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AIDS FOCUS
Living With AIDS
It's been 3 years since I've tested positive to HIV, and a little over a
month and a half since being diagnosed with AIDS. I am now 30 years
old. I've always felt the older I get, the better Til be able to appreciate
myself. I'm finding this to be very true. I'm more content and secure
with myself now than I ever have been, and I like it. For many years
I've always been able to analyze myself, but never to listen to myself.
I've had a scarred/scared young child locked within, that held me back.
I was afraid to let go and live. That has changed and is still changing.
Almost four years ago I was on holiday in Boston. Before I left, I
decided it was time to stop "talking" and start "doing". Things such as
getting back into counseling, getting a doctor who's either gay or
familiar with our problems. Also, going to the dentist again to find out
about those white patches in my mouth that I'd had for at least two
years.
The night I was to leave Boston my cousin was (hiving me to the
airport We were talking and the radio was on low. Something came
on about AIDS and I immediately tuned in. They said they now
believe there is a connection between "thrush", white patches in the
mouth, and the virus. I very quietly went "eek!". I'd had that for at
least a year and a half or longer! There was no doubt about doing the
things I wanted to when I got back.
I got a counselor, went to the dentist and found a doctor. The
dentist did a scraping and said if it comes back positive as thrush,
they’d want me to do blood tests that were expensive. I was on pins
and needles. It came back positive and I had the blood work done.
For about two week I was in shock. Is this the beginning of the end? I
told my dad and oldest brother as well as my manager at work. Both
my dad and brother said hang in there, keep a positive attitude, don't
think about death. I understood what they were saying and even
agreed. However, they were not in my shoes-easy for them to say.
After seeing my counselor for a while and seeing my doctor, I decided
to go to AID Atlanta.
I started to go to group and found that what I was dealing with was
nothing compared to what others were going through. I started to
question why I was even there or if I was even positive at all. I came
to the conclusion that I could support and loan my strength/opinions
and I did. For those first two years I rarely missed a meeting.
After a while, my feelings for bettering myself became stronger,
and the virus became a positive experience for me. I got somewhat
involved at AID Atlanta, met some wonderful people there, even did a
few panels for the AIDS 101 training weekend for people at various
stages of the virus. I gave some good advice at those panels like:
don't wait till a tragedy hits you before you wake up and say, yea,
there is a world out there; take care of yourself now, love yourself,
nurture and be good to yourself. It was advice I felt strongly about and
really meant, but it just didn't hit home for me.
I used to think, it would be neat to have a broken arm, or some
minor illness. You would get attention and love that way. The vims
was a perfect foil. Perhaps something serious (but not too serious)
would do the trick. Being in the hospital with something, I'd envision
myself all comfy. If I got sick or sicker.. .wouldn't that be great, think
of all the attention. When I found myself in the hospital, it was the
perfect scenario-I had something serious-AIDS-yet I was feeling fine,
surrounded by flowers, caring family and friends, etc. It didn't do the
trick and I got very angry with myself. What was it going to take for
me to realize I do love and care about yourself - being at death's
door?? After a while, I came to the conclusion-no, I don't want to be
ill. It’s no fun. I was proud when I came to that conclusion.
I used to think I needed a slap in the face to wake me up to reality
and get going with those positive changes-# 1 being to love myself.
It's starting to finally sink in and I’m allowing myself to feel it! It feels
good.
I hear so many people say they’d wish they could go back to the
"old ways" of the gay lifestyle, they miss it I was never that into it,
and I don't miss it Id much prefer to be in a warm tender caring
relationship with good old touching, caressing and warmth.
I am thankful that I have the family I have. They are very
wonderful and special in all their own individual ways. I’m thankful
I’ve still got my health. I think I've had it relatively easy. I also have
taken relatively good care of myself anyway. I’ve never been very
promiscuous, never abused recreational drugs and when I was tired, I
rested. I’ve listened to my body and monitored myself for the most
part
I feel that in the last three years, all the positive changes in my life
have accelerated. I am back in school for art which I enjoy very
much. I'm getting out on my own and I feel another "action phase" in
my life coming upon me - and I like it. It feels good and right.
-Mark A. Rosen
Cancelled VISA Cards Will Become Part of Quilt
When The Quilt, memorializing people who have dies from AIDS, returns to Washington in
October, it will have an unusual new panel: one made from innumerable pieces of VISA
cards, cancelled in protest of VISA'S support of the homophobic U.S. Olympic Committee.
The panel honors Dr. Tom Waddell, who in 1982 founded what was then called the Gay
Olympics. It provided a way for lesbians and gay men to participate in sports in a supportive
environment Soon thereafter the U.S. Olympic Committee, which had never objected to the
use of the word "Olympics" by dozens of other organizations, sued Waddell and the Gay
Olympics for trademark infringement After a five-year legal battle, the Supreme Court last
year ruled five-to-four in favor of the Olympic Committee.
