Newspaper Page Text
Ill i
KNOXVILLE. GEORGIA.
A canal across Italy is being planned,
to connect the Adriatic and the Mediter¬
ranean.
Ventura, Cal., evidently wishes to at¬
tract Boston emigrants. There are just
COOO acres in one bean field out there.
The scarcity of halibut in the Atlantic
fishing grounds have compelled fisher¬
men to go to the Pacific Ocean, where
these fish can be taken in immense num¬
bers. They are now being shipped East
in refrigerator cars over the Northern
Pacific, and the business promises to be¬
come a great industry.
Senator Sonza Queiroz, of Brazil, has
not appeared in the Senate for forty
years, and his salary, which he has not
drawn, now amounts to $923,199.53,
including interest at seven per cent.
The salary is calculated at $3000 per
annum from 1848 to 1873, and $9000 pet
annum since the last named date.
A correspondent reports that Hamdi
Bey, director of the Museum at Con¬
stantinople, intends to visit Smyrna,
Asis Minor, and order a careful search
to be made for the remaining portions
of the statue of Apollo, of which the
head and arms were recently unearthed
by a peasant. It is said that for the
head alone the sum of 150,000 francs has
been offered by the Turkish Government.
The statue was uot in one piece, the
head and arms having been attached to
the body in a most skillful manner.
President Willits, of the Agricultural
College of Michigan, while he disputes
the exercise of a direct influence of forests
in promoting moisture—saying that all
the trees in the world will not put it
where it is not—believes that the mois¬
ture on the continent is advancing to.
ward the west, and that the planting of
forests and increased cultivation will
cause the rainfall to advance farther west
every year. Seven hundred thousand
acres of forest have already been planted
in Nebraska; the cotton-wood and the
willow first, and then the soft maple and
the hard woods.
The operations of the New Orleans
Mint last year proved to be the greatest
since the establishment has been built;
the records show that $2,000,000 more
we;e coined than ever before in one year.
The following are the figures:
Amonnt of silver operated upon
during fiscal year ended June
30, J 838, standard ounces....... 19,873,211
Amount of gold operated upon.... 33,796
S. S. dollars, coined............... $11,800,000
Gold eagles, coined (§10).......... 135,000
Total expenses during the year..... 189,150
Number of males employed, 110; num¬
ber of females employed, 47; average
cost of silver bullion per standard ounce
$0.8640.
The rural letter-carriers in Germany
are an mduatrious class of public serv
auts. According to the statistical ac¬
count of the Postal Department the
aggregate number of pieces of postal
matter distributed in the rural districts
was, in round figures, 323,000,000. Of
these, about 34,000,000 pieces were
called for at the respective post-offices,
and the remaining 289,000,000 pieces
delivered by 23,500 carriers, who, to ac¬
complish the work, had to travel an ag¬
gregate distance of 176,294,624 kilo¬
meters. This make3 a daily travel of
483,000 kilometers, equal to 05,094 geo¬
graphical miles—in other words, daily
more than twelve times, and annually
-4000 times the circumference of the
earth. -v. -n
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCE&
A Dignified Courtship — Another
Day Begun—A Check was
What He Wanted—His
First Trip, Etc.
A pretty Boston school ma’am
And a youth of mien sedatS
Were parting in the evening
Beside the garden gate.
His hand and heart he’d offer'
In a grave and sober way,
And she with quiet dignity
Had named the happy day.
He lingered at the gate with'
And said in accents low:
‘‘Therms I wou.d a ask little before favor I
go.
“A favor never asked before.
Sweet maiden, it is this:
A lover’s privilege, that is all,
A sweet betrothal kiss.”
“If you wait,” the maiden whispered,
With her color rising high,
“Till I remove my spectacles
I’ll willingly comply.”
—Boston Courier.
Another Day Begun.
“Hush!” he whispered, with a warn¬
ing gesture. “Isn’t that the night
watchman’s rattle?”
“No, Mr. Sampson,” replied the girl,
suppressing grinding a yawn, “that is the cook
the coffee for breakfast.”—
Time.
A Check Was What He Wanted.
Irate Father (to his wild son)—“Your
extravagance, Son sir, must be checked!
faction)— (smiling his gratitude and satis¬
“Thank you, father. Sit right
down and write the check now.—Sift¬
ings.
His First Trip.
At a hotel hop—Young lady to dude
—“Have you danced much this even¬
ing?”
“Ah, no; this is my first trip.”
“So I see,” remarked the young lady
as the dude tripped over a long train
and sprawled on the floor .—Hotel Mail.
The Sian Was Right.
that . Long Island Farmer—“Don’t you see
sign, and what it says?”
