Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

mmm journal. KNOXVILLE. GEORGIA. The attempt to grow tobacco in Eng¬ land has resulted about as disastrously as the attempt to grow cotton did. Seventy-five miles an hour—or a mile in forty-eight seconds—is the astounding rate of speed which has just been at¬ tained by the “West Coast Express,” of the London and Northwestern Railway, on its trip from the English to the Scotch metropolis. The roaring gas well back of Canons burg, Penn., is said to have the greatest registered pressure of any in the world. The gas looks like a solid piece of blue steel for some distance after it comes out of the pipe. Solid masonry twelve feet thick surrounds the well to hold the cap on. When in drilling the gas was struck, tools and ropes weighing 5000 pounds were thrown out as though they were feathers. Sable Island, which lies in the direct path of all transatlantic shipping bound to New York, is rapidly being washed away. The branch hydrographic offices in that city and Philadelphia have just been served with notice by the British Government that one of the lighthouses has been undermined, and must be taken down and removed to a site further in¬ land. At present the sea threatens to demolish the light and the tower. A practical test of fire-proof, patent stiffened wire lathing, was given recent¬ ly in Philadelphia. A brick building twenty feet square was erected of two divisions, in one the common wood lath¬ ing such as is generally used, in the other was the stiffened wire lathing with cast iron ribs. At 3:05 in the afternoon the fires were started, and in eight minutes the plaster and wood lathing dropped and were consumed. At 4:55, when the visitors left the grounds, the fire in the wire lathing apartment was still burning, with no signs of consump¬ tion of the plaster or lathing. Mrs. Diaz, wife of the President ol Mexico, has labored for years, accord¬ ing to the New York Graphic, to ameliorate the condition of the poorer class of her sex. She has established various institutions for the employment of poor women and girls, and has popularized work which, until she be¬ came its protecting patroness, was looked upon as unbecoming and contrary to established Customs. Under her patron¬ age these institutions have become flourishing and afford respectable employ¬ ment to hundreds of her sex. She is ever studying some new scheme for the advancement of the poorer classes, and her name will be a future household word associated with benevolence and kindness. A very curious case is reported from Wiikesbarre, Penn. One of the young women employed at the silk mills of that town was taken with an epileptic fit. She fell to the floor, and the other girls gathered around and became most alarmed and excited. Suddenly one of them gave a wild shriek and fell over in violent hysterics. The excitement in¬ creased, and in a minute or so another young woman was seized with hysteria. The girls were now almost wild with nervous excitement, and one after another was seized with hysteric convulsions. Their cries and struggles as they lay quivering on the floor combined to make the scene an extraordinary and alarming one. Sixteen of the girls were thus pros¬ trated. Medical aid was summoned, and the girls were revived, and sent home. BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCH r 8 PROM VARIOUS SOURCES. He Had a Job Already—A Sudden Turn—Pile It Away Tor Fu¬ ture Use—"Will Want ' More Later On. <«Mrs. Pompano—“Mary Ann, just run across the street and ask that man with a whitewash brush if he is engaged.” Mary Anu (returning with after animated conversation Julius Plumbob)— “Please, mum, he says he’s been mar¬ ried for twelve years.— Drake's Magazine. A Sudden Turn. Brown—“Well, old man, how’s iness?” Robinson—“Fine. I’ve got so much to do I don’t know which way to turn. Burnley (Lowering his voice). There comes up the stteet, and I owe him five dollars. Let’s turn this way.— New York Dispatch. * File It Away for Future Use. “Papa.’’said a beautiful girl,’ “young Mr. . Tnistle has 1 .---------:---- written ma note in which he asks me to be his wife.” “Written you a note? Why in thun¬ didn’t ' der he come himself?” ‘It would have been pleasanter that way v no no dnnbf. doubt, papa, pupa, but but I i suppose suppose he he feels a little timid, nid. and and besides, besides, papa, papa. think how much more binding the note is .”—Philip 11. Welch. Will Want More Later On. Passenger (in drummer, crowded car)—“Aren’t you Drummer—“Yes. a Chicago sir?” ” Drummer—“Yes, Passenger—“Your first trip, isn’t it?” its a new business tome; but I’m selling more goods in my line than any two men on the road. Why do you think it’s my first trip?” Passenger—“Because you only occupy two seats .