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HOUSTON DAILY JOURNAL Kids need assistance to establish their own identities Question: Does the mid dle child really have greater adaptive problems than her siblings? Dr. Dobson: The middle child does sometimes find it more difficult to establish her identity within the fam ily. She enjoys neither the status of the eldest nor the attention given to the baby. Furthermore, she is likely to be born at a busy period in the life of her parents, and especially her mother. Then during her preschool years, her precious territory is invaded by a cute little newborn who steals Mama from her. Is it any wonder that she often asks, “Who am I and where is my place in life?” Question: What can I do to help my middle child fig ure out who she is? Can Rudolph the reindeer really fly? Christmas is a spe cial time for me. As a child, the vision of Santa Claus departing the North Pole in a reindeer driven sleigh loaded with toys stirred my imagination. The thought that he would actually land on my house thrilled my heart. A bottle of coke and cook- Hill' I'.null Columnist ies were placed on the mantle for Santa. Every year I tried to stay awake to catch him put ting presents under the tree, but never succeeded. I always awakened on Christmas morning to find that Santa had come and gone; the coke bottle was empty and the cookies con sumed. I vowed every year to stay awake the next Christmas to catch the jolly old elf. When Bill and Tim were small, we started celebrat ing Christmas early in December. I read to them the accounts of Jesus’ birth from Luke and Matthew. They marveled at Gabriel’s announcement to Mary that she would bear God’s son. They pondered with won derment the angelic choir that proclaimed His birth, the shepherds who came to worship the Christ child, and the wise men who tracked the star to Bethlehem. We took turns playing Santa Claus. While Bill (age 9) and Tim (age 4) pretended to sleep, I donned a fake white beard and red stocking cap and came down the hall car rying a bag full of old toys. I would enter their room, THESE SERVICE PROVIDERS I f I, y , l ' s "m ,"" Ch U rch & Religion Support Your Local Religious Institution And Place Your Ad On This Page C VBy C ailing 478-987-1823! YOUR AD COULD BE HERE! Arnold’s Auto Service 1202 Main St. Perry, Ga. 31069 Complete Car Maintenance Pick-up & Delivery “Road Service Call Thomas or Shelby 987-9439 [_ wmwl Dr. Dobson: Parents should take steps to ensure the identity of all their chil dren, not just as members of the family, but as unique individuals. This is especial ly needed on behalf of mid dle children. Let me offer a couple of suggestions that will illustrate what I mean. ■ 1. It is meaningful for dad or mom to “date” each child, one at a time, peri odically. The other kids should not be told where they are going until it is revealed afterward by the chosen child. They can play miniature golf, go bowling, play basketball, eat tacos or pizza, or visit a skating rink. The choice of activities should be made by the child whose turn has arrived. ■ 2. Ask each offspring to design his or her own flag, say “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas,” and place toys beside their bed. Then it would be Bill’s turn to play Santa for Tim and me. Finally it came Tim’s turn. Bill and I had to muf fle our laughter as little Tim came down the hall dragging a pillowcase of toys and mut tering “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas.” Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was a hit in those days. Gene Autry and Burl Ives became famous singing the familiar song. Bill and Tim once asked, “Can Rudolph really fly?” “Sure, he can fly,” I replied, “and his red nose glows in the dark to light Santa’s way.” Although Santa Claus and Rudolph are integral to Christmas, Jesus is the reason for the season. This story explains why: Ten birds were caught in a snow storm. They were cold and hun gry It was almost midnight on Christmas Eve when a farm er came to the barn to check on his livestock. As he opened the door, the barn light illuminated the shivering birds clustered a short distance away. He wanted so badly to coax them into the warmth of his barn and feed them some grain, but he knew communication with them was impossible. About that time, the bell from a nearby church pealed midnight ushering in Christmas day. The farmer thought for a moment and said, “Now, I know why Christ came. Just as I could only help those birds by becoming one of them, God became a man in the person of Christ to show us how to live and to save us from our sins.” Renry Drug iptyniiany Friendly, Professional Service Ben Bartlett & Hubert Bennett, HI I.ISTf RFD PHMHMOSTS Hut Shm* Ncetpt*/ 1036 MACON RD. • PERRV, GA I 988-1144 which can be sewn in canvas or cloth. That flag can then be flown in the front yard on the child’s “special” days, celebrat ing birth days, good grades, athletic achieve ments and so forth. There are other ways to accom plish the same pur- H Dr. James Dobson Focus on the Family pose. The target, again, is to plan activities that empha size one child’s individual ity apart from his identity within the group. Question: My marriage has been a very unsatisfying thing for me. Church Briefs Christmas musical planned The Sanctuary Choir of Second Memorial Baptist Church, 1845 Kings Chapel Road, Perry, will present, “Jesus, There’s Something About that Name,” at 11 a.m., Sunday. The musi cal is arranged by Russell Mauldin. The choir will be under the direction Believing in the love of Santa Claus I was substituting a fifth grade class when one student asked if I believed in Santa. “Of course I do,” was my immediate response. Overhearing the conversation, another stu dent inquired, “Mrs. Cole, Why do you believe in a ficti tious character?” My expla nation was that SANTA is a symbol of LOVE and LOVE is real. My letter to Santa clarifies my acceptance of Santa’s place in the annual celebration of Christmas. Dear Santa, Perhaps it is out of the ordinary for the grand mother of two adult grand children to be writing a let ter to Santa. I just want to express some of my feel ings toward my relationship with you. Some Christians think of your role as being pagan ism. An attempt to prove or disprove your existence would be to no avail. You were an important figure in my childhood days. I anxiously looked for ward to your annual visit. Leaving a treat beneath the Christmas tree