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Health & Healing
Gay Real Estate Agent Vies For District 46 Seat
The gay and lesbian community is challenged
to find and improve ways of maintaining our
health and healing our hearts and our bodies.
This column will offer insight and advice by
various writers with a range of viewpoints and
expertise. To submit an article or request a topic,
contact Franklin Abbott in care of Southern
Voice, P.O. Box 54719, Atlanta, GA 30308
Plain English
I appreciate very much the opportunity to share
some of my insights and observations of gay and
lesbian committed relationships. Since I don't
really expect to be speaking to you via this column
again, what do I have to write in 750 words that is
worth you spending time (your life) reading this
article? What do I want you to hear more than the
sound of nice words: love each other, listen to
each other, etc? My difficulty is that my first
drafts sounded pedantic and righteous. I decided it
is extremely difficult to say much new and
profound about humans loving and hating each
other. So I have decided to speak as plainly as I
can about gay and lesbian love/committed
Reverend R. Lanier Clance
relations (marriages, bondings, unions, partners,
lover/friends, etc.) I speak from 29 years
experience in religion and 16 years counseling
individuals in distinct and exquisite patterns of
loving.
I get angry and am tired of persons writing
textbooks on family relationships and working in
family and individual practices who insinuate that
a person's sexual orientation or attraction is the
reason a relationship will not work. In plain
English this is saying by virtue of being lesbian,
gay, etc., it is impossible to have a healthy,
satisfying, and functioning relationship.
Obviously, who we are affects a relationship.
However, I have never, never experienced a
relationship failing because of sexual orientation.
As usual, there is one and probably more
exceptions. One such exception is the change of
sexual orientation that is different from a current
relationship. If a person should change from gay
to straight, or from straight to lesbian, or from both
to celibacy, this would be a very profound and
painful experience.
Much of our conflict with others arises out of
our experiences with our birth family. The class of
my family of origin, the way my family handled or
did not handle love, hate, pain, pleasure, body, and
spirit, remain in my mind and body. Something as
simple as how we receive or give love may often
be very complex. Loving in one family may be to
not let a person be alone, in another family loving
might be to let a person remain alone. For reasons
that I cannot fathom, we are drawn to persons that
often experience being loving very differently
from ourselves. Perhaps this is what keeps life so
intricate and intriguing.
One of the major difficulties I experience in this
age of psychology is the difficulty many of us
have speaking plainly to someone we love when
we feel anger or frustration or joy. If you want to
end a relationship or turn love to "have to"
indifference, all you need to do is start interpreting
your lover's experience and/or perceptions. For
example, if your lover feels hot, you say "they
can't be hot, the temperature is 60 degrees." Well,
they may be hot Sentences like "you are angry",
"you must be happy", or "I know you're not hurt,
you are just hungry" make it difficult for your
Gay real estate agent Dick Rhodes is
among the candidates in the race to
represent the 46th District in the Georgia
House of Representatives, the seat vacated
by Rep. Cathey Steinberg when she decided
to run for the Public Service Commission.
Mr. Rhodes discussed his plans in a recent
interview with Southern Voice.
SOUTHERN VOICE: What experience do
you have that you feel makes you the best
candidate for this position?
DICK RHODES: I am an independent
businessman. I have been in management of
companies for thirty years, in management
positions, and I have an understanding of
problems of the state that I don't feel the
other candidates have.
SV: What would you say are the two or
three issues that matter the most to you?
DR: The number one issue is that someone
work to make sure the AIDS research and
education money allotted meets the
minimum needs that the Department of
Human Resources asks for, and isn't cut back
lover to be heard. The negative result of so much
personal introspection and projection of
perceptions and feelings on each other is that what
we really want to say is not heard. If I could use
magic to lessen the pains of loving and being
committed to another person, the magic would
allow us to say simply "I hurt", "I am concerned
about you", "I am angry with you”. I remind
myself daily that no matter how much I study
human behavior, I do not know what is happening
in another person, what they feel, what they
perceive or what they think. Often, I may be
seduced by my own sensitivity and familiarity
with someone I have known or loved for years.
Yes, I am right about my interpretations-at least
20% of the time. Somehow, I simply forget the
80% I totally misinterpret about my partner's
current feelings or thoughts.
The next time you are locked in a life/death,
right/wrong, correct/incorrcct struggle with your
lover over what wine to serve with tofu, I invite
you to step back, take a breath and say "I am-hurt,
happy, sad, excited, angry, joyful-right now", or
"When we disagree, I feel-scared, happy, angry,
alive, etc." Simple statements may not always
increase our happiness nor remove all the sorrows
in loving another, but it may increase the
possibility of a deep and powerful closeness that
transcends both love and hurt.
