Newspaper Page Text
Thursday, February 24, 2000
Fa!
The Southern Cross, Page 9
Family traditions open doors to healing
By Father David K. O’Rourke, OP
Catholic News Service
For 35 years I have counseled mar
ried couples seeking ways to make
their marriages work. The couples
come, convinced that there just has to
be a better way.
And they’re right. There are better
ways. Getting there, however, often
means recognizing that couples can
benefit from cultural and religious
supports to their relationship.
Our beliefs about the value of mar
riage and family life are examples of
what I mean.
Today, of course, many couples
come from mixed religious back
grounds. In my counseling I talk
about the strengths in each of these
backgrounds and work with the
couples to draw on the strengths of
each tradition.
The key word here is “tradition” —
that concrete sense of who my people
are and what my people do.
This is actually easy to do. For
whatever our combination of religious
backgrounds (Catholic, Protestant,
Jewish), each tradition really values
the efforts married people put into cre
ating happy marriages and strong
families.
Every year, for example, our fami
lies have wonderful religious holidays
that we celebrate in our own homes.
From decorating the Christmas tree to
preparing the table for the Jewish
Many people find dealing head-on
with the troubling issues in their mar
riage to be very difficult. If counseling
means talking openly about tough per
sonal issues, then they’d rather skip
counseling. But many issues can be
addressed indirectly just as well.
Our families’ religious tradi
tions and their holiday prepara
tions can provide us with indirect
and safe opportunities to deal with
personal matters.
Spouses, for example, can dis
cover at holiday times that their
different religious backgrounds mean
more to them than they had thought.
And family memories, both positive
and negative, can surface.
So as we talk about planning their
own family celebrations, we also indi
All contents copyright ©2000 by CNS
rectly are giving new shape to per
sonal matters that have proven diffi
cult. For many a newly married
couple, for example, their first
discussion on which family
they’re going to spend Thanks
giving with brings up issues
that have nothing to do with
turkey.
There are really three points
that I’m offering here for reflec
tion:
—Counseling couples with
different religious backgrounds
can highlight rich traditions
that accent family life’s value.
—Examining these backgrounds in a
respectful way can help us to deal sym
bolically with other personal issues.
—And in respecting different reli
gious traditions we also bring broader
cultural support for a solid family and
marriage.
(Father O’Rourke, a Dominican, is
a free-lance writer in Oakland, Calif.)
saw™
iis we talk about planning
their own family celebrations,
we also indirectly are giving
new shape to personal matters
that have proven difficult.”
CNS photo by Bill & Peggy Wittman
seder, we have opportunities for every
one to come together in celebrations
where we comfortably can invite rela
tives and friends across religious lines.
In the process we can resolve im
portant personal issues.
Ecumenical spirituality: Accent on marriage
By Father John W. Crossin, OSFS
Catholic News Service
X Xow might couples grow spiritu
ally in interchurch marriages? In some
ways the answer is that their spiritual
growth is similar to that of same-
church couples:
—Pray for the Holy Spirit’s help and
guidance.
—Attend church each week.
—Set aside time for daily prayer, and
—Perform works of charity together
in the community.
Such spiritual practices are important
for all couples. We root our Christian life
in daily life’s virtues such as patience,
civility, honesty, wisdom and justice.
Yet each person is unique, each spe
cially called by God. Each has a specific
life history. Thus a couple’s everyday
spirituality can be lived out in many
different ways.
Interchurch couples have unique op
portunities to grow together spiritu
ally. They have unique talents and pos
sibilities. They encounter unique chal
lenges too.
Communication for couples — as for
all good friends — is always important.
Interfaith couples often have much to
learn about each other’s Christian faith
tradition.
Learning not only includes the doc
trine of the church. It also includes
the personal practices which make
that faith come alive in worship, in
family life and in the community. All
the understandings and emotions —
positive and negative — attached to
these particulars of Christian living
need to be explored.
We live out of our hearts and our
heads. Thoughts and feelings often
manifest themselves as Christmas,
Easter or other special days come
around. These days present couples
FAITH IN THE MARKETPLACE
What do Catholic parishes and other Christian churches
do together in your community?
“We have a Palm Sunday service with a nearby Lutheran church every
year. We meet halfway between the two churches. We share prayers and
sing songs. Then we process to our respective churches for services.” —
Helen Hinson, Charlotte, N.C.
“The primary thing we do is to help the needy of the community with
food, lodging and the like. There is a communal soup kitchen worked by
the various churches, and we also work together through the Salvation
Army.” — Father John Koelsch, Boise, Idaho
“We have an AMOS — a metropolitan organizing strategy — group. It’s
a coordinated effort to bring about changes in the community through
political activism. We have combined liturgy services several times a year.
There is also the Church United Shelter, which aids the homeless.” —
Kathy Shafer, Des Moines, Iowa
An upcoming edition asks: When you think of the heart of the church —
its central points of focus, so to speak — what first comes to mind for
you? If you would like to respond for possible publication, please write:
Faith Alive! 3211 Fourth St. N.E., Washington, D.C. 20017-1100.
with opportunities for dialogue, dis
cussion and prayer.
Unfortunately, such special occa
sions can also be opportunities to ignore
differences. Spouses or engaged couples
may not want to risk upsetting each
other. They sometimes submerge their
differences by ignoring them.
This avoidance only creates a
greater long-term risk for the couple’s
unity.
Differences need to be worked on —
often many times — rather than ignored.
Reducing religious practices creates
later problems. The recent study of in
terchurch marriages by the Center for
Marriage and Family at Creighton
University in Omaha, Neb., indicates
that these couples are at greater risk
for divorce than same-church couples.
The study indicates that participa
tion in joint religious activities can help
couples grow r together. Today there are
many opportunities — such as ecu
menical Bible studies or social-action
groups — for couples to live their Chris
tian faiths together.
The study indicates that better mar
riage preparation can benefit interfaith
couples. Good marriage preparation be
gins the process of learning from one
another and building a common spiri
tual life.
Skilled clergy and lay leaders can
help couples address questions arising
from their varied religious upbringing
and education.
Recently, the institutions of the
Washington Theological Consortium,
an ecumenical group of Catholic and
Protestant schools and associates, de
cided to offer an afternoon of practical,
pastoral reflections on the Creighton
study. The response so far from local
clergy and laity has been positive and
enthusiastic — almost overwhelming.
This indicates to me that there is a
deep desire on the part of Christian
clergy and laity of all denominational
backgrounds to help couples grow spiri
tually — to share “how” we might aid
couples in their preparation and in
their faith-filled living.
Communion among the Christian
churches will not grow by pretending
differences don’t exist. It will grow by
taking them seriously and exploring
them forthrightly.
As interchurch marriage becomes
more and more the norm, I believe that
these couples can grow together spiritu
ally. And they can bring their experiences
to the ongoing search for Christian unity.
(Oblate Father Crossin, executive
director of the Washington Theological
Consortium, wrote “Friendship: The
Key to Spiritual Growth,” Paulist
Press. His e-mail address is
crossinwtc@aol.com.)
1
lna Nutshell
The Jubilee of the Year
2000 has an ecumenical
character, Pope John
Paul II said.
The pope expressed
hope that “the different
churches and ecclesial
communities” would
bring to the jubilee
“everything that
already unites” them
and that the jubilee
would become “a
journey of
reconciliation. ”
Promoting Christian
unity “is the privilege
and responsibility of all
Catholics, ” Kentucky’s
Catholic bishops said
in 1999.