for you was a simple lesson in thought fulness. This was a way of saying “Thank You” for the gifts to be found Christmas morning. You could not heave everything on the list but there was one thing over and above my wants that you voluntarily left in abun dance. A gift that could not be wrapped in a package. The gift of love! Yes, you were important, Serving Houston County Perry • Warner Robins Member KDIC CBST Bank of Middle Georgia [jk 1 THE BANK Hy OF PERRY Please worship at the church of your choice 1006 Main St. • Perry 987-2552 Member FDIC >00040099 RELIGION I would divorce my hus band if it were not for my concern for our three chil dren. What does the research say about the impact of divorce on kids? Dr. Dobson:lt’s now known that emotional devel opment in children is direct ly related to the presence of warm, nurturing, sustained and continuous interaction with both parents. Anything that interferes with the vital relationship with either mother or father can have lasting consequences for the child. One landmark study revealed that 90 percent of children from divorced homes suffered from an acute sense of shock when the separation occurred, including profound grieving and irrational fears. Fifty but far from being the most important. You see, we were taught that Christmas is the birthday of Jesus. With the passing of time, Santa, you came to mean more than a jolly fellow with a beard of white . . . more than one sliding down the chimney with a sack of toys . . . more than the fictitious driver of a make-believe team of reindeer pulling a sleigh through the starry sky. As the meaning of Christmas began to take roots in the mind of a young girl, the meaning of LOVE grew stronger. Santa became symbolic of love. By this time, I was too old to expect a visit from Santa. Just the same, it seemed you had a rightful place in Christmas. Your appear ance in the downtown store brought sparkles to eyes and smiles to faces of many youngsters who seldom had reason to reflect happiness prior to your arrival. With parenthood came more visits from Santa. Our house had no chimney but the doors of our home were open. You were permitted to be a part of our children learning about Christmas, even though you had to take second place. First place belonged to “Baby Jesus.” Tradition continued for our grandchildren. Passing on the greatest lesson in life was a golden opportunity beginning with Mary learning she was to give birth to Jesus, travel ing with Mary and Joseph LONGHORN BUTCHER SHOP your Hometown butcher since 1976 1207 Sunset \>i\ * Perry Pla/a Perry, tiA.31069 100040090 l ,ee I.asselei 478-987-5711 Greer Lasseler ■ J 'Hew &tea*ten& 736 Main Street Perry, Georgia 31069 Jackie & Terry Mullis 987-1965 , [00040089 percent reported feeling rejected and abandoned, and indeed half of the fathers never came to see their chil dren three years after the divorce. One-third of the boys and girls feared abandonment by the remaining parent, and 66 percent experienced yearning for the absent par ent with an intensity that researchers described as overwhelming. Most signifi cant, 37 percent of the chil dren were even more unhap py and dissatisfied five years after the divorce than they had been at 18 months. In other words, time did not heal their wounds. That’s the real meaning of divorce. It is certainly what I think about, with righteous indignation, when I see infi delity and marital deceit of Jenny Ledger, Minister of Music and student. Norman Gay is the nar rator. A nursery will be provided and visitors are welcome. For information, call the pastor, Dr. Tracy Brinson at 987-1025, or Ledger at 218-0485. Walk Through Bethlehem The annual “Walk through Bethlehem” will be held at Shirley Earline Cole Reflections 40094 to Bethlehem and hearing the angel announce, “For unto you is born his day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord,” (Luke 2:11) followed by “a multitude of heavenly host prais ing God, and say ing, Glory to God in the high est, and on earth peace, good will to men.” (Luke 2:13-14) The picture is not com plete until we can see beyond a baby in a manger to Jesus nailed to the cross . . . and on to the Resurrection. When the impact of John (irmaf Deals I c nu have scmethinfi Dre $ses U sell (ind it's under w MKII. w, tall cur filter p m , JbjL classifieddept + WII __ mh Bins! run in llincs , Sm6*oitUxtf • • dttruxtioHA 478-988-2448 740 Main Street Perry GA 31069 7/idit 74a, Online www.sewingbees.com ' Perry ’ Antique Mall 631 Courtney Hodges Blvd. Perry, G A 31069 next to Par> Animal Hospira) 478-987-8775 perryantiques@alltel.net •ttmT ccuktok FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2006 ♦ portrayed on television as some kind of exciting game for two. The bottom line is that you are right to consider the welfare of your children in deciding whether or not to seek a divorce. As empty as the marital relationship continues to be for you, it is likely, from what I know of your circumstances, that your kids will fare better if you choose to stick it out. Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO. 80903; or www.family. org. Questions and answers are excerpted from "The Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide” and ‘‘Bringing Up Boys, ” both published by Hills Baptist Church from 4-10 p.m., today through Sunday. The re-enactment, in costume, with live animals, of life in the village of Bethlehem at the time of Jesus’ birth event attracts thousands each year. Free. Send information on church events to cperkins@evansnewspapers.com or call Charlotte Perkins at 987-1823, Ext. 234. 3:16 becomes real to the individual, then the discov ery of what Christmas is all about, has been realized. Santa, everyone knows that you can never come near measuring up to that kind of love, but then, nei ther can I. So I just want to say it is good to know that you can be a part of this special day without smoth ering out the real reason for our celebrating Christmas. Whether or not Santa is believed in is of lesser importance. It is believing in love that makes the dif ference. Love, the starting point of “Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men!” Thank you, Santa, for the love you have shared in the past will continue to share through years to come. Next Week: Letter to God § o a^ ne 6 Sperry florist 734 Main Street Perry, Georgia 31069 987-1656 800-516-1004 00040100 1812 U.S. 41 N.l Perry, GA 987-1112 OHYMENS HoonngfWBJICA 1 WHiSo 000410A6 3B