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4 « The Red and Black Wwk«nd « Friday, May 21, 1993
OPINIONS
■ QUOTABLE
■I don't know what it is, but I wish I knew so I could stop it.'
-Mike Sell, Bulldog tennis player and sophomore, talking
about his recent first set woes during the NCAA
Championships this week.
The Red & Black
Established in 1893 - Incorporated 1980
An independent student newspaper not affiliated with the University of Georgia
Johnathan Burns/Editor-in-Chief
Kelly Daniel/Managing Editor
Melody Willis/Opinions Editor
■ EDITORIALS
Whinin’ Deion
Deion Sanders the dual-sport, multi-nickname,
Nike-endorsing, publicity-hunting, contract-negotiating,
complaining-about-playing-time Atlanta sports star will
be back with the the Atlanta Braves tonight as they
take on the New York “we wish we were like the
Knicks” Mets.
After taking time off because of the unfortunate
death of his father, Deion refused to rejoin the club
three weeks ago because he wasn’t getting enough play
ing time.
Freon, I mean Neon, Deion is making more than a
million a year and being asked to do nothing more than
play outfield a couple of games a week and pinch hit
every now and then. Seems more than fair from our
perspective.
But noooo, that’s not enough for Mr. Gold Necklace.
Apparently he doesn’t think Bobby Cox (1991 manager
of the year, who has taken teams to the World Series
three times) is competent enough to make decisions
about who plays when.
Not that the Braves organization has handled Deion
that well. John “We won’t tolerate any more nonsense
from Sanders until such time as he decides to give us
more nonsense” Schuerholz said the Deion dual-sport
contract situation would be settled before the season
started. Now the Braves are saying the deadline is July
31. This tolerant attitude only encourages Sanders.
As the Nike commercial goes, he’s hitting, he’s field
ing, he’s riding the pine, he’s whining, he’s complaining,
he’s airing his dirty laundry in the press, he’s holding
out for more money. Want to hear his gripe? You can
bet he’ll tell it to you. And the scary thing is he could
leave the team again come playoff time. We think you
hear us knocking, and we think we’re coming in and
we’re bringing Deion and his over-inflated ego with us.
Harassing up some sex
A lesson to the wise: Keep your hands and your lips
to yourself. According to tradition, men can’t be sexual
ly harassed (or raped, for that matter). Well, welcome
to the real world folks.
Women can harass men just as easily as men do
women. A jury in Los Angles ruled in favor of the man
who complained his female boss harassed him inces
santly for years. Sabino Gutierrez won punitive, com
pensatory and pay-loss damages from Maria Martinez
and their employer, California Acrylic Industries. The
final award totals more than $1 million.
The case stems from Gutierrez’s claim that
Martinez would enter his office, shut the door, and em
brace and kiss him. The harassment included having
sex in his house. He finally turned the tables by telling
her he was engaged to be married.
Not so fast, lover boy. Martinez trashed his office af
terward, and he somehow got demoted. He learned the
hard way that women can be as ruthless and demand
ing as men.
She is supposedly the ideal American woman. Her
rise from bookkeeper to chief financial officer demon
strates the willpower and tenacity of a career woman.
Yes, women have finally broken all parts of that glass
ceiling. This court case proves women have the cajones
to harass with the best of them. Creating a hostile and
intolerable atmosphere for underlings is an asset wom
en didn’t have before now.
This case offers something else that’s new and
strange. Workers can have sex and still be harassed.
Now, if it’s wrong to cry rape when you consent, what
does this mean for harassment? Hey, let’s sleep on that
harassment charge, babycakes. There’s a simple solu
tion to this ambiguity: Look but don’t touch.
STAFF
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TUe Buoeet Pie
the future for his Cheers gang
Carla. I have no idea what Carla will end up
doing. I just hope I don’t run into her while she’s
doing it. For someone with her attitude, there’s
got to be an opening somewhere in New York to
be a cab driver.
Cliff will be in a tough situation when he
goes out and looks for another job. What skills
does he have? What has he picked up during his
stint of Cheers? About three dozen mailman
uniforms and an endless number of useless
facts and figures. Maybe he can actually become
a mailman. He must have picked something up
about the business over the years. He actually
looked kind of like he belonged in that blue uni
form. If not a mailman, maybe he can find a job
as Mr. Wizard’s assistant.
There really isn’t anything Paul can do. He
wasn’t on the show long enough to make a real
name for himself. But the latest on him is that
he’s been dieting and pumping iron, so don’t be
surprised if you see him on the next Chip ’n
Dales calender.
