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SHE MARRIED A SCIENTIST. Oh, she said she’ never marry any Tom, Dick and Harry, ; She’d wed soma famous scientist of learn - ing and renown; But her Tom was quite commercial, and of Agassiz and Herschel He was ignorant, she said, as any circus clown. So she gave poor Tom the mitten, and as meek as any kitten k He went to making money and forgot his wild despair; Forgot, I say; at any rate he hastened to de¬ generate Into a sordid business man, a trifling mill¬ ionaire. But she wed a scientific, and his tastes were quite terrific For various kinds of insects and for toads and other game; And instead of plaques and pictures, rattle¬ snakes and boa constrictors He’d take into his sitting room to ornament the same. As a zealous decorator he preferred an alli¬ gator To a statue of Minerva, or a bust of Henry Clay; And you ought to hear him talk awhile of his bouncing baby crocodile That he played with in his parlor just to while the time away; And his cobra di capello, a very charming fellow. Through dressing room and bedroom used to nonchalantly drift; And an elephant’s proboscis and two young rhinoceroses He presented to his children as a fitting Christmas gift. But he sold his wife’s piano to buy ipecacu¬ anha To feed his hippopotamus to ease his stom ach aches, And a shark ate up his baby, for you know how hungry they be, And he went and pawned his overcoat to feed his rattlesnakes. — Yankee Blade. ! PITH AND POINT. Ill-fitting garments—I.aw suits. When a man is attacked by a bull¬ dog which he turns to stone, does the dog become a petrifaction?— Yonkers 'Gazette. The woman suffrage movement in this country is forty years old, and there aro some women who have courage to ad¬ mit that they helped start it. “What a picturesque little cottage! Swiss A veritable Swiss chalet.” “A shall he, do you call it? To my mind it’s more like an Irish shan’t he.” “ He’s a perfect stick— The silliest kind of catch." “ And she’s all brimstone— Both will make a match.” — Harper's Bazar. “There is no virtue in vinegar,” says a scientist. None, eli? It does what many so-called men do not do—supports Mepub its aged mother .—Binghamton lican. The bagpipes were invented by the Romans, says a recent writer, and not ■ by the Scotch. If this is true, it relieves the Scotch of a serious responsibility.— Boston Courier. Father (Sunday morning)—“Wake church!” up, John. It’s time to go to Voice from up stairs—“Yes, father, but whats the use? I can sleep just as well here.”—Siftings. Robinson—“How about that note I hold of yours, Brown? I’ve got it so long that whiskers are beginning to grow it on it.” ’Brown- “Why don’t you get shaved, then?”— Harper's Bazar. Once cooking was the proper th ing, mad; Then Browning drove the women Poor Buddha's gone to fold his fad. wing— But whistling is the coming —Boston Courier. “Bob, you say that you believe most diseases are contagious. How long have you entertained such notions?” “Ever since I sat alongside of a blue-eyed girl the and caught the palpitation of heart.” Utah is knocking loudly for admission into the Union. Nothing should avail except a ticket inscribed as was Artemus Ward’s free passes to his lecture on the Mormons: “Admit hearer and one wife.” — Siftings. THE NEW OIKE. “ You may wake us,” the mistress said, “ When the coffee’s on, and the I table spread.” The new girl answered: “If be late In ain’t gettin’ up, ye needn't wait; I pertikeler whin I ate." —Detroit Free Press. The Lessons of “linser Fritz” Case The greatest doctors in Europe Fritz.” don’t seem to known what ails “Unser Thus are the Garfield and Grant “expert” episod es repeated, and public confidence in medical The effect knowledge is revulsion. is a ;am shaken. a Since the fatal days of 1883 many of the doctrines of tne schoolmen concerning ex¬ tensive medication have been abandoned, and al! schools of practice are more and more relying upon old-fashioned simple root and herb preparations and careful nursing—the only These reliances methods known and-reliances to our ancestors. il.ustrated are to-day in a series of old-fashioned roots and herbs preparations recently proprietors given to the of world by the well-known Warner’s safe cure—preparations made from formula; possessed by many of our oldest families, and rescued for popular use, and is¬ sued under the happy designation of War¬ ner’s “My Log Cabin exclaimed Remedies. venerable to the son,” when a boy, “my sou,you’re woman writer he was a needin’ yeller aud pale good and shaking weak like lookin’, with you’re a up some sas’paril’." A jug of spring sarsaparilla was necessary in the “winter Darrei