—New York Sun. A Handsome Profit. Aunt Emily—“Why do you think you will be a doctor, Bobby, when you grow Bobby—“Because up?” I swallowed a ten cent piece the other day and the doctor charged pa two dollars for curing me. That’s a good business.”— Epoch. Reserved Seats. Head Waiter (Chicago Hotel—“Ex¬ cuse me, sir; do you eat pie with a knife or a fork?” Do Stranger—“With a knife of course. I look like a man what would jab himself?” Head Waiter—“To the right, if you please; seats on the left reserved for Eastern dudes.”— Time. Not a Good Judge as to Price. Miss Bricabrac (in Philadelphia de¬ corative art store)—“What an exquisite Japanese fan 1 So decorative, so rich, yet delicate! The very thing I’ve been wanting. I ; must have that for the draw¬ ing he room and shall just tease papa until gives me a check. How much is it?” Dealer—“Ten cents, miss.” “Horrors!”— Philadelphia Record. The Traveler and the Robber. He was traveling West with $7000 in his inside pocket. He encountered a highwayman who held the cold muzzle of his revolver close to his left temple. “Hold up!” he cried. “I will,” replied the obliging robber, and he held him up. There is no moral to this tale.— New York Sun. She Didn’t Understand. “Now, Cicely,” he said, as they seated themselves on the grand stand, “If there is anything you don’t understand, just ask me aud I’ll tell you all about it.” “Thank you George,” replied Cicely. “Who is that young man going about with the glasses? Is ho the umpire?” “No; he’s the soda water man. Here, young lemon.” man, bring us two glasses of —Drake's Magazine. The Man Was No Friend of Rojrsrs. Boy (to editor)—“There's a man out¬ side what wants to know who wrote that article on Jim Boggs, who disap peared Editor—“Go last week.” back and tell him you wrote it.” Boy (returning)—“That’s a nice man, boss.” Editor—“What did he say when you told him?” Bop—“He said that was the best piece we’ve had in the paper in a year, and he gave me a ten-doilar bill .—Mer chant Traveler. A Legal Thrust. “My young friend, Necessity, who represents the other side,” began the grizzled legal luminary, when the young practitioner interrupted him. “Your honor, I desire to ask why my learned friend alludes tome as ‘Neces¬ sity. i » “ Your honor,” answered the elder fox, “Necessity knows no law, as you and I well know.”— Judge. Very Suggestive. Mary—“The order?” butcher is here, ma’am; what shall I Mrs. Morris Parke—“Dear me, I haven’t thought. What cai/we have for dinner. Marv?” Marv (thouohtfullv)—“I ° don’t know ’ ma’am.’’ jj rs _ Morris l’arke—“Oh, ’ can’t you ma i ce a suggestion ?” Mary (cheerfully) “I can try. What * ,j 0 y 0U ma ) ce jt, 0 f ' __ He Took It Philosophically. “It is with ...... unfeigned sorrow and a „ bleeding heart, Mr. Sampson,” said the girl, - gently, ' “that I am compelled to say t nee n ay ; but I love another,” and tears of sympathy welled into her eyes. “Now don't be so evercome, Miss Clara,” he said earnestly, “it is really of no great consequence; I’ll be as chip —- per »» as a » i.i—s bird iu a day or *— two, —j and =. it pains me to see you thus distressed.” Then she dried her eyes and became quite herself again.— Epoch. A Chance Not to be Trifled With. “Mr. Sampson asked me to be his wife last night, papa.” say?”* “And what did you “I told him he must give me a little time, and he said I could have the usual thirtv days, or 5 per cent, off for cash, and then he stopped and appologized. What am I to think ot him, papa?” “Think of him?” shouted the old man. “That young fellow is full of business, and you can’t say ‘yes’ too quick. — Grip. On Deck to Stav. This is the way an Edgefield (S. C.) candidate nails a false rumor : “From various quarters of the county the report comes to my ears that * Sam Oolgan has decided not to make the race for Coro¬ ner, but will leave the field.’ I desire to say that there is not a word of truth in the report. I have enlisted for the war and will be on deck at the final reckoning on election day. There will be ample time to write my obituary after the funeral, should you, my fellow citizens, see proper to cover my defeat—then, corporosity with the somber shroud of and not till then, let my epitaph be written.” —Augusta ( Ga.) Chronicle. A ’Prentice Hand. “Did Charles propose last night?” “Yes, the darling fellow.” “Tell me all about it—do. He was just as graceful, I suppose, and dramatic _J» “Indeed, he was nothing of the kind. It was almost farcial, he made such a ninny of himself. I could have laughed only I was afraid he’d get angry aud es cape before I landed him.” “What a shame he should have made such a mess of it.” “By no means. If he’d been dead letter perfect I should have had a sus¬ picion he’d been rehearsing with some other girl.” “Oh !”