Pat Chogue “How can I, when it’s
out ov me soight?”
Farmer—“It says: ‘No Fishing on
These Grounds. i ii
Pat—“Be gobbs, it’s roight 1 Nary a
wan have I caught at all.”
She Got One.
Angelica—“Tell me, Augustus, what
are those funny little boats the fisher¬
men have?”
Augustus—“They are smacks.”
“How cute they are! How I should
like to have a little smack.”
Lower Augustus—“Your wishes are my law.
your sunshade a trifle and you
shall have a dozen.”
A Shattered Idol.
Gus—“Only a day or two ago, Jack,
you were in raptures over Miss Gushing
beauty, ton; you spoke of her ethereal style of
her sylph-like figure, her trans¬
cendent eyes; and now you say that all
is over between you, and that you are.
going to Australia to begin life anew.”
Jack (sadly)—-“Ah, yes, Gus, dear
boy; I saw her sucking an orange.”—
New York Dispatch.
Above Suspicion.
Officer—“Look’r here, you! What
are ye doin’ ’round here this time o’
mornin’?”
hisness! Stranger Wat (boldly)—“I’mtendin’ tome
Officer—“Oh, yer s’pose?”
ye are! Where did that
chicken come from?”
Stranger (with more under his coat,
savagely)—“It What’n come from a neg, av
copse! blazes did yer tink it
come from? A sody-fountin’?’’
A Daily Horror.
Hussband (hurriedly swallowing his
breakfast)—“Anything this morning, dear?” new in the paper
my
Wife—“Yes. There was a terrible riot
on the nolo grounds yesterday. ”
Husband (choking with excitement)—
“You don’t say so! What was it?”
Wife—“During pitcher a ball game they
knocked the out of the box
and pounded him all over the field,
finally third.— injuring Time. a player so he died on
_
The Age We Live In.
American Citizen (fifty years ago)—
“My wagon’s broke down and ain’t
worth mendin’. How long will it take
you to build another?”
Wheelwright—“Wall, ain’t lemine see,
’bout six weeks, I guess. I got much
to do to-morrow; come around and we’ll
talk it over.”
A. D. 1888.—American citizen (rush¬
ing in)—“Got any locomotives in
stock?”
Builder—“Not one.”
“We must have another as quick as
possible. How soon will it be done?”
“In sixteen hours .”—Omaha World.
A Wife’s Little Joke.
Such ae-'Tm joke so 1 glad 7 »» «.■>*!*« have *»•
a as m going to on my
husband. He’s always growing about
my cooking, and to-day iiis mother hap
pened to drop in and 1 got her to make
some biscuit. Won’t he feel cheap
when he begins to criticise and then
finds out his mother made them her¬
self.”
HALF AN HOUR LATER.
He—“My dear, you’re becoming an
angel of a cook. These biscuits are as
fine as my mother makes .”—Detroit Free
Press.
An Inverse Courtship.
He Loved His Brother.—“Mabel,”
said Henry, and in spite of hit efforts to
control himself his voice was tremulous,
and he spoke with the air of timid des
peration which marks the elocution of a
man about to ask for the loan of $25.
“Mabel, I do not kneel at your feet (and
he wasn’t, he was sitting bolt upright on
here the sofa) to plead think of for myself. brother George. I come
only to my dearly, Mabel, and
He—he loves you
should you refuse his plea, I tremble for
the consequences. He is all alcne in the
world and he wants a sister-in-law. Will
you not be one to him ?”—Burlington
Haiclceye.
A Neat Housewife.
She (before marriage)—“Yes, John
dear, I think that cleanliness is certainly
next with to godliness. speck Neatness dust i3 a untidy- passion
me. A of or an
lookfhg ro.om affects me very unpleas¬
antly.
He (rapturously)—“Ah, darling, what
a wife you will make!”
She (after marriage)—“Now, John
Smith, I’ve just got the parlor to rights
and the hall swept and the stairs dusted
down, and if you expect to come into
this house with those muddy boots on,
you’ll find yourself mistaken .”—New
York Dispatch.
Too Great a Risk.
“Well you seem to be in first rate
physical condition,” said the insurance
medical examiner to an applicant. “I
think you will do. Mr. Smith (turning
to the agent) I think I can report this
risk a good one—oh, by the way (to the
applicant) do you know how to play
baseball?”
“Whycertainly.” _
“Do you think you know enough
about it to umpire a game?”
“Yes, I could umpire a game; but—”
Mr. Smith, take him away. Company
can’t have anything to do with him.”—
Merchant Traveler.
