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VOLUMT. TWO
KUJtSEK TOHTT-THV.EE.
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Sunday School Forecast: Superintendents should
not be startled at the remarkable attendance next
Sunday.
Society Item: Mr. S. Claus, in response to nu
merous invitations, is expected to pass through our
community next week.
* r
A scientist says that the earth will be as dry as
the moon in 50,000,000 years. And the moon is
very, very dry. But the people in the South believe
it will not be that long, considering the start already
made in that direction.
’ R *
A Scranton woman burned her husband and has
been sentenced to ten years in prison. It does seem
rather rough treatment to give a husband, but her
counsel should have introduced the current quota
tions of the price of coal and other fuel.
R R
The call for the People’s Party Convention to
meet next April closes with the request: 44 Sound
the Alarm.” What are we to be alarmed about?
It is appropriate for things of that kind to occur
on the first of that month.
R R
The subject of a paper recently read by a Ne
braska club women was, “Why do our girls go to
Sunday School and our boys to the penitentiary?”
If it is true that the boys do prefer the penitenti
ary, out there, we should like to see their Sunday
Schools.
R R
Bishop Potter has admitted that he drank a cock
tail in Indianapolis. He explained that he drank
it because of fatigue in climbing the steps of a
Buddhist temple. A large number of wives through
out the country are learning, much .to their surprise,
that there is a Buddhist temple in their town. One
thing about the Bishop; he is original.
R R
A contemporary says: “Innovations are slow to
take hold in Baltimore. The Sun hotly defends
the right to eat with a knife.” It’s odd how slow
some people are. The idea of eating with a knife
being an innovation! Why, we’ve been doing that
all our lives. And we expect to keep on doing it
three times a day if we can keep our health.
* R
We learn from the El Reno American (Okla
homa) that “Judge Milton Boyd Cope of El Reno
made a fatal mistake in his campaign for the Speak
ership of the House by wearing a ‘standup’ collar
to the inaugural in Guthrie.” Good; we are happy
to see that the citizens of that grand new State are
beginning right. That is two-thirds of the battle.
There is a prohibition plank in their Constitution
and they are constitutionally opposed, it seems, to
the “standup” collar. They have gained wisdom
ATLANTA, GA., DECEMBER 19, 1907.
Sy A. E. SAMSA UR, Managing Editor.
from the pathetic decline of Mr. Bailey of Texas
because he wore a dress suit to some kind of society
function. This dudish dressing just won’t do in
this country.
* R
A news item from New Orleans last Sunday
reads: —“To secure an alcoholic drink in New
Orleans to-day indentification of some sort was
very generally necessary. Those who could produce
satisfactory proof as to intentions were admitted
past saloon doors, many of which were otherwise
securely locked.” That “proof as to intentions”
is too rich. Probably the intention of such parties
was to buy a postage stamp, get a button sewed on
or have a tooth pulled. It’s getting so none but
our best people can get into our saloons on Sunday.
The lines are being drawn with great care.
R R
A news item informs us that Secretary Taft is
returning home on the steamship President Grant
as the guest of the line, and adds that “All the
passenger space on the forward part of the upper
promenade deck, consisting of eight large state
rooms, was converted into two bedrooms, saloon
and bath for the Secretary.” Talk about big men!
Why, before he went away he got up in a street car
and gave his seat to three ladies, but now it takes
two bedrooms for him. He is in the human family
what Mr. Finney’s turnip was in the vegetable!
R R
Now that the President has for a third time “put
by the crown,” it is thought that it is about time
for “Uncle Joe” Cannon to sit up and take notice.
His friends are apprehensive that the lightning may
strike somewhere in his neighborhood. A story is
now going the rounds that Mr. Sherman made such
a suggestion to him recently, and in response
“Uncle Joe” said: —“That reminds me of old Bill
Devine out in my district. He was on his way
home from a political rally and his skin fairly
oozed alcohol. Passing through a field he kicked
up a rattlesnake which emitted a warning. Bill
drew himself up with dignified solemnity, eyed the
reptile with lofty contempt, and said, ‘Strike, you
sarpent, strike; you will never find me better
prepared.’ ”
From which we may deduce the moral that Uncle
Joe is ready and a-waitin’.
R R
It is a popular theory, advanced by naturalists,
that the tiger, having weak lungs, cannot run more
than half a mile. And then, the blind ones are liable
to run into something before they get even that far.
So cheer up; it is not so hopeless as it might be.
R R
There has been a lot of space filled in the papers
in a discussion of the uses and abuses of Christmas
giving. And much has been said in favor of a
“denatured Christmas,” that is, one with the
giving of presents left out. But this Christmas has
been just like all the others, except some of us are
older, worse broke, busier, more tired and one year
nearer our reward. We have gone desperately
forth, as usual, to buy at the last minute some
dozen or so gifts, and will bestow them where
we know they will not be received with very
especial gladness. Mr. Dooley has it about right
when he is discussing the subject with his friend
Hinnissy.
“I know that on Christmas eve ye’ll come in
here and I’ll toss out to ye a small box with th’
remark: ‘Here’s a little something I got f’r ye.’
An’ ye’ll open it up and pretind to be overwhelmed
with pleasure an’ surprise vhin ye see a yellow
cravat with green stripes. ‘Well, upon me wurrud,
how did you come to think iv this? There must be
something in thought transference, f’r this is th’
very thing I was hopin ’ some wan wud give me. ’
An’ thin ye reach into yo’er coattail pocket and
pull out a package.
“I reel with joy at th’ sight iv a cardboord
matchbox to hang on th’ wall an’ take ye be th’
hand an’ say: ‘Ra-aly, Hinnissy, I feel I oughtn’t
to take this. Why did ye go to such expense f’r
me? It makes my poor little gift look so trivyal. ’
An’ th’ next week I observe that ye’re not wearin’
th’ millinery I give ye, an’ ye note that I still get
me matches out iv me vest pocket, an’ nayther iv us
cares a sthraw wan way or another. But if ye
hadn’t given me annything or if ye’d given me
something an’ I hadn’t given ye anything, we’d
both feel mad. There ain’t anny worse feelin’ thin
not gettin’ something fr’m somebody that ye’ve
give something to, except to get something fr’m
somebody that ye’ve given nawthin’ to.
“In wan case ye feel like a sucker an’ -in the
other like an embezzler. I’ve often thought ’twud
be a good idee f’r people to get together a week or
two before Chris’mas an’ say: ‘lf ye’ll promise
not to give me th’ necktie that I see in ye’er eye
I will promise not to give ye th’ penwiper I in
tind to give ye in self-defense.’ But both th’ spirit
iv Chris’mas and J. Felsenthal tell me this is
wrong. They both say, ‘Unbelt,’ an’ they’re
right. ’ ’
R R
Some children do give the queerest answers to
questions put to them in Sunday school. Here is
one, for instance: The teacher asked a pu
pil: “What did Moses do for a living while he
was with Jethro?” 11
After due deliberation, the new pupil answered:
“Please, ma’am, he married Jethro’s daughter.”
Now that child gave a manifestly wrong answer;
but come to think of it, what was Moses’ source of
income?
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR.
TIVE CENTS A COPY.