Newspaper Page Text
KNOXVILLE JOURNAL.
KNOXVILLE, GEORGIA.
At the recent New York Methodist
Conference a promise was exacted from
candidates for the ministry to wholly
abstain from the use of tobacco.
Almost every American craft which
goes to sea now carries oil to smooth the
troubled waters, and there is hardly a
week in which it does not save some ves¬
sel from foundering.
The Chinese of Tacoma, Washington
Teriitory, import from Alaska every few
months big boxes full of dried bears’
paws, from which they make a medicine
similar to their dried lizard tonic. Bear's
gall which sells at $10 a pound, is also in
great demand among them.
The electric motor for street cars has
passed the experimental stage, asserts
the Detroit Free Press. It has been tried
in Boston and proved a marked success,
drawing a car at the rate of from twelve
to fifteen miles an hour with ease, and
ascending grades without difficulty. It
is claimed that the car can be run eight¬
een hours with but two changes of the
storage battery. If this is true, and it is
also true that the cost is less than horse
power, the street-car horse is doomed.
The late Emperor William, of Ger¬
many, during his lifetime saw disappear
from the scene six Popes, eight Emper¬
ors, fifty-two Kings, six Sultans, and
twenty-one Presidents. Four of these
are still alive, but the remaining eighty
nine are dead. Kaiser Wilhelm pos¬
sessed, among other virtues of the
Hohenzollerns, that of economy. With¬
out falling into the sordid avarice of
Frederick the Great, he knew how to
reckon, and succeeded in raising the
fortune of his house, which was at one
time very small.
“A curious scheme has been devised
for utilizing the water-power of Niagara
Falls,” says the American Architect.
“The mam feature of the plan consists
of the construction of a tunnel, by which
water is to be taken from some distance
up the river toward Lake Erie, carried
under the town of Niagara, and dis¬
charged into the channel of the river
below the falls. It is calculated that out
of the seven million horse-power which,
it is said, the river can supply, one hun¬
dred and nineteen thousand can easily
be diverted by the tunnel and utilized to
drive a series of turbine wheels, 238 of
which, each affording 500 horse-power,
will supply as many miles with a motive
force which will be unaffected by the
weather, cheap and perpetual. The cost
of the tunnel and wheel-pits is estimated
at $3,000,000.”
Whatever be the result of the marriage
between the Indian Chaska and his pious
white school mistress out in Dakota,
remarks the New York Sun, it is evident
that he has got a wife who puts in prac¬
tice the most advanced ideas of the
rights of her sex. According to the
reports that come by telegraph, she
carried on the courtship by which he
was won; she gave him gifts in proof of
her attachment; she presented him with
a gold wedding ring, upon which both
of their names were engraved; she took
him out to walk; she manifested her
affection in public; she aided in his
education, and it is alleged that she even
went so far as to offer to work for his
support. There was thus a complete
reversal of the customs that are ordinarily
practised in the matrimonial market, and
the rights of women were asserted in a
way which can be justified only by
recalling the glorious fact that this is
leap year. ■r
BUDGET OF FUS.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES PROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A Cold Day—Ho Will See if. Later—
Innocence Imposed On—Two
Busy for That—Etc., Etc.
The poet in front of the editor stood
And said, with a little cou^h:
“I thought I would bring vou a little thing—
A thing I have just dashed oil) ”
The editor rose from his ivory chair.
With passion his features wrought:
“I want no things that are ‘just dashed off,’
I want the resuits of thought.”
Ho closed with a snap his ebony desk,
The poet he rudely gripped,
And bearing his load, to the street below,
The editor blithely tripped.
He staggered 1 eneath the weight ho bore,
But bravely kept his feet;
He carried the bard to the lower floor
And dashed hitn into the street.
A stranger passing, the act observed;
“Why, what is the row?” said he;
The editor said: “’Tis a little thing
I have just dashed off, you see.
—Boston Courier.
He Will See It Later.
Clerk—“I worked off some of that
packed butter to-day.”
Grocer—“Indeed! Whom did you
send it too?”
Clerk—“Mrs. Blank, around on Dash
street.”
Grocer—“Great guns! Why, I board
With her ."—Detroit Free Press.
Innocence Imposed Upon.
Cal’er (to Bobby, in his first trousers)
— “Those are nice trousers, Bobby, for
a little boy.”
Bobby (proudly)—“They ain’t boy’s
trousers. Ma says they are regular
men’s trousers.”
Caller—“Are they?”
from Bobby—“Yes, indeed; they’re made
an old pair of pa’s.”— Neu> York
Sun.
Too Busy for That.
