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PAGE 2—The Georgia Bulletin, November 13, 1980 Separated And Divorced Catholics Find Support * mmsm BY CHRISTOPHER VALLEY (Member Ss. Peter and Paul Parish, Decatur.) They are men and women, black and white, from suburbs and cities. But they all have one thing in common. They are Catholics who are separated or divorced. One out of five Catholic marriages in the United States ends in divorce within 15 years. This compares to a rate of one out of four non-Catholic marriages ending in divorce within the same time period. One-half of divorced Catholics remarry eventually. “Legions of Catholics have felt alienated from the Church because they have not felt the support of the Church as they try to carry on their lives after divorce,” said Sandy Melof, Archdiocesan Chairman of Separated and Divorced Catholics Groups. “Priests have not been trained to deal with the pastoral needs of divorced Catholics until very recently.” To remedy this situation, divorced or separated Catholics are forming their own support groups within their parishes. “Before we began to form our own groups, there was really nothing in the Archdiocese for separated or divorced people to relate to. Couples have thier organizations, as do senior citizens, and teens,” Ms. Melof points out. “We needed some vehicle for coming together to share and give strength to each other.” In the past four years, some 25 such groups have begun in the Archdiocese of Atlanta. Twelve groups are currently active. About half are located in the metro Atlanta area. The other half are scattered across north Georgia. Leadership from these parish groups meet four times a year to plan archdiocesan activities, such as newsletters, days of recollection, and an annual Mass. Jeanne Mosley, recently divorced St. John the Evangelist parishioner and mother of five, comments, “It was a fearful thing to be divorced. The people I’ve met through the Separated and Divorced Catholics Group have given me great support. It’s good to be able to express your feelings with those who’ve shared similar experiences.” Louise Rutland agrees. A recent convert, Louise has been divorced seven years. Two of her three children are grown; the third child resides with her in Clarkston. ‘‘After Priests from throughout the Archdiocese will join Archbishop Thomas A. Donnellan in concelebrat- ing a Mass for separated and divorced Catholics on Thursday, November 20 at 8 p.m. at Holy Spirit Church on Northside Drive in Atlanta. A reception will follow the Mass. Call Sr. Lorraine (881-6131) for more information. you’re divorced, friends don’t invite you out anymore. When they want to play bridge, they invite another couple, not a single person. In our group we help each other see that life does go on.” While remarried Catholics are welcome to participate, few do. “Not all divorced Catholics feel a need. Those who have remarried generally only come to a meeting when a speaker is discussing annulments,” notes Ms. Melof. There are five types of people who have, experienced separation or divorce, according to Ms. Melof: 1) people who have recently divorced or separated and are still hurting; 2) those who are ‘‘over the hump,” and beginning to adjust; 3) those who have adjusted to their new lives and can give support to others; 4) the happily single or remarried person; and 5) those who never adjust. Vincent Pierotti, IHM parishioner and father of two, feels, “These groups have more appeal for the newly divorced.” While Jerry Horton, a father of eight who has been divorced seven years, sees a great value in just being able to share communication and a sense of community with divorced or separated people who are Catholic. ‘‘I enjoy it,” says Mr. Horton, a member of Saints Peter and Paul Parish in Decatur. “If I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t be there.” “I see three groups of divorced Catholics in the Church: those with kids living with them; those with kids, but not having custody; and those with B Y STEPHANIE MA YES Stephanie Mayes, 30, is a member of St. Mary’s parish in Rome. She recently wrote a letter to The Bulletin that began: “Several years ago I asked a priest if he could give me the name of someone in a nursing home who wanted a visitor. He did, and the result was one of the best friendships I’ve ever had.” The priest was Father Jim Atkins at St. Mary’s. When the visits began, “I thought of it as doing a good deed,” said Ms. Mayes. “But it ended up being a good deed for me. She became my best friend. I loved her very much and I still love her.” The story that follows came in the envelope with Stephanie Mayes' letter and is the story of that friendship. When I first saw Frances I was shocked by her thinness. She stood 5’8” and weighed 62 pounds. The first time I saw her my attention was so drawn to her weight that it was hard for me to listen to what she said. As time went on and I got to know Frances better I ceased to notice how thin she was. In time, as I came to know the special beauty of the person who was Frances, her physical appearance began to take on an awesome beauty. At 5’8” Frances was.a tall woman. Her chocolate brown skin told you she was a black woman. Her high cheekbones, silky skin and proud carriage bore evidence of American Indian ancestry. A Woman of Wisdom Frances had cancer, and the cancer therapy had ruined her nair, but she had beautiful black wigs that fell to her shoulders. When she wore one of these wigs with a headband and Indian dress she looked like an Indian. Her thinness, shocking at first, blended in with her Indian dress to give the impression of someone who was extraordinarily graceful. Frances loved living. She lived more from her sick bed than many healthy people live in their whole lifetime. Whenever I was depressed, all I had to do was go see Frances and she cheered me up. I remember Frances as a lady of laughter - gentle, flowing laughter like the quick waters of a happy stream. Frances was also a woman of wisdom and a person who loved and gave of herself. Her eyes were brown and through them shown a light so bright it lit up her whole being. God shows through some people as a light, and Frances was one of those people. 