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6A ♦ THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2006 A different perspective Sunday in church I sat in a different spot than usual in the choir loft. Because part of the youth choir joined us, we altos were bumped to the third row with the men. Although it is just a few inches higher than the second row, where I usually sit, it seemed like I was way up in the air. From my normal spot, I have a direct line of sight to give my older son the eye if he acts up where he sits with my mother. With mommy in the choir and daddy helping run the sound and video, he has to mind Ma on the second row in the congrega tion. I don’t often have to give him The Stare, but it’s handy to be where I can eas ily see him if I need to. But from the third row, everything looked differ ent. People seemed far away, and I could see the tops of people’s heads really well, especially the gleaming of my cousin’s bald head. Then, at Sunday dinner at my momma’s house, I wound up sitting in a differ ent place at the dining room table. Suffice it to say I was rather discombobulated by What are the six perils of retirement? By David Corbett Founder, New Directions Inc. You couldn’t wait to retire. Now you’ve done it, and your life feels unhinged. Your cal endar and email in-box are empty. Your spouse wants you to do anything that involves leaving the house. And you feel guilty for not being productive. Welcome to retirement. Even those who work part time after leaving a primary career, as most people now do, face major logistical and psychological challenges. Retirees who don’t antici pate these landmines may learn about them the hard way. But you can prepare for them, Here are six pockets of turbulence and suggestions for how to avoid them. ■ 1. Where did the time go? Retired people often say they’ve never been so busy in their lives. But there’s a difference between being busy, on the one hand, and on the other, being engaged in doing things that satis fy, help us grow as human beings, or enable us to help others. You may ask, “How did I get swept up in a bunch of activities that, to be hon est, don’t excite me all that much?” Certain activities, consid ered alone, may be good and worthwhile, but what about other demands on your time? everyone has to strike a balance between commit ments and keeping the flex ibility that lets us remain in control of our time. A key rule is to reject demands on your time that don’t fit your short- or long-term goals. ■ 2. “I used to be . . .” People often make the mistake of allowing them selves to be defined by their careers. If they fail to diver sify, they pay the price— unhappiness—when a career is pulled away. For a driven type person who was a top corporate executive, it might take a while to get over the social awkwardness of not defining oneself by one’s career. In reality, you don’t lose your identity when you quit a job. You lose that identity; and you shed one of your identi ties. But you know who you fully are, inside, as a human being, is deeper. Look at your identity as a work-in progress that evolves with you. Ask questions you may have thought were answered once and for all. Who am I? Do I matter? What can I do? New answers yield new purposes when the old underpinnings are pulled away. ■ 3. Loss of work-related social bonds. Even if you’re making new friends, a key set of relationships with peo ple in your life have changed. Not facing this reality and, that time. Actually, I have had to learn to get used to a totally new perspective on life for the past month. It has been that long since I quit my job to stay home and home school my older son. It has been quite a change for all of us. While I know that I have yet to get a full taste, in just one month, of what life at home will be like, it has been interest ing mak ing the transi tion. First of all, I Jap —■ n ■' -» j| Sherri Martin The Front Porch had to get used to a little different pace from the fran tic one I had lived for so long. I had to decompress somewhat, and realize that I didn’t have to feel like two people anymore. Perhaps that is the biggest change. I feel like a whole person again. I used to say if I could just clone myself and send one of me to work as a result, not taking time for proper closure with these relationships, can leave you feeling rejected when former colleagues don’t call you up. That isolation can prevent you from moving forward in your life. Build your new networks before you leave your job. Find new social circles. Turn to family and old friends for support—and to new friends and colleagues as well. ■ 4. Loss of support sys tems. This one is hard for people who had secretaries, lots of high-tech office tools to keep them on track and assistants to whom they could delegate tasks. They may lack the disci pline or support they need to get through the day seam lessly. Having to replace the ink cartridge in the printer or make their own travel arrangements can drive them crazy. Self-reliance is simply