Brown—“How is business with vou, ’
Dumley?”
doing Dumley—“Slow, all.” very slow; nothing
at
Brown—“How about that little bill I
sent you three months ago?”
haven’t Dumley—“Well, to tell the truth, I
had time to look it over.”—
Tidbits.
Indispensable.
“I hear that they are going to have
donkey party at B——’s, ” said a Parson
ville man to his neighbor.
“ So I understand,” was the reply;
“ arc you going ?”
“ Of course I am,” said the Parsonville
man; without “they couldn’t have the party
me.”
And he couldn’t quite make out what
the other fellow was laughing at.— St.
Albans Messenger.
What Would Stop Them.
A particularly vigorous speaker at
woman’s rights meeting waving her long
arms like the sails of a windmill, asked :
“If the women of this country were to
rise up in their thousands and march to
the polls I should like to know what
there is on this earth that could stop
them ?” And in the momentary silence
which followed this peroration a still,
small voice remarked:
“A mouse 1”
He Got It Right.
cred Pompous history)—“What Old Teacher (to class in sa¬
weapon did Sam¬
son use to kill the Phillistines ?”
No one remembers.
P. O. T. (who believes in suggesting
answers, touching his chin)—“ What is
this ?”
Bright Boy (who takes the hint and
remembers it all now)—“The jawbone of
an ass, sir.”
Circus, in which P. O. T. and B. B.
(are principals.— Judge.
Wanted a Change of Diet.
Hotel Waiter (in Southern California)
baked. “Orangesrawslicedquarteredste ” wed f rider
’em Guest in (desperately)—“I don’t want
tatoes. ” any shape. I want meat and po¬
“Meat?”
“ Yes, meat.”
“Potatoes?”
“ Yes, potatoes.”
Waiter to the proprietor afew moments
later)—“Send is. <Ju for the police; YYorlX. crazy man
ilsi-g-rcam.— Omaha
His Literary Occupation.
Literary Young Lady—“ You have
traveled considerably, I believe, Mr.
Flagpole? I ” have.”
“ Yes,
“ Have you met many authors in your
travels? ”
“ Yes. In fact, Pm an author myself.”
“Indeed? How delightful. l)o you
belong to the realistic school? ”
“ Yes.”
“Name some of your books, please.”
“ Why, 1 compiled the last city direc¬
tory for one .”—Omaha World.
A Groat. Legal Victory.
During a lull in the trial of a case in
Kingston the other day several lawyers
were relating their experience trying
cases. One of them told how he tried a
case in the country against, another law¬
yer.
“AVhat success?”
“ Oh, I beat them.”
“ How much judgment did you get? ”
“Not any.”
“How did you beat them, then?”
“Umph! My client beat them on the
execution.”
Almost Given Away.
Prospective Buyer—“You’re sure
there's no malaria here?”
Real Estate Agent—“Not a s-s-sign of
it.”
“No chills and fever?”
“Ain’t b-b-b-been none in t-t-t-t (ex¬
cuse me) twenty year.”
“Look here, my friend, what makes
you tremble sol”
Agent (as another wave of shakes
passes over him)—“I was a a-afraid you
were g g-goin’ away without b-b-buyin’,
sir.”
Not Much of a Girl.
An Austin mother was very much
discouraged at the dirty condition of her
boy's cap when the children came home
from a walk.
“How did you come to get your hat
so dirty?” angrily asked the mother.
“A boy pulled it off my head in the
street and threw it in the mud.”
“That’s not so, ma; he (threw the cap
in the mud himself,” interrupted his
little sister.
“Well, I am a boy, ain’t I? If I am
a girl I’d like to know it.”— Siftinqs.
A Peculiar Case.
A. —'“I was never worse fooled in my
life than I was last night.”
B. —“How so?”
“I had been out on a little toot with
the boys, and I went to bed rather late.
Blamed if, when I woke up, my feet
weren’t cn the pillow where my head
should have been. ”
“That was rather strange.”
about “But that wasn’t the the strangest thing
it. All during night I suffered
with headache, when really there was
nothing the matter with me except that
my corns hurt. ’’— Siftings.
A Good Reason Why.
They had been talking of the sharp
games played on innocent people by
sharp said: men, when Green looked up and
“Gentlemen, I don’t brag about my
wife being sharper than a razor, but I’ll
tell you what I’ll do. I’ll write a note,
sign it with my own name, and ask her
to deliver my Sunday suit to bearer for
repairs. and You may send it she’ll up to the
house, I’ll bet you $5 be too
sharp “We’ll to let the that clothes go.” called
take bet,” two or
three voices, and there being five of
them, they chipped in and a dollar apiece. and
The note was written signed
despatched by a messenger boy. In half
an hour he returned, empty-handed as
to clothes, but having a note which
read:
“Come off the the perch. world All the clothes
you have in are on your
back.”
