Newspaper Page Text
Thursday, February 22, 2001
FuMft AMto!
The Southern Cross, Page 9
The kinds of support families say they need
By Dan Luby
Catholic News Service
-ost families are neither to-
f llly healthy nor totally unhealthy,
amilies, like their individual mem
bers, are a mixture of health
and dysfunction, strength
and weakness.
So there are few families
who can’t use help in maxi
mizing strengths and man
aging weaknesses. Based on
my experience as a fasci-
^^ited listener to family sto
res from friends and col
leagues and strangers, as
well as on my personal expe
rience of family life, I’ve
heard enough common
themes repeated to identify
some areas where families
need insight and support.
Time is one pressing need of many
families today. Rising workloads, a grow
ing array of leisure pursuits, intrusive
idectronic communications (phones, tele-
wsion, video games, e-mail, etc.) and
other aspects of modem life have eroded
the time families have together for things
that matter: shared meals, meaningful
conversation, thinking through and
thoughtfully discussing their issues and
dilemmas.
A related need is to clarify family
priorities. Some families discover
upon reflection that part of their time
^unch stems from saying yes to too
many worthwhile options. Families
need assistance in figuring out where
to invest their time and energy and
money, and how to name their most
treasured values.
Families also need help in develop
ing strategies to counteract con
sumerism’s pervasive influence. Par
ishes, schools and other institutions
can help families by providing oppor
tunities to reflect together on the
deeper human needs which overcon
CNS photo by Bill Wittman
sumption masks, as well as by rein
forcing the value of simplicity.
And families need to be supported
FAITH IN THE MARKETPLACE
in the efforts they make to judiciously
“unplug” themselves from the con
stant drone of messages urging them
to make consumption of everything
from toothpaste to lifestyles the prior
ity of their days.
Many families could use help in
developing the skills necessary for
conversation that moves beyond polite
.T amilies need to be supported in the
efforts they make to judiciously ‘unplug’
themselves from the constant drone of
messages urging them to make consumption
... the priority of their days.”
small talk to the level of feelings and
needs and dreams. Especially when
issues are weighted with feelings like
anger or disappointment or sadness,
lots of families could profit from the
expertise of a counselor or family
therapist to teach them how to talk
about these important realities.
Dealing with the transitions that
are part of family life is another crucial
concern. When children leave home,
when parents age, when family mem
bers marry or divorce or move away or
die, families are deeply affected. Many
times they need additional wisdom and
insight to help in dealing
with the impact of such
changes.
Families make mis
takes, just as individuals
do. Like individuals,
families need to be sup
ported in acknowledging
that they may need help
from outside themselves.
■’ * They need to be encour
aged to be forgiving of the
mistakes they make and to seek help
for the needs they have.
(Luby is director of the Division of
Christian Formation for the Diocese
of Fort Worth, Texas.)
What are the greatest causes of misunderstandings at home? How can they be approached?
“I’d sa y ^ would be in disciplining children. There can be a lack of agreement in how to do it, and this is probably due to how
the individual parents themselves were brought up. I conduct marriage preparation seminars, and it’s a topic we always
discuss.” — Deacon Jim Young, Oklahoma City, Okla.
“Poor communication. People need to talk more.” — Bev York, Columbia Falls, Mont.
“We have to understand where people are coming from on specific topics. We all need to slow down when speaking with one
another. We need to look at each other when we talk.” — DeAnna Cooper, Peoria, Ill.
“Maybe when someone wants to be in control all the time.” — Martha Trujillo, Belen, N.M.
An upcoming edition asks: What is your favorite form of private prayer? Why? If you would like to respond for possible
publication, please write: Faith Alive! 3211 Fourth St. N.E., Washington, D.C. 20017-1100.
How the Bible could strengthen families
^By Father Eugene LaVerdiere, SSS
Catholic News Service
s
/cripture could strengthen family
ties, especially by reading it aloud as a
family.
In the late ’70s I was sitting before
the fireplace with friends in their living
room. Jack and Dorothy, with their five
sons, two daughters and friends, were
* paking of their blessings in the previ-
s year.
I remember the event as if it hap
pened yesterday. Reflecting on their
blessings, they began to thank God for
the gifts they’d received.
I handed Jack and Dorothy their
New Testament from The New English
Bible, open at Paul’s letter to the
Philippians. Jack started to read this
introductory passage:
“I thank my God whenever I think of
you ... because of the part you have
taken in the word of the Gospel from
the first day until now” (1:3-7).
Dorothy read the rest: “God knows
how I long for you all, with the deep
yearning of Christ Jesus himself. And
this is my prayer” (1:8-11).
They read Paul’s own thanksgiving
aloud as their own.
When they were reading the passage,
there was not a sound from their children
and friends except a whimper by their
baby grandson. Not only were we listen
ing to them, we were also intent on their
faces, especially their eyes.
Ina Nutshell
1
Families that are strong have put their priorities in order.
What do families need?More time; skills for conversation
going beyond small talk; help in dealing with transitions;
outside help with some difficult situations.
Communication is a family strength. Marriage enrichment
and parenting programs often are built around
communication skills.
Faith, supportiveness toward each other, rituals, humor,
leisure activities together are among family strengths.
After the reading, Jack broke the
silence with two questions: “What does
the passage mean for you? What does
the reading of the New Testament as a
family mean for you?”
Jamie answered, “I like it that our
Mom and Dad are praying like this.”
JoAnn added, “I love it that our par
ents are showing their faith like this.”
Everyone nodded “yes!”
I commented: “In the book the words
of the New Testament are only black
ink on the page. The printed words of
Paul are dead. When we read them
aloud or personally, the words of Paul
come alive.
“Here, in your home, you heard your
parents praying with the Scriptures
and showing their faith through a pas
sage from Paul’s letter. They gave life
to Paul’s words of thanksgiving.”
Paul was present in their warm
voices, smiling faces and sparkling
eyes when they read this thanksgiving
passage.
Philippians 1:3-11 became their
family’s favorite New Testament pas
sage.
Last Aug. 29 Jack died after a long
illness. His family — his wife, Dorothy,
their sons and daughters with wives
and husbands — gathered in the same
living room, speaking of their father as
a blessing. They also planned his fu
neral.
Jeff wrote the message on the back of
the Mass program: “Dad always trav
eled. He was never away. He was
present in our home, our hearts and
our minds. He showed us that love was
not in each person, but rather in our
relationship to one another.
“He remains with us, his family. See
him in our faces. Hear him in our
voices. Look into our hearts. He is
never away.”
I would add, “Listen to his prayer in
our prayers thanking God for his life.”
On the back of Jack’s memorial
card, it was written: “I thank my God
whenever I think of you; and when I
pray for you all, my prayers are always
joyful.... It is indeed only right that I
should feel like this about you all, be
cause you hold me in such affection”
(Philippians 1:3-7).
The words of Paul in Jack’s memo
rial card are only a text. When anyone,
especially Jack’s family, reads the text,
it comes alive. It becomes a living, fam
ily tradition of the word of God.
(Father LaVerdiere, a Blessed Sac
rament priest, is a Scripture scholar
and senior editor of Emmanuel maga
zine.)
All contents copyright©2001 by CNS