Newspaper Page Text
November 26,1981
PAGE 5
Pressure Points For Parents
BY NEIL PARENT
Last year, during a visit, a college friend
and I began to discuss our children. At one
point, he described in words laden with pain
how badly his relationship with his oldest
daughter had deteriorated.
She was now a freshman in college, he said,
and their communication was virtually
non-existent. He explained that he was at a
loss to understand what had gone wrong and
to know what he could do to rectify the
situation. All recent attempts had failed.
I recall being both surprised and not
surprised by the revelation. I was surprised
because my friend and his wife are very caring,
sensitive people who, through the years, have
made every effort to be good, helpful parents.
How could such an estrangement occur then,
between this man and his daughter.
Yet, there was another side of me -- the side
of growing awareness about the uncertainties
of parenting - that was not surprised. I had
heard this kind of story too many times
before. I also knew only too well that it could
be my story too. Problems in child rearing
seem to have no logical pattern.
As parents, we want to be successful with
our children. We want our relationship to be a
happy one. We want them to feel good about
themselves and about us as their parents. We
want them to be good Christians, able and
willing to contribute to the well-being of
society.
At the same time, society places great
pressure upon us as parents to produce
children who are successful in the ways of the
world - in winning competitively, in achieving
educationally and professionally, in gaining
friends and influence, and in possessing
material goods.
Even for very dedicated Christian parents,
it is difficult not to succumb to the lure of this
kind of success. We genuinely love our
children and desire them to be happy. In
addition, we know, too well, the kinds of
struggles, frustrations and problems that
frequently befall the less successful.
But there is another side to the desire to
have our children do well that has more to do
with our own ego. We are prone to see their
success or failure as a reflection upon us.
A few years ago, I happened to walk by a
soccer field while youngsters were playing a
practice game. I noticed the father of one
player yelling at his son from the sidelines. As
the game progressed, he began to run heatedly
up and down the field, all the while screaming
harsh criticisms of his son’s performance.
The man is an example of someone who
desperately needs his child to succeed - not so
much for the child’s sake, but for his own.
What does our faith have to say about this
complex question of wanting, or needing, or
feeling pressured to be successful as parents?
Thinking about this, I’m reminded of a
response Mother Teresa of Calcutta once gave.
Asked how she coped with discouragement
when she sees all the poverty that exists and
realizes how little she can do, she replied:
“God has not called me to be successful. He
has called me to be faithful.”
God calls us to be faithful as parents, even
if fully visible success in this role, however one
defines it, may not be ours. This means we are
to live the Gospel as faithfully as we can as
nurturers and providers of the children he has
given us.
This also calls for a certain letting go on our
parts. We recognize our children are
ultimately God’s creations, given to us for a
time to love and to care for. What they
eventually become, however, is essentially
between him and them.
He may have roles for them to play in life
which appear to us as problem-filled paths to
failure. But we recognize that God loves our
children and his love will not be denied.
As parents, God asks two things of us.
1. That we attempt as faithfully as we can
to make the Gospel a reality for us and our
children.
2. That we believe his love for us and for
them will ultimately prevail.
Story Of Forgiving Sins
BY FATHER JOHN J. CASTELOT
The second chapter of Mark’s Gospel starts
off with an ominous tone. Jesus suddenly
encounters opposition. This is underscored by
a series of five stories of conflict.
The stories serve to answer a puzzling
question: After so many acts of power and
compassion revealed so often through his
actions, why did Jesus come to such a tragic
end?
The suggested answer is that the religious
establishment did not recognize his identity as
God’s messianic agent and did not perceive by
/ \
KNOW
YOUR
FAITH
(All Articles on This Page
Copyrighted 1981 By N.C. News Service)
N _ /
whose power Jesus did these things. Jesus was
seen as a threat.
The first story opens with the return of
Jesus to Capernaum. It tells about his cure of a
paralytic, along with the forgiveness of the
stricken man’s sins. In addition, the story
relates the charge of blasphemy against Jesus
which will be repeated later at his trial.
As the story stands, it is rather awkward.
After all the hubbub about the forgiveness of
sins, the spectators respond only to the cure
of the man.
Scholars have been led to the conclusion
that, like the earlier story of the healing of the
leper, this one also is a combination of two
stories - one about the cure of a paralytic and
the other about a controversy over the
forgiveness of sins.
The miracle story can be disengaged from
the Bible text, by taking several sections and
stringing them together. Read consecutively,
the verses make a smooth, consistent story,
from “ ... he said to the paralyzed man” in
verse 5, to “I command you, stand up!” in
verse 11. Read this way, the reaction of the
crowd is quite what one would expect.
But then, apparently, Mark decided to add,
“My son, your sins are forgiven you,” and the
ensuing controversy about Jesus’ power to
forgive sins on earth.
This insertion has to do with the claim of
the early church that belief in Christ and
baptism brought forgiveness here and now.
For many leaders then, the claim was
blasphemy. For them, God alone could
forgive sins, and he would do so only at the
end-time, not here on earth.
