Newspaper Page Text
Return To
ashington
r The return of The NAMES Project Quilt to
the Mall in Washington, D.C. one year after its
inaugural unveiling, is anticipated to draw
thousands back to the display as well as draw
many who missed the unveiling during the
historical March on Washington for Lesbian
and Gay Rights. National organizers estimate
that over 10,000 3' by 6' panels will be in place
by the October 8th opening ceremonies, and
they add that the Quilt should take up the
entire Mall once it is unfolded.
Inspired by the American folk art traditions
of quilting and sewing bees, the NAMES
project is a nationwide campaign to
memorialize the tens of thousands of
Americans who have lost their lives to AIDS.
The quilt is composed of thousands of fabric
panels, each bearing the name of someone lost
to AIDS. Designed and completed in homes
across America by lovers, Mends and
families, the panels are stitched together by
volunteers into the ever-growing quilt.
The following is a brief calendar of events
scheduled during the Return to Washington
week.
Thursday, October 6th
•National Lobby Days for Gay/Lesbian
Rights-sponsored by the National Gay &
Lesbian Task Force to increase Congressional
awareness of issues of concern to gay/lesbian
voters. Briefing between 10 and 12 AM at the
Rayburn House Office Building, lobbying to
follow. Constituents planning to be in D.C.
should call Peri Jude Radecic at
(202)332-6483.
•Rock Concert-produced by Bill Graham to
benefit The NAMES Project Talent will be
announced at a later date. Held at the Capitol
Center in Landover, Maryland. For ticket
information, call (415) 863-5511.
Friday, October 7th
•Volunteer Check-in and Training-call
(415) 863-5511 for more information.
•Community Concert-to benefit The
NAMES Project featuring Holly Near, Cathy
Fink, Patti Larkin, and Julia & Co., at the
Lisner Auditorium. For ticket information, call
(415)863-5511.
•National Lobby Days for Gay/Lesbian
Rights-see schedule for October 6th or call
(202)332-6483.
Saturday, October 8th
•The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial
Quilt-will begin to be unfolded at dawn.
Cont'd Page 16
NEW FROM
THE CROSSING PRESS!
NEW MEN,
NEW MINDS
BREAKING MALE TRADITION
How do we change our lives? This is a
book of transformations, an anthology
of articles and personal confessions by
men exploring the traditional rules of
masculinity: competitiveness, stoicism,
the work ethic, the taboo of closeness
and the fear of death.
49 Contributors of Personal Stories,
Essays, Poems. $9.95
Available at your favorite bookstore
or from The Crossing Press, 22-D
Roache Rd, P.O. Box 207, Freedom,
CA 95019
HOW TODAY’S MEN ARE
CHANGING THE TRADITIONAL
RULES OF MASCULINITY
EDITED BY FRANKLIN ABBOTT
Health and Healing
The gay and lesbian community is challenged to find and improve
ways of maintaining our health and healing our hearts and our
bodies. This column will offer insights and advice by various writers
with a range of viewpoints and expertise. To submit an article or
request a topic, contact Franklin Abbott in care o/Southem Voice,
P.O. Box 54719, Atlanta, GA 30308.
How Do You Mend A Broken Heart?
Seven Steps Toward Falling in Love Again.
Losing a relationship, even a bad one, can be, and usually is, a
major trauma. Too often we deny the impact of such a loss and tell
ourselves to "get over it" which means for many to get into a new
relationship with all due haste. This may help us minimize our pain in
the short run. In the long run we produce one relationship after another
in which we stay confused and unhappy three-quarters of the time.
After enough of these, we develop a distaste for romance thinking love
too much trouble to pursue. We conceive that "love hurts" and retire to
polish our cynacism.
In both my psychotherapy practice and in my life and the lives of
my Mends, I am aware of how much of our
spare time is spent in dealing with or denying
our heartbreak. Fear of rejection and falling in
love are obsessions. Top 40 radio alternates
these themes sung slow, sung fast, sung country,
sung rock, sung rhythm and blues. Experiment
with your favorite top 40 station. Listen for an
hour and see how many songs played don't fall
into the categories of heartbreak and desire. It's
as if there were nothing else to sing about. In
titling this article I use two old standards that I
can hear clearly as if I had a jukebox in my
brain: A1 Green wondering "how do you mend
a broken heart?," Marlene Dietrich crooning
about "falling in love again."
