Newspaper Page Text
8A
♦ WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2007
Lenient parenting is common mistake for adopted children
QUESTION: We have
an adopted girl who
came to us when she was
4 years
old. She
is very
dis f i -
cult to
handle
and does
pretty
much
what she
pleases.
For us
to make
m *!■
Dr. James
Dobson
Focus on the Family
her obey would be very
unpleasant for her, and
frankly, we don’t feel we
have the right to do that.
She has been through a
lot in her short life.
Besides, we’re not her
real parents. Do you
think she’ll be OK if we
just give her a lot of love
and attention?
DOBSON: I’m afraid you
have a formula for serious
problems with this girl later
on.
The danger is in seeing
yourselves as substitute or
stand-in parents who don’t
have the right to lead her.
That is a mistake. Since you
have legally adopted this
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"Transplanted children have the same
needs for guidance and discipline as
those remaining with their biological
parents."
child, you are her “real”
parents, and your failure to
see it that way may be set
ting up the defiant behavior
you mentioned.
It is a common error
made by parents of older
adopted children. They pity
their youngsters too much
to confront them. They feel
that life has already been
too hard on them and they
must not make things worse
by discipline and occasional
punishment.
As a result, they are ten
tative and permissive with
a child who is crying out for
leadership.
Transplanted children
have the same needs for
guidance and discipline as
those remaining with their
biological parents. One of
the surest ways to make
them feel insecure is to treat
them as though they are dif
ferent, unusual or brittle.
delays due to bad weather.
Callers can also reach
live operators to request
assistance or report inci
dents 24 hours a day,
seven days a week. More
information is available at
www.sllga.org.
those animals whose owners
remain unknown. Or that they
can no longer deal with due
to space limitations, etc., plus
anything else.
Frank W. Gadbois,
Warner Robins
next summer.
Ray is the daughter of
Robert and Karen Ray of
Perry, and granddaughter of
Robert Ray of Ft Valley and
Jean Ray of Perry, Maternal
grandparents and Bob and
Elaine Cochran of Reynolds.
If the parents view such a
child as an unfortunate waif
to be shielded, he will tend
to see himself that way too.
Parents of sick and handi
capped children often make
this same mistake.
They find discipline hard
er to implement because of
the tenderness they feel for
that child. Thus, a boy or
a girl with a heart condi
tion or some serious illness
can become a little terror,
simply because the usual
behavioral boundaries are
not established and defend
ed.
It must be remembered
that the need to be led and
governed is almost univer
sal in childhood, and it isn’t
lessened by other problems
and difficulties in life.
In some cases, the desire
for boundaries is actually
increased by other troubles,
for it is through loving con-
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OPINION
trol that parents build secu
rity and a sense of personal
worth in a child.
Returning to the ques
tion, I advise you to love
that little girl like crazy
- and hold her to the same
standards of behavior that
you would your own flesh
and blood. Remember, you
are her parents!
QUESTION: Since
you disapprove of pub
lic school sex-education
programs as currently
designed, who do you
think should tell chil
dren the facts of life
and when should that
instruction begin?
DOBSON: For those par
ents who are able to handle
the instructional process
correctly, the responsibil
ity for sex education should
be retained in the home.
There is a growing trend for
all aspects of education to
be taken from their hands
(or the role is deliberately
forfeited by them). This is
unwise.
Particularly in the matter
of sex education, the best
approach is one that begins
casually and naturally in
early childhood and extends
at the Houston County Jail
without bond. Detective Sgt.
Scott McSwain of the Warner
Robins Police Department
Criminal Investigation
Division is conducting the
investigation. He can be
reached at 447-6705.
/0Q
Our business is to make your business look good,
always in good taste
through the years, accord
ing to a policy of openness,
frankness and honesty. Only
parents can provide this life
time training - being there
when the questions arise
and the desire for informa
tion is evidenced.
Unfortunately, moms and
dads often fail to do the job.
Some are too sexually inhib
ited to present the subject
with poise, or they may
lack the necessary techni
cal knowledge of the human
body.
Another common mistake
is to wait until puberty is
knocking at the door and
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the kid and exhausts the
parents.
If this is the way sex edu
cation is going to be han
dled, there has to be anoth
er alternative to consider.
Dr. Dobson is founder and
chairman of the board of
the nonprofit organization
Focus on the Family, P.O.
Box 444, Colorado Springs,
CO. 80903; or www.family.
org. Questions and answers
are excerpted from The
Complete Marriage and
Family Home Reference
Guide and Bringing Up
Boys, both published by
Tyndale House.
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