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mvm journal.
KNOXVILLE. GEORGIA:
The village of Haverstraw, on the
Hudson, manufactures more bricks than
any other place in the world.
A punctilious French highway robber
stooped to apologize to his victim, and
the victim noticed the fact that he was
bow-legged. He gave the police this
pointer and the right man was soon in
Umbo.
“A native author called Roe,” was
Matthew Arnold’s sneering allusion to
to the novelist who so soon followed the
English litterateur to the grave. E. P.
Roe accepted the designation and wrote
an autobiographical sketch under that
heading, which was completed only a
few days before his death.
There is in Lake County, Mich., a co¬
operative telegraph line, which began
by two farmers connecting their houses
with a wire, and which has extended,un¬
til now it has sixty-five miles of wire
and ninety offices, two-thirds of which
are in farmhouses and the others in
stores where farmers trade.
The ex-Confedorate colony in New
York continues to grow, At almost
every social gathering may be seen one
or two men who won the title of general
when they wore the gray. She Southern
society, started a short time ago, now
has a membership of hundreds, and will
soon have a building of its own.
The Houston Post claims that Texas
can produce within its own borders food
amply sufficient for the support of 25,
000,000 people. It has a climate adapted
not only to the productions of the
temperate zone, but to those oi
semi-tropical character as well. It
lias timber as well as coal, silver,
copper and other minerals in almost ex¬
haustive abundance.
Miss Alice B. Farley, of Port Hudson,
La., is a fragile little woman physically,
, hut she ,, has strength , ,, of - mind . , enough ,7 to
conduct a large cotton plantation sue
cessfully. She threw into planting all
the enthusiasm and perseverance many
women bestow in acquiring feminine ac¬
complishments, and to-day no cotton
produced in the State ranks higher than
that which comes from her plantation.
It appears that republican simplicity
does not characterize the journeyings of
President Carnot, of France, in the prov¬
inces. What with a considerable ret
inue, generous dinners to the digni
taries of the towns which tender him
hospitality, and gifts to the poor, he is
said to do full justice to the annual ap¬
propriation of $00,000 for traveling ex
penses.
The mineral output of the country for
1887, according tc the statement made
by the Division of Mining Statistics, is
much greater-in valua than that of 1880,
and ib worth $100,000,000 more than
that of 1885. This is a gratifying ex¬
hibit, but is unfortunately qoupled with
the statement that there will be a de¬
crease in the metal product this year
owing to the decline in railroad build¬
ing- *
_
The French census reported 180 per¬
sons who were 100 years old or over, but
M. Levasseur, who has been investigating
the matter, reports to the Academy of
Sciences that sixty-seven of these were
only “believed” to bo so by their rela
tives, .. and that there were only , sixteen
whose age could be proven to he over
100 years by authentic documents. He
estimates, that there are not over fifty
centenarians in the country
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Her Wit Was Her Fortune —An
Unnoticed Effect—A Sedative
for His Wife—A Con¬
templated Mark.
“Where are you going to, my girl, tailor
made i"
“Ob, I’m going to Newport, sir,” she said.
"And what will you do-there, my girl,tailor
made i”
“Why, fish for a husband, good sir,” she
said,
“But where do you come from, my girl,
tailor-made?”
“Oh, I come from Vassar, good sir,” she
said.
“Where is your baggage, my girl, tailor
inader”
“It’s there on the lighter, good sir,” she
said.
“How many boxes, my girl, tailor-made?”
‘T’ve thirty-six trunks, sir,” the maiden
said.
“Why, a boat maid!” couldn't carry them, my
“Then pretty I’ll
said. charter a couple, good sir,” she
“But what have you in them, my girl, tailor
made f”
“My said. bonnets and dresses, good sir,” she
“But you can’t wear them all,my girl,tailor
made?”
“You can bet your sweet life that I will,"
she said.
“And is that your fortune.my pretty maid?”
“My wit is my fortune, sir,” she said.
—The Ocean.
An Unnoticed Effect.
“Your singing is delightful, Miss
Ethel,” said Mr. Bore. “It fairly car¬
ries me away.”
“Indeed?” returned Miss Ethel, with
hadn’t a yearning glance at the clock. “I
noticed it.”— Harper’s Bazar.
A Sedative for His Wife.
Mr. Caudle— “Doctor, I want you to
put up a powerful sedative for my wife;
give me the best specific for insomnia
you know of.”
Doctor—-“What’s the matter? Can’t
she sleep?”
Mr. Caudle—“Yes, Burdette. I guess so; but I
can’t. ”—
A Contemplated Mark.
Little Constance (to Bagby, who is a
very desirable catch)—“Better shoot
carefully to-day, Mr. Bagby.”
sister Bagby—“Why, such Constance? Is your
a capital shot?”