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She helped me grow. She showed me that a person can enjoy living in the face of imminent death and daily pain. I guess you might even say she taught me the way to die gracefully. Frances and I never discussed death. We made lots of plans. Became One She would go back to live in New York City and I would come visit her in her apartment, or she would buy a house here and the two of us would sit and talk, just as we talked in the nursing home. Frances and I did many things together. We went to Mass, watched television, went to movies and just rode about in my car looking at the countryside. We loved, and talked, and lived, and walked. We fancied that we were kin, since we are both of American Indian descent. We wrote and published a poem together in a newspaper. In Frances and me, black and white met, mingled and became one. She told me about her life in New York City, of what it is like to live in a neighborhood with a Jewish bakery two doors down and an Italian butcher around the corner. She spoke of fabulous parties in Greenwich Village. I told her how it feels to sit upon a fine horse and look down into painted valleys in the mornings of North Georgia autumns. White southerner. Black northerner. Two people from different background sharing and growing with each other. One living. One dying. We both started out with misconceptions, she about white southerners and I about black northerners. We learned that white southerners and black northerners are people. Frances learned that while many people in the south are prejudiced there are many who are not. Much More of a Person I learned that while New York City has crime and concrete, it still has neighborhoods where people know and care about each other, and for all its concrete there are places where trees grow and people sit on doorsteps and talk to each other. I am much richer, much more of a person, because I knew and loved Frances. Frances died in the early spring of 1978. While I was not with her at the moment of death, I saw her everyday in the hospital and we both knew she was dying. Because of Frances’ death, and because I have seen death many times in both people and animals, I have no fear of my own death. I look forward to dying because dying is a part of living. As a Christian I have spent years thinking about the purpose of life. I have come to the conclusion that the purpose of life is to grow. I believe growth starts here and now and continues for eternity. Perhaps I can best express the way I feel in an American Indian saying that goes like this: In the house of long life, there I wander. In the house of happiness, there I wander. Beauty before me . . . Beauty behind me . . . Beauty below me . . . Beauty all around me. sane __ TRI-CITY FEDERAL A, Your Savings SAVINGS 1-OflN ASSOCIATION <N||||f» to “o LIBERAL RATES **}}$? On Savings Small Change! Smart Money It’s Staggering Is That What You’re The Way Your Getting On Your Grows Faster With Money Earns More Savings Dollar? Our Daily Compounding Money . . . here! TRI-CITY FEDERAL FOUR LOCATIONS TO SERVE YOU HOME OFFICE: 600 S. Central Ave., Hapeville, Ga. 30354 Phone 768-8000 BRANCH OFFICES 795 Old Conley Rd. SE 27 Smith St. 150 West Lanier Ave. Fairburn, Ga. 30213 Fayetteville, Ga. 30214 461-6001 Atlanta, Ga. 30354 361-0928 964-7808 no children at all. Each has a different need for m i n istry from the Church,” comments Mr. Horton. Wherever separated or divorced Catholics have asked to start a group, priests and pastors have been very supportive. Some priests attend their parish group’s meetings regularly. While others give their support, “by letting us do what we see as needed. Support is shown in many ways,” notes Ms. Melof. The Archdiocese supports the ministry of Separated and Divorced Catholics Groups through its Office of Religious Education. Sister Lorraine Masucci, coordinator of adult religious education, assists the parish . leadership in planning and carrying out archdiocesan events. Such evidence of concern is greatly appreciated by Jeanne Mosley, “Especially when you’re divorced, you need to feel the support of the Church’s family. I’m not married, but I have five kids and I’m responsible for my family. Divorced people need the Church’s help in carrying out their responsibilities.” Black Northerner - White Southerner Wisdom Unites NEW YORK (NC) - “Wisdom is finally breaking through in the church in a way that is bringing men and women together,” according to Rosemary Haugh- ton, theologian and author of 30 books on spiritual growth. She spoke in a series of talks on ‘‘Women as Prophetic Witnesses” at St. James Cathedral, Brooklyn, marking the 600th anniversary of the death of St. Catherine of Siena. Some 200 persons attended. “In our own time the women’s movement is much more than political,” she commented. “It is also a movement of hope in a society where people should show compassion for one another. Now, it seems, divine wisdom is coming into her own. There is a sense that the greatest need in our world is the presence of the spirit of what is feminine.” Often in the past women in the church “labored for the same