—San Francisco Examiner. A Reporter's Vacation. Metropolitan editor—“Think you need chauge and rest, eh? Well, I shouldn’t wonder; city life is a hard one, taking it all the year round, and I believe it is several years since you had a vacation. Which do you most enjoy seashore, mountains or pastoral scenes?’ Hard-working reporter (with enthu¬ siasm)—“Oh. the mountains, always.” Editor—“Well, the Mind and Matter Association will hold their sixteen-hour a-day metaphysical sessions at the Bleak Top this year, and you can go there aud report them. Don’t miss anything, and keep each day’s session down to six or eight columns. The paper has a bill against the hotel at Bleak Top for ad¬ vertising. I will charge to your account and let you take it along. Just before leaving hand him the bill in payment for your board, but be careful to do it po¬ litely, because lie's a retired athlete, and the merriest man east of fc-an Francisco.” —Omaha World. He Knew One Good Man. An English General, in reviewing a corps of cavalry, suddenly stopped fellow be¬ fore asked a abruptly: splendid looking and “Which is the best horse in the regi¬ ment?” “iSo. 40, sir.” ' “What makes you think he is the best horse?” “He walks, trots .and gallops well; is a good jumper; has no vice, no blemish carries his head well; is in his prime.” “And who is the best soldier in that regiment?” “Tom Jones, sir.” “Why;” “Because he is an honorable man, ,i„ obedient, is tidy, takes good care of his equipment and his horse, and does his duty well.” “And who is the rider of the best horse?” “Tom Jones, sir.” “And who is Tom Jones.” “I am, sir.” but The he General sovereign could not help laughing,, gave a to his informant. ^ T ho received it without moving a mus< cle .—Liverpool Post. Proposed by Caligraph. Young Thubs is a good business man, but outside of business he is not such a. good manager. He had a beautiful type writer, one of the perfected kind, aged nineteen years, better than new, with laughing blue eyes. Having down fallen in love with it, he one day sat beside it and told it that he wanted to dictate a letter of love to his sweetheart. It went to work mechanically. “My dearest angel, I love you deeply, devotedly; no other being could ever inspire in my heart such a fervent and lasting affection, and I take this method of laying at your feet my life, my love, my honor and my fortune. Will you ac¬ cept these? Answer immediately. “Your sincere lover, “B. Thubs.” “There it is,” said the typewriter. “To whom is it addressed?” “To your own dear self,” said Thubs, with a voice that would make a lemon¬ ade shaker. “And you want a reffly?” “Yes, my precious one.” “Well, you shall have it iu the same manner; take this seat at the instrument. Ready?” “Mb. Thubs:— “Dear Sib —Yours of this instant re¬ ceived; contents noted. In reply 1 beg to state that your offer is exceedingly kind and worthy, but there is a bar which would prevent its acceptance.” “Stop,” be said Thubs. “Why should there a bar between us 1” “Well, you write on—” “My marriage last Thursday night with Mr. J. Squiggs renders—” Bfft Mr. Thub’s distant footsteps were echoing down the corridors of no time at all, and in next morning’s paperwas—• IU VV ANTED—A YOUMG LADY TYPEW K1TER, « IS. THUBS. —Detroit Free Press. The Largest Rattlesnake on Record The greatest set of rattles ever cut. from a rattlesnake are now on exhibition in the office of the Treasurer of Lycoming County, at Williamsport, Perm. The string measures Hi inches and contains -15 rattles. The biggest string of rattles on record previous to this was taken from the big snake killed near Westport last week. That string measured 4 inches in length and eonta nod 41 rattles.* r Jhe snake that bore it was the biggest one ever killed in the state, being 7 feet, long. with The most curious fact connected the monster Williamsport set of rattles is that it was taken from a snake less than 3 feet long, the rattles forming almost one-fourth of the reptile’s entire length. If it is true that a rattlesnake grows a rattle every year after the first ear the snake must have oeeu 4ti years o Id. This freak among snakes was killed by County Treasurer Eldred in the pine Creek region .—New York T.mes. A Cliasnelion Fish. A Maine fishing schooner recently caught on the Georges Banks, on a halibut trawl, a queer fish. It weighed seventy-five pound, and is described as being “about as large as the top of a hogs head and almost as broad as long.” When first taken from the water it was of a bright red color and marked with silver spots, varying in size from that of a three-cent piece to that of a silver dollar. After the fish had been out of the water a while the red became purple, except on the fins, which retained their vivid hue. The tins, three in number, were small in proportion to the body, and the tail was short and broad .—Neut York Sun. _ -