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BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES PROM VARIOUS SOURCES. A Broken Heart-Only a Cyclone Just So—Why They Shud dered — A Domestic Scene, Etc., Etc. “Papa,” she said as the old man came in late, “young Mr. Sampson offered himself to me to-night and I refused him. And oh, papa, I am afraid his heart is broken.” “He told me about it,” said the old man. “Then you met him?” billiards “Yes, he is down at the Eagle playing .”—New York Sun. It. Was Only a Cyclone. “Did you ever see a cyclone?” “I should say so. Out iu Kansas last summer, while I was eating dinner, a cyclone came along and turned the house completely upside down. Nearly killed all of us.” “What did you think about it?” “Think? I think my wife had lost her temper again .”—Nebraska State Journal. Just So. Wife (pleadingly) do — “I’m afraid, George, used you do. not love me as well as you to ” Husband.—“Why?” W.—“Because you always let me get up to light the fire. ’’ H.—“Nonsense, my love! Your get¬ ting up to light the fire makes me love you all the more.” — Baton Courier. Why They Shuddered. “No, Mamie.” said the fair haired girl “I shall with an air love of him tender again. melancholy, never It is all over.” “How can you say so, Gertie? He is young, rich, loves you devotedly, and has such a beautiful, long, silken, heavv mustache-” “His mustache? O, don’t speak of it, I implore he you. had I saw him once, Mamie, just after taken a drink of butter¬ milk !” And the two friends shuddered at they sat close while together, looking silently in the fire, their shadows danced fitfully on the wall and the wind moaned dis¬ mally through the ghostly trees on the outside .—Chicago Tribune. A Domestic Keene. The young mother sat in a .’ow, easy rocker before the fire, her babe sleeping quietly on her knee, and, although all was fierce and blustering without, every¬ thing was reigned quiet and in co3y within. Gentle peace the household that night. dear,” said “Mv the lady, turning to her husband, who was calmly enjoying his evening paper, “isn’t it a curious thing they that going swans should sing just before are to die?” “No more so,” he replied, gazing at his infant’s face with anxious fear, “than that babies should smile just before they are colic.” going to raise the roof off with And presently all was fierce and blus¬ tering within .—New York Sun. A Little Off, A German professor was remarkably alsent-minded. Whenever he was busily engaged in his studio solving some ab struse problem, his wife was in the habit of bringing him his dinner. Disfavor ite dish was pancake and molasses. One day his wife brought him a large pancake and a jug of molasses, and went down intothe kitchen. Pretty soon she heard the professor ring his beli. “Why is it, Gretchen, that you bring me nothing to eat except molasses? Why have you brought me no pancake?” asked the absent.-mined professor. “Ach Himmel!” exclaimed the wife “you have tucked the pancake around your kin neck, thinkiug ' that it was a nap .”—Texas Siftings. Not to be Frightened. Tramp—“And and you bed won’t ?” give me the price Rich of Man—“If a supper I gave you and money, bed.” you would not use it forsupper T.—“You’re a rich man, ain’t you?” , R. M.—“Yes.” T.—“Well, dye know the says, its easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom ell, what of of Heaven?” it?” j{. m.—“W X.—“What of it? You’re a rich where do you expect to be when you’re dead?” H. M.—“Where do you expect to be?” T.—“In Heaven, of course. I’m poor.” R. M.—“Well, after I’m dead I’ll be as poor as you are. Good evening.”— Boston Courier. The World of Matter. “Into how many classes is matter divided?” asked a .Detroit teacher of a small boy Friday. “Three.” “What are they?” “Auimal, vegetable and mineral.” “Name an example of animal matter?” “Beef.” “Of vegetable?" lights.” “Electric “What do you mean by saying that electric lights are vegetable? Th at is nonsense.” “Well, I heard my father say that the city ought to buy an electric light plant and generate its own electricity.” During the progress of the same lesson a youngster, alter the lines defining fully the three kingdoms his had hand. been ex¬ plained. “What held is it, up Tom?” asked the teacher. “Please, what is hash ?”