Newspaper Page Text
November 1,1979
PAGE 5
Mixing Education
And Marriage
BY RICHARD AND JANET CRIPE
When I walked into our apartment one
snowy Wednesday evening at seven o’clock,
I was looking forward to hot coffee and
dinner. Wednesdays were special because
that was the only week day Janet and I
could eat together. But instead of her
presence on this particular night, I found a
note: “Hi, sorry I’m not home but Toth
called an extra play rehearsal. See you about
1 a.m. if I can get through the snow. Love,
Janet.”
I threw my own private temper fit. Then
I calmed down. What was the use? No one
was there to hear it. And I started laughing
at my infantile behavior. I remembered a
couple of weeks earlier when I had left her a
note on a Wednesday saying I would be late
because of a student government meeting.
So I brewed coffee (it was almost gone)
and went to the refrigerator to get lunch
meat for a sandwich. There wasn’t any and
there were only two eggs. But another note
in the refrigerator from Janet informed me
that we wouldn’t have any more money for
food until tomorrow when she got her pay
from the dress shop.
That cold evening in South Bend, Ind.,
sums up well our three years as university
students. We saw each other through the
week in what we refer to as “passing by.”
The majority of Sundays were spent in
silence as we studied. Outside of each of us
having full-time school schedules, we also
held down part-time jobs. We never had
enough money. When the price of meat kept
going up, we became vegetarians.
But it wasn’t all pain. She was the most
beautiful creature I have ever seen when she
played the lead in “Butterflies Are Free.”
During intermission, I listened to people
praising her performance and I was so proud
of her. And she was enthusaistic about
attending student government affairs with
me.
Janet was 22 and I was 25 when we
married. We talked about the wisdom of
marrying before we finished school (she was
working on her bachelor’s degree, I on my
master’s, and we had two more years). But
we were so much in love that we knew we
could make it.
We knew we would not have lots of time
together and that money would be tight. We
discussed it thoroughly. We even went and
talked it over with the Newman chaplain. He
thought, too, that we had the maturity to
enter into marriage in this situation.
The chaplain was right. We don’t regret
marrying when we did. But we know from
experience that any couple considering
combining marriage, education and possibly
C
working as well should explore the bleak
side as well as the joys of sharing life
together. Even though we did this, it is
impossible to think of everything. We had
not anticipated, for example, when we sat
down with the monthly bills, that we would
have to decide whom to pay. Our decisions
were usually based upon whom we had paid
the month before. Being apart was more
frustrating than we had thought it would be.
With lots of effort, we adjusted to the
way life was while we were in school. But we
had to make another adjustment when we
began living like “normal” couples. We had
settled so well into the routine of going
about our business separately that when we
were together every evening and had
weekends to ourselves, we went through a
period of being a bit lost. We discovered that
some of our likes and dislikes were not
similar. For the past year, we’ve been
learning a lot more about ourselves. As a
result, we have broadened our horizons.
Janet is learning to camp out because I love
the outdoors. I am learning to enjoy
shopping for antiques because she has a
passion for them. What we are about now is
growing together.
Our marriage is a constant adventure. It
has never been static. We’ve fought some and
loved a lot. Everything we’ve done has added
to this wonderful mixture of things in
marriage that is a lot like cake batter. The
rough times are the lumps that have to be
mixed with the smooth ingredients. But we
are convinced that a marriage that bases its
beginnings on love and eternal commitment
can survive the lumps. With a good sense of
humor, the lumps will blend and strengthen
the original commitment.
And we had an ace over many of our
college friends. We could lean on each other.
We proved that early in our marriage. Now
we know we can face anything as long as we
have each other.
(ABOUT THE AUTHORS: Richard and
Janet Cripe are graduates of Indiana
University, campus of South Bend. Richard
is a systems specialist with the Department
of the Interior in Washington and Janet
works in the accounts department of
Interstate Savings and Loan. She plans to
begin studying for her master’s degree next
fall.)
I
“WE WERE NOT SURPRISED AT
Michael’s and Claudia’s
announcement, for they had dated all
through high school,” Angela M.
Schrieber writes. “But we had hoped
that they would wait until Michael
graduated. A talk with both of them
convinced us that theirs was a strong
love. Nevertheless, parents are not
without apprehension.” (NC Photo)
Counseling Before The Fact
“SO I BREWED A CUP OF
COFFEE and went to the refrigerator
to get some lunch meat for a
sandwich,” Richard Cripe writes.
