Newspaper Page Text
October 18,1979
PAGE 5
Mixed Marriages
BY EUGENE J. AND CATHERINE
AMBROSIANO FISHER
Catholic teaching has always shown a
preference for promoting marriages between
Catholics. The reasoning is straight forward.
The 1970 motu poprio on marriage, for
example, states that the church “is most
desirous that Catholics be able in matrimony
to attain the perfect union of mind and full
communion of life.” That is, marriage tends
toward a oneness of the spirit. And the
church, on practical grounds, recognizes that
differences of basic spiritual beliefs can
cause real difficulties between husband and
wife.
The fruitfulness of ecumenical relations
of recent years has also taught Catholics that
the process of dialogue can lead to particular
forms of spiritual enrichment for those
engaged in them. As this process of
deepened understanding has gone on, the
church has mitigated the requirements for
marriages between Catholics and
non-Catholics. (The rules differ slightly from
place to place, so it is best to consult early
your local priest who can guide you through
the steps).
Marriages between baptized Christians are
seen by the church not only as valid (since
marriage is a natural right, the church
recognizes most marriages as valid which
follow local custom and regulations), but
also as sacramental. This means that a
marriage between a Catholic and, for
example, an Anglican or a Lutheran can be a
sign of the union between Christ and the
whole church, tragically divided but striving
for a deeper unity.
From this point of view, the very term
“mixed marriage” strikes the ear today as
somewhat oddly dated. Perhaps “ecumenical
marriage” or “dialogical marriage” would be
more apt. For, given certain conditions, a
marriage between two people of different
faiths can be a union blessed with a unique
sense of understanding and growth.
Married Christians who come together
out of different religious communities, as
the ecumenical guidelines of the Detroit
Archdiocese state, “are able to give to each
other the riches of their respective
traditions.” To the extent that they are able
to reach beyond their ecclesial separateness,
they can “share the gifts of the one Spirit of
Christ in their life together.” In this sense,
ecumenical marriages offer hope for all of us
today.
Yet the challenge of this “reaching
beyond” should not be underestimated. It
must be a process of true dialogue, not
simply a melting-down of the beliefs of
either to some sort of least common
denominator. Dialogue strains for shared
meaning, not consensus. It presumes, fosters
and delights in difference. It is not a matter
of compromise but of deep sharing and
respect.
Such dialogue is not easy, but it can be
fun. It is not easy because marriage is never
simply a relationship between two
individuals, but a coming together of two
families and the communities they represent.
With us we bring our aunts, uncles and the
past tragedies and present hurts that divide
the communities out of which we come, and
in which our very being has been defined
and shaped.
The process of dialogue, then, must begin
long before the wedding, so that the joint
study of each other’s religious beliefs and
practices may begin to strengthen the
spiritual union between the parties and to
respect differences.
The need for study is particularly acute in
Catholic-Jewish marriages, since the
communal divisions run so deep and the
historical misunderstandings are so widely
held. The Christian partner, for example,
should not presume that he is free of
anti-Semitism. The odds are against such a
happy eventuality.
A good book to start with, which should
be discussed together and with your priest
and rabbi, is Samuel Sandmel’s “When A
Jew and Christian Marry” (Fortress, 1977,
$3.25). This outlines what each should know
about the other’s tradition, and puts into
good perspective why the Jewish community
generally tends to oppose such marriages.
For Jews it is not a question of religious
traditionalism, but more radically of the
very survival of the Jewish community. Such
difficulties need to be understood before the
decision to marry is made and dealt with
maturely throughout the process.
Finally, the crunch question involves
possible children. In which tradition will
they be raised? This cannot be left to the
last minute or dodged by saying, “We’ll let
the children decide themselves,” for this can
put a child in the impossible situation of
virtually having to choose which parent he
loves more.
Real difficulties exist in dialogical
marriages. But so does the potential for rich
rewards. The decision deserves serious
mutual reflection and prayer.
“ECUMENICAL MARRIAGES OFFER hope for all of
us today,” Eugene and Catherine Fisher write, “to the
extent that they are able to reach beyond their ecclesial
separateness. Yet the challenge of this ‘reaching beyond”
should not be underestimated. It must be a process of true
dialogue, not simply a melting down of the beliefs of either
to some sort of least common denominator. Dialogue strains
for shared meaning, not consensus. It presumes, fosters and
delights in differences. It is not a matter of compromise but
of deep sharing and respect.” In Milwaukee, Wis., a married
couple shares its experiences with an engaged couple during
a pre-Cana class. (NC Photo by Anne Bingham)
Mixed Marriages:
Attitudes Expressed In Scripture
BY FATHER JOHN J. CASTELOT
The attitude of the Bible toward mixed
marriages could hardly be described as
consistent. They turn up rather often in the
Old Testament, both in practice and in
principle, where they involve marriages
between Israelites and non-Israelites, Jews
Counseling For Better Understanding
BY FATHER DONALD CONROY
Interfaith marriage - once called mixed
marriage - is .an increasingly common
experience between Christians of different
denominational backgrounds. More than 50
percent of the new marriages in some
Catholic dioceses in the United States are
interfaith marriages. Many people are
considering the questions it raises and
insights it brings.