supplies” of pork, years ago as was authority a that th famous medical says general prevalence of the use of such a prep¬ aration as health Log Cabin Sarsaparilla ancestors. explains the rugged of our While Warner’s Log Cabin Sarsaparilla of the is an excellent remedy for all seasons year, it is particularly valuable in the spring, and when the system is full of sluggish blood requires a natural constitutional tonic and invigorator to resist colds and pneumonia, Philo M. and the effects of a long winter. Parsons, clerk of the City Hotel of Hartford, Conn., was prostrated with a cold which, he I said, “seemed to settle through my body. neglected it and the result was my blood be¬ came impoverished and poisoned, indicated by inflamed eyes. I was treated, but my eyes grew worse. I was obliged to wear a shade over them. I feared that I would be obliged to give up work.” Warner's Log “Under the operation of Cabin Sarsaparilla and Liver Pills,” he says, “the sore and inflamed eyes disappeared. condition My blood, I know, is in a healthier I have much than it has been for years. a bitter appetite. I shall take several more bottles for safety’s sake. Warner's Lo ! Cabin Sarsaparilla is a great purifier aud most A few heartily bottles recommend of Warner’s it^’ Log Cab'n Sar¬ saparilla week used of in sickness the family and now will dollar save many a This many a oldest, of bills. Use no other. is the most thoroughly tested, and the best, is put up in tho largest sarsaparilla bottle on the market, containing 120 doses. There is no other preparation of similar name that can equal it. The name of its manufacturers is a guarantee of its superior worth. While the great doctors wrangle over the technicalities of an advanced medical science that cannot cure disease, such simple untime¬ prepa¬ rations yearly snatch millions from ly graves. Secret of the Sphinx. ought An undertaking yield has been begun which to results of special interest. This is the removal of sand from round the sphinx. The sphinx occupies a po¬ sition whore 'the encroachment of the desert is most conspicuous. At the present day nothing is to be seen of the animal except its head and neck; but the old Egyptian monuments on winch it is figured down show not only but the entire body to the paws, also a large square plinth beneath,covered with orna¬ ments. Since the time of the Greeks, pc:haps, even since disappeared the reign of George IV., sand this plinth has beneath the and its existence had been forgotten. It hewn is generally supposed that the sphinx is out of a large, isolated rock which overlooked the pain; but AL Maspero’s researches suggest that it is a work still more stupendous. Ho has proved that the sphinx occupies the cen¬ ter of an amphitheatre, forming a kind of rocky basin, the upper rim of which is about on a level with the head of the ani¬ mal. The walls of this amphitheatre, whenever visible, are cut by the hand of man. It seems probable, therefore, that in the beginning there was a uniform surface of rock in which an artificial vat ley has been excavated, so as to leave in the middle a block out of which the sphinx was finally hewn. Tho excava¬ tions nowbeing existence carried on will doubtless verify the of the plinth shown on the old partings, and also furnish evidence, by the ornamentation of the pliuth, of the true age of the monument. M. Maspero is inclined to assign it to a very great antiquity—possibly dynasties—that higher than the early is. than the result first period of last of winter's Fgypt an history. As the work, the sand round the sphinx thirty has already been lowered by about meters.— London Academy. “W 11 . 1 . 1 E,” said the fond mother, “I wish you wouldn’t associate so much with Robbie Goorgeson. He slang.” is greatly ad¬ dicted to the use of low “That’s a fact, mother,” said the bright little boy, with engaging frankness. “It isn’t my fault, though. I’ve tried a dozen .times to give him the cold shake, but the blamed chump wouldn’t tumbK” The Fires We Have to Fight. “Do you know how half the most dangerous fires start?” asked an old fireman. A woman had just gone into the basement with a wooden box filled with hot ashes. “Well, that wo¬ man illustrates it to perfection. They will put ashes in a box or barrel and then take them down to the cellar. The first thing you know a live coal in the ashes sets fire to the barrel, and then you have an awful lot of smoke that maybe suffocates somebody. “Then again, it makes a fire bad for the fireman to fight, for they cannot lo¬ cate it. It is down a cellar, and the cel¬ lar is filled with smoke. I tell you the firemen use plenty of ‘cuss’ words when they are called to a fire like that. Always put ashes in a tin vessel,” and a passing car carried the speaker away toward the quarters of his engine com¬ pany.