^at Constance—“Oh, I don’t know about
5 t” 1 * s *) e said Jo papa and mamma
that she had a & good beau, ’ and intended
to slloot for e gold in earnest.
Judge.
A Timely Suggestion.
picture Customer taken (to photographer)—“I with beard want
a my on as it
is, and afterward I will get shaved and
have it taken without the beard.”
Photographer (rushed)—“Well, three ahead er, as
there are two or of you, I
would suggest, sir, that while I am tak¬
ing them you might skip out and get
shaved now .”—Philip H. Welch.
Hard on the Doctor.
Old man to young doctor.—“Good
morning, Doctor. How d’y’do? Don’t
you attend old man Jones?”
Doctor.—“Yes, sir.”
Old man (Innocently)—“How is he
getting along? My wife has been look¬
ing in the paper every day for six months
to see his death notice. ”
Young doctor collapses.— Washington
Critic.
Just the Difference.
Gubbins, in one of the rare moments
he devotes to the cultivation of his in¬
tellect, was reading aloud from a work
on natural history.
“The camel is an. animal that can
Work a week without drinking.”
“And I,” remarked Gubbins, com¬
menting on the text, “I am an animal
that can drink a week without work
ing.”— Judge.
Misinterpreted the Professor.
“Go with me, Miss Laura,” said the
professor, glowingly, “to the vmeclad
hills of t ranee-”
the “Do delighted you mean girl, it,professor?” exclaimed throw
herself his preparing to
in arms.
“-In imagination. fe Walk, as I nave
walked among the Bimple hearted peas
antry of Normandy. Converse with them
in their native tongue, and then argue,
if y° u can > tllat poverty is in itself a
curse .........-
“It is all quite charming no doubt,”
asserted Miss Laura, relapsing into dreary
apathy. — Chicago Tribune.
And Mary Didn’t Refuse.
Mary.—“Don’t you dislike to have a
man talk shop ‘Indeed, when he comes to see you?”
J en nic. — ‘ I do! Who’s been
talking shop to you?”
Mary.—“Oh, my young mrn. He’s a
street-car conductor, you know, and
nearly every time he comes to see me he
gets oil his shop talk.”
Jennie.—“What does he say?”
Mary.—“Sit closer, please.”— Burling¬
ton Free Press.
i
In Hard Luck
“How are you coming on m business?”
asked a gentleman of a Dallas merchant.
‘ ‘I am having a hard time of it. Luck
is against me.”
“How so?”
“Didn’t you hear how burglars broke
open the store and robbed my rival over
the way ? Just ihink of what a lot of
free advertising he gets. I don’t driven want
to fail and get rich, but I’m being
to it .”—Texas Siftings.
One Serious Defect.
Young Lawyer (to pretty cousin)—
“Yes, Maud, I think I have perfectly
appointed hundred office. dollars.” That desk alone cost
one
Pretty Cousin (looking about with evi¬
dent admiration)—“Yes, Charley, it’s a
lovely room; but I notice one serious
defect.”
Young Lawyer—“What’s that, Maud?”
Pretty Cousin—“The absence of
clients.”— Drake's Magazine.
He Was Used to It.
“What makes you wear that old
fashioned felt hat?” asked one man of
another on Clark street.
“Well, you see, my wife fancies that
style of hat, so 1 have to get it.”
“But I wouldn’t be dictated to in that
manner.”
“You wouldn’t be dictated to?”
“No, sir.”
“Well, in my business you get used to
it and don’t mind it.”
“What is your business?”
“I’m a stenographer ."—Merchant Trav
der.
One of Fortune’s Favorites.
“ Young man,” he said, “do you re¬
spect the fair sex, as all young men
should?”
“I do, indeed, responded the young
man, with emotion. “And there is one
of the fair sex, sir, whom I not only re¬
spect but adore, and she adores me.”
“Youarefortunate.”
“Fortunate is no name for it, my
venerable friend. Why, in the summer
time that girl clerks in an ice cream and
confectionery shop, and in the winter
she is cashier in an oyster saloon. ”—
Epoch.
Two Sides oi Humanity.
Omaha Miss (at a seaside resort)—
“What a lot of wedding parties there
are here 1”
Experienced Dame—“I thought so at
first, but I see how that I was mistaken.
Most of the couples are only engaged.”
“Omaha Miss—“Why, how can you
tell the difference so quickly.”
Experienced engaged, Dame—“Where dear, a couple
looks are the my the gentleman lady;
after comfort of the
when they are married the lady looks
after the comfort of the gentleman.—
Omaha World.
Johnny Was All Rijjht.
“You don’t eat a great deal, my little
man,” said the minister, who was taking
dinner with Johnny’s parents.
“No, sir; don’t need to.”
