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VOLUML TWO
DUMBER SIXTEEN.
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Many writers on the causes of marital infelicity
and the growing activity of the divorce courts, al
lege as one of the causes the fact that husbands have
so many amusements and interests that the wife
cannot share; such for instance, as the club. It is
stated that the loneliness caused by the absence of
the husband at his club during seven evenings of
the week, is the origin of the unhappiness which in
many instances ends in divorce. In view of this
fact, one woman is to be congratulated upon her
choice of a husband. She is the daughter of a jail
er in a Belgium prison and married a life prisoner
in her father’s jail. She will always know just
where her husband is and what he is doing.
»!
Apropos of the recent unveiling of the Jefferson
Davis monument, a story told by Mr. Adlai E.
Stevenson, formerly Vice President of the United
States, is recalled. Shortly after the close of the
Civil War, David Davis was much talked of as the
man to oppose General Grant for the Presidency.
A conference on the matter was held at Mr. Stev
enson’s residence in Bloomington, 111., many Illi
nois democrats being present, as well as representa
tives from a distance. There was a good deal of
talk about Mr. Davis’ candidacy, though it hap
pened that no one mentioned his first name. After
the conference was over, Mr. Stevenson drew an old
farmer friend into a corner and asked his opinion.
The farmer was from the far southern end of the
state. He said: “Well, Adlai, you know I’ve fol
lowed your lead in politics for a good while, and
I’m goin’ to do it now. But honest. Adlai, don’t
yon think it’s a mite early to nominate Jeff Davis?’’
* I?
At the last meeting of the Atlanta Evangelical
Ministers’ Association, there was some more discus
sion as to just ■what the former action of the As
sociation was in regard to the “total depravity’
doctrine being a requisite for membership in the
association. It will be recalled that this question
and the action of the Association thereon was bnc.dy
discussed in these columns at the time; and we be
lieve that we had the facts straight. But the min
isters have something to say about sensational and
careless reporting of their meetings by the daily
press. We are aware that they have been mjust
ly treated, for on the very day of the last meeting,
an afternoon paper stated that the session closely
resembled a peace conference. We do not endorse
such unjust comment; nay, we condemn it. • It should
not be allowed to continue. We are willing t>
pledge ourselves to exert every effort to be accu
rate, considerate and careful in all we publish, am l
we would be glad to make a suggestion as to how
the problem can be solved. We have not as yet had
leisure to consider it fully, but we believe that a
specially accredited and duly authorized reporter
should be appointed official news-gatherer of the
meetings. Tie should be made fully aware of just
what he was there for; just how far he could go
ATLANTA, GA., JUNE 6, 1907.
Sy A. E. RAHSAUE, Managing Editor.
and how long he could stay; and before he left to
give his report to his paper, he should be examined
carefully in order that he might not get away with
any improper facts. Seriously speaking, would it
not save much trouble and would it not be the short
est means of avoiding continual card-writing and
denying to manage it somewhat along these li ms?
Just have a press-censorship committee organized,
and let it be the duty of the committee to see that
the reporter did not get away with any “contraband
news,” as it were. Submit him to a searching test;
disinfect him, even, so that nothing but the truth
would remain in him —and this truth be exactly the
right kind of truth. We believe that our plan contains
the salvation of the situation and we are ready to
elaborate upon it for the benefit of the Association
if called upon either in person or by letter. It is
a pleasure to assist m this work.
It is a matter of great interest to every one who
takes an interest in such things, to note that
soon we will be nearer to Mars than we have been
in years and years. In exact figures, the earth and
Mars will be just 36,000,000 miles apart. We has
ten to suggest that this is a splendid opportunity to
settle several questions which have been open to dis
cussion for some time. It has been believed by
astronomers that certain lines on Mars are canals,
and it has therefore been asserted that the Martians
are remarkable canal diggers. If that is true, it
behooves us to get one of their chief engineers to
come across for a consultation in the matter of the
Panama situation. In addition to the canal theory,
there are astronomers who detect upon the surface
of the planet Mars certain bands and bars as they
term them. Just what kinds of bands and bars these
are is not specifically stated, but it is clear that
there are no closing laws in Mars, for the bars are
visible, perfectly distinct and wide-open for at. least
six months in the year. It is true that for the re
maining six months they seem to disappear, but it
is urged that there are perhaps side or family en
trances which are not visible from our direction.
If the bands are brass bands, maybe when w r e get
close they can be heard and properly classified.
Anyway, we urge upon scientists and astronomers
everywhere, the importance of improving this op
portunity for an observation of Mars at close
range.
•J
We are more impressed each passing day with the
difficulties which are in the way of a foreigner learn
ing our language. The English language pure and
simple, would not be so hard to acquire, but “Eng
lish as she is spoke” these days, must be puzzling.
An instance in point is that of the Frenchman, who
was complaining to the conductor that the train was
too slow; that he would never reach his destination
and that he regretted that he didn’t just walk —as
he was in some haste. The conductor retorted.
I ‘Ah gw ’an ; you ’re off! ” “ Now, ’ ’ said the French-
man, “that was just ze trouble; I wasn’t off; I was
on!” Another foreigner on a cable car was an
noyed because the car continued stopping every lit
tle while. Upon inquiry he learned from the con
ductor that on account of the car just ahead being
behind, his car could not make time. The foreign
er was worried by the question as to how anything
“ahead” could be “behind.” The beauties of the
language are well illustrated by the news item of
recent date which states that a certain official of a
Western city has absconded, the same being “six
feet long and $10,00(1 short.”
It is unnecessary for us to say that the dearest
ambition of our heart is to make this a bright, page;
a beautiful page, one that will uplift humanity and
inspire our readers to noble deeds. In seeking ways
■and means to this end the conviction is pressed in
upon us day by day that the less of our own writ
ings we print here, and the more of others peoples,’
the better the page will be. In pursuance of this
conviction, we believe we can’t make a better be
ginning than by telling a story we have just heard.
Every one is familiar with the incident of the gen
tleman in the restaurant who ordered “two fried
eggs; one fried on one side and one on the other.”
The waiter retired, looking a little puzzled, came
back, had the order repeated and again retired. Di
rectly the head waiter came, politely requested that
the order be repealed to him in person, and retired.
After an interval, the first waiter came out, his
clothing considerably torn, and with marks of an
altercation visible on his countenance. Approach
ing the guest he said: “I hate to ask you; but
would you mind changing your order? The cook
and me has had a little argument !” Our new story
has some good points: A tall and cadaverous in
dividual, accompanied, as is invariably the case,
by an exceedingly short and stout woman, entered
a cheap case in Philadelphia not long ago. They
took a table near the door. “Do you want oysters,
Mary?” asked the man as he glanced over the bill
of fare.
“Yes, John,” answered the woman, who was the
while vainly endeavoring to touch her toes to the
floor, “and I want a hassock, too.”
John nodded, and as he gave his written order
to the waiter, said: “Bring a hassock for the
lady.”
“One hassock?” asked the waiter, with what
John took to be more than ordinary interest. As
the guest nodded in assent, the waiter, with a du
bious air, wrote down the additional order. Still
he did not go, but brushed the table-cloth with a
towel and rearranged the articles upon the table
several times, while his air of dubiousness deepened.
Then he gave another glance at the written order.
Finally he approached the guest and leaning over
in a confidential way, whispered: “Excuse me, sir,
but I haven’t been here long; so some things is a
little unfamiliar Io me. Will the lady have the
hassock broiled or fried?”
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