In his celebrated message, “evangelization
in the Modern World,” Pope Paul VI pointed
out the importance of the- evangelizing
family. He then was quick to add: “Families
resulting from mixed marriage also have the
duty of proclaiming Christ to the children in
the fullness of the consequences of a
common baptism: They have, moreover, the
difficult task of becoming builders of
unity.”
This statement is challenging since it
raises the ideal of an “ecumenical marriage.”
Such a marriage between two baptized
practicing Christians, one of whom is
Catholic, the other of another Christian
church, is rarely ministered to after the
wedding day in any extensive manner. The
question of Catholic-Jewish or
Catholic-Buddhist or Catholic-Moslem
marriages is another question and deserve
treatment, too.
Today, we shall focus on Christian
interfaith marriages. In Christian interfaith
marriages, the distinction can be made
between those into which the couple have
entered without much in-depth thought —
this may be still legitimately called “mixed
marriage” — and those marriages in which
each spouse deeply feels a vocation to
Christian marriage and the need to remain
faithful to his partner and his own Christian
denomination — a truly “ecumenical
marriage.”
r
“IN DEALING WITH CHRISTIAN
INTERFAITH MARRIAGES,” Father
Donald Conroy writes, “the
distinction can be made between
those in which the couple have
entered without much in-depth
thought — this may be still
legitimately called “mixed marriage”
— and those marriages where each
spouse deeply feels a vocation to
Christian Marriage and the need to
remain faithful to each other and their
own Christian denomination — a truly
“ecumenical marriage.” (NC Photo)
KNOW
YOUR
FAITH
(All Articles On This Page
Copyrighted 1979 By N.C. News Service)
True, Catholic marriage preparation
programs often deal with the questions
involved. The papal decree on mixed
marriage, issued in 1970, dealt with the
church’s dispensation from a Catholic
ceremony and the form of the promises.
Acting upon this, many dioceses have
included in their own common policies for
marriage preparation a further treatment of
ecumenical questions.
Yet while the preparation and wedding
ceremony often go well, the couple finds a
need for continuing ministry, which they
experience as sporadic at best.
Based on the Roman document, the
United States bishops issued a statement on
mixed marriages in 1971. This declares that
there should be “appropriate diocesan
informational programs arranged in order to
explain both the reasons for restrictions on
mixed marriages and the positive spiritual
values to be sought in such marriages when
permitted.”
This, along with the more recently
approved Plan of Pastoral Action for Family
Ministry, brings up the whole topic of
ministry to ecumenically married couples
throughout their married years. Many
couples wish for such a ministry in their
parish or diocese. Many experience both the
joys and the tensions of their special
vocation as a sign of that unity Christians are
searching for.
Hope, however, is on the horizon. Some
couples find that a shared prayer and parish
support-discussion group are helpful. Often
with the help of a clergyman couples can
enter a truly blessed like-to-)ike ministry
network, which gives them much practical
help and inspiration.
With the rise in the numbers of young
couples in religiously mixed marriages
growing constantly, the topic becomes
increasingly relevant. Pastors, parents,
leaders in pre-marriage programs and
ecumenically married couples themselves all
have a deep stake in this area of family
ministry.
and Gentiles. In the New Testament the
question comes up only in passing. As a
matter of practice, such unions seem to have
been quite commonplace, even in the case of
members of the people who were held in
high esteem
Joseph married an Egyptian (Genesis
41,45) and Moses a Midianite (Exodus 2,21;
see Numbers 12,1). Naomi’s two
daughters-in-law were Moabites (Ruth 1,4),
and among David’s wives were a Calebite and
an Aramean (2 Samuel 3,3). Solomon’s
harem included, “besides the pharaoh’s
daughter, Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites,
Sidonians and Hittites” (I Kings 11,1).
Israelite women, too, married foreigners (2
Samuel 11,3 1 Kings 7,13-14).
