Newspaper Page Text
The Southern Cross, Page 8
Fmitlh Allw!
Thursday, February 22, 2001
FOODFORTHOUGHT
jive
Family strengths? Name any seven
into a young mother’s car in the park
ing lot. Fortunately, the damage was
minor. When I called to discuss the
repair, she quickly brushed off my
apologies. It’s no big deal, she said.
She explained that several months
earlier her sister had died, and that
tragedy had taught her what is really
important in life.
makes us feel affirmed and supported.
. . ■ ■ ■ \
Family life is not all serious, how
ever. Families need time to play, to
enjoy each other’s company and to
take a break from the routine. Having
fun is also a family strength, whether
it’s a long-planned vacation to Disney
World or a spontaneous trip to the
Older family members can be a tre
mendous resource, helping to put situa
tions in perspective, as families sort
through their values and priorities.
What seems like a crisis right now may
barely be remembered in five years.
Communication is a major family
strength. In her book Traits of a
Healthy Family, Dolores Curran iden
tifies communication and listening as
the No. 1 characteristic of healthy
families. Most families must work at
improving their communication,
which is why marriage enrichment
and parenting programs often are
built around communication skills.
We sometimes assume that family
members, especially those who live
with us, automatically know our
needs and desires. Then we become
frustrated when their actions prove
otherwise.
For example, a friend of mine loves
birthdays. She enjoys celebrating
them on the day itself with cards, gifts
and activities. Of course, she expects
the same treatment on her own birth
day. Year after year she was disap
pointed when her husband and sons
failed to follow through.
Finally, she explained to them how
important birthdays were to her.
They had no idea! Now enlightened,
they happily treat her to dinner and
presents.
Communication also means effec
tive listening. Do we try to under
stand what family members are say
ing, not just the words, but the feel
ings and concerns behind them? Lis
tening to others shows that we respect
and value them. Being listened to
movies. The memories created by
these happy times can be vivid and
lasting.
On hot summer evenings my par-jt.
ents would occasionally take the fam-™
ily to the best ice cream parlor in
town. Whenever I pass that building
— its ice cream business is long gone
— I fondly remember my late father
and his love for banana splits.
Humor can be an important part of
family play. It can defuse potential
conflicts or ease awkward situations.
A family’s sense of humor is as unique^
as the family itself, ranging fromw
practical jokes to puns to gentle teas
ing. Families often recount inside
jokes or humorous stories that mys
tify outsiders but delight their own
members.
Family strengths are many and
varied, but what binds them together
is love. Families who seek to grow in
love possess a strength that enables
them to meet life’s challenges and to
embrace its joys.
(Garcia is the assistant director of
the U.S. bishops’ Secretariat for
Family, Laity, Women and Youth.)
All contents copy right© 2001 byCNS
By Sheila Garcia
Catholic News Service
w hen Mary lost her husband of
nearly 50 years, family members ral
lied around her. A sister-in-law helped
with the wake, and a nephew cut
short a European business trip to at
tend the funeral.
In the following months Mary’s
teen-age grandson took care of her
yard work, while her daughter called
every day and visited almost every
weekend.
Mary’s family is not unique. Many
families pitch in to support one an
other, especially in times of crisis, but
they probably would not identify this
fcfc iv ■
rieligious faith is one
strength. Families who
worship together deepen
their unity. When families
pray ... they develop a
spiritual reservoir upon
which to draw, especially in
difficult times.”
solidarity as a family strength.
Families often lose sight of, or take
for granted, the particular strengths
that bind a family together and help
both the family unit and individual
members to flourish.
In “A Family Perspective in
Church and Society,” the U.S. bish
ops’ Committee on Marriage and
Family defines family strengths as
characteristics that enable families to
operate effectively. These strengths
allow families to cope with the daily
stresses and problems of family life as
well as major events such as illness
and job loss.
Each family has particular
strengths, such as solidarity, that it
can develop and build upon.
Religious faith is one strength.
Families who worship together deepen
their unity. When families pray at
mealtimes, and discuss religious be
liefs and values, or join in service to
the poor, they develop a spiritual res
ervoir upon which to draw, especially
in difficult times. Such religious ac
tivities can be a strength even when
husbands and wives do not share the
same faith.
Rituals and traditions, some of
them religious or ethnic, are another
family strength. The daily bedtime
CNS photo by Bill Wittman
routine, pancakes every Sunday or
Thanksgiving at Grandma’s give sta
bility to family life.
Rituals and traditions can bridge
the generation gap. They can connect
families to beloved members, now de
ceased, whose presence is felt as famil
iar rituals are re-enacted.
■ ■ ■
Families that are strong have de
veloped a clear sense of values. They
have put their priorities in order, and
they invest in people and relationships
rather than possessions. And such
families understand that not every
thing is worth fighting about.
When my son was 17 he backed
There are almost bound to be moments when a family feels badly
about itself, when a family member is led to say, “We could be doing a lot
better here. ”
But I’m not sure daily events prompt families vigorously enough to
identify their strengths — to say, “Look what we do really well and how
we've grown!”
Families should recognize their weaknesses, especially any that are
truly destructive for the family.
It also seems important to distinguish weaknesses from unreasonable
expectations. It is unreasonable for parents to think it is their job to keep
a child from ever being bored. It also seems unreasonable for families to
expect there will be no ebb and flow of emotions in their life — that a day
of ups and downs represents a family failure.
Finally, however, I believe we build on strengths. If we’ve never
identified our family’s strengths, we may become very hard on ourselves
in the face of weaknesses.
Most families have weaknesses and strengths. It can be critical to know
the weaknesses. I believe it also is critical to know the strengths.
7 David Gibson, Editor, Faith Alive!