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The ADVANCE, Morch 29, 2023/Page 9A
ConnectHER Emphasizes Work-Life Harmony
Photo by Makaylee Randolph
WORK-LIFE HARMONY - ConnectHER Keynote Speaker
Anissa Starnes told the audience that she did not be
lieve in Work-Life Balance, but rather Work-Life Harmony,
as the two work together.
By Makaylee Randolph
Staff Writer
mrandolphadvance@gmail.com
The annual Con
nectHER event, held on
March 23, filled the Vidalia
Community Center with
chatter and commerce, as
women throughout the
surrounding communities
gathered to shop, recon
nect, and hear a message
emphasizing the impor
tance of harmony between
work and life.
“How many of you
feel like your own personal
“check engine” light is on?”
keynote Speaker Anissa
Starnes asked the crowd.
“What do we normally do
when our ‘check engine’
light comes on in the car?
Most of the time, we are
too busy to immediately
take it and get it fixed, so
we put it off, and we keep
driving it, and keep driving
it, and keep driving it until
it stops. And that’s unfor
tunately what we do with
our bodies sometimes. We
say, ‘It’s good. I can keep
going. I don’t need to stop.’
We can’t really do that be
cause we’re not designed
to do it, just like our cars
aren’t designed to do it.”
Harmony, Not Balance
Starnes began her ad
dress by clarifying the
difference in work-life
balance and work-life har
mony. “I know that you
probably saw ‘Work-Life
Balance’ on the screen, and
you immediately said, ‘Oh,
here we go again. Some
body else is going to tell us
how to get our life in bal
ance,”’ she explained. “I’m
not going to tell you that
because I don’t believe in
work-life balance. I think
that at any time, we are out
of balance - we are heavy
on the work, heavy on the
family, and sometimes,
they fight each other. Rare
ly are we in the middle to
where there is a complete
balance of work and life.”
She shared that her
10 tips for life were not to
promote balance between
work and life, but rather
harmony. “I do believe in
work-life harmony, [which
focuses] on how the two
work together,” Starnes
remarked. “It took me
many years to learn some
of these tips. I’ve picked
them up along the way,
I’ve tried to institute them
into my own life, and ev
ery single time I give this
presentation, I change it
because I learn something
else I can put in my tool
kit. Every time I give this
presentation, it reminds
me to check myself.”
Work-Life Struggle
As she shared an anec
dote, Starnes provided the
audience with an example
of the stress and struggle
which work may place on
individuals’ personal lives.
“Sometimes, we just
have to let things go and
realize that we cannot
make everybody happy at
one time. Even though we
might try, there are some
things we just can’t do. For
instance, my phone went
off during dinner. I had it
on vibrate, but my phone
went off, my watch went
off, and then my phone
went off again - it was
a third time. I thought,
‘Something has to be hap
pening.’ I checked my text
messages and it was some
one I did not even know
because they weren’t in my
phone,” she told the crowd.
The person who had
texted Starnes was one of
the clients of her business
who informed her that
they had forgotten to ask
for something and wanted
to see if she could email it
to them at that moment.
“I can’t do it, I don’t have
my laptop with me, and
even if I did, it would be
weird to pull it out at the
table and start doing it.
So, I shot a text message
back and said, ‘Hey, I’m at
another Chamber event,
I can’t get to it right now,
I’ll reach back out to you
in the morning.’ To which,
he came back and said, ‘I
need it tonight, can you
text Karen and have her do
it?”’ Starnes continued.
She went on to explain
that Karen was her co
worker, who had her own
family and children she
was spending time with
that night. “Now, maybe
3-4 years ago, I would have
emailed Karen and said,
‘Hey, can you do this for
our client?’ It’s not life or
death, I know what it is, it
can wait until tomorrow.
But, I thought to myself,
‘No, I’m not going to text
Karen at 7 o’clock at night
while she’s eating dinner,
maybe feeding her 4 year
old, because then she’s go
ing to have to stop what
she’s doing and switch
gears. So, I went back to
the client and said, ‘I’m not
going to bother Karen with
it tonight. If it’s OK, I’ll ask
her to do it first thing in the
morning or I’ll do it first
thing in the morning,”’ she
added.
“It’s just setting bound
aries,” she emphasized.
Understanding Stress
Before she began shar
ing tips on setting bound
aries and having harmony
within the various parts of
life, Starnes clearly defined
stress and its effect on ev
eryday life.
