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the HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL
The King is Coming
HIM Charlotte Perkins
The Perry Presbyterian Church held Vacation Bible
School this week for over 150 kids, with 60 volunteers
helping. The theme of the VBS was “The King is Coming. ”
Children took part in crafts, playtime, refreshments,
music and Bible Study. Michelle Andrews and Marla
Sellers were in co-chairs of the event.
'Tough love' helps parents with troubled teens
QUESTION: You have
recommended that par- '
ents be willing to apolo
gize to their kids when
they are wrong and to
“stay on your child’s
team" even when it’s a
losing team. This is dif
ficult for me because my
son is in full-blown rebel
lion. He’s using drugs,
flunking his classes and
giving us fits at home. Is
there a time to forget the
nicey-nice stuff and get
tough with a teenager?
DR. DOBSON: No doubt
about it. There are moments
when it is appropriate to apol
ogize, accommodate, compro
mise and negotiate. But there
comes a time to draw a line in
the dirt and say, “Enough is
enough!’’ For youngsters who
have tyrannized their fami
lies, their parents’ willing
ness to “forgive and forget”
repeatedly is interpreted as
weakness. Appeasement, as
we know, is never successful
in pacifying a bully. It only
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Dr. James Dobson
Focus on the Family
www.family.org
makes him or her more angry.
Behavioral research has now
validated that statement.
Dr. Henry Harbin and Dr.
Denis Madden, working at
the University of Maryland’s
Medical School, studied the
circumstances that surround
violent attacks on parents by
teenagers. They found that
“parent battering” usually
occurs when “one or both
parents have abdicated the
executive position” and left
no one in charge -- no one,
that is, except the violent
child. Rebellious, mean-spirit
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Angels gathered to carry her home
Beverly and Peggy’s
mother had been in declin
ing health for several years.
Hours before God called
her home, I stood at her
bedside hoping to provide
some comfort. She was in
considerable discomfort.
Her breathing was labored;
her face ashen due to lack
of oxygen. I had been at
her bedside many times,
but that particular evening
I sensed that God’s angels
were gathering to take her
home. I said, “Velma, I
know that you are sick and
hurting, so turn everything
over to the Lord. Just let
go and put yourself in His
hands and He will take care
of you.” Mrs. Davis couldn’t
speak, but instantly her
countenance changed. She
was no longer struggling.
Her breathing became
less labored. She suddenly
became tranquil. For that
precious moment, God
reached down and touched
her.
Knowing I might never
see her alive again, I left
with tears in my eyes.
The next morning about
Become like a little child Jesus said
A program was in prog
ress. Few happy faces were
to be seen, though sharing
love was the theme.
In the midst of those
assembled was a little fel
low within the range of 1
year old. He was not doing
anything out of the ordi
nary - just antics expected
from one his age.
The little fellow’s
cheerful attitude began
to capture attention.
Spontaneously, joy began
to spread. Natural child
like gestures generated
smiles, creating feelings
of warmth throughout the
\ ..y
b % [
ed teenagers respect strength
and disdain weakness -- espe
cially that borne of love.
Harbin and Madden also
observed that “an almost
universal element” in the
parent-battering cases was
the parents’ unwillingness to
admit the seriousness of the
situation. They did not call
the police, even when their
lives were in danger; they
lied to protect their children
and they continued to give in
to their demands. Parental
authority had collapsed.
One father was almost
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Billy Powell
Columnist
-2 a.m., the phone rang. It
was Dorothy McKenzie.
“Your mother is gone Miss
Beverly,” she said. “She just
quietly slipped away.” What
we saw minutes later when
we arrived gave us great
consolation. On her face
was etched a peaceful and
pleasant expression - the
peace that only God can
provide.
Peggy came moments
later and witnessed the
same peaceful countenance.
It was a signal from the
great beyond to let us know
that everything was okay.
Mrs. Davis had just stepped
Earline Cole
Reflections
matybobl7@bellsoulh.nel
crowd.
The incident brought to
mind the example Jesus
gave when asked by His
killed when his angry son
pushed him down a flight
of stairs. He insisted that
the boy did not have a bad
temper. Another woman was
stabbed by her son, miss
ing her heart by an inch.
