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VOL UHL TWO
WUJISLR TO -RT Y-E IG HT
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
Prohibition in Georgia is booming the money
order business.
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The Story of a Broken Heart; or, Why Didn’t
the Jug Come?
A dark brown taste with every little brown jug.
This is guaranteed.
n h
There must be something done to check the tidal
wave of little brown jug immigration into Georgia.
The persons who skate on thin ice are the win
ter manifestation of the same variety that rock
the boat in summer.
n *>•
They talk of raising the water rate in Atlanta.
What are we coming to? Water marked off the
free list; salvation will be next.
A Detroit preacher recently exclaimed: “There is
a hell; there must be a hell.” Certainly; certainly,
but what is the real good of insisting on it so
earnestly ?
A judge in Montana has ruled that the right to
labor is God-given and can not be taken from any
one. The press reports are very meager. We won
der who has been insisting upon that right?
There is to be a contest in London, to determine
which of two hundred barbers can shave a man in
the shortest time. Incidentally, the bravery of
about two hundred Englishmen will be tested.
An Alabama woman offered to bet her husband
ten dollars that she could secure a divorce from
him. He promptly put up the money. It would
just nearly kill that man if he lost. Yes? No?
n
A certain Connecticut doctor knows by the ap
pearance of bumps on his head, that a storm is ap
proaching. Bumps on the head may generally be
taken as pretty sure indications that a storm has
just passed over.
it
Senator Tillman says that although he is sixty
years old, he has not yet consumed as much as sixty
gallons of whiskey. That is the first thing we have
heard of that he let get by without capturing his
share of it.
r n
The jug-jag is the latest ailment reported by
specialists in this section of the country. Strange
to say, it is generally contracted by persons who
have received a package through the Express com
pany.
ATLANTA, GA., JANUARY 23, 1908.
9y A. E. 'RAMSAU'R, Mana&in£ 'Editor.
“If Taft should fall down,” says a Western
newspaper, “Hughes will certainly be the man.”
If Taft falls on him, he surely will be the man in
the obituary column.
n n
A gentleman in lowa placed the muzzle of a
loaded gun against his breast to demonstrate to
some friends that it could not be made to go off at
half-cock. But he was wrong. There were flowers.
Judge Parker talks very kindly about the coun
try with reference to its presidential trials and
tribulations; in view of the fact that an oppor
tunity to elect a good man was recklessly allowed
to get by, just a few years ago.
H *
Tow Lawson has quit trying to save the Ameri
can people from Wall street and the octopus of
speculation. He has accepted a position as presi
dent of a trust company. Now that is a fair ex
ample of playing both ends against the middle.
The drama, “My Mother-in-law,” was presented
in a Maine village last week, the proceeds to be
devoted to the purchase of a hearse. We could say
something.mighty bright about that, if there wasn’t
a fine imposed upon any and all who perpetrate
that jest again.
* H
“If the party goes fast enough to overtake me, I
shall not strain myself to get away.”—Wm. J.
Bryan. (Os Nebraska.) The Peepul know that; and
they also know that the trouble may be that Mr.
Bryan will not start down the same road that the
party will take when it sets out.
H *
A story is told of an old physician who was called
in to prescribe for a sick baby. He prescribed cas
tor oil.
“But, doctor,” protested the young mother, “cas
tor oil is such an old-fashioned remedy.”
“Madam,” brusquely replied the doctor, “babies
are old-fashioned things!”
There certainly is a master mind controlling the
regulations of the Grange of Randolph, Vt., as
evidenced by the following items from the Herald
and News of that place:
“The Grange installation of officers and the an
nual banquet will take place next Saturday even
ing. All the ladies whose names appear in the
alphabet before the letter J, are asked to bring
cake, the remainder, pies.
“After the installation of officers at the Grange
Saturday evening an oyster supper and the new
annual password will be served up to every mem
ber who is clear on the books.”
No danger of any one being accused of favorit
ism in the matter of pastries here; if your name
comes before J, it’s cake; the others, pie. And
nothing doing in the line of oysters or passwords
until you have paid. We commend this method of
settling matters to the churches.
h
A writer in the New York Sun says he has dis
covered rats in Kentucky of a soft bluish color,
with white neck and feet. Such a pity he didn’t
cage some of them. As late as the first of this
year, rats of that description were to be seen in
Georgia; but they have all disappeared now, and
we venture to predict that ere long they will have
disappeared from Kentucky.
n *
The razor-back hog of the piney-woods section
of South Georgia has a counterpart in Texas. The
story is told that Mose, the negro cook of a party
of surveyors in eastern Texas, was greatly annoyed
by the razor-back hogs that roamed around the
camp, eating the scraps and making themselves
generally nuisances. One evening while he was at
the spring, an unusually ravenous band of the root
ers broke into the cook tent and ate up everything
that was edible, and some things that were not.
Eor several moments Mose could find no words
to express his feelings. “Wai,” he finally ex
claimed, “de good Lawd suhtainly knowed his busi
ness when he named hawgs ‘hawgs’! Dey sho’ is
hawgs! ”
n *
An old darky was suing the Southern Railway
in an Alabama court for damages. He claimed that
he was driving across the track, when, without any
warning of whistle or engine bell, a shunted box
car of said company had crashed into his rig, kill
ing his mule, wrecking his buggy and injuring him
pretty badly. After the darky’s lawyer had
brought out all his testimony in his own behalf, the
railroad lawyer began to question him.-
“And so your rig was struck by the box-car in
full daylight, was it?”
“I think dar was some clouds overhead, sub,”
was the answer.
“Never mind the clouds! And only a -few days
before the accident the railroad company had put
a new sign at that crossing?”
11 Dar was a sign dar, ya-as, suh! ’ ’
“And didn’t that sign say 4 Stop! Look! Lis
ten”?
“Now, dar am de whole accusation of de
trouble!” declared the darky, with animation. “If
dat stop sign hadn’t caught dis chile’s eye jes as
I was squar’ on dat track, dar wouldn’t a’ been
no smash-up! ”
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