Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

4A ♦ WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2006 Mau&tan journal OPINION Daniel F. Evans Editor and Publisher Don Moncrief Managing Editor There is no rational reason It never fails. Whenever there’s a marked spike in violence in Iraq - like there was a week or so ago - national media respond with puzzled looks. They turn and look at each other, still with raised eyebrows, bring on guests of all shapes and sizes, and in short, try to make sense of it. “Why now,” seems to be the common theme. “Sept. 11 is still a week away.” “There’s no Arab anniversary this week. There’s no other significant date to warrant this. Why now?” Well, why not? (The middle three are actual quotes from one of the major net works, by the way.) Let’s just say for the sake of argument a terrorist, or terrorists, has/have half a brain. That’s a fair assumption and a pretty fair statement: “Terrorists have half a brain.” Well, any one with half a brain can figure out the best way “not” to get caught is to not be predictable. Want to get caught? Try something on the anniversary of one of the greatest tragedies in U.S. history. You don’t think this country was on high alert yesterday? But, what about today? What about tomor row? Sure, we’ve now got homeland security. And sure, we’ve learned to be a lot more vigil, or maybe just vigil considering before 9-11 we just lived our lives with little to no thought of it. The recent foiled plot inter cepted by the United Kingdom is proof of that. But, when are we most on our guard? On a key anniversary date for us, or them. Not the day after, not the month before. The point is, this is us now. We can’t afford to let the media or anyone else program us into thinking it’s all part of a scripted plan. This is not Hollywood. This is real life. It’s a tragedy in itself that it’s come down to this, but here we are. There is no sense to it, so national media should just stop trying to fill their timeslot in trying to convince us there is. Anyone with half a brain could tell them that. But for them perhaps it’s more a case of: “It’s a ‘no-brainer.’” Worth Repeating “In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential freedoms. The first is freedom of speech and expression - everywhere in the world. The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way - everywhere in the world. The third is freedom from want - which, trans lated into world terms, means economic understand ings which will secure to every nation peaceful life for its inhabitants - everywhere in the world. The fourth is freedom from fear - which, translated into world terms, means a worldwide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit any act of aggression against any neighbor-anywhere in the world.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1882-1945 32nd President of the United States (Democrat, NY) * Send your Letters to the Editor to: The Houston Home Journal P.O. Box 1910 • Perry, Ga 31069 or Email: hhj@evansnewspapers.com Julie B. Evans Vice President Foy S. Evans Editor Emeritus Sure, we've now got homeland security. And sure, we've learned to be a lot more vigil, or maybe just vigil considering before 9-11 we just lived our lives with little to no thought of it. The recent foiled plot intercepted by the United Kingdom is proof of that. But, when are we most on our guard? On a hey anniversary date for us, or them. A blended family, op family in a blender? She was young, hip, funny, attrac tive and confident. She was the DJ of a popular, drive-time top-40 radio program in one of Georgia’s major cities and had invited me on her program to talk about the Marriage Report that had just been released by Georgia Family Council. The report provided a “snap shot” of the attitudes and behaviors shaping the general health of marriage in Georgia. In between popular songs she (and her mostly deferential co-host) pep pered me with questions about our findings and, in typical drive-time radio fashion, sprinkled those ques tions with witty observations from her own life and experience. I was having fun, as I almost always do on radio programs such as this. And we weren’t having a hard time agree ing on the importance of healthy mar riages to both adults and children. But then things took a turn. It didn’t turn rotten; the tenor just changed. Why? We got onto the issue of cohabita tion and she said, “I lived with my ‘ex’ before we got married thinking that it would increase our chances of having a good marriage. And now you’re telling me that research shows that it actually hurts your chances of succeeding in marriage?!” I said, “Well, yeah, that’s what I’m saying because that’s what the research says.” That was a little uncomfortable but she found it difficult to argue with given the fact that he was, indeed, her “ex.” Then she went on to another myth. “OK, I messed that up, but at least I stand a better chance of having a successful second marriage because I’ve gone through it before. Now, I know what it takes.” She looked at me hoping for an affirming nod. She didn’t get it. “Uh, I hate to say this, but the truth is the opposite - second marriages break up at a much greater rate than first mar riages.” She was clearly disappointed with the news. So am I, but I have learned over the years that divorce and remarriage - particularly with children involved in one or more of the relationships - is incredibly difficult, often painful. Quite frankly, most people who have gone through the challenging process of divorce, remarriage and “blending” families from previous marriages can tell you it’s sometimes gut-wrenching. Being filled with questions for vacation Maybe it’s the start of school, the Socratic Method and all that. Maybe it’s the prospect of some time off to contemplate my navel. Maybe I’ve mistimed my medication. Whatever ... I’m filled with ques tions, questions about the future, the past, next Tuesday, serious concerns about Billy Shakespeare’s mortal coil. And perhaps because a word associa tion has gone horribly awry, at the top of my list of questions is what ever happened to Question Mark and the Mysterians? Actually, a little Google can go a long way when knee deep in an industrial strength self-application of Socrates. Question Mark - born Rudy Martinez and legally “?” for nearly four decades now - and the Mysterians top most one-hit wonder charts (“96 Tears” in 1966) although the group Smashmouth remade their song “Can’t Get Enough of You Baby” a few years ago with some success. Otherwise, the music mojo of “?” and the Mysterians is enough to make any one, well, cry ... cry, cry, cry! Now that I have those boys out of the way, I can spend long hours of my impending vacation mulling over a growing list of irresolution, questions nobody seems to be able to answer. For starters, if I leave my