causes” but had to do so in separate organizat ions because of the fear of the feminine in predominantly male organizations, Mrs. Haughton said. “Now divine wisdom has said she needs a place to grow among the people of God. The shoots of divine wisdom are breaking through in small places.” PLANNING PROGRAMS for divorced and separated Catholics in the Archdiocese are Sr. Lorraine (foreground), (1. to r.) Sandy Melof, Jeanne Mosley, Louise Rutland, and Jerry Horton. Letter From A Divorced Catholic If you are a divorced Catholic, you may have found it difficult to find the emotional and spiritual support and communication you so badly needed within the Church, and like so many others in your situation, you may have sought other avenues of support and growth. I know because I was one of you . . . Chances are there is within you a longing and a feeling that something is still missing from your life, something more than just missing a partner, if you are not remarried, or even if you are. Giving up the Church is for many of us kind of like giving up a parent. We might have disagreed with them a lot, but we do miss them when they’re gone. You may not be aware that a lot has been happening in the Catholic Church since you’ve been away. It took a long time, but we are finally coming to understand and meet the needs of our divorced and formerly married members. If you would like to learn more about what is going on in the Church in these areas, we invite you to attend a very special “Family Reunion” - the Family of Christ. We have missed you! We will gather on Sun., Nov. 23, from 3-6 p.m. at Immaculate Heart of Mary School, 2855 Briarcliff Rd., N.E. You may have grown a lot and learned some important things while you were away, and we want to share that with you and learn from your experiences. But most of all, we want a chance to share with each other. You may still feel angry or reluctant to come around after being away so long, or you may be just skeptical about becoming involved again. That’s OK. We’re not asking for a commitment. We just want you to feel welcome. This is your home, and we hope you will come by ... if only for a visit. Joan Rubesch Immaculate Heart of Mary Miami Voters Curb Bilingualism MIAMI (NC) - Voters in Dade County have approved an ordinance, questioned by Archbishop Edward A. McCarthy, which will limit the county’s power to use Spanish in its official business and prohibit the use of public funds to underwrite such cultural events as Spanish Heritage Week. Archbishop McCarthy had written in a personal column in The Voice, archdiocesan newspaper Oct. 31, that although “I do not want to be accused of telling people how to vote,” he questioned whether the ordinance would achieve its stated goal, unifying the community. The ordinance prohibits “the expenditure of county funds for the purpose of utilizing any language other than English or promoting any culture than that of the United States.” It also re q uires that “all governmental meetings, hearings and publications shall be in the English language only.” The measure will not affect the teaching of Spanish in Dade County public schools. More than 71 percent of non-Hispanics voted in favor of the ordinance, while about 80 percent of Latins opposed it. The measure passed in a 62 per cent to 38 per cent vote. John Diaz, president of Cuban-Americans United, said his group would file suit in federal court to challenge the ordinance’s constitutionality. In his column, Archbishop McCarthy questioned whether passage of the ordinance would really do what its supporters said it would: foster unity in the area by making communication simpler and protect English-speaking Americans from being deprived of services and even employment available only to the bilingual. Approval might be interpreted as an unfriendly gesture to “our Spanish-speaking brothers and sisters, thus creating greater division in the community,’’ the archbishop said. “Will the vote embarrass us before the nation and before the cosmopolitan nations in the modern world?” he asked. He suggested also that the measure might “discourage the ever growing Latin tourist industry and international commerce becoming more and more important for our economy.” Because it is unclear what services will actually be affected by the Wedding Invitations Christmas Cards Shop in the convenience of your office or home Call Personally Yours 447-7811 ordinance, the archbishop questioned whether it would p revent agencies from providing to residents who do not understand English such essential services as hurricane warnings, due process and judicial procedings and responses to emergency police and fire calls. ‘‘Already the Latin children and youth prefer to speak English most of the time,” he said. “Many older Latins have mastered the English language as well. Would it not be better to let nature take its course rather than to attempt to legislate what may be the impossible and leave scars?” Emmy Shafer of Citizens of Dade United led the petition drive that collected 44,000 signatures in a month to place the measure on the ballot. Calling the passage of the ordinance a “step forward,” she said, “I think that the two communities can finally exert their best efforts toward each other. Now we can really get to work on communication.” kinko's XEROX COPIES 1385 Oxford Rd. Emory Village . ? 7 - 7 : 4 , 6 - 3 ? GEORGIA BULLETIN Ads Bring Results! Air Conditioning, Heating, Refrigeration, (including compressor replacement if necessary) Oven & Range- Water Heater & Thermostat - All for $ 79 per year, for homes up to 4 years old- on older homes, price is slightly higher. 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