—JV. T Telegram. In Breslau, a chimney 54 feet in height has been constructed entirely of blocks of paper, joined with a special cement. The chimney is now uninflammable, and, by the nature of the material, quite se¬ cure from lightning. A Pleasure Shared by Women Only. clared Malherbe, that the gifted French author, de¬ of all things that man possesses, women alone take plea-urein being possessed. This seems generally true of the sweeter sex. Like toe ivy plant, she longs for an object to cling This to and love—to look to for protection. be told being that her Dr. prerogative, ought she not to Pierce’s Favorite Prescription is the physical salvation of her sex? It banishes those distressing maladies that make her life a bur,ten, curing all painful irregular¬ ities, uterine disorders, inflammation and ul¬ ceration, prolapsus and kindred weaknesses. As a nervine, it cures nervous exhaustion, and prostration, hypochondria, debility, relieves mental anxiety and promotes refreshing sleep. Even the weakest man is strong enough to enforce his conviction. Consumption Surely Cured. To the Editor:—Please inform your readers that I have a positive remedy for the above named disease. By its timely use thousands of hopeless cases have been permanently cured. I shall be glad to send two readers bottles who of my ha remedy fhee to any of your ve con sumption if they will send me their Express and P. O. address. Respectfully, T. A. SLOCUM, M. C.. 181 Pearl St.. N. Y. There are 392,160 persons in New York city who do not speak English. Consumption, Scrol'uln, General Debility, Wasting Diseases of Children, Chronic Coughs and Bronchitis, can he cured by Liver the uee of Scott’.' Emulsion of Pure Cod Oil with Hypophosphites. Prominent physicians use it and testify to its great value. Please read the following: “I used Scott’s Emul¬ sion for an obstinate Cou§:h with Hemorrhage, Loss of Appetite, Emaciation, Sleeplessness, <kc. All of these have now left, and 1 believe your Emulsion has saved a case of well devel¬ oped Lone Star, Consumption.”—T. Texas J. Findley, M.D., Farmers and others who have a little leisure time for the next f*w months will find it their interest to write to B. F. Johnson & Co., of I >: c!miond, Va., whose advertisement appears in another column. They otter great ind uce merits to persons to work for them all or part or' tli'eir time. ^JACOBS Oil RHEUMATISM. Corroborative ami Conclusive Testimony. Lowell, Mass., July 9, 1887. —Gentlemen:--Mr. Lewis Dennis has Jnst called upon me, and informs me that the boy Orin Robin¬ son, who was a poor cripple on crutches, and wat cured by St. Jacobs Oil in 1881; the cure has remained permanent. The young man has beer and is now at work at manual labor; the cas* certainly proves the efficacy of St. Jacobs Oil. DR. GEO. C. OSGOOD, M. D Sold. by Druggists and Dealers Evcrjnchcre. Ch.'irlos A. Vo«rolcr Co., Palto.. Md. $50 Gold the first Watch naming the Given to person J shortest book in the Bible b9 f'-rojrmel. 2nd, a $25 Silver Watch. To next 35, $5 Nicktf > Watch**. Next 75, eleg int v-l/El'G iarnct or Persian Hubv set. 4}/ rolled-gold send Rings. 25c.-(silver Ka n per '/// boo. must for choice -of or st. mpd, rolled-gold wedding, tine heavy, and illustrated or two heart JEWELRY rings, postage CO., on Atlanta, l Georgia. catalogue. 1IAU.T every county in the Southern States. Such a mancan make the above amount, handling our goods. No ,uutNs capital gift: .sii^r^!A^-jy fiiyMCDQ t* i IV awi. 080 iv bSlVI by bordering for \V:i*!>n of the Scales, Chicago can Scaje save one-lialf. or other more, useful articles, at lean than wholesale Co. 1,0110 Lra $100 to $300 Uva^kK PMr ^i SIrB.T5oHN: Sol" VMs p ta SON & CO.. 1013 Main at, Rlchm nil, Va. CO U3 to $S a day. Samples worth *1.50, FREB Lines not under the horse's feet, write BrowRter Safety Relh Holder Co.. Holly, Mich. Gr ° rtfs*!