Nevertheless, she continued
letting him live at home.
Drs. Harbin and Madden
concluded that appease
ment and permissiveness are
related to youthful violence,
and that both parents should
lead with firmness. “Someone
needs to be in charge,” they
said.
I agree wholeheartedly with
these psychiatrists. Having
been appointed during the
Reagan administration
to serve on the National
Advisoiy Commission to the
Office of Juvenile Justice and
Delinquency Prevention, I
became very familiar with the
pattern of youthful violence. I
saw cold-blooded killers who
were no more than 13 years
of age. Many of them came
from homes where authority
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inside the eastern gates of
Heaven to begin her first
10,000 years with the Lord.
Knowing she was now at
peace, we sensed victory.
At the funeral, a stir
ring song was played. Its
refrain, “If we never meet
again this side of heaven,
I’ll leave this world loving
you,” brought tears to the
eyes of her family members
and friends.
The inspiring words of
Rev. John Bagwell soared
on the wings of eagles. He
assured us that we are more
than conquerors through
Christ Jesus and that noth-
• '
disciples, “Who is the
greatest in Heaven?”
Calling a child forward
and placing him on His
was weak or nonexistent. It
is a formula for cranking out
veiy tough criminals at an
early age.
When you are faced with a
potentially violent situation
at home, you must weigh
your options and take deci
sive action. The organization
Tough Love, founded by
Phyllis and David York, has
been helpful to parents whose
backs are to the wall.
Tough Love is dedicated to
helping out-of-control par
ents regain the upper hand
in their own homes. Their
basic philosophy is one of
confrontation that is designed
to bring a belligerent teen
ager to his or her senses.
You might give them a call.
To do nothing is to risk the
unthinkable.
QUESTION: How do
you feel about year-round
schools in areas where
overcrowding makes
them advantageous?
DR. DOBSON: I know
there are administrative
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FRIDAY, JUNE 9, 2006 ♦
ing, including death, can
separate us from the love
of God. Reflecting on the
great suffering Mrs. Davis
had endured, he warmed
our hearts with the cer
tainty from God’s word that
there would be no suffer
ing, pain, or tears in God’s
eternal paradise. In my
minds eye, I could see Mrs.
Davis walking straight,
erect, and no longer racked
in pain. Neither would she
have to shed any more tears
of sorrow for her departed
loved ones whom she longed
to see again. Waiting to
embrace her as she was
ushered through Heaven’s
portals were her husband
‘Mr. Homer,’ and her chil
dren, Christine and Alfred.
What a grand and glorious
reunion it must have been!
In Mrs. Davis’ room that
evening, only hours before
her homegoing, I felt the
presence of God’s angels. I
couldn’t see them, but my
spiritual eyes told me they
were there. God sends His
angels to carry His children
home, and He sent them for
Mrs. Davis.
knee for all to see, Jesus
replied, “Truly I say to
you unless you turn and
become like children, you
will never enter the king
dom of heaven. Whoever
humbles himself like this
child, he is the greatest in
the kingdom of heaven.”
- Matthew 18: 3-4, RSV
Observing the little fel
low as he generated happi
ness, the presence of Jesus
could be felt and the voice
of Jesus could be heard as
he spoke, “Whoever hum
bles himself like this child,
he is the greatest in the
kingdom of heaven.”
advantages to year-round
schools, especially since the
facilities are not standing idle
two months a year as they
are under the current system.
Nevertheless, many parents
say year-round schools are
very hard on them. Siblings
attending different schools
may have their vacations at
different times, making it
impossible for families to take
trips together.
It is also more difficult to
coordinate children’s time
off with parents’ schedules.
In short, year-round schools
represent just one more hard
ship on families seeking to do
fun and recreational things
together each year.
Dr. Dobson is founder and
chairman of the board of the
nonprofit organization Focus
on the Family, P.O. Box 444,
Colorado Springs, CO. 80903;
or www.family.org. Questions
and answers are excerpted
from “The Complete Marriage
and Family Home Reference
Guide.
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