Frazier - I don’t think hell actually be able
to become a real psychiatrist because he always
seemed to have enough mental problems of his
own. But he did appear to know what was go
ing on, so maybe he can become a used car
salesman or something. He’s just enough of a
fast talker that he may be able to pull the wool
over a few people’s eyes.
Rebecca always did have a thing for rich
men. Look out Jane Fonda. Word is, Rebecca is
going to sign on as a ranch hand on Ted
Turner’s new 50,000 acre ranch in Montana.
She’s after his money. The next time you turn
on an Atlanta Braves game, you may see
Rebecca, instead of Jane, hanging on Ted’s arm.
Norm will have his own show. It’ll just be
called “Noorrmm!” In the show, heHl attain his
dream and own his own bar. Except he won’t
work there. He’ll just hang out all the time and
drink beer. Or there has been much talk that
he’s been slated to replace Timothy Dalton as
the next James Bond. Can’t you just see it? “I’m
Bond, James Bond. PU have a Dry Martini -
shaken, not stirred. Well, on the other hand,
just gimme a beer.”
John Turco is still hurting. Last night’s Cheers
party would have made Norm proud.
pleasure, especially for zombies
Turco predicts
That’s it, over, fini. Cheers is gone. Another
American institution has faded out. The end of
an era. I could go on using every cliche in the
book, but the fact is that the little bar in Boston
which was simply known by the locals 11 years
ago as the Bull & Finch Pub will now go back
to being the Bull & Finch Pub.
Now we can look forward to Cheers re-runs
five times a day. There will probably be a num
ber of spin-off shows, which may be funny, but
I’m sure not as good as the real thing. So what
is going to become of our lovable bunch at
Cheers? They’ve spent the last 11 years of their
lives at a bar. What are they going to do now?
Woody has already started his career on the
silver screen and has made a pretty good go of
it so far. I enjoyed “White Men Can’t Jump.” It
fit Woody because he played kind of a goofy
character. “Indecent Proposal” was a little hard
er for me to believe because Woody’s character
was so serious. I just couldn’t deal with it. I
don’t care if Woody goes on and wins the Noble
Prize, he’ll always be the goofy bar hand from
Hanover, Ind. And how about the head bar ten
der Sammy? The stud, the star of the show.
What will become of him? He’s done a few
movies, but I think he ought to have a talk with
Size Sperling and go into business with the
“Hair Club For Men.” I can see it now, “Hi, I’m
not only the stud of your dreams and the star of
Cheers, but I’m also a balding client.”
Walking is such
I was walking home the other day...This used
to be a perfectly good story beginning, on a par
with “Once upon a time...” except that nowa
days, simply walking anywhere is enough to elic
it amazement. “You walked?” people asked me,
stunned. What’s even more amazing is that I
walk clear to my apartment, about two miles
from the journalism building. I’ve learned not to
start my stories this way, because I wind up ex
plaining why I was walking in the first place. By
that time, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say.
For future reference, then, this is why I walk:
Because the weather was nice. Because I don’t
have to worry about parking a car. Because the
lanets are in alignment. Mainly I walk because
enjoy that form of transportation.
“Transportation” is the key here. It separates me
from the other walkers I see along Baxter Hill or
Milledge.
The folks you see circling campus are the peo
ple who walk “for exercise." I’m sure you’ve seen
them. Most of them are females wearing white
T-shirts, athletic shorts and running shoes, lis
tening to aliens who are controlling them via re
mote control through their headphones. (Males
don’t walk for exercise. They jog, or “inflict knee
damage," to use the properly macho term.)
Waking for exercise has a certain logical
flaw, however When you’re done exercising, you
are right back where you started. You have made
absolutely no progress toward getting anywhere.
You haven’t pick up any groceries or run any er
rands; you’ve walked in a big circle. Of course,
you are in getter shape now, for when you real
ly need to get somewhere quickly. To catch a bus,
say, or the elevator. That’s when you see people
really move on campus; expending incredible
amounts of energy to avoid walking to the next
bus stop or the next floor. On the other hand, I
er\joy the satisfaction of traveling from Point A
to Point B by foot. It takes a little longer, but
when else can you spend 30 minutes inhaling the
heady vapors spewing from buses and cars
stopped at traffic lights? It just doesn’t get any
better than that.
Besides, walking gives me time to think.
Someone asked me last week where I come up
with my ideas for these columns. Well, I get a lot
of ideas walking up and down Baxter Hill. Of
course, most of them are just incredibly witty
comments that would have been perfect in a con
versation I had about 30 minutes earlier. I can
be a laugh riot in hindsight.