—Detroit Free Press. The Way to Brooklyn. A sun-burned old fellow, with an oil cloth travelling bag, was sitting house on a bench in the Fulton Ferry the other day. his Suddenly he arose from seat, and ac¬ costed quired a passing gentleman, in¬ : “Eh—kin you tell me what time the boat leaves?” “Why, there’s boats leaving every few minutes or so,” was the reply. “Every few minutes er so, hey? don’t W’l, whut’s the reason this boat start then?” “What boat?” “W’y, this ’ere boat.” “Man alive! This ain’t the boat; this is the ferry house!” “Yew—don’t—say sun-burue'd so!” slowly ejacu¬ lated the old fellow. “The ferry house,” he went on with a foolish smile, “An’ here I’ve been a-waitin’ three hours for the blamed thing to start for Brooklyn!” And he rubbed his chin reflectively and walked on.— Travelers' Magazine. A Great Mistake. “Why didn't you get up and give her your seat or permit me to give her mine?” said a woman to her husband. They had just got off a car. The wo¬ man's face expressed great anxiety of mind. “Why should we give her a seat?” the husband asked. “Just because she was so richly dressed, I suppose,” he added. “I s it; possible, that you did not know her: ’ the wife exclaimed, “Of course. well-dressed I am not supposed to kuow every woman who comes along.” she cook, and I “Oh, James, is our am afraid she will treasure up against us our lack of courtesy.” “Why didn’t you tell me?” the hus¬ band exclaimed. The woman did not reply, but trem¬ bling violently, leaned heavily upon his arm. — Arkansuw Traveler. A Change of Tune. “William!” said the old gentleman at the breakfast table, “Sir!” “I am not pleased to see you so much in the company of young Jobson. He is a dissipated young man, andlie gambles, I should prefer that you avoid his socie ty.” gambles, father, I lie “He suppose. ; can afford to. He has just made $100, 000 in the wheat corner. ” “Well—-still—-you had better be care ful.” i After a little while W illiam rises from ! the table. ' William’.” . > “Sir!” “If Mr. Jobson is disenaged dinner. this even j ingyoucan bring him up to Per \ haps a little good example may save him —and, William, you can just tell him something about the new mining com ’piny I am floating .”—San Francisco Chronicle. The United States heads the world in the matter of locomotive engines, with a horse-power of 7,-IOO,000. Then comes : England with 7,000,000, Germany with j 1 4,500,000, with 1,900,000. France 3,000,000 and Austria A YivM Picture of a Battle. A lad asked General Averill how he felt in his first battle, The general said: “Leaving out of consideration some twenty odd Indian fights in which I was engaged which I before wounded the war, and to be in obliged one of was so as io walk on crutches for nearly two years, I will state that my first fight was Bull Run, in 1861. My feeling on entering the battle was, as I saw the enemy hast¬ ening and to their useless position, that there was a great orime about to be com¬ mitted; the second, as I can remember the whizzing and hurtling of the first solid shot from the enemy through the trees and tearing along the ground, was of the fierce and terrible force of a ean non ball; next I was startled, amazed and horrified to see a man who had been hit on the head by a fragment of shell like springing about and shedding blood a chicken with its head just stricken off; after that wonder at the excitement, amounting chief to a kind of delirium, of our commanders, who galloped about yelling enough to any listen one about who would keep still to what the enemy were doing, and generally calling for re cnforcemeuts like frightened idiots; then the woful lack of a com¬ mander of our forces, with a headquart¬ ers, was felt; and, to skip to the last, un¬ controllable indignation and mortifica¬ tion at the failure of our army to win the battle, as with the rear we withdrew from the field. The only consolation to be found was to know that the enemy were not much, if any, better off than ourselves in efficient handling. I trust you will never be called upon to under¬ go such trying sensations,’' A stout old lady got out of a crowded omnibus the other day, exclaiming: “Well, that’s a relief anyhow.” To which the driver replied: “So the hosses thinks, mum.” The Correct Time. There are very few men who do not pride themselves and wonderful on always and delicate having the mechanisms correct time; are devised to enable them to do so. But the more delic ate a chronometer is made, the more sub¬ ject it becomes to derangement, and unless it be kept always perfectly clean, it soon loses its usefulness. Wha wonder, then, that the hu¬ man machine— o much more delicate an •; in¬ tricate than any work of Man—should require to be kept thoroughly cleansed. The liver is the main-spring of this complex structure,and on the impurities left in the blood by a disor¬ dered heir liver, depend most of the ills that flesh is to. Even consumption (which is lung scrofula), is traceable to the imperfect action o» sick this headache, organ. Kidney heart diseases, disease, dropsy, skin diseases, and a long rigin catalogue of grave sluggish maladies liver. have Pierce's their < in a torpid or Dr. Golden Medical Discovery, by establishing a healthy, and normal preventive action of these of the diseases. liver, acts as a cure In one week, 80,000 bushels ot Scotch potatoes were received at New York. No one can truthfully say that Catarrh is incurable who lias not tried Taylor’s Hospital Cure. Send to 264 B’way, New York, for fr ee pamphlet. Purity and Strength The former In the blood and the latter throughout the system, are neeessary to the enjoyment of per feet health. The best way to secure both is to take Hood's Sarsaparilla, which expels all impurities from the blood, rouses the kidneys and liver, over comes that tired feeling, and imparts that freshness to the body, which makes one feel perfectly well. “I have taken not quite a bottle of Hood’s Sarsa¬ parilla, and must say it is ono of the best medicines for giving an appetite, purifying the blood and regu iating the digestive organs, that I ever heard of. It did me a great deal of good.”—Mas. N, A. Stanley, Canastota, N. Y. Hood’s Sarsaparilla Prepared Sold by all druggists. $1; six for $5. only by C. I. HOOD & CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. IOO Doses One Dollar PATENTS 1 ington, D. C. Send for our book of Instructions. no c © “IlIiiSMiffl 31 SgifpfjffiliJlIfiK ifsars SI 4) ®aa®ii| BP lllllK!iI!l!-| |h| 15 | «LICKER*S“ None genuin* unless Don’t rubber coat FISH BRAND SLICKER stamped with tho above waste yonr money on a gum or The tbapb mark. is absolutely the^’FISH renter and m'n/i proof, and will keep you dry in tlio hardest storm. Ask for BRAND” slicker and take no other. If j our Ftorekcep< er does not have the “fish brand ’ send for descriptive c atalogue to A. J. TOWER . 20 Simmons Rk, Boston .Moss The best and sorest Remedy tor due of all diseases caused by any derangement of the Liver, Kidneys, Stomach and Bowels. Dyspepsia, Sick Headache, Constipation, Billons Complaints and Halariaof all kinds yield readily to the beneficent influence of It Is pleasant to the taste, tones np the system, restores and preserves health. It is purely Vegetable, and cannot fail to prove beneficial, both to old and young. S a Blood Purifier it is superior to all others. Sold everywhere at $1.00 a bottle. ELI’S CREAM BALM Cleanses the head of m FEVER m Allays Inflammation, I EL A LS the SO JRKS Restores the senses of Taste and Smell. lily Bros.,235 Greenwich St.,N.Y. w ANTED—’A MAN! CAN EARN A Salary from $100 to $200 a Month! We want a live, energetic man, who is not afraid ol work, in make every town the above in the Southern handling States. Such goods. a man No capital can required. Work amount, round. our We only hear from those the year want to who mean business. H. €. HUDGINS & CO.. Publishers. 33 S. Broad Street, ATLANTA, GA. SU&EF^ORT mCins YSTJIE TQUAlfITY PjfUiK. ■ PHMD^HIA^Send stamp fob Catalogue. --— - - BQhHBEQR - JSk R ||kIb | H®* gf ■*! m TUf It BOH THE mumavk I 1 -—---- Pkck’b Pawnt Iufbovbd Cvmonn , Ea* D*vut Perfectly Restore th» / * by H eari oolda, ng.^kether fevers lnjoriea the deafness to the i$ natural cau*$d or 5 mi drum*. in using pera Broadway, poaition. beard them. Invisible, distinctly. Write Music, 14th to comfortable, conversation, St., F. W® HISCOX, NevrYork* wtoto alway* 85X vrMa- thoi* Sat, cor. proofs. FREE. illustrated book of _ ir.STEVEHSalM. JEWELERS. Atlanta, Ga. Semi for Catalogue. I CURE FITS! When I say cure I do not moan merely to stop them tot a time and the a havethem return mean* EPS? STALLING™SICKNESS?life-longn’tudj. remedy the woret Beca I warrant my to enro cases. U80 others have failed is no reason for not and now Free receiving Bottle a cure. Send at once for a treatise a of my infallible remedy. Givo Express and Post Office. H. G. ROOT* M« C.. 183 Pearl St. New York. £5 ww Brewster ITnfsVt Safety £tib «S?B8W2? Kein Holder Co.. Holly, &a/ Mich, REE - <) Is D is worth $500 per lb. Pettit’s Eye Salve is IT wort h $1.000, but is sold at 25c. a box by dealers. A. N. V ......... .......Five. >88