garden hose outside all winter and in April it springs a leak the size of a Personal Pan pizza, I’ll have to pay to replace it. So why is it that when BP skimps on maintaining its pipeline in Alaska for five years, I have to pay for it - in the form of higher gas prices? OPINION Blended families have it tough. Really tough. Here’s a sobering statistic that makes the point clearly - 65 percent of all re-marriages end in divorce. I’m going to assume that there are many people reading this who are experiencing the challenge of a blended family. I actually want to offer you some hope. You can make it, but it takes time and commitment. Jim Killman, the author of Dangerous Crossings, says, “Here’s the added com plication for blended families: Experts say it typically takes four to eight years for a new family to blend - to feel like a real family rather than a stepfamily. But of the second marriages that fail, most do so in the first four years - before families realistically could have expected to blend.” People just give up too soon. Here’s a message for those of you experiencing difficulty in a first mar riage. In most cases, it is far easier to spend months, or even years, working through your current problems than it ever will be to divorce, remarry and start a blended family. In other words, think long and hard before taking such a drastic step. Remember, roughly 80 percent of those who “stick it out” through an unhappy time in their marriage report being happy five years later. Do the math. Five years is a lot less than eight years. That said, blended families do exist and often need significant help to weather harrowing storms. With some help from Ron Deal, a preemi nent expert on how to create healthier blended families, here are some tips: Take time to heal. Again, it takes roughly eight years for a new family to blend, so take the time you need and allow others to take the time they need to grieve the losses that divorce and remarriage cause. This includes helping and allowing children to grieve their losses. Realize they have lost a lot as well and respect their need to see their other biological parent and After BP found a 16-mile stretch of its pipeline was shapeshifting into a colander, the petroleum giant shut it down, causing a 3-percent jump in oil prices, and we all know where those go. In an obviously unrelated develop ment, prices at the pump went down the last week, a sure sign that they will go up again. My second question is about the serious diss a bunch of smarty-pants scientists from the International Astronomical Union put on Pluto last week. How could they do such a thing? Talk about your downsizing. Pluto went from a member in good standing of the club Planet Planet to an inter planetary, politically incorrect “dwarf.” (What? The white coats never heard the term “little planet?”) Unless the planet-stripping fiasco was simply a ruse to teach young peo ple that Pluto was more than a Disney dog and will soon be reversed, thou sands of homemade science projects with nine planets will soon be washing ashore at eßay beach. What’s next? Orion busted for not having a valid hunting permit? Halley’s Randy Hicks President Georgia Family Council George Ayoub Columnist Morris News Service respect that parent in your child’s presence. Take your time to blend and practice patience. Help your children transition by being patient. Let step-children set the pace for developing the relationship by focusing first on warm interactions between stepchild and stepparent and then transitioning into disciplinarian later. It’s likely to take four to eight years to develop intimate and authen tic relationships in stepfamilies. Set reasonable expectations. Keep from setting yourself up for disap pointment: a stepfamily will never be the same as a nuclear family. Discuss expectations for roles, tasks, involve ment, relationships, child-rearing val ues, home rules and traditions. Stay committed through tough times. There’s not a questions as to whether or not you will have difficult times. You will. But just like any marriage, success ultimately comes through com mitment. The rewards will come. Work as a team. Be unified as parents in decisions, discipline and establishing a new home. This doesn’t mean you will see eye-to-eye on everything, but it does mean you need to determine how you’ll work through differences and that you’ll present a united front. Make your Marriage a Priority. Your children must be a priority. But mak ing a blended family starts with your marital health, which is something you can’t have if you fail to make time for each other. Find regular time to be together alone and talk. It’s through these times alone that you will develop the patience, endurance, com mitment, communication and unity (all the things above) needed to make your marriage work and your kids feel secure. Seek help and get support. Don’t be a lone ranger on this.- If you need counseling or a support group, go get it. There are people who have successfully navigated this road before you; they can help. For more information, I would sug gest you check out www.successful stepfamilies.com It’s among the best websites you can find on this topic. Georgia Family Council is a non profit organization that works to strengthen and defend the family in Georgia by equipping communities, shaping laws and influencing culture. For more information, go to www. georgiafamily.org, 770-242-0001 and greeg@gafam,org. Comet forced to return twice every 76 years or risk being downgraded to a bright light. Those two questions could keep me busy the entire vacation, but I have some backup wonders, too. What will cable news networks do now that the case against John Mark Karr has been drooped everywhere but in his mind? (If there is time, maybe we could find out why anyone believed him in the first place.) A couple math questions, too: Do anonymous callers or letter writers understand the direct proportion between the nature of their complaint, 2 cents or story and the diminished impact brought on by their secrecy? Other numbers: How can more than half of us believe that leaders in the nation’s capital are steering us in the wrong direction, but more than half of us will re-elect them in a couple months to keep driving? From the toy department, why do sports icons and heroes insist to us fans they don’t want to be role models instead of insisting on it with shoe companies, bubble gum makers and jock strap vendors who enrich them in stunning fashion? I might also tackle why abbreviated is such a long word and how much deeper the oceans would be if there were no sponges. Or, if I’m really ambitious, I could consider one of the great enigmas of our time: Is 96 the accurate number of teardrops for one heart to be cryin’? Or is it simply a mystery? Reach George Ayoub at george. ayoub@morris.com. HOUSTON DAILY JOURNAL