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6 U. THE NATIONAL COLLEGE NEWSPAPER
Comment and Opinion ■ NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1990
U
THE NATIONAL COLLEGE
NEWSPAPER
By presenting a wide range of opinions and ideas
reprinted from hundreds of campus newspapers, we hope
to enhance the quality of campus life as we inform,
entertain and engage the national student body. We
acknowledge the commitment of student journalists
across the nation, supported by their media advisers and
journalism professors, to report the activities, issues and
concerns of their fellow students
PRESIDENT
Albert T Ehnnjer
PUBLISHER
Gerald L Taylor
MANAGING EDITOR
Jack 1 Hampton
EDITORS ON FELLOWSHIP
Jennifer M Bialow, The Mane Hullabaloo, 1\ilane U
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COMMENT AND OPINION
mil, WERE JUST POOR CHARACTERS
IN THAT LOONEY-TOON WORLD.
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UNION HEWERS AND i ARE P0SIN6
rot an ocum to make a
political statement »0Auar
ART CENSORSHIP...
If WE WERE tVER TO WALK OUT
ON STRIKE, THIS PANEL, FOR EXAMPLE,
WOULD IN PEED it OVITE SLAW.
^
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THE AAT/ST AMP THE CONSEQUENT
UONIZAirONOr A/S CEUVRfS...
J
AUGIE TAM. THE SPECTATOR. COLUMBIA U
Putting on a show for the folks
By Jamie Stanek
■ Collegiate Times
Virginia Tech U.
What on earth could be more horrify-
ing than waking up the Saturday of
Parents’ Weekend — hung over — at
10 o’clock in the morning to the beam
ing faces of Mom and Dad?
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Be right with you.”
"Gee, son,” clucks my all-too-
impressed father as we walk around
campus, “there sure are a lot of skate
boards on campus.
“Are they in some kind of club or orga
nization? Is this an engineering lab?
“When I was at school we had all kinds
of crazy engineering things going on.
You know, it’s not too late to become an
engineer. .. just like your brother.”
So now 1 hear it again.
The “Why-can’t-you-be-more-like-
your-brother-the-megalomaniacal-elec-
trical-engineer-with-the-silicon-brain”
speech.
“Aw, c’mon Dad. You know I barely
passed Math for Art Majors 101.”
Anyway, it’s getting pretty awkward
about now. Needing to change the sub
ject, I try to think of some diversion that
will lead us to more pleasant topics.
Seeing where this is going, it’s high
Life after
college
in schoo
time for me to call an audible. “Hey, let's
all go to the duck pond,” I suggest, know
ing how much Mom really digs the
nature scene.
So now people see the happy trio
traipsing on down to the duck pond. All
the while my dad is muttering, “Eight
thousand dollars a year and he isn’t
going to be an engineer.”
Yep, you guessed it. I broke Dad’s heart
when 1 came to Ttech to study biology. To
this day my mother still shakes her head
and tells me about his blood pressure
whenever the subject comes up.
Lunch has come and gone. I’m still
hung over. Somehow, 1 managed to get
15 bucks off my dad. 1 told him I’d think
about taking a dynamics course.
“Hey, I really have to go... three tests
next week. Have to keep those grades
up,” I say.
Okay, so I lie.
I he like a rug. I lie like a big, hung-
over rug that wants to sleep all Sunday
afternoon.
So I give Dad a firm handshake and
Mom a peck on the cheek, then I wave
cheerfully as they drive merrily away.
Then I slink back to my room and cry
myself to sleep. Parents’ Weekend: a
beautiful, sharing experience or a night-
i marish, guilt-filled hell? You decide.
I’ve recently dis
covered that the only Rpttpr nff
thing I really know DCllel Ull
about America is
nothing. We’re not
part of the world
when we come to campus. Not even part
of the country.
Andnothingl’vereadhasever tainted
a clear picture of American life
That is, nothing until I found "On an
Average Day” by Tbm Heymar.n. This
should be on the bookshelf of every stu
dent who wants to know what America
is all about.
For example, if you’re interested in
finding out about America’s eating
habits, Heymann writes that on a n aver
age day:
■ 101,280,321 adults are on diets.
■ 24,657,534 hotdogs are eaten.
■ 16.3 million people eat atMcDonaldk
These figures might account for the
$1.37 million we spend daily on laxa
tives and the 2,005,497 heartburns that
Americans have each day.
Want to know about relationships?
Want to know how you and your sweet
heart are going to fare out there"' Again,
on the average day in America:
■ 6,567 couples get married.
■ 3,197 couples get divorced
■ Men spend 26 minutes cleaning the
house; women spend 59 minutes at the
task.
I say we live on campus for the next
20 years. Everyone cleans — or doesn’t
clean — their own dorm room
* 1,109,589 condoms are bought;
women purchase 443,836 of them
So, we’ve come a long way in some
areas, but not as far in others; women
buy almost as many condoms as men do,
but they still do more than half of the
housework.
America’s spiritual state isn’t looking
so good either. While Christian book
stores sell 34,932 Bibles a day, 41,096
calls are made to dial-a-pom services.
The worst news of all, however, is that
every day four people call Graci land
asking to speak to Elvis.
Well, that’s America for ya. Stay in col
lege as long as you can.
Don’t go out there.
Statistics don’t lie.
■ Bob Bobala, The Daily Collegian, U.
of Massachusetts, Amherst
VIEWS
Is it a violation of the First
Amendment to regulate music
and art for obscenity?
In the September issue, we asked students if regulating music and art
for obscenity is a violation of First Amendment rights. Eighty percent ot
students who responded said they think it is a violation, while 20 percent
said it is not.
It’s definitely a violation,
No, because those are
^It is definitely against
but I think we can all out-
forms of entertainment, and
our rights to have any mem-
live 2 Live Crew’s articula-
they must fall under the
ber of society judge what we
tion of the English lan-
norms of society."
say, read, write or record."
guage. ...”
Michelle Krauss,
John Durham,
Jell Brown,
Monmouth College, N. J.
U. ot Cincinnati
U.ol Missouri, Columbia
NOVEMBER Do you want ’60s-style activism to return ^ -800-
QUESTION to American campuses? 662-5511