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Charlotte Perkins
Charlotte’s Web
cperkins@evansnewspapers.com
Bridezilla
Like most people, I followed
the story of Jennifer
Wilbanks, the “runaway
bride,” first with concern,
then with relief that she was
OK then with complete exas
peration.
So she had “issues.”
Just put yourself in her
place. You’ve gotten 14
friends to buy dresses they’ll
never wear again.
You’ve already had a dozen
showers and luncheons given
by your mama’s friends, and
friends of your fiance’s
mama.
The gifts of S2OO-per-place
setting china, the crystal that
can never go into the dish
washer, the small appliances
are piling up, and all those
people are probably going to
expect a thank-you note with
in a calendar year.
Your mama and daddy have
taken out a second mortgage
to buy your wedding dress.
And suddenly, you’re not so
sure that you really want to
marry this particular guy on
this particular Sunday.
Can you talk to him about
it? Of course not.
Can you talk to your mama
and daddy? No way.
Can you talk with one of
the 14 girls you asked to be
bridesmaids? Don’t be ridicu
lous.
There’s only way you can
get out of it guilt-free, with
nobody mad at you.
Fake your own abduction.
Become CNN’s victim of
the week.
Scare your family and your
fiance just about to death.
Make up a whopper about
awful people in a blue van.
Make a wailing, sobbing call
to 911 from a 7-11. Lie to the
FBI.
Well, let’s be understand
ing. She had “issues.” She
was stressed.
So she paralyzed an entire
community, had people look
ing at her fiance as if he were
the next Scott Peterson and
gave her parents the worst
nightmare of their lives.
This is the ultimate
“Bridezilla” act.
If you’re not familiar with
the term, plenty of people are.
Bridezilla is the otherwise
normal female person who
develops a world-class sense
of entitlement as her wedding
date draws near, has tense lit
tle tantrums, starts obsessing
about gypsophilia and re
embroidered Alencon lace,
gets freaked out because the
ribbons on the little net bags
of birdseed are peachy-mau
vish instead of mauve with a
blush of pink, and worries
about whether the ringbearer
is going to wear the right
color socks.
Bridezillas aren’t likely to
be happy regardless of the
amount spent (The average
American wedding, according
to Bride’s magazine, costs
about $20,000) and most of
them probably aren’t aware
that whether you spend S2OO
or $2,000 on a wedding dress,
they do tend to look pretty
much the same from one wed
ding to the next.
Most Bridezillas, of course,
go ahead and go through with
the ceremony with all its
imperfections. Most don’t run
away, but the “nobody mat
ters but me” message is
exactly the same.
Some people want Jennifer
Wilbanks to apologize or
serve time. I think she should
just get married at City Hall
while her parents take a bus
to Las Vegas.
WEEKEND,
MAY 7-9, 2005
Mother's Day... in triplicate
By CHARLOTTE PERKINS
HHJ Lifestyle Editor
PERRY - When Ashley Sitz
wakes up on Mother’s Day she can
count on smiles and hugs from her
three children.
Katelyn’s the oldest, a blue-eyed
blonde who’s already bossing the
younger two around.
Harley’s the middle child, the
laughing little girl who loves to
dance to any music that happens to
be on.
Chandler’s the youngest, the
good-natured baby brother who
puts up cheerfully with two older
sisters.
All three just celebrated their
first birthday, and believe it or not,
there was another set of 1-year-old
triplets among the birthday guests.
While triplets are born without in
vitro fertilization are still rare -
about one in 8,000 births - a
woman’s chance of having triplets
with in vitro help is now one in 20.
When Ashley and Jim Sitz sought
help with having a baby of their
own, they weren’t expecting three
bundles of joy.
In fact, Ashley says they were
shocked at the news that three
babies were on the way.
Initially, they thought they’d be
having three girls but they were
overjoyed to learn later that there’d
be two girls and a boy.
Along with the excitement, there
were stressful times. Ashley had a
five-week stay at the Medical
Center of Central Georgia, and the
babies stayed in the Neonatal
Intensive Care Unit for over two
weeks, with Chandler coming home
first just before Mother’s Day, and
the girls staying a little longer to
gain weight.
Harley, who was named after the
motorcycle her dad sold to pay for
the in vitro fertilization process,
came home last, at only 3 lbs., 12
oz.
“The NICU unit helped us get
the babies on a schedule,” Ashley
explains, “and we started them out
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A bunch of babies: Two sets of triplets enjoyed the birthday bash at the home of Jim and Suzette Fincher. From left: Grandmother Suzette
Fincher with Katelyn, Aunt Amy Fincher with Chandler, Ashley Sitz with Harley, Leigh Parker with Erin and Morgan, Rebekah Sheffield with
Lauren, and grandmother Marjorie Parker (with Marlyn, the Parker triplets’ big sister).