‘There wasn’t any lunch meat and
there were only two eggs. But there
was another note in the refrigerator
from Janet telling me that we
wouldn’t have any more money for
food until tomorrow when she got her
pay from the dress shop. That cold
evening in South Bend, Ind. sums up
well our three years as university
students.” (NC Sketch by Eric Smith)
BY ANGELA M SCHREIBER
Those of us who were of college age
during the aftermath of World War II have
memories of combining marriage and
education. Many young men whose
education was interrupted by war came back
and enrolled under the GI Bill even though a
number of them had married. Family
housing for college students became
commonplace. Young men and women
combined education, part-time jobs and
44
Present Your Needs To God
55
BY FATHER JOHN J. CASTELOT
Paul’s letter to the Philippians is
remarkable for its warmth, tenderness,
joyfulness. This is all the more remarkable in
view of the fact that he wrote it from prison,
probably at Ephesus. Jails today are hardly
Holiday Inns, and one can only imagine
what a first-century dungeon in Asia Minor
must have been like. Yet he can write:
“Rejoice in the Lord always! I say it
again. Rejoice! Everyone should see how
unselfish you are. The Lord is near. Dismiss
all anxiety from your minds. Present your
needs to God in every form of prayer and in
petitions full of gratitude. Then God’s own
peace, which is beyond all understanding,
will stand guard over your hearts and minds
in Christ Jesus” (4, 4-7).
Words such as these, written in the midst
of ordinarily crushing adversity, tell us so
much about Paul’s heart and soul. His deep
faith led to an unshakable confidence in the
loving care of the Lord. This confidence
banished anxiety — even when his life hung
in the balance — and he experienced that
peace “which is beyond all understanding.”
From this peace sprang an irrepressible joy:
“Rejoice in the Lord always!”
The apostle’s actual circumstances,
involving imprisonment for the faith, are
matched literally by thousands of Christians
throughout the world today. But even
people who are not plunged into such
dramatic and traumatic depths find
themselves from time to time, perhaps often,
in situations which can cause no little
anxiety. Only a faith like Paul’s can help
them to trust in the goodness of the Lord, to
let hope banish fear, and to know profound
peace and even joy in spite of everything.
Life today is so complex, so demanding
as to be almost threatening, as in the case of
a young couple just starting out to build a
future together. They know that if they are
to achieve any lasting security for themselves
and the family that will be theirs, a good
education is a must. But often enough the
fellow hasn’t completed his training —
Discussion Points And Questions
1. Do you know a couple combining marriage and formal education?
Discuss with them both the good and bad things about this way of life.
2. Janet and Richard Cripe found that after they finished school,
they had to make another adjustment when they started to live like
“normal” couples. Do you think they could have avoided having to
make this second adjustment? Discuss.
3. Discuss this statement from the Cripes’ article, “Mixing Education
and Marriage:” “We are convinced that a marriage that bases its
beginnings on love and eternal commitment can survive the lumps. With
a good sense of humor, the lumps will blend and strengthen the original
commitment.”
4. Do you feel that parents of engaged couples who plan to marry
while they are still in college should discuss the pros and cons of
combining marriage and education? Discuss.
5. In Angela Schreiber’s article, “Counseling Before the Fact,” how
is ministry illustrated? Discuss the many ways in which parents, adult
children, the church can minister to one another when a couple in the
family is combining marriage and education.
6. Read St. Paul’s letter to the Philippians. What does this letter
contain that can serve us well when we are going through a difficult
time in our lives? Discuss.
8. Father John J. Castelot points out to us that young couples who
are combining education and marriage are courageous. Why? Discuss.
maybe hasn’t even started it. They are so
deeply in love that marriage is the only
answer. Oh, they could wait, but they know
very well that if they did they would run the
risk of compromising values to which, as
Christians, they are sincerely committed.
The courageous solution — and it is
courageous — is continued education within
the framework of marriage. This usually
means that the new bride has to work to
support them, and a girl who comes home
after a hard day at the office or elsewhere is
in no mood to prepare a gourmet dinner.
And there is laundry to be done, household
chores, shopping amid the discouragement
and frustration of an inflation that shrinks
her earnings.
The student, if he is to succeed against
stiff competition, has to burn the midnight
oil, and this is not exactly conducive to
relaxed companionship. Fatigue makes for
raw nerves, and raw nerves are terribly
sensitive, no matter who irritates them, or
how.
And yet they go on, courageously,
lovingly, unselfishly. They don’t advertise
their heroism but, as Paul says, “Everyone
should see how unselfish you are.”
