Newspaper Page Text
Thursday, August 31, 2000
The Southern Cross, Page 5
~n
A
W
V
Everyday Graces
K atie would leave the house
before the rest of us on
weekday mornings. Her
ride to middle school
appeared in the driveway
at 7:30 a.m.. Bookbag and
clarinet case in hand,
she’d rush out the door. At
that time, Jim was usually
dressing for work, and I’d
be fixing breakfast for
Charlie and Jimmy who’d be off to
elementary school half an hour later.
Five minutes before Katie’s ride
would arrive, I’d make a point to
say goodbye to her, giving her a kiss
on the cheek and wishing her a good
day. But one morning the time got
away from me, and I was in the
back of the house when Katie’s ride
appeared. As she dashed out, I was
unaware of her leaving.
When I realized I’d missed my
chance to tell her goodbye, I was
surprised by how disappointed I felt.
Although she called out a hasty
goodbye as she left the house, fail
ing to say goodbye properly to Katie
left me feeling as if my morning
was incomplete.
I had a similar experience with my
son, Charlie, when he was 4 and
attended a pre-school three days a
Goodbyes are
week.
Charlie loved his teacher
and enjoyed his friends at
school, and I was
pleased he adapted so
well to the program.
But one morning, when
I dropped him off, I
became distracted talking
to another mother, and I
hustled Charlie into the
classroom without bending down
for our usual goodbye hug.
After leaving Charlie in his class
room, I walked down the school
hallway and out a side door leading
to the playground. There I happened
to see another friend. As she and I
visited, Charlie came running out of
the school and grabbed me around
the legs. Tears were streaming down
his face. I thought something horri
ble had happened to him. After a
minute or two, when he was finally
able to get the words out, Charlie
sobbed: “You forgot to say good
bye!”
Saying goodbye properly is espe
cially important for parents and chil
dren. But doing so isn’t always easy.
When a child has trouble separating
from his parents, some parents try
never to leave the child. Rather than
hard for kids
endure the anxiety associated with a
tearful, frantic goodbye, some par
ents decide that mother’s mornings
out and quiet dinners at a restaurant
just aren’t worth the trouble. They
decide to wait until the child out
grows separation anxiety. (I’ve
never tried this approach. But for
the parents’ sake, I hope their chil
dren outgrow that phase more
quickly than mine did.)
Then, there are parents who try to
avoid tearful goodbyes by sneaking
away. The baby-sitter or caregiver is
supposed to distract the child while
the parent slips out the door. Once,
years ago, I considered this ap
proach with Katie, but my baby-sit
ter wisely discouraged me. “It’s bet
ter she knows you’re leaving, even
if she cries awhile. Otherwise, she
won’t trust you next time.” Sure
enough, Katie cried when I left her,
but after a while she learned that
“bye-bye” meant Mommy would
come back.
For very young children, the
departure of their parents can be a
frightening experience. Even the
presence of a familiar sitter or lov
ing grandparent isn’t security
enough. But a child can leam that he
or she is in good hands when par
ents are away. And the child will
begin to accept goodbyes as a natu
ral part of life. Indeed, one of the
most poignant moments of parent
ing is watching your teary-eyed tod
dler wave goodbye as you reluctant
ly head to the car.
Yes, goodbyes, whether calm or
stressful, are an important ritual.
From the dramatic farewells of
those who will be separated for long
periods over long distances to the
routine goodbyes of daily life, peo
ple who love each other have a
strong need to say goodbye. Family
members often express their deepest
regrets when the sudden death of a
loved one prevents them from say
ing goodbye.
Surely, it’s fitting that “goodbye”
is a contraction of the phrase “God
be with you.” Saying goodbye re
minds us that our separation from
loved ones is only temporary. In life
and death, we trust they’re in God’s
care.
Mary Hood Hart lives with
her husband and four children
in Sunset Beach, N.C.
Mary Hood Hart
Q uestion: I understand that
Rome is requiring many
cnanges in the way we celebrate
Mass. Is this true and what are the
changes?
—A Lector
A nswer: Earlier this month the
Catholics of the United States
started to hear that there were new
changes coming in our liturgical
celebrations. Many questions have
begun to surface but the most
prominent concern is “when will
these changes take effect?”
A little historical perspective will
help in understanding the elements
involved in making any liturgical
changes. When a new version of
the Roman Missal is issued, a doc
ument of rubrics (the “rules” for
the ceremonies) accompanies it.
Formerly called Ritus servandus
(“the rite to be observed”), this
document is now called the
General Instruction of the Roman
Missal (GIRM). This document is
essentially the instruction book that
tells us how Mass should be cele
brated.
In 1970, the revised Roman
Missal, reflecting the liturgical
changes decreed by the Second
Questions
Vatican Council and inspired by the
liturgical studies that preceded the
Council, was promulgated. A
slightly revised Missal was pub
lished in 1975, with a slightly
revised GIRM. The Catholic
Church in the United States did not
have the “final” English versions of
these missals until several years
had passed.
The Latin version of the third
edition of the Roman Missal will
be promulgated (made the law of
the Church) in the later part of this
year. A preliminary English transla
tion has already been completed, so
we can expect that this time the
English version will not take as
long to be available.
So what should our parishes be
changing now? The simple, com
plete answer is nothing should be
changed yet.
The third edition of the Roman
Missal has not yet been promulgat
ed and therefore is not yet the law
of the Church at this time. When it
is promulgated in Latin, the revised
General Instruction of the Roman
Missal will become a part of the
universal liturgical law of the
Church.
Even then, the bishops’ confer-
& Answers
ences of the various countries have
the right to amend the rubrics, with
Rome’s approval, for their territo
ries. There is an appendix to the
current GIRM for this country, pro
viding for certain modifications of
the general law (such as commun
ion under both kinds on Sundays,
women readers in the sanctuary,
and so forth) for the United States.
To add to the confusion, the
Congregation for Divine Worship
and the Discipline of the Sacra
ments has just indicated that the
National Conference of Catholic
Bishops may proceed with the pub
lication of an emended version of
the proposed “Pastoral Introduction
to the Order of Mass for Use in the
Dioceses of the United States.” The
“Pastoral Introduction” differs from
the new GIRM in some particulars,
for example in allowing special
ministers of communion to
approach the altar and to assist
with the pouring of the cups when
communion is given under both
kinds for large congregations.
The actual implementation of any
changes will be up to the United
States bishops as they consider
adapting the rubrics for this coun
try, and to a certain extent to each
diocesan bishop in particular. The
diocesan bishop is the guardian of
the liturgy in his territory. It is up
to the bishop to decide which
changes will be implemented
immediately, which will require
education and time to implement,
and which changes may be delayed
until the approved English version
of the Roman Missal is available
for further study. It would be pre
mature for pastors or parishes to
revise their procedures at this time.
Another question that has been
asked often is whether there will be
“big” changes in the Mass. The
answer is a definite “no.” Will we
be asked to make some adjust
ments? Yes. Many of the changes
will affect only those directly
involved in ministry. Only a few of
the changes will affect the congre
gation directly and those only in a
minor way.
In some cases we will find clari
fications of issues that have tended
to confuse people. As we find in all
of life, some people will like some
of the changes and some will be
unhappy with some of the changes,
but most will either not notice them
or will be indifferent to them.
—DKC