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By CHARLES CRAIG
Everybody knows that Ar
thur C. Clarke wrote 2001: A
SPACE ODYSSEY, but most
people are unfamiliar with
other works of his which are
equally worthwhile, such as
THE MOON IS A HARSIl
MATTRESS (about the first
attempted “soft” landing on
the moon) or A FALL OF
MOONLUST (what happens
when inoondust is discovered
to have powerful aphrodesiac
qualities). In this column I
hope to present some of the
deserving but lesser-known
works of famous sci-fi writers.
Robert E. Howard’s famous
Conan series has entertained
many, but few are aware of
one book in it which has long
been suppressed by the pub
lishers for good and sufficient
reasons: CONAN - THE UN
COUTH. (In case some of you
don’t know, Conan is a barbar
ian hero who inhabits a world
filled with lithe, supple girls,
evil wizards, dragons, mon
sters, priates. and so on.
In CONAN THE UNCOUTH
our hero must defeat the
mangy hordes of Pinko beasts
with only 300 dyspeptic mongo-
loids at his disposal. For three
weeks he feeds them nothing
but pork and beans. When
Pir.ko’s hordes close in, Co
nan's army turns around and
Conan, the only survivor,
smells worse than a sanitary
landfill.
Pothead
of
Maos
There are many more good
books by popular sci-fi writers
that have not received the
recognition they deserve. But I
can't write about them be
cause, frankly, I haven't read
them either.
Phoney
Numbers
By JANN HAYES
Associate editor
Southern Bell is again top
ping the Best Seller list with
the publication of the Decem
ber 1973 Athens Telephone
Directory.
The release of Bell’s block
buster was dampened by ru
mors that the new directory
was merely the old directory
with a new cover. That notion
can quickly be dispelled, how
ever. if one notes that A-l
Mobile Home Service has
knocked A-l Veterans Transfer
Co. out of the leadoff listing.
Although the reader must
wade through a few pages of
seemingly trivial technicalities,
he soon finds himself engrossed
in the characters of this litera
ry masterpiece. Approximately
one-third of the way through
the book, the reader is con
fronted with a sudden change
in style. Here Bell employs a
graphic design technique and
changes the very color of the
pages to emphasize this impor
tant turnabout in the book's
focus.
Edgar Rice Burroughs’ fam
ous JOHN CARTER ON MARS
series war far outstripped in
fame by his TAR/AN. but even
less popular than John Carter
was his HORACE FEAT1IER-
BY ON PLUTO series. Horace
Featherby is a dull little ac
countant. but his quiet life ends
when his mind is switched with
that ol the great Plutonian
leader Fung Us. When he
attempts to tell his beautiful
wife (beautiful by Plutonian
standards — the Earthmen,
Plutonians look like piles of
oily rags) Twee Zer of his
plight, he is ceremonially
raped and committed to an
asylvm. where he soon dies.
E. E. “Doc" Smith wrote of
the valiant deeds of the Grey
I^nsinen in sci-fi’s prehistoric
days, but few have heard of
the Fey Pensmen. who roam
the galaxy in search of noxious
monsters so that they can
write about what horrible old
baddies they really are. This
rarely foils their evil plots, but
at least it gives them a bad
press. The entire series has
recently been reissued under
the title (• \i \< ii( mERP8
Robert E Heinlein'i 8TR IN*
GER in K STRINGE LAND
was once a campus craze, but
just as good and possibly
better is hi POTHEAD OF
MARS, the story of a young
girl who is turned into a mari
juana plant by evil Martian
scientists and then shipped
back to Earth. Everyone wants
to strip her ol her tender young
leaves and deflower her. How*
she maintains her independ
ence in a world full of crazed
"heads" is an inspiring story.
It’s the only book I know of
which co nbines the themes of
marijuana legalization and
women’s liberation.
H G. Well s WAR OF THE
WORLDS is so well known I
often wonder if it's science
fiction, but few people have
read THE SLEEPER DOZES
OFF, in which a man falls
asleep and doesn’t wake up for
a millenium or so. He awakes
to find a world in which
science and technology have
advanced so far that there is
nothing left for men to do but
read old copies of “Reader’s
Digest,” play Monopoly and
watch TV. He quickly goes
back to sleep.
Fans of A. E. van Vogt
might know he wrote some
thing other than THE WEA
PON SHOPS OF LSIIER, but
few others will be familiar
with his novel SLANG. It’s the
story of a mutant who can read
the thoughts of other people,
but only when they are think
ing about sex. When Slang
absent-mindedly lets his crot
chety o|d spinster of a high
school librarian know of his
rearkable powers, he is soon
pursued by the sinister forces
of the League for Civic Decen
cy, the President’s Commis
sion on Pornography, the Dau
ghters of the American Revolu
lion and the FCC, all of whom
want to force him to help them
locate the filthiest minds in
America Unfortunately for
them, he does. It’s a real thril
ler.
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3
But if Bell is successful in
catching the reader’s attention
at this point, he fails to follow
through on the warm, personal
eeling achieved in the first
part of the book. Instead of an
intimate association with the
characters, the reader finds
himself being jumped from one
location to another without
ever feeling at home. Fortun
ately, just as the directory is
about to draw to its exciting
conclusion, Bell is able to
again tap a seemingly inex
haustible character resource.
Although the December 1973
Athens Telephone Directory is
not one of those books one has
to read from cover to cover
before putting it down, the
reader will find himself picking
it up time and time again. All
in all, this book will be a
welcome and valuable addition
to any personal library.
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