When misgivings are expressed, the
motivation seems to have been more ethnic
than religious. Thus we read in Genesis 24,
2-4: “Abraham said to the senior servant of
his household . . . ‘Put your hand under my
thigh, and I will make you swear by the
Lord, the God of heaven and the God of
earth, that you will not procure a wife for
my son from the daughters of the Canaanites
among whom I live, but that you will go to
my own land and to my kindred to get a
wife for my son Isaac.’”
Two short notices later on show that
objections to marriages outside the “family”
were based on pride of blood rather than on
zeal for religious purity: “When Esau was 40
years old, he married Judith, daughter of
Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath, daughter of
Elon the Hittite. But they become a source of
embitterment to Isaac and Rebekah”
(Genesis 26, 34,35). “Rebekah said to Isaac:
‘I am disgusted with life because of the
Hittite women. If Jacob should also marry a
Hittite woman, a native of the land, like
these women, what good would life be to
me?’” (Genesis 27,46).
It was this same sort of uneasiness,
occasioned by worries about contaminating
ethnic purity, that seems to be behind the
vehement denunciation of mixed marriages
after the return from the Babylonian exile
(6th-5th cent B.C.). The situation here is
somewhat complicated. It had long been
recognized that such marriages not only
tainted Israel’s blood, but also endangered
its religious faith (1 Kings 11,4). The disaster
brought about by Ahab’s marriage to Jezebel
is notorious, and eventually such unions
were forbidden by law (Exodus 34,15,16;
Deuteronomy 7,3,4). This law, however, was
honored more in the breach than in the
observance, and even the community which
returned from the exile continued to
contract mixed marriages (Malachi 2,11,12).
This was a very strange state of affairs.
The Samaritans, having been rebuffed by the
repatriates, became actively and agressively
hostile, doing everything in their power to
sabotage the work of reconstruction. Even
before this they were held in utter contempt
as half-breeds by the Jews, who had become
increasingly conscious of their uniqueness,
their “apartness,” during the exile. All
through that period they had been in a
position where they simply had to
emphasize their otherness in order to
preserve their identity in an alien, pagan
culture. But now, in spite of all that, they
were entering into mixed marriages of all
sorts, even with Samaritan girls —■ and to
such an extent that the reformers, Ezra and
Nehemiah, had to take drastic steps (Ezra
9,10; Nehamiah 10,31; 13,23,27). Drastic
though the measures were, they do not seem
to have been impressively effective.
It is interesting that Samaritans are
singled out by Jesus for special and
strikingly favorable notice. There is the story
of the cure of the 10 lepers in Luke 17,11,
19, and most familiar is his parable of the
Good Samaritan, which he told precisely to
illustrate the concept of “neighbor” in the
great commandment to love one’s neighbor
as oneself (Luke 10,25,37). Then there was
his dialogue with the much-married
Samaritan woman in John, chapter 4. Paul,
for his part, saw no difficulty in a marriage
between a Christian and a pagan as long as
they could live together in haramony (1
Corinthians 7, 12,16).
The one law that Jesus left us, if one can
call it a law, was that of mutual love (John
13,34,35; 15, 12,17). If people really love
each other, they should be able to respect
each other’s convictions with understanding
and mutual acceptance. Differences are
inevitable; mixed marriages there will always
be. Love can make them work. This is not
the biblical answer to the problem; even to
suggest that it was would be irresponsibily
simplistic. But the attitudes we find
expressed in the Scriptures could and should
be taken into practical account in living with
this complex question, especially in
individual cases.
Discussion Points And Questions
1. Why has the church always shown a marked preference for
promoting marriages between Catholics? Discuss.
2 Discuss this statement made by Eugene and Catherine Fisher in
their article, “Mixed Marriages”: “Given certain conditions, a marriage
between two people of different faiths can be a union blessed with a
unique sense of understanding and growth.”
3 Cite both the difficulties and the potential for rich rewards that
can result from mixed marriages. Discuss.
4 Father Donald Conroy in his article, “Counseling for Better
Understanding.” points out that there is rarely any ministry carried on
for mixed marriages after the wedding day. Is there anything of this
nature happening in your parish?
5. If your marriage is an interfaith one, and there is nothing relating
to ministry for such marriages in your parish, get to know other couples
who also have interfaith marriages in your parish and explore the
possibilities of forming a group. As starters on ideas, you might explore
the following with the leadership and guidance of your pastor: dialogue
with engaged couples; dialogue with married couples who are
experiencing some difficulties because it is a mixed marriage; a Bible
discussion group which has as its purpose the study of Jesus’ life and
the Christian philosophy.
6. After reading Father John J. Castelot’s article, “Mixed Marriages:
Attitudes Expressed in Scriptures,” reflect upon the attitudes on the
subject which Father Castelot has pointed out.
I