Newspaper Page Text
November* 1922
THE ATLANTIAN
23
When tweeds are brought from closets
dark,
And baggy knees arg^ pressed,
When hats are exposed to view,
Brought from their place of res;
The old canoe has nice fresh paint,
The lazy-back is new,
They toil not, neither do they spin,
That’s what the co-eds do.
For the Ladies: Making a man a
good wife is easier than making him
a good husband.
For the Gentlemen: It’s not enough
to treat your wife well. Treat her
often as well.
Black George waited on tables in
the Dixie Restaurant until via the
draft he reached the trenches.
Nobody was lying around dying, it
wasn’t so bad as he had expected, and
his mecurial spirits arose at once.
“Hi, there, you ole Germans, sen’
us yo’ ole projectors and high ex
plosions, we jes’ eats them tings,” he
stood and shouted.
Almost instantly a stray shell ex
ploded and George was knocked flat.
Comrades rushed to his aid. He lay
for a moment unconscious, then roll
ing his eyes he/whispered, “Say, bo,
dese Germans sho gives service.”
Client—Isn’t your fee pretty exces
sive?
Lawyer—Not at all. Think what it
would be if we’d won!
Scooty Blear.
By C. W. Myers.
A yahib is a mon wha has na mathe
matical sense o’ responsibility in poot-
in’ doun his score.
* * *
A kahab is a gawfer who ne’er brags
aboot his game when fixin’ oop a
match.
<■ * *
A beebish is a bachelor gawfer
whase socks a’ways need darnin’.
* * *
A tootish is a mon wha is afraid tae
use a guid ba’ at a water hole.
* * *
It micht be treason tae poot a kick
in a joke on prohibition, but they’re
aboot sixty-three million Americans
wha are willin’ tae tak’ a chance.
* * *
If a birdie is ane oonder par an’ an
eagle two oonder par I wad say that
three ower par wad be a buzzard.
* * »
If soome men cad play as weel oon
th’ coorse as in th’ locker-room there
wad be mony a Chick Evans an’ a
Walter Hagen.
* * *
It’s funny that when men become
famous as ba’ players or poogilists or
movie actors, or joost ordinary mil
lionaires, they a’ hae thir pictures
taken oon th’ first tee.
* # ♦
I’ve a frien’ wha is th’ champion in
motorcycle gawf. He a’ways has a
bad time oon th’ greens. It’s joost a
case of putt-putt-putt ilka time.
Carnegie Drug Store
Carnegie Way and Spring Street
Telephone, Ivy 7061 and 4828
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Authorized Ford Dealers
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Garage Entrance, 118-120 Walton St.
PHONE, IVY 0446
One tn/jrning little four-year-old
Elwood was in the berry patch with
his father. “Elwood,” said his father,
“I’ll bet you a penny that I can pick a
quart of berries quicker than you can.”
In a few minutes Elwood was quite
encouraged to find that he had finished
picking his quart first.
“Well, Elwood, |o you want to bet a
penny on another quart?”
“No,” replied his business-like son,
“let’s bet a nickel this time.”—Roch
ester Democrat and Chronicle.
O’Smith—Do you think the women
of today are good housekeepers?
Bumpers—Yes, indeed—once they
get the house in their name.—New
Bedford Evening Standard.
“What’s the difference between a
dancer and a danseuse?”
“Oh, just about twelve pounds of
wardrobe, I s’pose.”—New York Sun.
LET “PAT DO IT”
510 Courtland St.
Th’ ither day I saw an owl an’ a
parrot in th’ same cage at th’ zoo. In
a’maist ilka organization ye’ll find a
wise bird an’ a chatterin’ fool.
Flapper (bursting in on her mother
ecstatically)—Now, mother, I am go
ing into the movies. You can’t say
another word against it. The Bible
tells us to!
Mother—Wha-a-at ?
“Yes, that lovely young English
rector read it right out of the text
this morning. I heard him! It said:
‘Go and cinema!”’
A dentist had just moved into a
place previously occupied by a baker
when a friend called.
“Pardon me a moment,” said the
dentist, “while I dig off those enam
eled letters of ‘Bake Shop’ from the
front window.”
“Why not merely dig off the ‘B’
and let it go at that,” suggested the
friend.—Everybody’s.
Two golf players met in the club
house after each had played eighteen
holes.
“Well,” asked the first, “how did it
go today?”
“Oh, I played the old Civil War
game,” answered the stecond.
“The Civil War game ? What do you
mean? In the trenches all the time?”
“No. Out in 61 and back in 64.”
E. G. BEAUDRY, President
ATLANTA, GA.
Maud: Do you know, after all I’d
done to encourage Dick to propose he
didn’t do it.
Edith:‘Well, he proposed to me.
Maud: How did you manage it?
Edith: I did all I could to discour
age him.—Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Newrich (after the guests
have departed)—Be sure to count the
spoons, James.
“You may have a pretty mouth,
dearie, but I’ll put mine up against
it any day.”