Nobody ever loves you like your mama loves you
I would never have expect
ed it from him.
He’s what tough is. So
tough that he could take a
solid punch from a hefty guy,
straight to the jaw and never
flinch. He used to be a pro
wrestler.
But when he talked about
her, the toughness melted
into spongy softness.
“Losing my dad wasn’t
easy,” he admitted, pausing
as a mist of tears clouded his
gray eyes when he thought
about her. “But it wasn’t
anything like mama’s death.
Nothing prepares you for
losing your mama. It’s the
worse kind of loss. Nobody
ever loves you like your
mama loves you. I put flow
ers on her grave every
week.”
I was visiting with
Barbara Dooley one day,
when she dropped onto the
sofa in her den and began a
conversation about her
Lifestyle
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Ashley Sitz smiles with her triplets, Katelyn, Harley and Chandler at their first birthday party.
on a strict schedule and continue to
have one today. It helps us and
them.”
As a first-time mom with three
first babies, Ashley has gotten
major help from her husband, Jim,
and from Charlene Booker, the
babies’ nanny, (also known in the
Sitz household as “Mary Poppins”)
as well as the whole extended fami
ly-
The three babies all started sleep
ing through the night before they
were 5 months old. They’re sharing
||pr
Ronda Rich
Columnist
mama. She talked of the last
months and how difficult
they had been as her beloved
mother slipped away from
her. Those days were made
harder because sometimes
as death creeps slowly
toward its intended, it dis
guises itself in unrest with
sharp words. There is no
rest for the one who depart
a room now, and the Sitzes plan for
the girls to continue to share a
room, but Chandler will have his
own.
They’re off bottles now, and the
diaper count has decreased from
1,000 a month to 150 per week.
Even so, traveling, even for short
distances, is difficult.
“I am not going to lie,” Ashley
says, “It’s hard. We have to take so
much stuff with us.”
They been to the mall several
times, but she says that not much
or the ones who will remain.
“It nearly killed me to lose
my mama,” she said, shak
ing her head.
“Even after she’d been so
tough on you that last
year?”
She smiled sadly. “It’s
doesn’t matter. You forget
all that. You only remember
the love and the good. You
don’t recall anything bad.
Next to losing a child, noth
ing could be worse than los
ing your mother.”
So, when a friend seeking
counsel came to me, I
remembered these conversa
tions. She explained that
someone had been inten
tionally unkind to her moth
er, hurting her deeply.
“She’s completely heart
broken. What should I do?”
she asked.
“There’s only one thing
you can do,” I replied firmly.
“You rush to your mama’s
defense as quickly and swift
ly as she most certainly did
when you were a small child
and some bully pushed you
off the see-saw on the play
ground. When you were
young, she rescued you.
Now it’s your turn to rescue
her.”
There is an invisible divid
ing line in life that cannot be
seen nor explained. It can
only be felt instinctively,
nudged by the sensitivity of
one’s heart. It is that partic
ular moment in time when
your parents - especially
your mama - moves from
being the protector to being
the protected. It is that time
when we can no longer look
to them to take care of us. It
is a passage of life when the
gauntlet is passed and the
guard is changed. It is our
time to become the loving
caregiver.
Just as she pulled herself
from her cozy bed for mid
dle-of-the-night feedings,
shopping got done.
“We get stopped so often by peo
ple inquiring about them, but
that’s OK, because I love to show
them off. They are my miracle
babies.”
They’re also distinct individuals.
Katelyn Brooke Sitz, according to
her mother, “is the oldest by a
minute and she knows it. She is the
bossy one. I can tell she is going to
have that oldest child syndrome.
She loves to smile and she can light
See TRIPLETS, page 10A
bandaged scrapped knees,
wiped tears and cheered you
on to adult successes, it
becomes your turn to see
that her tears are wiped, her
hurts are bandaged and that
she is shielded from those
who seek to cause her
unhappiness.
And, just as you didn’t
always make it easy for her,
she won’t always make it
easy for you. She’ll rebel.
Just like you did. She’ll talk
back. Just like you did.
She’ll poke her lip out and
pout. Just like you did. But,
secretly, she will love you for
what you do. Just like you
did.
Happy Mother’s Day. If
your mama is still on this
earth, then it really is a
happy day.
Ronda Rich is the author
of What Southern Women
Know About Flirting and
The Town That Came A-
Courtin’.
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