So ends a few of my reflections on gay and
lesbian and human relations. I fundamentally
believe that we all change or have the capacity to
change-some for the better and some for the
worse. If you doubt this, reflect on how much
your beloved has changed from the first kiss,
touch, and/or words to yesterday's kiss, touch
and/or word.
- Rev. Lanier Clance
Rev. Lanier Clance is a counselor and minister
of the First Existentialist Church.
by 3/4 as it was this past year. Also, I feel that
the repeal of Georgia's sodomy law is a must,
because it's used to deny lesbians and gay men
custody rights to their children. Adult
illiteracy is a high priority to me because it's a
waste of human resources.
SV: How do you plan to combat the problem
of illiteracy?
DR: One of the ideas I have is for businesses
to be given a tax credit to encourage illiterate
employees to attend night school. It's a matter
of developing a positive mental attitude from a
very young age. It's real easy to just withdraw
and drop out. I believe the school system
should teach positive attitudes.
SV: Are the constituents in this district ready
to be represented by an openly gay man?
DR: Well, I really can't answer that until after
August 9th. At that point we'll know. I have
not heard any opposition with the people I've
spoken with.
SV: Do you have specific goals to pursue on
gay and lesbian issues?
DR: Well, I would like to see that the human
rights statement gets into Georgia legislation -
to expand opportunities for all Georgians,
regardless of race, color, sex, religion, age,
language, national origin, sexual orientation,
or handicap. Also, I would like to see figures
compiled on crimes in the district against gays
and lesbians.
S V: What, specifically, do you plan to do to
fight the spread of drug abuse?
DR: The answer to most any problem that I
see is education, and it's got to start at a grass
roots level. I'm a recovering alcoholic, so I’m
real aware of the problem of substance abuse.
It really is an educational process. Also,
you've got to do something when a 15-year-
old can make SI000 a week working as a
lookout for a drug dealer. You've got to take
the profit motive out of drugs.
SV: How do you do that?
DR: One way would be to have something
like the methadone centers of the early 1970's,
to have the government prescribe drugs, so
they can buy them at a reasonable price
instead of street prices. Also, the police have
got to just keep cracking down. I happen to
know where there are crack houses, and the
government knows. The police are aware of
where they are.
SV: Rep. Steinberg, who is vacating this
seat, was well-known for her dedication to
zoning issues. Do you plan to follow in her
footsteps in this regard?
DR: I would follow that The 46th district
has a wonderful quality of life, but all the
zoning changes taking place could ruin this as
an excellent place to live. Traffic is getting
worse all the time, pollution, so I think zoning
has to be watched very carefully.
S V: Is there anything else you'd like to
Dick Rhodes, Candidate for Georgia
House District 46
mention?
DR: There’s a general apathy among a lot of
people that really concerns me. That's what I
find disappointing. We really don't
understand how much political power we
could carry. And I'm not saying we all have
to believe the same things, or vote for the
same candidate, but at least be registered to
vote.
S V: Have you done anything in particular
to reach out to gay and lesbian voters?
DR: What we've done is talk to people we
know and say, "Who do you know that lives
in this district?" We're finding that, of the
gays and lesbians that live in this district,
around 50% of them are not even registered
to vote. Going back to 1984, there are 4,982
people in this district who have voted for a
Democrat at any time since. Only about 30%
vote in the primary. They say one vote won't
make a difference. Well, as we're all aware
from the Democratic caucus in February,
with one more vote, gays and lesbians would
have had three delegates to the convention,
instead of two and an alternate.
SV: Tell us what you plan to do as a
delegate for the convention.
DR: When we won these delegate shots, I
had no idea all the things delegates get
involved in. It's been an enlightening
experience to me. You get mail from
everybody; everybody wants your opinion on
everything. I'm just hoping it will all run
smoothly.
SV: How do you feel about Dukakis' choice
of a running mate?
DR: I like the choice. I think it's very good
for the ticket. To me, the most important
thing is that a Democrat win the presidential
race, and that the Republicans not appoint any
Supreme Court justices or judges for several
years.
-David Tucker
• Franklin Abbott, L.C.S.W. • Jane DeMore, R.n., M.n., C.S.
• Martha Lou Brock, L.C.S.W. • Elaine Mueller, R.N., Ms.T.
Ansley Therapy Associates
Suite 120 • 1904 Monroe Drive • Atlanta,
Georgia 30324 • (404) 874-8294
First Existentialist Church
of Atlanta
470 CANDLER PARC DRIVE NX ATLANTA GEORGIA 30307
378-5570
R. Lanier Clance, Minister
Services 11:00 AM, Sunday
Circle of Healing, 3:45 PM
1st & 3rd Sundays
Deborah E, Keefe
La Vista Center
(404) 634-3835
ATTORNEY AT LAW
1535 LaVista
Road, N.E.
Atlanta GA
30329
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