the cost of leaving your job. You have to develop these skills. Yes you have to think big and follow dreams—but you may need to change the toner cartridge, too. ■ 5. Fractured households. Marital strain often follows retirement, which reshapes intimate relationships. When both spouses are “home alone” everyday, ten sions often arise. Work keeps spouses apart for much of the week. But removing a job doesn’t mean that the couple has to spend every minute together. Discuss this with your mari tal partner beforehand. Figure out how much time you need alone. Decide which activities will be done jointly and which individ ually. Sparks can also fly when one spouse is primed to de-emphasize work and the other wants to keep put ting in long hours. Most women who entered the workforce 1970 to 2000 did so after age thirty-five. Having begun careers later, they’re not ready at the same chronological age as some men to dream new dreams—or cast off as camp cook in a big RV By being open about your feelings and respectful of others you can minimize These Homes are quality built all brick homes We have 3 & 4 bedroom homes starting at 131,900. Homes have features such as custom cabinets, fireplace, sod, sprinkler system Builder is giving a $5,000 bonus if you contract on one of our last 2 completed homes and close within 30 days We have a new loan program available to use that is a 100% loan with no PMI Information Center open daily Mon, Thur, Fri 12-6 weekdays, Sat 11-5 Sun 1-5. Stop by and visit with Karen or give her a call at 954-HOME (4663) Located on the Perry Parkway right across from the new Court House Coming Soon Another CARTER-WILKES S/D REMINGTON CHASE CONSTRUCTION. INC. pairclothßealtv m, ■ W (471) 971-2115 331 Mime Irtve, Warner labins, 6JL 31818 Disclaimer Bonuses bated on certam completed hornet ooly Loan program bated upon credd and may not apply to al purchasers and let one of me stay home I would be happy. After all, I enjoyed my job, but I love my family and home. For so long, I was used to going to work and then trying to come home and shift gears and be a good wife and mother. Now, I don’t have to feel like a split person anymore. I can focus on my home and family without also keeping up with outside job responsi bilities. Does this mean that I am all of a sudden a super housekeeper? Um, no. Come take one look at my house and you will quickly know the answer to that one. However, it is wonderful to know that what I don’t get done today I can work on tomorrow, and don’t have to wait and hope I will have the energy on the weekend or my next day off to do it. Just like a new seat in the choir loft, life looks differ ent from here. It’s slower, at least as slow as two active little boys will allow it to be, and it’s infinitely better. From where I sit, this is where I’m supposed to be. For how long, only God knows, but for as long as it is, I will be thankful. these strains. Recognize the need to amend precon ceived plans and find some middle ground when choices conflict. If it seems tough, remember that we’re deal ing with essentially a new stage of the marital relation ship. ■ 6. Guilt. You may feel as though you are cheating your family out of money by not working. Instead of enjoying a movie during the afternoon, you may feel as though you should be at work. Among men, guilt may be linked to a socially condi tioned premise that a man who is not productive is not a man. Remember, lots of terrible people have been very pro ductive. And many poets, mystics and saints who left the world better than they found it appeared to do nothing. If you want to feel produc tive, give some full atten tion to your gifts, needs and goals, perhaps to the ben efit of others. Examine your assumptions. Enjoy whatev er you do. People who have it tough est during the post-career phase of life generally did not anticipate, prepare or plan for it. Sadly, people are still deluded into thinking that rest, leisure, and recreation will be enough or that retire ment will evolve by itself. They are at risk of being bored and without a pur pose. Find a passion. Live that passion. It may add years to your life. Finally, remember to introduce change bit by bit. Challenge so-called “facts” and be willing to change habits. See life as new each and every day. Be grateful for it. Find ways to stay energized and optimistic. The evidence shows that such an attitude can make a difference. David Corbett is the founder of New Directions, Inc., in Boston, and author of Portfolio Life: the New Path to Work, Purpose, and Passion After 50, published by Jossey Bass. Visit him online at www.portfoliolife book.com. w. LOCAL From Rwanda to Durfur The demonstrators had extraordinary moral credibility. Last week in Kigali, Rwanda, survivors of the 1994 Rwanda geno cide called on the United Nations and world leaders to act to end the continuing genocide in Sudan’s west ern Darfur region. “We survivors stand with the victims in Darfur,” Rwandan Freddy Umutanguha told The Irish Independent. “We know what