That controversy is woven into the story of
the cure rather skillfully, for the cure
furnishes a visible demonstration that Jesus
could bring about what he proclaimed. The
forgiveness could not be so visibly
demonstrated, but the obvious cure left no
doubt of his power to do what he claimed to
do.
Jesus refers to himself in the story as the
Son of Man. In itself this is simply a common
idiom meaning “man,” often used by Jesus as
a substitute for “I.” But the title also had
messianic overtones and Mark clearly
intended his readers to understand it in that
sense here.
As the messianic agent of God, Jesus wields
divine authority, an authority which extends
to the forgiveness of sins - here and now. This,
of course, is the main thrust of the story as it
stands. But the account of the cure itself is of
interest.
The touching faith of the paralytic’s
friends is remarkable. It is noteworthy that
Jesus makes no allusion to the faith of the
man himself, but rather to “their faith.”
The faith of the Christian community is a
powerful instrument in the healing of its
individual members. Unfortunately, it is
matched by an even greater incomprehension
and hatred on the part of the enemies of
Christ in every age.
Discussion Points And (Questions
1. Think about a situation in which your family felt especially close.
What made this occasion a success in your eyes?
2. Why does Neil Parent say he was both surprised and not surprised at
the revelation of the deteriorating relationship between his friend and his
friend’s daughter?
3. How does Parent adapt a quote from Mother Teresa to the parent’s
role?
4. In David Gibson’s story, why does the father decide to teach his own
daughter the piano? Does it work out well?
5. Is it as difficult as it is often said to be for family members to find
happy ways of spending time together? Why?
6. What conflict is discussed in Father John Castelot’s article about the
cure of the paralytic man by Jesus?
7. Having read this week’s articles about the family, would you agree or
disagree that the ideal family is one where relationships always run
smoothly? Why?
L
PARENTS sometimes admit they are under a great deal of expectations of others. Some parents even feel pressured to
pressure - pressure on the job to perform certain tasks, become perfect parents. (NC Sketch)
pressure within their community to measure up to the
One Family’s Togetherness
BY DAVID GIBSON
John joked with his 8-year-old daughter
one Saturday morning. “Carrie,” he said,
“you’re probably the only kid in town who
has to take piano lessons from her dad! ”
John gives Carrie her piano lessons. By all
accounts, she is progressing well. She practices
regularly, writes in her music-theory book,
and is happy about her new field of
accomplishment.
John, you might have decided by now, is
cheap. He doesn’t want to pay the going rate
in his area - $9 a half hour - for Carrie’s
lessons.
Well, you’re right. But only up to a point.
He had many years of lessons himself and
realized this was a potential area for cost
control.
But John had enough to do. He didn’t need
more responsibilities. He commutes to work,
often works 10 hours a day, has volunteer
activities, plus all the other involvements of
family life. And despite the high cost of living,
he could come up with the money for the
lessons.
So why did he get into this?
Well, music is a big part of John’s leisure
time. Music isn’t something extraordinary for
him. It is part of his ordinary life.
Getting involved at the piano with his
children could be seen as natural for him. (He
also helps his wife in her adult learner’s music
book.)
But here’s the key: John and his wife, like
many parents, are always looking for happy
ways to spend time with their children.
There are lots of pressures in society that
drive family members apart. Moreover, many
parents try hard to keep close to their children
these days, feeling the children have to cope
with problems and pressures that were not so
common 30 or 40 years ago.
John says he often feels his life is all
chopped up, with many things competing for
his attention. What’s more, the others in the
family have busy schedules too.
The family ends up running in every
direction all the time. When they’re not on the
go, they’re getting ready to go.
A lot of families will identify with John
and his family on those scores. Family
members sometimes begin to feel they make
time for everything except each other. The
feeling can become a frustration.
After all, the family is meant to be godlike.
Its members have a commitment to each other
that is special. But sometimes it feels like the
specialness and godlikeness and commitment
are getting lost in the shuffle.
That’s when family members begin
searching for new or old ways to spend time
together. Sometimes parents plan a series of
out-of-the-ordinary events designed to get the
family together: special outings, short
vacations, etc. Such efforts can work out well.
But when they end, old routines may take
over again.
That was John’s thinking. He and his wife
were looking for something in addition to the
big events - something that might become a
rather ordinary part of family life for them.
John’s friends warned him against giving
the children lessons. He was repeatedly told
that parents never have enough patience to do
this kind of thing with their own children.
He thought about that, considered his own
personality, his children’s personalities and,
to make the story short, decided to go ahead,
willing to change the plan if it didn’t work.
Now he says he is glad. There have been a
few moments of frustration, as there are
bound to be in any learning situation. But
there have been big rewards too.
John wouldn’t recommend this for
everyone. But he thinks there are other
families who could come up with their own
unusual family projects for bringing family
members together - activities that reflect the
family’s ordinary life at home.
MARK NEELY, left, Carol Lawrence and Tint Rail have a
family discussion in this scene from “The House that Half
Jack Built,” a drama of drugs and youthful peer pressure
which aired in 1979 on “The CBS Afternoon Playhouse.”
T~
While appearing to live normal well-adjusted lives, many
parents today must cope with problems and pressures that
never existed when they were children. (NC Photo)