“I think everybody
in this room knows what
stress is and how bad it is
for us and what it can do to
us,” she said. “We can feel
it - sometimes, it is a heavi
ness in the chest; some
times, it’s waking up at 3
a.m., 4 a.m., 5 a.m., worry
ing about something. We
start ruining our Sundays
by worrying about our
Mondays. We keep going,
going, going until we feel
like we can’t do it and just
need some time, and that
time never comes.”
She also explained
how the COVID-19 pan
demic had increased stress
within society. “Certainly,
over the last 3 years, we
have had stress get worse
tenfold,” she told the group.
“I was supposed to be here
with you all in March 2020.
[Greater Vidalia Chamber
Executive Director] Deb
bie [Evans] and I were just
talking and remember
ing kind of laughing after
the fact because when we
were deciding in 2020
whether I was going to be
able to come. They had just
started making shutdowns,
and I said, ‘We’ll just prob
ably be home a day or two.
Surely, I’ll be back on the
road next week.’ But little
did we know.”
“It has created all of
this stress that we did not
have before and it has com
pounded it. So, hopefully,
these tips that I am going
to share with you are go
ing to be even more helpful
than they would have been
3 years ago because we’re
dealing with a lot of stuff
now that we were not deal
ing with before,” Starnes
added.
The Tips
Phone-Free Hours
Starnes advised at
tendees to spend an hour
after waking up and an
hour before bed without
their phones or other tech
nological devices.
She stated she believed
this tip is the hardest to
accomplish, as most indi
viduals have their phones
attached to them, even
while sleeping. “Some of
y’all are sitting there like
‘I’m not going to do that,
it’s too hard. I sleep with
my phone under my hand.
It’s on my night stand and
at some point in the mid
dle of the night, it gets in
the bed, and then, when
I can’t find it, I look like
a crazy woman going all
over the bed trying to find
it because it’s an append
age.’ When we can’t find it,
we get uncomfortable. But
this is something that I did
and it stuck,” Starnes reas
sured.
“It was so hard the
first week or two, but then,
it just became a habit,”
she explained. Starnes in
formed the audience that
she decided not to get on
her devices in the morn
ings until after she had
showered, drank her cof
fee, talked with her hus
band, and walked her dog.
She also said she has the
same practice an hour be
fore she goes to bed; she
even leaves her phone on
a nightstand outside of her
door where she can still
hear an emergency call but
cannot easily access it from
the bed.
“Nothing is going to
happen if you do not see
those emails at 6:30 a.m.
You don’t know to stress
about it. So, wait until you
have done whatever you’d
like to do in your morning
routine first,” she advised.
Utilizing Do Not Disturb
on Phones
She informed the audi
ence that iPhone users have
a feature on their phone
where they may block any
calls or messages except
for a select few, which the
phone’s user determines
through their selection of
favorites. She said this is
important, as the boundar
ies between work and life
need to be clearly defined.
“It’s just like my cli
ent - I love him. I didn’t
even know he knew my
cell phone number; we’ve
never communicated via
text message before. But
because we knew each oth
er, he thought it was okay
to text me at 7 [p.m.] and
ask me to do something.
Normally, it’s never a big
deal - what he’s asking
would take me probably 10
minutes - but you’ve got to
start setting those bound
aries of ‘I’ll do that tomor
row instead of tonight,”’
Starnes told the group.
Volunteering
According to Starnes,
it is important to not only
volunteer in the communi
ty, but to also volunteer in
things which you are pas
sionate about.
“How many of you
volunteer for something
that you want to volunteer
for? Or were you just ‘vol-
untold’ that you needed to
volunteer for something?”
she asked the crowd. “A lot
of us sit on boards through
our work, we sit on com
mittees at our kids’ schools
or the Home Owners’ As
sociation. We volunteer for
things we have to volunteer
for.”
She continued, “The
number one thing I have
done for myself as far as vol
unteering is [that] I started
saying ‘no’ for things that I
was not extremely passion
ate about, and found one
thing that I was really pas
sionate about that I could
volunteer for that I really
wanted to give my time to,
because it makes me feel
good. It is working toward
something that I genuinely
in my heart care about.”
Understanding How to
Be a Good Boss/Worker
Starnes emphasized
the importance of under
standing what it means to
be a good boss or employ
ee in your work.
“It really works for ev
eryone - just being under
standing of what it means
to be a good boss or what
it means to be a good staff
person to your boss,” she
explained. “Whether that
means giving yourself per
mission to take care of
yourself, or giving your
team permission to take
care of themselves.”