it is like to lose our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daugh ters.” In April 1994, Hutu-led mobs and militias began slaughtering 800,000 moth ers, fathers, sons and daugh ters - mostly Tutsi tribes people, though Rwandan Hutus who opposed the killers were also slain. The murder campaign contin ued for three months. Since February 2003, at least 250,000 people have been killed in Darfur. Another 2.5 million have been displaced. In February 2004, reflect ing on Rwanda’s genocide, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said: “There can be no more binding obligation for the international com munity than the preven tion of genocide. ... The events in Rwanda ... were especially shameful. The international community clearly had the capacity to prevent those events, but failed to summon the will. ... We must ensure that we never again fail to summon the will.” Lack of political will and lack of credible military power contributed to the Rwandan disaster. A U.N. peacekeeping force deployed to Rwanda in 1993 to monitor a ceasefire agree ment between the Rwandan government and a Tutsi rebel group, the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF). I am not convinced that small and lightly armed force could have done much - there were too few of them, and the genocidal attacks quickly spread throughout Rwanda. However, Canadian Gen. Hi ~ immi in mm f Go Karts, I Scooters & LDirt Bikes Electric Guitar $ 59 00 Acoustic Guitar Adult $ 39 88 Child $ 24 88 Banjos $ 42 73 Shampoo - Lotion { ftn Household Cleaners ■■ s£» Cell phone accessories: Cases, Auto & Home Chargers and much, much more @ $1 M each. Kitchenware, Clothes, Cleaning Supplies. TONS OF ITEMS! 79 Green St. ■ Warner Robins, GA Q99-ftnft9 (One Block From Hwy. 247) l HOURS: 10am - spm Mon-Sat 00037813 Romeo Dallaire, the U.N. force commander, now believes early, decisive action against the Hutu extrem ists who led the genocide would have thwarted their plans. Dallaire’s U.N. troops would have been interven ing in a Rwandan civil war, but in retrospect he thinks that was the least-terrible choice. The peacekeepers did not intervene, however. Belgium withdrew its con tingent when 10 soldiers were killed. U.N. leaders dithered for weeks before voting to reinforce the mis sion, sending too little, too late. The mounting death toll in Darfur tests Annan’s mm aIH Austin Bay Military Affairs Creators Syndicate cannot protect the vulner able from dedicated killers - - that job demands soldiers. Annan knows this. Annan, with the support of the United States and Great Britain, wants to reinforce the hapless, ineffective African Union peacekeep ing force now in Darfur. In August, the Security Council approved a U.N.- led force. But the resolution “invites” the consent of the Sudanese government in Khartoum to approve deploying U.N. troops. Khartoum interpreted the diplo-speak “invites” to mean it could nix a U.N. force. Sudan said, “No, thanks,” and called a U.N. force in Darfur “a European imperialist invasion. “ Scratch “imperialist,” and Khartoum’s killers have the trace of a legitimate case, for a credible U.N. military force entering Darfur would be invading to halt- Khartoum’s state sponsored policy of ethnic cleansing. ‘TPta&e 'tyoun lTwintSet - $ 99 00 iF.ulbSet - s ll9°° ■;Q.ueenfS.et - $ 159 00 (King(Set - $ 229 00 HOUSTON DAILY JOURNAL Mao Zedong’s rule of thumb - people are like water, and a guerrilla army like fish swimming in the human pool - influenced Rwanda’s Hutu radicals. The genocidaires believed mass murder would elimi nate “the ethnic pool” sup porting rebel Tutsis. Pursuing a simi lar goal with similar means, Khartoum has its “Janjaweed” militia proxies ravage, then torch, villages it suspects support Darfur rebel factions. Ending the Darfur geno cide means terminating Khartoum’s savage policy. That means peacekeeping forces combating the mili tias would be waging war against allies of the “host” Sudanese government. Rwanda’s pro-interven tion demonstrators have moral credibility borne of unspeakable suffering. Credible combat power - - well-armed, well-led, well supported soldiers with full authority to use deci sive, deadly force - can be deployed in Darfur. That credible combat power must be backed by credible leaders, however. That means leaders with the spine to intervene despite Khartoum’s intran sigence and leaders with the grit to continue this difficult mission when (it is inevitable) the fighting gets dirty, good soldiers die and tragic mistakes occur. Despite Annan’s fine words, outside of London and Washington such lead ership is not in evidence. Until it appears, “the international community” deserves to be shamed. To find out more about Austin Bay, and read fea tures by other Creators Syndicate writers and car toonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www. creators.com. stirring words. But when it comes to ending geno cide, words require swords. Fine words Best Cooks In Perry! m Guitar i W 10 Amp m Amplifier < ■I 5 88 95 I 137994