®?ts'd lb. Pettit’s Eye Self# is at 25c. a box by dealers. gaafeg teiiEEi A rare gift for fbo ladies, Barm much money aud secure the best! Every lady . knows and appreciate*, A the privilege of luv jja H Inga ribbon, few handy remnant* for the of W thousand and ony tasty and u * e (nr. B purposes for w hid I such good s a. * i;S aK used, and Whir* [S| they. uae’io Mi U o ladle* »ui advau L9i tage. To purebaae whit i* wanted at the usual prices ! •old such goods for, would are create m large bill of expense, and therefore debars a greut many from indulging their lea in thi* direction. Realiz¬ ]]* ing werer-thousand* that there r «~ __ thousands of upon rib rum non Is of ~ ^1»W04 mBBM ™ boas among t b o fl W a W B HM tea largo houses tmporiing America f w v of which they would be willing to dispose ofIn bulk, for a small fraction of their cost, to any one capable of purchasing largely, we instituted a search, resulting in our obtaining the entire stock of Silk and Satin Jtilslson Item mints of several of the largest of these houses, who imported (he finest goods. These goods may bedepended upon as superior to anything to be found, except In the very beat stores of America. Yet they are given away free; nothing like it ever known. A grand benefit for all the • ladies; beautiful,elegant, choice goods absolutely free. We have expended thousands of dollars in this direct Ion, and rib cam oiler a a immensely, varied, and most complete assortment of of - bon*, in every conceivable shade and width, and all excellent quality, adapted dress for trimmings, neck-wear, eilk bonnet quilt strings, work, bat etc., trimmings, Some bows, scarfs, and upwards etc. In length. of these remnants range three yards Though remnants, all the patterns are new and late styles, and may be depended on as beautiful, refined, fashionable etui ele¬ gant. Howto get n box contnining a Complete Free. Assortment of thess elegnnt ribbons The .Practical Iloa»ekec|»cr stud Ladies* Fireside Companion, published monthly to' the by best us, is peri¬ ac¬ knowledged, by those competent world. to judge, be handsomely il¬ odical of the kind in the Very large and lustrated ; regular price 75cts. per year; aend 35 cents and wo will send send it it to to you you for fora a trial trial year, year, and will 1 also also send send free free a a box of >fthe the ribbons; ribbons; 3 2 subscription subscriptions and 2 boxes, U5 cts.; 4 subscriptions and 4 boxes, t. One-cent postage stamps may be sent for less than $1. Get 3 friends a to join $1; you do thereby it in get- few ting 4 subscriptions and 4 boxes 1 for o nly can a minutes. The above offer is based on this this fact .-—tliose wlio read the periodical referred to, for one year, want w it thereafter, and pay us the full price for it; it is in after years, and not now, e make money. We make this great offer in order to i secure 250,01)0 new subscribers, who, not now, but next id in year* thereafter, shall reward us with a profit, be ,he majority of them will wish to renew their subscrip nd will do so. The money required is but a small fraction price you would have to pay at any store for a much am ■ assortment of far inferior appreciate ribbons. until Best bargain ever all. kn _nown; you will not fully it after you sec 6afe delivery guaranteed. Money refunded to any one not per¬ fectly satisfied. Better cut this out, or aend at once, for prob¬ ably it won t appear again. Address, Portland, Maine H. HALLETT k cO., Publishers, !S»g r 4 ! f r 1 t.T W.L. DOUGLAS $3 SHOE. F0K GENTLEMEN. The only flue calf $3 Senm 1 She e in t’le world made without tucks or nuils. and At stylish and durable a; those costing $5 or So, having no lacks or nails to wear the stocking or h’trfc the feet, makes them as comfortable ana None well fitting genuine H3 a han l sewed shoe. Buy the best. un¬ less stamped on bottom “W. L, Douglas $3 Shoe, wavran anted.” W. L. DOUGLAS welt 94 SHOE* which the original custom and only han l sewed $4 shoe, $3. e*iua.s made shoes costing from $(i to W. I,. DOUGLAS S*.50 SHOE Is unex¬ celled for heavy wear. W. I„ DOUGLAS *3 SHOE In is worn worn'. by all Boys, aud Is the best school shoe the All the above goods are mode In Congress, dealer, Button welts and Lace, and If not sdi by your VV. I,. IMIl iaAS. O-nekfen. Mas,. o Tho BUYERS’GUIDE is issued March and Sept., each year. It is an ency¬ clopedia of useful infor¬ mation for nil who pur¬ chase the luxuries or the necessities of life. We can clothe you and furnish you with all the necessary and unnecessary appliances to ride, walk, dance, sleep, eat, fish, hunt, work, go to church, or stay at home, and in various sizes, styles and quantities. Just figure out what is required to do all theso things COMFORTABLY, and you can make a fair estimate of the value of the BUYERS’ GUIDE, which will be sent upon receipt of 10 cents to pay postage, MONTGOMERY WARD & CO. 111-114 Michigan Avenue, Chicago, III. CURE'tkDEAF Pock’s Patbnt Imfrovxd Cushions© E*a Dxvvb Perfectly Restore the Hearing,whether the deafness Is caused by cold*, fever* or injuries to the natural % m imsmegB dram*. in podtloa. Invisible, Music, comfortable, conversation, always wills HERBRAND FIFTH WHEEL. iSttSSSR Improvement. HERB HAND CO., IrMuont, O. A. N. U........ • 1 It* ..........Fifteen, ]86