She exemplified this
concept by encouraging
bosses to allow themselves
and their workers to leave
work early for events with
their children or family,
and being conscientious
of the times that they send
texts or emails.
“We have become a
society of immediate re
sponse. I emailed someone
earlier this week, and I got
a response back that said,
‘Anissa, I am so sorry that
I’m just now getting back
to you. I’ve had a crazy
week and I’m running ev
erywhere,’ and I said, ‘It’s
been 8 minutes,”’ Starnes
said with a laugh. “Noth
ing in my email said ‘My
hair is on fire, please come
running!’ It was just a sim
ple, “Hey, when you get a
second, can you send me
something?’ but she was
apologizing for taking 8
minutes.”
She utilized the story
to further stress the im
portance of being aware
when emails are sent as
part of being a good boss.
Also, she told the bosses in
the room to make sure to
do as they say. “If you tell
your staff to take the day
off, you need to take the
day off with them and not
be working, because if they
then see that you’ve been
working, they will feel
guilty about it,” she added.
According to Starnes,
understanding the home
environment and being
aware of people’s home
life to know when to allow
them breaks or to work
from home is also impera
tive to being a good boss
and worker. “We have to
get toward trusting peo
ple that they’re going to
do what they need to do
when they’re working from
home or in flexible timing,”
she said.
Knowing When to Ask
for Help
Knowing when to
take a break or ask for help
on a project is one of the
many ways harmony can
be promoted between life
and work, Starnes told the
group.
She gave her own per
sonal experience with this.
“Just recently, we moved
my 92 year-old aunt, for
whom I am caretaker, to
assisted living and we were
cleaning out her condo. It
was just me, and I thought
I could do it on the week
ends, but finally, I hit a wall
and said, ‘Hey, I have got
to take 3 days off,”’ Starnes
remarked. “My boss - God
love him - immediately
said, ‘Do I need to get on a
plane? Can I come help? I
can pack boxes, I can drive
a U-Haul, what do you
need?’ I told him I needed
a break and he gave it to
me, no questions asked.
Meeting-Free Days
According to Starnes,
meeting-free days should
also be made a part of the
work schedule for work-life
harmony. She explained
that it is completely up to
the individual how often
to schedule these days -
weekly, monthly, quarterly,
etc. She told the group
that they did not have to
let people know that those
days were meeting-free
days, but rather just merely
tell people that we are fully
booked.
“What we do as wom
en is we people please, and
we say ‘yes’ when we really
need to say ‘no,’” she em
phasized. “We have to give
ourselves that time to work
on our business and not at
our business. Having a qui
et day in the office where
you can get the real work
done is very important,
because if we don’t pay at
tention, our calendars get
really, really, really full.”
Saying “No”
She stressed the im
portance of learning when
to say “no” to events and
requests when necessary.
“Get used to saying ‘no’
when someone comes to
you if it doesn’t need to be
on your plate, if it absolute
ly can’t fit, and if you ab
solutely have no desire to
do it - we spend so much
time doing things we do
not want to do because we
feel obligated to do it, and
really, it’s absolutely OK to
say no,” Starnes said.
Putting Yourself on the
Schedule
Starnes told the group
that it is important for in
dividuals to put themselves
on a daily schedule for ac
tivities which they desire
to do. She gave the example
of her scheduling a pilates
class during her day, and
merely telling any clients
that she is unavailable at
that time. “You have to take
time for yourself, and make
it non-negotiable at all
costs unless it is an emer
gency,” she emphasized.
“No one has to know what
you are doing, they just
need to know you are un
available at that time. You
have to remember you are
so valuable - you’re valu
able to yourself, to your co
workers, to your boss, and
to your family. Not putting
yourself on your schedule
will burn you out.’”
Findingjoy
Joy should be found
wherever and through
whatever means possible
to avoid burning out. “It
doesn’t have to be a big
trip, it just has to be what
ever brings you joy - put
it on your schedule. Try to
work it in whenever you
can,” she commented.
Dance Everyday
She ended her list of
tips with her advice to the
audience to dance every
day. “You can’t be upset
when you’re dancing...it’s
a joyful thing,” Starnes re
marked. She told the audi
ence that she spent many
days having her own dance
parties in her house during
the COVID pandemic and
discovered an increase of
joy and decrease of stress.
About Starnes
Starnes has more than
30 years of experience in
nonprofit management,
which mostly dealt with
chambers of commerce.
She currently serves as
the Chief Impact Officer
or YGM Total Resource
Campaigns, a nationwide
firm that assists chambers
with non-dues revenue de
velopment and nationwide
executive searches.
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