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Page 4 VIEWPOINTS Guest Editorial Recent Victories Give Hint of a Coming Out: A Parent's Viewpoint In speaking as a mother of three, a son and two daughters, to profess authority in parenthood would be an exaggeration. Our family experiences as my children grew into adulthood were the same as any other family's. My son joined the Navy after graduation, my daughters attended college. Communication, apparently, was open between us. Suddenly, my son left the Navy, went West and for no apparent reason, disappeared. Not knowing of his struggle I envisioned the worst of situations. A year passed and a letter arrived, a letter which I've kept and read over and over again. He explained he was gay and hoped I could still love him the way I always had. He had struggled with being gay and with the help of gay organizations and PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays) had decided to come out to me. A range of emotions surfaced-shock, fear, failure and anxiety. I did still love him although I did not understand and called to tell him all this. We both became stronger people as a result and enjoyed a relationship which was open and honest I know now the risk he took sharing this secret he had with me. With a lot of support from him, my daughters and friends, I realized he was the same person he had always been. I got books to read and began to educate myself. A year later I found out that both my daughters are also gay. They did not tell me. In addition to the emotions of total failure, the lack of trust hurt more. Their explanation for not telling me was not wanting to hurt me further which was legitimate, as they had supported me through a hard time with my son. However, they also realized the hurt they caused me from not trusting me with this part of their lives. The ideal situation would be that each person could share being gay with those they love, but this is not reality. There is a great deal of risk involved in sharing personal matters with loved ones, a risk not everyone is prepared to take, nor is there an easy way. However, there is a responsibility on both sides of die relationship of honesty and trust Parents need to be included in their children's lives and they cannot be with secretiveness being practiced. Remember, you may have known you are gay for a long time, but your parents have not They need your support, understanding and patience. Communication is critical and the best healing force is a hug. My children have now been out for five years and their mother has finally come out also. I have remarried and now have a gay stepson, all of which I am very proud. There is an organization, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, which helps parents to understand and offers support through this painful discovery. It promotes acceptance and education. There are also excellent books on coming out available such as Coming Out to Parents, Mary Borhek, and Know that You Know, Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward. -Lauretta Rouse Lauretta Rouse is the President of P-FLAG Atlanta. PFLAG meets the 3rd Sunday of each month at 7:30 PM at the Unitarian Universalist Church. For further information call 961-6085. SOUTHERN VO l □ E Assistant Managing Editor Chris Duncan Production/Design Sharon Blalock Managing Editor Christina Cash Photo Editor Pamela J. Cole STAFF John Blizzard, A1 Cotton, Mark duPont, Terry Francis, F.G. John Kappers, Kay Love, Rhonda Mensen, Terry Moffett, Wendy Morse, Tia Nikolopoulas, Elena Rutter, David Strawn, Candace Wiggins, Leigh VanderEls, Virginia General Policy Southern Voice is published by SAME (Southeastern Arts, Media and Education Project, Inc.) which is a non-profit corporation with offices at 1083 Austin Ave., Atlanta, GA 30307. All material in Southern Voice is protected by federal copyright law and may not be reproduced without the written consent of the Managing Editor. The views of Southern Voice are expressed only in the editorial columns or in the editor's notes. Opinions expressed are those of the writers and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Southern Voice or the publisher. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, cartoonists, and writers published herein is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or pictorial representations does not necessarily indicate the sexual orientation of that person or persons. Advertising is subject to the approval of Southern Voice and the publisher. Although Southern Voice appreciates its advertisers, we cannot accept responsibility for claims made. Services and products are not tested and appearance of advertising does not imply, nor does it constitute, endorsement by Southern Voice. Advertising rates and conditions are available upon request. Southern Voice welcomes unsolicited material, including letters to the editor, but reserves the right to edit or reject any material submitted. All rights revert to authors upon publication. Unsolicited manuscripts not accompanied by a self-addressed stamped envelope cannot be returned. Address all correspondence to: Southern Voice, P.O. Box 54719, Atlanta, GA 30308. Southern Voice is funded in part by Chicago Resource Center and Fund for Southern Communities. National Community The rallying cry went out like a flash of lightning-call Washington before it's too late. The NAMES Project Quilt was being kicked out of its allotted space by the National Park Service in a last minute move. The facts were simple-the only space left in Washington that could hold the 10,000 3' x 6' panels of the AIDS Memorial Quilt had been quietly slipped to a group of Ukrainian Christians. It took the Park Service one day to decide they had made a serious mistake. It only took them one more to fix it and move the Ukrainians. Individual gay men and lesbians caused the change of heart. No secret back room meetings took place. No one deferred to negotiators. We were angry, we were organized, and we won. For those of us who follow and watch the agonizingly slow progress of the fight for gay and lesbian rights, it was a sweet victory. Congratulations are due to both the local chapters and the national NAMES | Project core committee for their sweeping success. The nine acre Quilt will be displayed at the Ellipse, President Ronald Reagan's front yard. Can you say "neighbor?" But wait-there's more. It was discovered in early August that the Circle K corporation was going to exclude people with AIDS, alcohol and drug addicts, and suicide survivors from coverage under their in-house insurance plan, ironically called KareChoice. The nation's second largest convenience-store chain took the lead as the gay and lesbian community's public enemy #1 overnight This time leaders in the gay/lesbian community surrounding Circle K's corporate headquarters in Phoenix tried negotiation first When that failed, local The NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt at its innaugural unfolding in Washington, D.C. groups hit the streets. It took Circle K five weeks to decide that the money they might save on insurance had bought them a ticket on the public relations train to hell. They relented and destroyed the policy. Victory through action. Not a drop of blood was shed, no one was thrown in jail Although we suspect that a couple of careers may have been seriously damaged-at the Park Service and Circle K, that is. The lessons of the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights keep coming back and teaching us new things. The motto of the March was "For Love and For Life-We're Not Going Back." The individuals who protested the treatment of the Park Service and Circle K put that phrase into action. We saw ourselves as a national community for the first time at the March. And it was at the March that we learned just how powerful we are, and in some areas, how weak. If their was ever any doubt in your mind about the effectiveness of direct action groups, dispel it Stopping work at the Paik Service and Circle K by jamming their phone lines with protest calls worked. It caught their attention, and told them we weren't going to be treated like victims anymore. More than that, it told them we weren't afraid of them either. The fight for gay and lesbian civil rights is not over, far from it But we are two steps closer. o National Park Service Learns to Count Concerned math educators around the country have breathed a collective sigh of relief, as their intensive efforts at the National Park Service have finally paid off. The Park Service has revised their estimate of the number of people at the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights to 650,000-the largest demonstration in the nation's history. When the Park Service released their initial estimate of200,000 people, national oiganizers were outraged. Their estimates ranged up to 750,000 using the Park Service's own formulae. Since that time, the mathematicians have been urging the Park Service to re-examine film footage of the event Congrats people.