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" I Love You, Daddy"
An Interview with George Kish -
Gay Father and PWA
George Kish began his battle with AIDS in
1982. He was a participant in one of the first CDC
studies of the disease. Since then, he has been one
of the most outspoken people with AIDS in the
southeast He has given numerous interviews on
television, radio and in print Most of these have
dealt with AIDS and the many problems facing
people who have the disease. He has also given
many hundreds of hours as a volunteer to help
other people with AIDS, their lovers, families and
friends.
George is a gay man and the father of three
sons. The affects his sexual orientation and AIDS
have had on his relationships with his sons is a
subject he has rarely discussed in a public forum.
Southern Voice: What was your relationship
with your sons like before AIDS?
George Kish: I feel that there was always a close
ness between my sons and myself. 1 don't know
whether I can attribute that to the fact that when
they were bom, my wife and I brought no help in
from other people. We would take turns feeding
the babies during the night. Every other night, I
would be up with a new baby, as we had each
child, and at two o'clock in the morning, holding a
child against you as you're feeding him a bottle -
there was a closeness that developed and continued
through our lives.
My oldest will be 27 this year. My middle boy
was 25 earlier this year. And my youngest will be
23.
SV: How old were your sons when you and
your wife divorced?
GK: I left the family back in 79, and at that time,
they were 13,15 and 16 - still in high school. So
they didn't know anything at that point about my
being gay.
SV: You didn't come out to them at that time?
GK: I had wanted to come out when I first left the
family. I guess I was so thankful that God allowed
me to find myself. I knew I was different from a
very early age. But my therapist at the time,
convinced me that with boys especially, you either
tell before they're ten years old or you wait until
they're in college or over 20, because high school
students are just ruthless on their peers ,and I
would just put them through hell if I had told them.
So, I respected that and I decided 1 was going to
wait
SV: After your divorce, did you maintain
regular communication?
GK: Yes. In fact, I moved to an apartment that
was very close to where my ex-wife and three
children lived, and got to see them at least once a
week or once every two weeks. What I did is took
them out individually. Only on Father's Day and
days like that would 1 see all three of them. And
when you have time alone with each son, you
develop a closeness that you might not if you're
always as a group. I feel that though my time with
them after I left my wife was less time, it was
quality time. So, I feel that the first couple of
years, after the divorce, I actually got extremely
close to the three boys.
SV: With men the age of your sons, and you just
turned 55, there's an identity between father
and son. How has being gay affected that?
GK: I really don't know. You mean their identity?
I really don't know. We've never talked about this,
so I really have no idea of what problems this
might have caused them and could still be causing
them. I'm not sure. That's why I want to still get to
the point where 1 can openly talk positively about
my lifestyle in the hope that this will elicit from
them any problems that they're having with it
SV: As a gay man, what benefits have you
experienced from being a father?
GK: I feel that anytime you love someone, and in
this case, we're talking about children, you get so
much love back in return. And just a smile or a
hug or the "I love you, daddy" that I still get from
my sons, all the riches in the world cannot buy for
me the feeling I get when my oldest boy, after I've
had a lunch with him, will give me a hug and say,
"Love you, daddy." You can't buy that.
SV: What about legacy, is that important to
you?
GK: No. If there is a legacy, and I don't really care
if there is or not, 1 hope it is that I've left a better
world for gay people. I will tell you though, I
would very much love to have a grandchild. But
not because of legacy. I just love holding babies.
SV: You've been outspoken about your
experience with AIDS. You've been very public
educating people about AIDS and what the
disease is. How has that affected your
relationship with your sons?
GK: First thing, when I let my sons know in 1982
that I was being watched for AIDS, I
really did feel that indirectly I was
coming out. Because back then, there
were only three groups: Haitians, drag
users and homosexuals - gay people.
I guess that's not what really
happened with my sons. 1 gave an
interview for AID Atlanta on the
night that An Early Frost was on
about the ARC support group that I
was in at AID Atlanta. I felt that I was
coming out because at that point, in
1985, there were still only the three
groups. When I watched the news that
night after seeing An Early Frost, the
news announcer introduced the tape
that was made earlier that evening at
the Academy of Medicine by saying
that "100 gay men gathered to discuss
the politics of AIDS" and shortly
afterwards, I was up there. I realized,
hey, now I'm out
I will say that initially, there was a
small hrpak with the kids and I feel
an injustice to them in the future. And they could
very easily face injustices as straight people.
SV: Is faith a significant force in your life?
GK: I studied to be a Catholic priest back before I
got married. I spent six years in the seminary. My
deep faith has always been with me. I don t know
whether I expressed it that much, but coming
down with AIDS back in '81 brought me back to
my roots. I guess I do have a deep faith in God and
I am a firm believer that this life is just getting us
ready for the joys that will happen when we begin
our second life. Death is just leaving behind this
set of friends and going back to all of the friends
who preceeded us and seeing God.
that this probably was very traumatic
for my ex-wife. They were still all living at home
at that point. So, there had to be some influence on
them.
The Parade Magazine article came along and a
month later, the Sally Jesse Raphael Show.
Perhaps the most devastating thing that could
happen to the family, was when a very long letter
of mine was printed in the July 5 issue of Creative
Loafing. In the last paragraph of that letter, I really
came out and simply said, "I thank the Lord daily
for the beautiful gift to me of my gay sexuality."
And I think that was what was probably more
devastating to them than even she months earlier
when I was on TV.
From September until the end of last year, there
was a real break with my sons. They were still
talking to me, but there was a coolness and with
one of my sons, I think that has continued right to
the present I think if you were to talk to them,
they'd say this hasn't changed anything because
they still call me, especially my oldest He has
been my greatest support, my oldest son.
So, my being public has, to a certain extent hurt
our relationship. But 1 do think they know that I
spend so many of my non-working hours reaching
out to people with AIDS that when I die someday
they’ll be able to look back and say their dad had a
cause that was not a popular one that could have
caused him a lot of stress and yet he was out there
fighting. And I hope that I've passed that on to
them, that they will fight for anything they feel is
George Kish IRIS RUSKIN
SV: Are your sons men of faith?
GK: Yes, they are. My oldest son is, in his own
way, deeply religious.
SV: Are they Roman Catholics?
GK: Yes. '
SV: Do you think the Catholic church's stand
on homosexuality has hindered your
relationship with your children?
GK: The Church has not helped me regarding this
issue at all. And certainly, every time you put on
the TV and whether its the Catholic church or
Jerry Falwell or some other church, condemning
our lifestyle, that has to have an impact on
someone who is perhaps not fully there regarding
a full acceptance of someone in their family who
might be gay.
SV: You've been on TV, in Parade, you've given
scores of interviews, written letters • why have
you sought the publicity?
GK: I'm thankful that AIDS has touched me
because of the change in my life. And before I die,
the major two things I want to accomplish are to
make Mfe better for people with AIDS and to make
life better for future generations of gay people.
I always think about anything I do, if it's not
going to help somebody else, I don't want the
publicity. Everyone thinks that I want my picture
everywhere. Only if it's going to help other people.
Because it has hurt me to some extent - some of
that hurt we went over today.
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