Later, in the same chapter of Philippians,
he reveals something else about himself
which is as practical and realistic as it is
significant: “ . . . whatever the situation I
find myself in I have learned to be
self-sufficient. I am experienced in being
brought low, yet I know what it is to have
an abundance. I have learned how to cope
with every circumstance — how to eat well
or go hungry, to be well provided for or to
go without. In him who is the source of my
strength I have strength for everything” (4,
lib,13).
A young Christian couple who share the
faith of the apostle have a strength beyond
their own. With deep trust in the Lord’s
help, they can “dismiss all anxiety from
their minds and present their needs to God
in every form of prayer and in petitions full
of gratitude. Then God’s own peace, which
is beyond «11 understanding, will stand guard
over their hearts and minds, in Christ Jesus.”
And not only will they be able to “rejoice
in the Lord always,” with a deep, quiet joy,
but they will be able to maintain and
develop that delightful, playful sense of
humor which will help them over the rough
spots and reveal the comic side of life’s
seriousness. Laughing together, they will
love together and succeed together in Christ
Jesus.
marriage. The trend that began then never
ended.
1 Ideally, it is best to finish education
before marriage, but ideal situations are not
always possible. It is possible, though, to
deal with whatever situations confront us as
long as we approach them intelligently.
When our son told us he would marry
shortly after his first semester of junior year
(he also worked part time and his fiance was
still in her freshman year), we were
somewhat worried. I immediately recalled
couples I had known who struggled to make
it through and keep body and soul together.
They did not have much time to spend on
their marriages, but those who met the
challenge successfully had built stong
relationships.
We were not surprised at Michael’s and
Claudia’s announcement, for they had dated
all through high school and we felt they
would eventually marry. But we had hoped
they would wait until Michael graduated.
Nevertheless, parents (I think we’re fairly
typical) are not without apprehension.
My husband Tom and I wondered if we
should bring up the pros and cons of their
combining education and school. Would
they take it in the spirit it was meant? Or
would they consider it meddling? Finally,
we decided to discuss it with them.
We found that they had figured out their
finances. Claudia had decided to work full
time during Michael’s last year, then return
to school after his graduation. They had
discussed, too, the time away from one
another there would be because of study.
Together, we shared our thoughts about
the meaning and the gravity of a lifetime
commitment. We stressed the importance of
developing continually the art of
communication. Busy people (and they
would be very busy during their first year of
marriage) can tend to neglect this art.
We talked about the quality of time spent
together. If the quality is good, the lack of
quantity is not nearly so grave. And we
acquainted them with Engaged Encounter.
Everything I had read about the Engaged
Encounter weekend was glowing. They
really felt that they knew everything there
was to know about the other, but agreed to
look into Engaged Encounter.
When they spoke with our parish priest,
he reinforced our recommendation. As a
result, they went on an encounter weekend
and, according to them, this was the best
marriage preparation they could have had.
To their surprise, they learned much more
about one another. And two years later,
they still use the techniques of
communication they learned there.
A few evenings ago, Michael and Claudia
visited us and we recalled that discussion. We
asked them if they felt it might have been
unnecessary.
They looked surprised. Claudia said,
“Michael and I had talked a great deal but
we tended to push thoughts of loneliness
into the background. That discussion helped
our focus. I guess we never mentioned it, but
we talked to my mom too. All the parents
gave us things to consider.”
“Dad, you can’t overwork preparing for
marriage,” Michael added. “Between you
and Mom, Claudia’s mother and Engaged
Encounter, we were able to look through the
pink cloud into some of the nitty-gritty
realities. It’s made it lots easier and marriage
is all the fun — even more — than we
thought it would be.’
Claudia’s eyes twinkled as she said, “It’s
kind of nice knowing, too, that when we
were a bit hungry, we both had parents who
were happy to feed us. By the way,” she
smiled and held Michael’s hand, “you’re
going to be grandparents in about six
months. But I’m going to finish my degree.
It will just take a little longer.”
After they left, Tom and 1 felt an odd
combination of things - joy for their
happiness and the new life they would bring,
a pride in our new daughter, sadness because
we had performed our last parental duty to
our second son. But we knew, too, that
while our parent-child relationship had
ended, our new adult relationship was well
along the way. Like all good relationships,
we would continue to give and receive, but
in a different way.
r
KNOW
YOUR FAITH
(All Articles On This Page Copyrighted 1979 By N.c. News Service)
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