These two notions are more connected than
we generally admit Falling in love again with
an unmended broken heart ought to carry a
surgeon general's warning as being dangerous to
one’s health. What is often unclear (no songs on
the radio to tell you this) is how exactly do you
mend a broken heart so that falling in love again
is possible and has a reasonably good chance for success. Being
precise in affairs of the heart is impossible. Our hearts are too different
one from the other to prescribe specific remedies. What may be more
helpful is a description of a process in seven steps that make a bridge
between the trauma of heartbreak and the possibilities of new love.
STEP ONE: ACKNOWLEDGE THE LOSS
Your life has been disrupted and at this point there is no figuring it
out. Console yourself with this: most relationships die of natural
causes (bad timing, immaturity, too much stress and strain). Be
compassionate with yourself (and your ex). It's easier to blame than
feel the pain.
STEP TWO: TAKE TIME TO BE WITH YOURSELF
In solitude we can tune into our inner wisdom. We all keep secrets
from ourselves. We hold things in the confidence of our unconscious
until we are strong enough and safe enough to hear our heart's true
stories. Sometimes we require the equivalent of a personal earthquake
to see through the cracks of our beliefs into the depths of our souls.
Heartbreak can be that earthquake.
STEP THREE: ACKNOWLEDGE THE DIFFICULTY
I have yet to encounter an adult human being who has not had
some experience with sexual violence. Statistics on rape, incest,
physical and sexual abuse, gay bashing and domestic violence arc
staggering. We are also vulnerable to depression and panic attacks, to
addictions and physical illnesses, including sexually transmitted ones.
It is difficult in such an emotional environment to foster love, to keep
love alive. That is just the truth.
STEP FOUR: THIS IS A TEST
The test may come in the form of a crisis or inertia or a little to a lot
of both. The question that we are forced to confront is about our
capacity to give and receive love. This is perhaps the most critical
point in the process. It is a turning point where we have the
opportunity to let go of the past (the fantasy that s/he will return and
all will be happily ever after). It is at this point that we are often in
such despair that we reach out to others for help.
STEP FIVE: NOTICE WHAT IRRITATES YOU
Notice also who imtates you and why, and then imagine you are
looking in a mirror. Ask yourself what is it about yourself that you
need to change in order not to repeat the past. In AA this is called a
moral inventory. In therapy it is called dealing with your shit.
STEP SIX: PLOUGH, FERTILIZE, PLANT AND WAIT
Adjusting your life to match your new-found realizations is work
but it has its season. Once you've ploughed your field, your moral
inventories should provide plenty enough shit to fertilize it Then
plant your hopes and dreams, taking care to
sow exactly what you want, then waiL
Waiting can be one of life's greatest
difficulties. It can also be an opportunity to
clean out closets, balance your accounts,
deepen your Mendships and refine your sense
of humor.
STEP SEVEN: BE PARTICULAR
The poet James Broughton says in his 75
Life Lines that true love is a result of two
things: mutual lust and equality of soul.
Don't settle for anything less. Do continue to
care for yourself and to notice what in your
life nourishes you! Take your time. Talk to
your Mends. Pay attention to your dreams.
Listen to the wisdom of your newly mended
heart.
These steps are useful not only in finding a
new lover but in finding new love with the
lover you have. It is also important to note
that there are tools that expedite the process,
that make it safer and add richness and depth.
Among these tools are:
journal keeping-write down your feelings, your dreams, your
visions.
meditation-find ways to tune into yourself deeper, to touch the
deeper parts of yourself.
politics-when we understand the odds we're up against, doing
something about injustice and oppression can help us feel more fully
active.
ait-write it out, weave it out, draw it out, dance it out, carve it out,
cast it out
therapy-a process of healing and self-understanding to be gone into
with much care and commitment
community-an informal group of Mends or a more formal group
(group therapy, peer support, 12 step programs such as AA, AlAnon,
co-dependents Anonymous, healing circles, religious groups) that
supports your growth and appreciates your gifts.
Cont'd Page 16
Franklin Abbott, L.C.S.W.
DAN R. EASTON
Financial Services Specialist
• Insurance • Investments
• Financial Planning • IRA's
• Estate Planning • Tax Planning
2920 Brandywine Road • Suite 250
Atlanta Georgia 30341* (404)457-0087
Jesse R. Peel, M.D.
General Psychiatry/ Psychotherapy
120 Ralph McGill Blvd., Suite 820
Atlanta, Ga. 30308
(404)885-1662
Sharon U Sanders
psychotherapy
1549 Clairmont Rd
Suite 108
Decatur uA 30033
(404) 373-0278
Page 13