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PAGE 6 — The Georgia Bulletin, February 1,1973
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First Book on *Marriage Encounter’
Is Written by a Catholic Divorcee
NEW YORK (CPF) - The first comprehensive book
on the “Marriage Encounter” movement - its origins,
the reasons for its phenomenal growth, its techniques,
and its faults -- has been written by a woman who is
“head of a very happy one-parent family.”
The author, Mrs. Antoinette Bosco, got a first-hand
look at a Marriage Encounter retreat-style weekend for
husbands and wives, but because she and her husband
were divorced five years ago following 19 years of
marriage, Mrs. Bosco “made” the weekend with her
18-year-old daughter.
Her decision to make the
Marriage Encounter weekend
and to do extensive research
on the M. E. movement was
prompted by “a massive
curiosity as to why people
were so visibly and radically
changed by Marriage
Encounter,” Mrs. Bosco
explained.
The book, titled
MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER -
THE REDISCOVERY OF
LOVE and published by
Abbey Press of St. Meinrad,
Ind., describes in detail the
reasons why Mrs. Bosco
believes Marriage Encounter
“may become the strongest
pro-marriage force in society
today.”
A Catholic, Mrs. Bosco
does not believe that Marriage
Encounter could have
“saved” her own
long-troubled marriage, for
she agrees with Marriage
Encounter leaders that M. E.
will improve only those
marriages that are good to
begin with.
However, she takes offense
at the suggestion made by
some that a divorced Catholic
is not qualified to write about
or comment upon the
spiritual-based Marriage
Encounter movement.
“First of all, I’ve been a
professional writer for 20
years and I know I can write
about any topic objectively,”
said Mrs. Bosco, who has
written hundreds of articles
for Catholic publications and
has been for the past 11 years
a staff writer for THE LONG
ISLAND CATHOLIC, weekly
newspaper of the Rockville
Centre, N.Y. diocese.
“Secondly, I am very much
pro-marriage, moreso than
ever before, because since my
divorce I know by its absence
what I’m missing,” added
Mrs Bosco, mother of six
children ranging from age 10
to 22, plus an adopted son,
now 36.
“I can think of no
situation in the world that
comes up to the beauty of a
one-to-one relationship-two
people truly wanting to
enrich themselves. In
comparison to marriage, all
the alternate life styles fall
flat on their face.”
In her book, Mrs. Bosco
traces the growth of Marriage
Encounter from the days
when it was an offshoot of
the Christian Family
Movement to its popularity
today among Protestants,
Jews and even atheists.
Using ample anecdotes and
quotes gathered from
personal interviews and from
correspondence with
hundreds of couples who
have made the Encounter
weekend, Mrs. Bosco gives
readers an intimate insight
into the Marriage Encounter
technique, which consists
largely of encouraging
husband and wife to
communicate openly with
each other-perhaps for the
first time in their
relationship.
Although she herself is
enthusiastic about the
Marriage Encounter idea and
much of its techniques, Mrs.
Bosco said she has drawn fire
from many “encountered”
couples and some M. E.
leaders for publicizing some
disenchantment with
Marriage Encounter.
This she did in a lengthy
article in THE LONG
ISLAND CATHOLIC last
February and one chapter in
her new book is titled, “A
Critical Look at the
Problems.”
“Without dispute,” she
writes in her book, “Marriage
Encounter is a fast growing
movement, highly praised for
its goals and accomplishments
in helping couples understand
God’s plan for their marriage.
“But as a movement,
problems have begun to arise
on the national level,
revolving mainly around the
issues of structure, freedom,
conflicts in methods of
spreading Marriage
Encounter, the meaning of
‘continuing dialogue’ and the
very focus of the movement -
apostolic or messianic.”
Mrs. Bosco notes that a
number of Marriage
Encounter enthusiasts have
“turned off” many of their
friends and neighbors by
promoting M.E. too
aggressively, whether it be in
recruiting new couples to
make an Encounter weekend
or to join other
“encountered” couples in
follow-up meetings, often in
what are called “Image”
groups.
“A significant number
(have) expressed mild anger
over their decided
observation that ‘gung-ho
Marriage Encounter leaders’
refuse to accept as a fact that
all couples are not starving
for communication and
maybe all couples don’t need
Marriage Encounter.”
Another criticism Mrs.
Bosco has uncovered
concerns the insistence by
some M. E. leaders-particu-
larly the New York-area
leaders-that the ONLY way
that couples can continue to
improve their marriage is via
daily exhanges of letters to
each other, continuing the
written dialogue begun during
the Encounter weekend.
She quotes one N.Y.
Encounter leader as
declaring:
“The daily dialogue is a
key, not an end in itself. The
writing technique is the only
way a couple can be sure of
setting aside some time each
day for dialogue. (It) is
compulsory; it is absolutely
not negotiable.”
Mrs. Bosco criticizes this
rigidity-and the New York
leadership’s attempts to
promote its techniques as the
only valid ones. Her book
recounts several attempts by
the N.Y. Encounter
leadership to compete with
Marriage Encounter groups in
other states.
She warns that “when
dedication in this
single-minded, sometimes a
myopia can set in, with an
ensuing violation of charity
to others.” She reports that
“a few have detected not
only a hesitancy-but almost a
fear-among couples to
criticize Marriage Encounter
in any way at all. They
likened it to criticizing
motherhood and the flag. ”
Mrs. Bosco is concerned
that Marriage Encounter
could encourage “elitism”
within the Church, and she
notes that in some parishes
“encountered” couples have
all but dropped out of
traditional parish activities to
promote M.E.
Other couples, she found,
refuse to take part in any
activity unless they can
participate as couples, using
what M.E. terms “couple
power.”
And she quotes one man as
complaining. “It’s starting to
look like a ‘Costa Nostra
Sancta’-especially when you
hear a policeman say that he
didn’t ticket an illegally
parked car because it had a
Marriage Encounter sticker
on it!”
“Marriage Encounter must
stand up to evaluation-even
when this indicates
unpleasant findings-or the
movement ultimately will
suffer,” Mrs. Bosco writes in
her book.
“Any movement or
organization which cannot
tolerate criticism carries the
seeds of its own destruction
within it. A movement as
spiritually powerful as
Marriage Encounter and so
obviously the work of God,
must have the courage,
openness and honesty to
admit its stumblings and its
need to keep checking on the
direction of the roadway.
“Even more, it must accept
that criticisms are being
offered in love, for the health
and benefit of Marriage
Encounter - one of the most
beautiful and hopeful signs
that God and goodness are
alive and well in this world of
today.”
Headquarters for Marriage
Encounter in Atlanta is
Ignatius House, 6700
Riverside Drive, N.W.
Interested parties may
telephone Father Larry Hein,
SJ, at 255-0503.
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