“Perhaps you are training to he
another Dr. Tanner and fast forty days.”
“Forty days ain’t nothing.”
“Johnny, don’t talk nonsense,” inter¬
posed “Why, his mother. it anything all.”
ma, ain’t
Then, turning to the minister, “I've got
an uncle who lived over a month on
water.”
“Why, Johnny," said his mother
again, “if you don’t stop telling stories
“But it isn’t a story. It’s my uncle
Ned, who is captain of an ocean steamer.
I guess, ma, he’s lived on water more’n
a month often .”—Merchant Traveler.
A Fata! Mistake.
Mrs. .Jacob S-, an estimable woman
living in a small town in the West, dis¬
covered early in her matrimonial career
that she had not been fortunate in her
choice of a husband, for Jacob pioved
to be excessively lazy and shiftless, do¬
ing his almost nothing for the supp ort of'
wife and the round-faced little
children.
Several years after her marriage Mrs.
s- --heard of the approaching mar¬
riage of Jennie and Krale, the daughter of a
neighbor, said: meeting the girl one day
she
“Veil, Shennie, I hear you vas finkin'
’bout getting married. Vas dat so?”
mitted The girl, with becoming blushes, ad
the truth of the rumor.
“Veil, Shennie,” said Mrs. S-, “it
would be veil for you to dink dwice be¬
fore you marry anypody. ”
“Did you think twice about it when
you were married?” asked Jennie, rather
resenting the intimation that she had
not made a wise choice.
“Veil, yes, I did,” replied Mrs. 8--,
after some little hesitation. “I did
dink dwice, Shennie, but I made von
grade Shennie. meestake, von grade meestake,
I did not dink der second
time until after I vas married .”—Detroit
Free Press.
A Shroud Factory.
New York, says a correspondent, is
the recognized headquarters for the
living. clothing of the dead as well as of the
There is nothing about'ashroud
factory to indicate the character of its
product. enticing varieties Even the rows of in coffins and
of caskets the ware
room below seem to belong to another
business that visible altogether. from the The head showcases the
are of
stairs, with their display of the latest
styles in shrouds, appear to have been
left there, perhaps by some previous ten¬
ant, and bear no possible relation to the
use the rooms are now being put. It is
very difficult to imagine that these light¬
hearted girls who chat so merrily over
their machines are turning out burial
robes by the dozen, but such is the case,
and to them the work is no more dolor¬
ous than the making of shirts.
If you are curious, come with me to
one of the largest factories in the city,
within a few blocks of Cooper Union, in
tbe Bowery, and see for yourself. As
the door of the shop opens the noise is
almost the machines deafening. Between the clatter the
of on the one hand and
chatter of the girls on the other, one can.
hardly hear himself speak. It is 10
o’clock—early for us, perhaps, but not
for the girls. They have been at work
since 8 o’clock, and one-quarter of their
day has already been spent. In the
center of the room is a double row of
sewing machines, varying in size and
power, and all fastened to two long and
narrow tables with little round places cpt
in the sides into which the operators
snugly fit. At the other end of the room
are several counters forming a quad¬
rangle. Within this square sit a dozen
youDg women chatting and sewing, while
a tall, middle-aged, motherly yards woman
snips out of yards upon of black,,
white and brown cloth patterns of
shrouds. Shrouds with long skirts,,
shrouds with short skirts, shrouds with
no skirts at all. Shrouds for the rich
and shrouds for the poor. And such
patterns they are.
with This elaborate design around in the white satin,
soft ruching neck and
fleecy ruffles around the wristbands, is
modeled after a wedding gown as nearly
as is possible, considering the different
use it is put to. It will grace the
funeral of some rich patron of a fashion¬
able undertaker. This plain black gar¬
ment, with a false shirt bosom and a
collar which ties behind with a cord, is
patterned after an evening suit. It is
quiet aod eminently respectable. middle It is
intended for a man of age, and
costs quite as much as a suit worn in life.
Besides these there are robes of brown
and combinations of brown and black,
some faced with white satin, some with
silk and others plain even to severity.
These form the cheaper grade of goods
and are worn by men or women of ad¬
vanced years. The white robes are all
intended for the young. Some of these
are marvelous pieces of work, and if
embroidered by hand would cost a small
fortune. This little gown would hardly
reach from your hand to your elbow.
The tiny neckband is ruffled and tied,
together in front with a white satin bow.
The little sleeves are covered with em¬
broidery and the skirt is elaborately
trimmed with lace. It is a baby shroud
and is the smallest that is made.
The styles in shrouds are continually
changing. lining contrib Every fashion the robbing used by of the the
ite to
designer, dipad. Eveiy and large factory death has its special still
not even can
compet.tion between them.
2 One of the richest men in St. Paul,
who owns block after block of
estate, lives on less than $300 ayear