"The U.S. Olympic Committee let groups hold the Senior Olympics, the Special Olympics,
even the Rat Olympics and the Crab-Cooking Olympics," notes gay publisher Sasha Alyson.
"But they sued a group calling itself the Gay Olympics. The bigotry is clear."
Last summer, VISA announced to cardholders that "Every time you use your VISA Card,
well contribute to the U.S. Olympic Team." In response, Alyson clipped his card in half and
urged others to do likewise. He used some of the resulting VISA card pieces to create the quilt
panel. Cancelled cards are still coming in, and Alyson is now at work on a second, larger,
banner.
"VISA still hasn't apologized for their blatant insensitivity," notes Alyson, "so I'm still
collecting cards." He encourages cardholders to cut their cards in half, sending half to VISA
— with a note of explanation, and half to him in care of Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton Street,
Boston, Massachusetts 02118.
Project Open Hand
Delivers to PWA/ARCs
Atlanta Sculptor Mike Edwards saw a
short video tape on Project Open Hand/San
Francisco during his training as a volunteer
when the NAMES Project Quilt visited
Atlanta. Edwards, then the volunteer liaison
for AID Atlanta's Meals-on-Wheels Program
was spurred by that short tape to visit the San
Francisco Project. He spent three weeks
there, co-opting everything he could learn to
found Project Open Hand/Atlanta.
It has now been one month since Edwards'
dream took over his living room. He
organized several local restaurants to begin
serving hot meals to PWA/ARCs, and
convinced St Bartholomew's Episcopal
Church to donate space to set up a kitchen.
Project Open Hand currently serves fifteen
clients that previously participated in AID
Atlanta's Meais-on-Wheels Program. An
independent organization, Project Open Hand
has only one mission: to serve a nutritional
meal to clients for lunch and dinner, seven
days a week.
"As soon as we get enough money, well
start adding clients," said Edwards. "When I
was in San Francisco, they were continually
adding new clients, and removing people who
called and said they were able to get their
own food now."
Project Open Hand will begin cooking on
September 12th, while still supplementing the
menu with meals prepared by local
restaurants. Kitchen staff and delivery
volunteers are needed. Interested persons
may attend a volunteer orientation on
September 19th, 7:30 p.m., at St
Bartholomew's Episcopal Church, 1790
LaVista Road, N£„ or call 248-1788.
Local Women’s
Tennis Tournament
to Benefit AID
Atlanta
Devonie Campbell originally thought of
the idea for the Atlanta Women's Fall Tennis
Classic as a means to raise money for the
AID Atlanta Emergency Fund-a lot of
money. She estimates that the event will raise
between $5,000 and $10,000. The fact that it
is going to be fun is just a side benefit
With the boundless back and forth
perseverance of a great tennis player,
Campbell organized the event and convinced
the City of Atlanta to donate the court space
and lights at Piedmont Park. The Prelude
Cafe & Tea Room, Trips Unlimited and
Colmar Productions have all signed on as
corporate sponsors, with one anonymous
donor contributing all of the soft drinks for
concessions.
And, of course, what would tennis be
without a soothing massage afterward? The
masseurs and masseuses have also donated
their time, but donations for the cause will
definitely be accepted.
In the first week of word-of-mouth
publicity, over 25 people have signed up for
the tournament. Once registration swings into
full gear, Campbell estimates that between
200 and 300 women will sign up for the
doubles tournament.
Campbell said that although lesbians have
been in the forefront of the fight against
AIDS, women in general have not taken the
leadership role in the battle that they have
with other diseases. "I wanted to provide the
opportunity for women to participate," she
said.
"Campbell estimates that
between 200 and300 women will
sign up for the doubles
tournament. ”
With that goal in mind, Campbell has
publicized the event in both the lesbian and
gay press, as well as through the city's various
tennis centers and professional women's
organizations and publications. Said
Campbell, "Although I suspect that the
majority will be lesbian, anyone donating
their time and money will be welcome."
And she hasn't let men off the hook either.
The tournament may be for women only, but
the concession stands and court volunteers are
definitely gender mixed. Among the items on
sale will be t-shirts, which Campbell
describes as "hot" Spectators are encouraged
to attend. All money raised will go directly to
AID Atlanta's Emergency Fund.
The tournament will begin play Friday,
September 30th between 6:00 and 10:00 PM,
continue Saturday from 2:00 till 10:00 PM,
and conclude Sunday, October 2nd with the
finals between 8:30 AM and 1:00 PM.
Players will compete in A and B divisions,
with all players receiving one of those "hot" t-
shirts. There will be an award ceremony
immediately following Sunday's finals, with
1st and 2nd place in each division receiving
trophies.
The entry fee is $20 per person. Single
entrants will be matched randomly according
to division. Questions about the tournament
should be directed to Devonie Campbell at
(404) 294-8983. Fees and entry form must
be received no later than September 20th.