An Indian’s Contempt for Soldiers
At the club the other night, a group
of Western men were telling anecdotes
of frontier life. Here is one which
struck Those who me as being particularly good.
have been in the “far West”
and have lived among frontier men will
appreciate it, I daresay. In the course
of the Indian war of 1882, it seems,
General Sherman paid a visit to Camp
Apache, in Arizona. While there, a huge
red-skin, who was captain of the scouts,
followed the General wherever he went,
and of the frequently begged standing as a present one the
small cannons on
parade ground. Finally the General im
patiently turned to the Indian, exclaim
jug: •
“What do you want with the cannon,
anyway? diers Do you want to kill my sol¬
with it?”
“No,’’replied the Indian in his gut¬
tural voice; “want to kill cow-boys.
Kill soldiers with a club .”—New York
Tribune.
Force of Habit.
“Doss the razdr’hurt you?’
No reply.
“Is the draft too strong?”
No reply.
“Shall I shut the door?”
No reply.
“Think Cleveland will be re-elected?”
No reply. 3_ s
“Awful fire in New York last night 1”
No reply.
Shave you pretty close?”
No reply.
“Getting reply. very warm now?”
No
“That was a heavy thunder storm last
night!”
No reply.
No “Shampoo?”
“Trim reply. hair
your up a little?”
No reply.
“Hrilliantine on the moustache
No reply.
“Bay rum?”
No reply. _ _
„o«“ ‘“
refreshed He He had had been been shaving shaving;
"
Pekin Pickpockets.
The Chinese Times, in an article on the:
Capital of China, says that beneath the:
superficial quiet and order of Pekin
there are many evil agencies at work.
The bandittti, for example, think noth¬
ing of seizing honest folks and holding
them to ransom. Their special victims
are the silver porters. The currency
consists of large lumps of silver, like
partially consumed halves of monster
oranges. The carriers are said to derive
heavy emoluments from their judicious
handling ^? of the they metal while it is in
lr caie , but , have their own trials, ,
-
W^ii one is known to be going on duty
the bandittiwaylayhim,and if,theysuc
In beating his guards he may be
held to a ransom amounting to half a.
year’s profits. These wealthy porters
seek the protection of the Princes, as
traders did in Europe in the Middle
Ages. If a prince lends a silver carrier
his cart and mule, in return for a share
of the profits, the bandits will not care
to meddle with the august vehicle.
Sometimes prize fighters are hired to sit
on the shafts, and have to be extravag¬
antly paid for their protection. Pick¬
pockets infest the city in every direction;,
often^Se especially in wet weather. Ladies are
victims, even* when riding in
carts, tfyc thieves springing on top and.
snatching of the the valuable head ornaments;
Manchu ladies within, the driver
taking The no notice for fear of his own skin.
thieves have regular depots, where
stolen influence property is placed, and persons of
they have can generally recover what,
lost if they are persistent
enough. Near one of the city gates is a.
market where stolen goods are regularly
sold for one hour at daybreak. Spurious
articles are often offered at this place; a
man arriving purchases home a roast duck, and finds
on at that it is only a,
clever imitation in mud; and rain boots.
are counterfeited in paper which melts.
away when wetted. “In the Social ar
rangements of the Chinese the philoso
phy vated of grin-and-bear-it has been culti
also, to doubt, an extreme perfection, and is
no archaic. Bystanders will
never interfere with the commission of a,
crime in the open street in open day,
and the whole system of predatory
crime is tolerated, as vermin is, as the-,
ordinary lot of humanity. In fact, foul
ness, impassable roads, defective laws,
and all other forms of suffering, are
borne with for want of the energy to re
sist and overcome them, and not, as is.
sometimes supposed, because the people*
really love these things,”
How to Eat a Watermelon.
A watermelon, even though it be
sixty-pounder, is not intended to be de
voured in public, its nor is one watermelon,
no matter what weight may be, more
than enough for one healthy person.
This fact is probably well known to
every country schoolboy. The art of
eating a watermelon and keeping cool is
as simple now as it was in the days of
l° n g a S°- The rind should be slit with
a short-bladed knife, so that when the
melon is divided the heart of it shall
rest in one of (he halves, in one luscious,
juicy carefully lump. wiped The and knife should then the be’
then put in
pocket. Then the coat should be taken
off and the s’eeves rolled up. Plunge
the right hand under one end of the
heart and the left under the other; lift
the dripping mass to the mouth and fall
to. The juice will trickle down your
arms and saturate your face, but what of
it? There is plenty, and to spare, though
the feast is the rarest to be found on
earth .—Atlanta Comtituio i.
Energy will do anything that canbe
done in this world, and no talents, np
circumstances, no opportunities will
make a man without it.
