous noun of the lieu
ter gender.
Moses and the prophets save us from de
struction! What do you say, little imp?
Baby is a musical noun, 'cause it sings a
soft tune between midnight and day, es
pecially of a cold night; it is neuter gender
’cause it is neither male nor female till it is
big enough to wear breeches. It weighs ac
cording to size and measures according to
proportion; is compounded of milk and
lungs, and especially of lungs; grows at a
rapid rate.
Go home, sir, and tell your mother to rock
you to sleep.
Next. Parse matrimony.
Matrimony is an ancient noun, defunct
gender.
Hear him! You little vagabond, what 'do
you say ?
Matrimony is of the defunct gender, ’cause
its played out. Girls are as plentiful as
blackberries, but they’ve got nothing. Mat
rimony is compounded of the words mate
and money, but when there’s a match now-a-
days, its nothing without the money. Third
person, ’cause its much spoken of by the
girls. In the objective case and governed
by the money of the girl’s daddy.
’ What in life ismore beautiful than happy
human faces?
Wnntc<l an Understanding.
An Illinois merchant who was taking
baking powder in bulk from a Chicago firm
called at headquarters the other day to say
that there was something wrong with the
goods.
“I don’t think so,” was the reply; “we
make the best article sold in the West.”
“I think we ought to have a more perfect
understanding,” continued the dealer.
“Now, then, you adulterate before you send
to me, then I adulterate before I ship, then
the retailer adulterates'before ho sells, and
the consumer can’t be blamed for growling.
I want to see if we couldn't agree on some
schedule to be followed."
"What do you mean ? ”
“Why, suppose you put in ten per cent,
of chalk, then I put in 20 percent, of whit
ing, then the retailer puts in thirty per
cent, of flour; that gives the consumer forty
per cent, of baking powder, and unless he’s
a born hog he'll be perfectly satisfied. You
see, if you adulterate 50 per cent, on the
start, and I adulterate as much more and
the retailer adulterates as much as both to
gether, its mighty hard for the consumer to
tell whether he's investing in baking pow
der or putty, we must give him something
for his money, if its only chalk.”
GOOD TIME-KEEPER FOR $3.50
FOR $4 OT
A HANDSOME STEM WINDING WATCH,
CAT ARR Hj
pxma,
Hql* WmuM g**
Brass,
SCALDS,
BKUISES,
TILES,
INSECT BITES,
FEMALE
COMPLAINTS,
Ac.
P. C.jmmmTOS, Chicago.—" I have received permanent
roller from me of the Extract." (Inflammatory dlseass.)
BAXCXL It. UIXS. Schonoctadr, N. T.—"A household
necessity In my family." *
nsris D. mt/nm, D. Dm Brooklyn, H. Y.—"Proving
Itself to ho a necosslty In my horns."
Caution.— POND'S EXTRACT is sold only In
bottles with the name blown In the glass.
. W It is unsafe to use other articles with onr
directions. Insist on haring POND'S EXTRACT.
Refnse all imitations and substitutes.
QUALITYUNIFOHM.
I»rloes, BOo., 81-00, 81.75
at all respectable Druggists.
Prepared by POND’S EXTRACT CO.,
14 Tfcit Fourteenth Street, New York.
A SPLENDID BARGAIN.
VIOLIN BOW, BOOK OF INSTRUCTION
AND VIOLIN CASE,
who send subscribers' names to us,
we have Just made arrangements for a valuable arti
cle that will Induce many new workers to become our
» ents. This desirable premium consists ot a Violin,
[low, a nook nr Instruction',, and a case to bold the
violin. The violin Is handsome, flnely finished, ol
excellent tone, and Imitation ebony trimmings. The
top and back ol these violins are worked out Just the
same as the best that are made, and are also ol the
same model. Theyprodu
and brilliant. Tune one «
strung up—the string
bri * -J '
du
. they are trimmed and
Inga, finger-boards, tall Pieces, pegs.
; these are all good, well made and
......... .tillable, Just aa they are received to
be tuned up and played upon any occasion. This Is a
great bargain.
GIVEN AN A PREMIUM FOR 13 NUB-
HURIREHN.
We Offer it for Sale for $:i.50.
PRICE, Including one year's subscription to South
f.U!* Wimt.n,(.1.75. Muslbcscntby express,receive
to psy charges,
R. & J. BECK,
MANUFACTURING OPTICIANS,
Philadelphia.
Microscopes, Telescopes, Spectacles. Eye Glasses.
Thermometers, Barometers, Opera-Glasses,
Field-Glasses, Photographers Outfits (or Amateurs,
Send (or Illustrated Price Catalogue, which will be
mailed ran, and mention this paper.
MANY ADVERTISERN HAVE DIF-
FERENT ARTICLES ADVERTISED IN
DIFFERENT PAPERS, AND TO GET A
PROPER ANSWER TO YOUR LETTERS,
IN WRITING BE SURE TO SAY THAT
YOU SAW TnE ADVERTISEMENT IN
THE SOUTHERN WORLD. BY SO DO
ING, YOU FREQUENTLY BENEFIT
YOURSELVES AND OUR PAPER.
SOUTHDOWN SHEEP.
CANNIUN M. CLAY, breeder ol .pure SOUTH-
DOWN SHEEP, White Hall, Kentucky.