“Gentlemen,” said the winner, as he
pocketed his fiver, “let me recommend
it to you as something which always
wins, and as I must meet a man at
3 o’clock, I will now bid p*» >u good
day.”
A Puzzle,
There’s one thing I don’t understand;
That It really seems to last me night so queer should
my mamma dear.” say,
“Be sure and always mind, my
And when I got that dreadful fall
This very morning, from cuddle a chair,
Should pick me up and me,
And pat my cheeks, and smooth my hair.
And press her face down close to mine,
That I might hear her whisper, kind—
The while she kissed my tears away— mind I”
“There, there I my —Foufi’ih darling; 'JOMfX&'iZU never
The Late Sultan of Zanzibar.
The death of the Sultan of Zanzibar
is a bad thing for British influence on the
east coast of Africa, declares the New
York Sun, and may cause friction with
Germany, those which has been very active in
regions of late. The Sultan years
ago had a misunderstanding with Eng¬
land about the slave trade, and’narrowly
escaped bling having his palace brought tum¬
about him by shells from British
men-of-war anchored in his own harbor.
Lately he saw the error of his ways, and,
while winking at human traitic, took no
overt part in it. His physicians and
the commander-in-chief of his queer
army were Englishmen, and he was fond
of giving dinners in what his chef was
pleased to style Eng ish fashion. He
would freely lend horses and carriages to
officers of Britith men-of-war, and the
humblest midshipman was always sure of
a good time when ashore at Zanzibar. The
Sultan must have died rich, for he en¬
joyed an income of over amiliion dollars
a year, and used to let his idle war ships
on hire as freight steamers. He also made
a good thing out of the religious fervor of
his subjects, by conveying from Zanzibar
to .Jeddah in his own steamers the pil¬
grims bround for holy Mecca. The
Sultan was a free and easy sort of Mus¬
sulman, but he didn’t allow the new¬
fangled conscience European docrine members of liberty his of
to apply his to managed of
own family. One of sisters
to elope with a German employed in a
in a mechanic’s office at $;0 a week.
She became a Christian, and was left a
widow almost destitute. Over and over
again the poor Princes applied for help
to her royal brother, but he refused either
to see her or forgive her.
A Co-Operative Community.
The Amana community in Iowa, in¬
cluding a population of about 2000, is an of
interesting illustration of the success
co-operative effort among thrifty Ger¬
mans. The settlement was begun in
1855 and the colony now owns 2(5,000
acres of land. The land forms a single
township and the people are grouped in
seven villages. Each and village is a definite social
and industrial unit, has a
area assigned The to it for cultivation and
pasturage. government of the colony
affairs, as a whole, is invested in a Board
of thirteen trustees, while each village
has its Board of Elders, varying in num¬
ber from seven in the smallest to eighteen
in the largest. The central institution
in each village is the “ store,” which is
a large general retail establishment dry goods,
carrying groceries, and drugs, hardware,
clothing, Its hats is caps, &c.
bookkeeping very elaborate, for,
except in do dealings ordinarily with outsiders, the
colonists not use money.
Everything is done by a system of ac¬
counts which are kept at the “store.”
The blacksmith shop and the carpenter
shop have accounts against the farm de¬
partment which are duly recorded on the
village books. Every family or adult
has an account at the “store," certain
by credits the elders being apportioned the to,all members of
at commencement
each year, which are drawn against by
purchassers. Boarding-houses furnish
meals to members in each village in
groups of from forty to fifty each. Houses
are assigned shelter to families for by the The elders,
who provide all. com¬
munity conduct a number of mills and
manufacturing enterprises. —Pittsburf
Dispatch.
Queer Sign-Posts for Streets.
Formeily all the streets in Merida were
distinguished images in a manner peculiar to
Yucatan, by of birds or beasts set
up at the corners, and many still retain
the ancient sign, says a correspondent of
the Manchester Lnion. For example,
the street upon which we are living is
called La Calle del Flamingo, because of
a huge red flamingo painted on the
corner house. Another is known as the
street of the Elephant, and the repre¬
sentation of it is an exaggerated animal,
with curved trunk and a body as big as
a barrel. There is the street of the Old
Woman, and on its corner is the carica¬
ture of an aged female, with huge spec¬
tacles astride her nose. The street of
the Two Faces has a double-faced human
head; and there are others equally strik¬
ing. The reason for this kindergarten
sort of nomenclature was because when
the streets were named the great mass of
inhabitants were Indians who could not
read, and therefore printed signs would
have been no use to them,but the picture
of a bull, a flamingo or an elephant they
could not mistake.
Mackerel are found in all northern
1 sirs. Thev are caught in.long nets,___