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Health and Healing The gay and lesbian community is challenged to find and improve ways of maintaining our health and healing our hearts and our bodies. This column will offer insights and advice by various writers with a range of viewpoints and expertise. To submit an article or request a topic, contact Franklin Abbott in care of Southern Voice, P.O. Box 54719, Atlanta, GA 30308. A Little More Kindness "What the world needs is a little less love and a little more kindness," says Tom Robbins in Still Life with Woodpecker. Something about this, when I first read it, resonated in me. I am not, of course, truly in favor of less love in the world. On the contrary, I think we need all we can get, but I am more than a little bit sick of the quest for love. Whatever makes us think that we can find someone to love us or that we can then trust that love when we haven't learned how to give it ourselves? To the extent that we are not loving people, we will not accept or trust the love that is offered us. And that love will reveal itself for what it often is-a drug to quench the feelings of fear, anxiety and hurt, a drug that we demand more and more of as it satisfies less and less. I am more than a little bit sick of the tunnel vision that sees itself as unloved unless it has a lover-that stubbornly refuses to accept love unless it comes in the form of a romantic involvement. And I am more than a little bit sick of the moral laziness that refuses to deal with love as an action verb. Love is an action that is not restricted to lovers. I am in love all the time. Whenever someone agrees to spend time with me because I need or want it, I am being loved. Whenever someone speaks kindly to me, offers to share something with me, or lets me know them better, I am being loved. Whenever anyone does or says something that has a positive impact on me, I am being loved. You are loved. In all of our lives there are people who love us even if they don't use the word. If we insist on walking through the world feeling unloved, then perhaps it is time to take a look at our investment in that position and let it go. One of the best ways I know of to let go of feeling unloved is to do something about the quality of my own loving and kindness. As gays and lesbians we have an incredible opportunity to create new models for loving in the world. We can be among the leaders in putting love into action. First, of course, we can practice the skills with our closest people, but it's time to extend ourselves consciously to our friends, acquaintances, and even to our encounters. We know enough about oppression and prejudice, and how they can hurt, to refrain from making blanket references to "Buckhead dykes" or "Marietta red-necks." We can take the time and energy to say what we need to say without stereotyping anyone. We've heard enough "fag" jokes to refrain from making jokes about any difference. We know enough about the damage rumor can cause to refrain from gossip that might hurt someone's reputation. We know enough about vulnerability to recognize and respect what has been revealed to us in confidence - to know the difference between "you need to know" and "this is gossip." We know enough about paranoia to tell our friends if something has changed between us. We know enough about the claustrophobia of closed families to allow ourselves to be close to more than just one person. We know enough about possessiveness to encourage our lovers to care about and nurture their other friendships. We know enough about isolation to call a friend who may be going through a hard time and say "I'm thinking about you. You're important to me. Do you need anything?" We know too much about abandonment and rejection to neglect our friends when we gel involved in someone or something new. We know how it hurts when a friend can't find any time for us. We know too much about being shut out just to find a lover and let the rest of the world goby. Next time you're feeling unloved, do something loving, do something kind. We know too much not to. - Sharon J. Sanders PAMELA COLE Over one hundred PWA's continued the celebration of Halloween on Tuesday's at the Shrine Dinner, Nov. 1. These not- so-ghoulish gals greeted the guests then got to work: Ruth (right) is a volunteer, and Priscilla (a.k.a. Mae West) busied her bustle and subjective eye during the first annual Halloween Costume Contest. First prize went to George Armbrister. Other winners were Mark Dorough and John Kallio. Barbara Van and company supplied the food and decor, Fathers John and Allen the space, and the PWAs, the good friends and fun. A Special Note: During the Winter months, beginning Nov. 8, Tuesday's at the Shrine will be held at Central Presbyterian Church, directly across from the Capital Building on Washington (Juniper) at MLK Blvd. Dinner is served at 6:30. BECOME PART OF THE FUN! WE INVITE EVERYONE. SOPRANOS, ALTOS, TENORS, & BASSES. One of the goals of the Atlanta Lambda Chorale is to build a choral ensemble made up of volunteers capable of singing accompanied and unaccompanied music, ranging from classical to popular, including "serious" and "fun" music - all in the service of our great city and our community. Do you have to be a trained singer? Not necessarily. Do you have to be able to read music? No. Of course, it does help, but we can coach you in that aspect. Do you need to be dedicated and regular in attendance? You bet! Every successful "team" requires this. When you are given a place in the Chorale "team" you are expected to do your part each and every time. When and where are rehearsals? We're so glad you asked! The Atlanta Lambda Chorale rehearses at the Church of the Blessed Redeemer, 800 North Highland Avenue. We rehearse every Tuesday evening at 7:30 PM. A part of each rehearsal is used for voice training, building musicianship, and understanding music - there is never any time like the present! Have a frank, open chat with either Musical Director or General Manager about your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps you only need encouragement! Many good choral singers started just that way. ALC is open to both men and women. Everyone is encouraged to join. For more details, call Bob Grice at 874-1622. V Page 13