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sTATgy
VOL UME TWO
HUMVEE TIFTY
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
A Western physician has discovered a new germ
in milk. There should be an ordinance out there
requiring milkmen to sterilize the hydrant oftener.
n *
Aunt Carrie Nation says she is going to “meet
every brewer in the hereafter.” Alas, Aunt Car
rie, we thought you were trying to go to the other
place.
M *
A prominent Georgia specialist has recently dis
covered that the old reliable remedy for grippe has
a tendency to produce the dreaded symptoms of
jug-jag.
n *
They say that some people used to make fun of
the camel because he could go eight days without
a drink. Those same people would willingly change
places with the camel now.
i? n
A magazine writer asks, “Is verse worth while?”
Well, we can’t furnish estimates on the entire out
put, but the editors have never considered ours
worth anything more than simply “while.”
An enthusiastic supporter of Col. Bryan an
nounces, “Bryan will be his own platform.” Some
people seem to forget that there are platforms that
just naturally tempt people to jump up and down
on them.
We are informed by the Little Rock Gazette
that Arkansas produced 228,563,000 shingles in one
year. And still we fear that the youths of that
state are not a bit better brought up than those of
dearoldgeorgia.
A Georgia prison chaplain in making his report
recently, stated that he has noted a steady decrease
in the size of his congregations since Prohibition
went into effect. Looks like every profession is
feeling the depression.
n *
Judge Moses Wright, of Rome, recently said that
it is more important to convict one pistol toter than
a dozen blind tigers. That may be true; but we
believe that every time a blind tiger is destroyed
some millions of pistol-toting germs are put out
of business.
n n
When you read the testimony of the alienists at
the Thaw trial, don’t you begin to be worried for
fear your belfry is a little infested by bats? But
before the alienists began talking about those symp
toms we had regarded them as manifestations of
violent inflammation of the optic nerves, said in
flammation being induced by constant gazing upon
the bubble water.
ATLANTA, GA., JANUARY 30, 1908.
Sy A. E. RAMS A UR. Managing Editor.
In Norway there is one day two months long.
Wouldn’t a spend-the-day visit from your country
kin jar you there?
It It
There is an epidemic of grippe in this neigh
borhood. A certain Chicago doctor has prescribed
laughter as the best treatment for it up there. Our
doctors prefer a less heroic remedy—say some
thing about the size and complexion of a smile.
it It
A Georgia philosopher, on hearing that a Paris
scientist has discovered a method of making brandy
from sawdust, said that when a man can take a
pine rail and a handsaw and go out in the back
yard and get drunk, prohibition in Georgia won’t
be worth a cent.
It it
A Chicago physician advises, “Keep dry when
shopping.” That sounds strangely like the advice
given by the governor of North Carolina: “Lis
ten to your wife.” Speaking from a Georgia
standpoint we should be glad to be informed how to
avoid doing either.
It It
Wouldn’t it make poor dead and gone Russell
Sage turn over in his coffin if he could just be told
that Mrs. Russell Sage is now the largest individual
tax-payer in New York? Strange how little a
woman profits by the financial training her husband
tries to give her.
“Well, little one,” said the benevolent old gen
tleman, “what are you going to do when you grow
to be a man?”
“I guess I’ll be a freak,” replied the bright
child.
“A freak! Why?”
‘ ‘ ’Cause I’m a little girl. ’ ’
It It
Mention is made elsewhere in this department of
the discovery made by a French scientist that
brandy can be made from pine sawdust. Fearing
the possible results of such a discovery, we at once
began an investigation, and this is a translation
from the French of the reply we have to an in
quiry: “To the Manager of the Chemical Depart
ment of The Golden Age Magazine: Cherished Sir:
There is a possible element of danger to the moral
ity of the state in making known to the thousands
of disconsolate Georgians the secret of the possible
distillation of brandy from sawdust. While it may
bring much comfort to many, there opens a wide
field for pathos and disaster to those who act up
on the suggestion with too much liberality and en
thusiasm. It would prove a sad day indeed for
Georgia when an observer of her social life, driv
ing along the various public highways, might see,
lying in the many corners of fences fringing said
highways, numerous unfortunates locked in the
stubborn embrace of Bacchus, with no apparent
cause for such a condition save a keen-edged hand
saw and a mutilated pine rail.
“Whence it may easily be made to occur to the
brilliant members of your House of Deputies to
enact a statute forbidding hand-saws.”
* n
A story is told of one of the scientists in the
Agricultural Department at Washington, who had a
bright son nine years old. The boy is always asking
questions which sometimes are not easily answered.
Not long ago, as the scientist was hurrying out to
keep an important engagement, the son appeared
for the purpose of asking a number of very im
portant questions.
“Haven’t time, now, son, to answer you,” said
the father, as he hurried on. “Wait till I return.”
“But, dad,” persisted the boy, “you might
answer two of them.”
“Well, what are they?” impatiently asked the
father. 11 Quick! Quick! ’ ’
“I only wanted to know, dad,” said the boy,
“how they work miracles and how they make
condensed milk.”
Here is a story recently told by Mr. William
James, the noted psychologist of Harvard: “An
odor often recalls to us a childhood scene. A voice
brings back memories that we had thought buried
forever. As we regard some strange landscape, it
often seems to us that we have seen it before. The
oddest, most momentous associations oftentimes at
tach themselves to the most trifling things.
“Thus, at a Thanksgiving dinner that I once at
tended, the hostess said to a sour-faced man on
her left:
“ ‘May I help you to some of the boiled rice,
Mr. Smith?’
“ ‘Rice? No thank you; no rice for me,’ Smith
answered, vehemently. ‘lt is associated with the
worst mistake of my life.’ ”
M It
This story is illustrative of the fact that true
breeding will show, even under very trying cir
cumstances: One cold, wintry morning a man of
tall and angular build was walking down a steep
hill at a quick pace. A piece of ice under the
snow caused him to lose control of his feet; he
began to slide and was unable to stop. At a cross
ing half way down he encountered a large, heavy
woman. The meeting was sudden, and before either
realized it a collision ensued and both were sliding
down hill, the thin man underneath, the fat woman
on top. When the bottom was reached and the
woman was trying to recover her breath and her
feet, these faint words were borne to her ear:
“Pardon me, Madam, but you will have to get
off here. This is as far as I go.”
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