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Health and Healing
The gay and lesbian community is challenged to find and improve ways of maintaining
our health and healing our hearts and our bodies. This column will offer insights and
[Far Oat Gifts For IFnnkg Folks
advice by various writers with a range of viewpoints and expertise. To submit an article or
request a topic, contact Franklin Abbott in care of Southern Voice, P.O. Box 54719,
Atlanta, GA 30308.
Surviving ’’The Season”
and Finding Something
to Celebrate
The holiday season can be especially
difficult for lesbians and gay men. It is a
time of year that families reunite, and it is
also a time when major religious holidays
occur. Many lesbians and gay men have
difficulty with their biological families
during the holidays. Some of us are not
welcomed into our parents' homes. Others
are welcomed but without our lovers or
without affirmation of our primary rela
tionship, and many a holiday meal will be
passed avoiding certain topics. Unknowing
relatives will still inquire this year as they
did last year and the year before about ma
rital prospects. Many lesbian and gay cou
ples will divide on important days to please
their families of origin. Many of us will be
glad to see the holidays over and done with
so we can return to normal patterns.
Just as many of us will suffer over trou
bles with our families of origin, many of us
will feel alienated from the religious tradi
tions with which we grew up. Organized
religion is often homophobic. Ancient ri
tuals that were invented to aid in spiritual
development can also be used as a blud
geon. We are made to feel immoral and
guilty by a large segment of organized religion.
So in a season of giving, many of us are
counting our losses. In a season of hope
many of us grapple with despair. We may
overcompensate for our losses by getting
lost in the commercial aspect of the holidays
by decorating our houses in grand style, by
drinking and wasting way too much as we
struggle to find some little piece of the
holiday spirit. It may be too late at this
point to do anything more than survive the
holidays one more time, but we have some
things to think about that may make these
holidays easier and future holidays much
more pleasant.
One: Take care of yourself as best you
can. Lower your expectations of yourself
and others. You don't have to accept every
invitation, send out all cards before
December 25th and find all your important
people the perfect gifts. You need more
alone time in proportion to the increased
social demands. Gift giving is okay but not
if you impoverish yourself. Some of the
best gifts arrive late, are homemade or cost
Edward O. Nix, MJ).
very little.
Two: Recognize your need for ritual.
Those of us of European descent come from
cultures where the seasons were of supreme
importance. The pagan festival of Yulc
celebrated the return of the sun. Christmas
was grafted on to Yule, the return of the Sun
God and the coming of the Christ child
linked psychologically. Simply because we
cannot relate to Christmas or Hannukah
rituals does not negate a need we have as
old as our humanity to reassure ourselves
through ritual practice of some kind that
light is returning.
Three: Recognize your need for
family. The words "family" and "familiar"
sound a lot alike. Sometimes what we are
familiar with is not in our best interests.
When our original (biological) families don't
nourish and affirm us it is time to start
looking elsewhere to get our needs for
closeness and support met We have the
capacity to choose friends who can become
family.
As lesbians and gay men, we have lost a
lot The holidays need not be added to that
list of losses. - Franklin Abbott
Franklin Abbott, LCSW, co-hosts
"Soundings" on WRFG-FM 89.3 every
Thursday afternoon from 1:00-2:00 p.m.
He edited the anthology New Men, New
Minds: Breaking Male Tradition. He is a
psychotherapist in private practice with
Ansley Therapy Associates and coordinates
The Circle of Healing. He can be reached
at 874-8294.
NEW FROM
THE CROSSING PRESS!
NEW MEN,
NEW MINDS
BREAKING MALE TRADITION
How do we change our lives? This is a
book of transformations, an anthology
of articles and personal confessions by
men exploring the traditional rules of
masculinity: competitiveness, stoicism,
the work ethic, the taboo of closeness
and the fear of death.
49 Contributors of Personal Stories,
Essays, Poems. S9.95
Available at your favorite bookstore
or from The Crossing Press, 22-D
Roache Rd, P.O. Box 207, Freedom,
CA 95019
This holiday season, you may ask "What
DO I get that special person in my life ?!"
One wants to be economic, of course, but a
person also has to be fashionably correct
Look no further than Southern Voice for a
gift that is understated yet says it all; is loud
but tastefully tasteless; full of fantasy (for
those who like a little lovin' with their
leather) but exuding safe sex.
What would be a good present for the
macho dude who has been paying your
electric bill for the last two months, or the
lesbian activist you live with but only see at
planning meetings?
How about a handpainted fish from
AFFAIRS on North Highland Ave. You can
get a fish for anywhere from $15-$45
T1A NIKOLOPOULAS
Hand-painted fish
(depending on how good your little fishy
has been this year). They look like the real
thing - but no fishy smell here. AFFAIRS
also has other odd ideas for gifts if the fish
doesn't hook you.
Maybe you prefer live fish. Then pick
TIA NIKOLOPOULAS
Peruvian fetish dolls
on Piccadilly Pets at Ansley Mall.
Everybody needs a nice iguana. (Iguana be
glad if he gets one.) A cold blooded reptile,
you say, for the love of my life!? Think
about if Iguanas are no cheap meat (but
are you?): $69.
Well, maybe you are. In that case, there's
Whipped Creme ($9.95) or Pleasure Bombs
($8.00) from the Poster Hut on Cheshire
Bridge Rd. (certainly my favorite strip.)
If you want a gift that smacks of exotica
without delving into erotica, you should
check out the ONION DOME, 1192 N.
Highland. Bellydancer paraphernalia begins
at $10.00; bellydancers are considerably
more. Pretty hot stuff for those Arabian
knights.
And then there's my personal favorite -
Peruvian fetish dolls, $32 from Folk Art
Imports. What more could a girl want?
-Candace Wiggins
with Pamela J. Cole
SAME
proudly
presents the
next chapter
of Atlanta's
continuing hit
play about
who we are,
why we're
changing
and how we
share our
love
General Adult Psychiatry,
Group Therapy,
Hypnosis,
Imagery,
Psychoanalytically Oriented
Psychotherapy
3756 La Vista Road
suitelOO
Tucker, Georgia 30084
Telephone 634-0672
HOW TODAY’S MEN ARE
CHANGING THE TRADITIONAL
RULES OF MASCULINITY
EDITED BY FRANKLIN ABBOTT
The Best Things
in Life Are Free
Southern Voice Now
Offers Free Classifieds!!!
•Organizational Announcements ‘Aids
Education & Services 'Employment
•Child Care “Volunteers Page 15
A Holiday Gift
from Gay and Lesbian
Atlanta
December 1-December 18
Thursday-Saturday 8pm, Sunday 5pm
At Onstage Atlanta 420 Courtland Street
Tickets $ 10 at Charis Books
Reservations and Information 584-2104