Person A: “Then I dropped a book on my foot.”
Me: “So, I assume you didn’t catch up to the
zombie. Ha, ha!”
This comment would have been wildly hu
morous in that situation, but at the time I usu
ally make comments to the effect of “Ouch,” or
“Gee, that probably hurt,” which you humor ex
perts will notice are not funny. Unfortunately,
these funny ideas don’t make very good
columns- not even for The Red and Black - but
once in a while I come up with columns like this
one, which is publishable, but not necessarily
good.
Walking is good exercise, as the exercisers
know, so in addition to transporting me home, it
also keeps me in shape. This is great, in case I
ever do need to catch the aforementioned zom
bie. Why, you ask, would I ever need to catch a
zombie? According to all my past experiences
with zombies, which comes from George A.
Romero movies and Scooby-Doo cartoons, the
proper response in a zombie encounter is to
scream and run away or, when possible, leap into
Thelma’s arms and have her carry you.
This practical advice is all wrong, according to
the article “Zombie mania” in the Atlanta paper
May 16. This story - dateline Port-au-Prince,
Haiti, where they know a thing or two about
zombies - teaches us a valuable lesson: “It is con
sidered good luck to touch a zombie.” Haiti’s
walking dead, such as Andre Ville Jean-Paul, in
terviewed in the article, become temporary
celebrities and go on the radio talk show circuit.
So I hope I’ve cleared up a few things about
why I walk two miles between my apartment
and campus, up hill , both ways and how to re
act when you meet a zombie. There’s a moral to
this column somewhere, but it is so intuitively
obvious that I will leave it as an exercise for the
reader to figure out what it is. That is, if you’re
not too busy walking.
David Hart is a graduate student in journalism.
No choice with only two parties
■ FORUM
■ The Red and Black welcomes letters to the editor and prints them in the Forum
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Athens. Georgia 30601.
This letter is in response to the
column entitled “How to Tell Your
Left From your Right Foot.” I real
ize that although the article may
have been an expression of the writ
er’s views, it was intended mostly
for humor. Still, it brought out
some interesting points. I am a
Christian with firm beliefs in God
and the Bible and am completely
against abortion. But never once
have I voted for a Republican be
cause I do not feel they share many
of my other beliefs.
I have many friends who quick*
ly support the Republicans on the
abortion issue alone and then
spend their time trying to justify
the rest of the Republican views,
whether they agree or not. But
there is a bigger problem than be
ing a one-issue voter, because it re
sults from having to choose to ei
ther be a Republican or a
Democrat, a conservative or liberal,
a Rush lover or a Rush hater. I
think even the mighty Rush him
self would agree that it is not that
black or white.
How can a country with so much
diveisity be expected to line up on
one side or another? Maybe the
problem with low voter turnout is
poor selection. Notice how much
turnout increased when we were
given three choices in the last elec
tion. We obviously need more choic
es. Jesse Jackson and Jerry Brown
have recently demonstrated that
there are major differences even
within the two parties. I realize
that it would be impossible to have
enough parties to satisfy every set
of views, but it is even more impos
sible to find two parties that in
clude everyone, You cannot solve
everyone’s problems with one or
two solutions because there is too
much diversity. Even God could not
do it (Look at all the different
groups considered to be Christians).
The problem is that the parties
are so big that only the Ross Perots
out there can mount even a minor
threat to the system. How many of
you can name a candidate in the
last election who was not either a
Republican, a Democrat or Ross
Perot? Ever heard of the
Libertarians or the Naturalist
Party? Do you remember John
Anderson? Me neither.
My suggestion is that govern
ment should force an AT&T-type
break up of the two party system
(I’m sure the Republicans and
Democrats in office will go for this-
yeah, right) into pieces that would
easier for everyone to identify with.
If you think I’m crazy because you
think the current system works
flawlessly, then you would belong
to what was left of the Republican
or Democratic Party, while the rest
of us would join one of the many di
verse pieces created by the break
up^ Maybe then Jesse Jackson
would get to show his leadership
skills. Maybe then Ross Perot
would get a chance to balance
Ronald Reagan’s checkbook (i.e. the
national debt). Maybe then the mi
nority groups could get representa
tion from someone who would win a
fight with his wife. (Sorry Bill).
Maybe then the environmentalists
could get help from someone who
doesn’t think a bush is just his last
name. Maybe then...
Maybe this will never happen.
Probably not. But it is something to
think about next time you flip a
coin in the election booth.
Chris Moore
Junior, math