Newspaper Page Text
Southern Voice/December 6, 1990
5
Q
uenes
Holiday Queries
F ^r This week that paragon of consumer consumption, Shoppa T. Drop,
^ joins Dr. Shirley Complain, our resident parapsychologist, and Eartha
Treefriend, the penultimate professor of environmental studies with advice on
how to more easily traverse the treacherous terrain of the holiday landscape.
Queries from readers to our panel of experts are welcome; sorry but we cannot
^ respond in person. So share your questions, your confusion, your woes and your wor
ries with lesbian and gay Atlanta. Jot 'em down on a piece of paper and send them to
Queries, Southern Voice, PO Box 18215, Atlanta, GA 30316.
Dear Shoppa:
My lover and 1 have just moved to Atlanta.. .well Gwinett County. The holidays are
like heaven on toast points to her, but they give me hives—especially going to malls. She
has already scoped out five different ways to get to Gwinett Place when the traffic is
heavy while I sit here shaking in my Birkenstocks at the very thought such over-commer
cialized Christmas cheer. Short of divorce, got any suggestions?
Holiday Grinch
Dear Grumpy One:
First please, immediately if not sooner, move yourselves inside the road which we here
not so euphemistically call the The Perimeter. Are you aware of the fact that 70% of the
residents of your county voted not to extend MARTA service to their area? Lesbians
(especially those who wear Birkenstocks) have no business living in a place with such a
callous lack of concern for the environment (Eartha told me that one) or who exhibit such
openly racist behavior.
Next, be honest with your sweetie. Tell here that you'll drop before you shop for the
first bauble if she takes you to that noxious mall. Request that she accompany you to
Atlanta's several excellent intown shopping districts—Little 5 Points, Ansley/Clear Creek,
Rio and Virginia Highlands. All are within a 5 minute drive of each other, all sport small
(generally owner-operated) shops; and most know that lesbians and gay men are also
human beings and tend to treat them as such. If you simply must go to a department store,
both Macy's and Rich's have downtown branches that are aesthetically superior to those at
the malls.
That should help ease the physical pain associated with holiday dollar discharge;
Eartha's advice later in this column should address some of your political and spiritual
issues with our annual orgy of consumptioa
Shoppa
Dear Dr. Complain:
I’m 34, and, except for semi-regular relationships-of-the-month, have never had what
/ could call a lover or significant other. Most of the time that's ok, but when the holidays
arrive, my loneliness really starts to get to me—some imes the pain is so intense that it
makes my body hurt. My alcohol consumption goes up, I eat like there was no tomorrow,
l spend money and my friends tell me that my charm quotient goes to less than zero .
What’s going on?
Tired of Trying
Dear Weary:
Holiday advice columns are replete with advice and suggestions about how to deal
with the stress of the season—get plenty of rest, curb consumption, exercise, nurture the
spiritual side of self. But I sense that the state you are describing requires more than these
albeit smart tidbits of self-nurturance. The excessive consumption patterns that you
describe suggest that you are trying very hard to stuff your feelings; this may work in the
short run, but continuing such for long will damage your body and your soul.
Pay attention to these warning signs and do it now. Try being honest with one or two of
your closest friends about how you feel; see if they can recommend a therapist, counselor
and/or a 12-step group. The Health section of this issue mentions two excellent books for
those who may be ready to begin the process of recovery from the pain that you are
describing. If you arenot getting touched in a loving way regularly, consider seeing a mas
sage therapist. The important thing is that you pay attention to your feelings and not deny
them; the longer you wait to deal with them the more difficult the task will be.
Shirley Complain
Dear M. Treefriend:
All these holiday gifts to buy! The thought of so much consumption makes me sick
with worry about how I'm contributing to the destruction of the environment as I spend
my way merrily through the holidays.
■ Out In the Ozone
Dear Politically Aware:
First off, forget the furs. Totally non-PC! No minks for Momma. Next, stop buying
cheap synthetic stuff at K-Mart and putting it boxes from Neiman's. None of your friends
are fooled anyway. Go for quality products made from renewable materials—wood,
paper, natural fibers. And get things that will last. Be creative. Try some natural cosmetics
or fragrances for the fashion queen next door, an organic gardening magazine for your
rose freak sister-in-law and a vegetarian cookbook for the budding Julia Child in the
office. Buy from socially responsible companies (get a copy of "Shopping for a Better
World" from CEP, 30 Irving Place, NYC 10003; the cost is $5.95, postpaid).
Better yet, think of ways to share your love without buying things. Try concert tickets,
dance lessons, museum memberships for friends who think they have culture. A
Silence=Death T-shirt or a membership in NGLTF or HRCF for those who are on the way
to political awareness. A gift certificate for a massage is one of Eartha's most fave gifts.
Sweet Aunt Hattie—whose hair weave looks like an old bird's nest anyway—would prob
ably love a membership in the National Audobon Society. Ponder a tire pressure
gauge—they come in all shapes and sizes—for someone who is newly environmentally
aware; underinflated tires in the U.S. waste the equivalent of 100,000 barrels of oil a day.
Or your new flame might enjoy a Save the Manatees T-shirt—the whiskers may remind
her of her first lover.
Eartha
The most important
part of the hair...
Nexxus
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