SUB-
FINELY FINISHED.
Ws know this Stem-winding Watch sill meet with and
K w In favor as Its peculiar merits and good qualities become
>wn. There Is now a growing demand lor Just such a
Watch, and we believe that the vast army ol professional
men, clerks, mechanics, farmers and laborers, will appreciate
aoooD Watch ata low price which they can rely upon for
accurate time.
THE WATCH IS A GOOD TIME-KEEPER.
We are now, for the first time In the world's history, able to
furnish a low-priced, reliable watch, suitable for use on imll-
roads, steamers, by the farmer In the held, the mechanic at
the bench, the boy attending school or working on the farm,
ladles and others who make appointments and keep them.
HOW THEY ARE MADE AND WHY THEY ARE SO CHEAP.
This watch Is less complicated than other watches, contain
ing only fifty-six separate parts, while ordinary watches con
tain over one hundred. The parts are made by machinery,
operated by skilled artlslsns, which give these watrhesthe
THE WATCHES ARE TESTED BY THE MANUFACTURERS,
Who have one ol the largest and beat watch factories In the
world. Among tbe many rooms of the Immense Watcb
Factory Is a “Testing Room," where the watches are taken
when finished, nnd where the Inspector keeps them lor one
dard are sent out.
THE WATCH IS GIVEN AS A PREMIUM FOR
TEN SUBSCRIBERS AT REGULAR RATES.
We Guarantee the Safe Qolivery of the Watch to any Addresses, Postage
Paid by ns. Address, SOUTHERN WORLD,
Atlanta, Georgia.
Elegant Four Blade knife. Just the THING FOR LADIES OR GENTLEMEN. This beautiful pocket
knife we offer as n special Inducement for subscribers. We will send It as a premium for S subscribers. At is
sn extra line knife, made of the best steel, ornamented with German silver and highly Dollshed.lt usually
costs In stores IIA yet we furnish THIS HANDSOME KNIFE AND THE SOUTHERN WORLI> FOR
ONE YEAR FOR <1.35.
Give (he Knife ns a Premium far 3 Subscribers. Offer It for Sale at 75 cents.
aWFostage prepaid by us.
NEW AND liny POCKET KNIFE.
aKnrltNI r t a! r *& a !mrS » •‘"'t* bofEht by u» In targe quantities, and we believe It Is tbe BEST TWO
BLADE KNIFE IN THE WORLD. The blades are made ol tbe finest steel. One of them Is extra strong
for heavy woric. The bandies are lined with brass, and have a handsome German silver name plate ol beautb
f£lE? tlern ' e D <ta h *S e rnund corners and are Hnlshed alike with Uerman silver, highly polished, giving
them a remarkable Hne and attractive appearance. ’ ‘ " '■ 1
These knives give better satisfaction, are stronger, handsomer; and better made than knives sold In many
stores at JIAO each, and It to only by buying them In great quantities that we are enabled to offer them atn
low a price,
so I M n not , to r wear 3 the n p<K'ke'ts! rr,l,lted ,tron, luld P pr,ecl - mads ol best steel, with round corners at both ends,
DT> Given on » Premium for 3 .Subscribers. We Offer It for Sale for 75 eew’r
PRICh, Including I year's suhacriptlon to Bouthken Would, (1.25. Postage prepaid In each case by us.
XSIiEGANTT PEARL HANDLER KNIPE.
Given Al Ik Premium for 3 .Subscribers. We offer It for sale for 75 cents.
i elegant knife Is a perfect gem. It to made of Ike finest steel, baa two blades and an exquisite pearl
nd vrtll meet the wants of those who have been Inquiring lor tbe prettiest and handsomest knlfi
‘’use. It Is the very nicest ladles'knife In the market, and we assure yon It will pleas, all who
ladles' use. It la the very nicest
obtain It. Equal to those sold: In stores at (1A0 and (2.00.
PRICE, Including 1 year’s subscription to Southeom
knlle'for
msy
Wnnu. $i.2S. Postage prepaid In each case by ns.
JNO. D. CUNNINGHAM,
Attorney at Law,
ATLANTA, - - - GEORGIA.
A REMARKABLE OFFER.
To introduce goods and secure future patronage.
Anyone sending me IS cents and the addresses of 10
of their acquaintances, will receive by return mall an
elegant gold-plated, brayed Rb* ^
Mention this paper.} Buflklo, N. Y.
MnnRFs’q business
JUUUlUj UNIVERSITY,
Atlanta, Ga. A lire practical school. An
organized business community. Circulars
nulled VREg on application.
WMentlon this paper
ATTENTION, LUMBERMEN!
Your nnccCMH in business depends upon the
quality mid reliability of the machinery you
use. Machinery of the Iilgliext standard in
the market will consequently produce the most
effective results. Therefore, aso
“The Mansfield”
PORTABLE AND STATIONARY STEAM ENGINES
LARGE POWER
DOUBLE AND SINGLE CIRCULAR
SAW-MILLS,
PONY CIRCULAR SAW MILLS AND
MILL MACHINERY.
Illustrated Catalogues and Price-Lists Free by
Mall. Address
MANSFIELD MACHINE WORKS,
MANSFIELD, OHIO. *
a«* Mention this Paper.